Virginity and a Sexy Vibe

[Adam101]

Hello everyone, since this is my first post I want to first extend my thanks to Chase and his entire team as well as those who contribute on this board. The information on this site has been nothing short of a revelation...and it's not a stretch to say that the advice has saved my life.

I think the best way to set up my dilemma is to confess that I am still a virgin...at 27. That's right, 27 and any serious female experience has been minimal. Recently I got into a discussion with some people about the recent changes and tactics I have been taking and they all kept coming back to this fact:

"In order to exude sexiness, you have to have sex. You cannot lay beautiful women if you haven't had sex."

As much as I hate to swallow it, believing that I could "fake it till I make it," there's a certain truth to it that I can't shake. Especially at this age women don't want a boy they have to train. They want a guy who's already experienced and I was supposed to have this sorted out in my teens. This a major Catch-22 that I don't know how to break out of.

I was thinking of using the old movie trick of "stripper as therapist" and going to a gentleman's club and have a stripper show me what sexy is but I don't know if this is a good idea. So...is it possible to work on sexiness and exude it this late without having experience? Is there something I can do to help get over that initial hump of handling women? What's been stinging is that while out at night approaching women I can tell they sense I'm a man that doesn't know what he's doing which kills what otherwise could potentially be a successful interaction. I thank you all for any insight.

 

[Zoro]

Part of being sexy is how you handle yourself as a man. First off you are taking great steps by consciously improving yourself, hence why you are here. So be less hard on yourself, you got what it takes. I know you can do it, you just have to believe in yourself.

Secondly on handling yourself as a man, take some risks and do it to make a change. You want to test out that stripper as a therapist idea and I think its a great one because it out there, different and will definitely be a new experience. You could benefit from a lets test this out mentality instead of coming here and asking if its a good idea (though it is certainly okay to ask for help, just want to point out the benefits of taking initiative on your own conclusions to test it out).

Maybe you don't do that idea, but another one comes up. Just move forward with a head held high and smell the roses. You're on the path just keep up the good work and don't let up!

-JJwwiicckk

 

[Mr.Rob]

Whats up Adam.

First off I like that you're not dumping a bunch of toxic emotions and/or complaining despite your "dilemma", so props on taking responsibility and having a good attitude!

Regarding this:

"In order to exude sexiness, you have to have sex. You cannot lay beautiful women if you haven't had sex."

That's simply not true.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 and I was always very self conscious about the fact I was still a virgin and believed that if people knew I was a virgin they wouldn't like me so I always put on a façade that I was indeed good with the ladies.

Anyway the first girl I laid thought I was rather experienced and indeed not a virgin (I'd watched enough porn to know how to escalate and have dominant sex even despite how cheesy porn is).

The second girl I ever had sex with thought I had had a partner count into the +20's and I was still faking my sexiness as being really good with women (despite my lack of experience).

So to answer your question if you handle your fundamentals, especially moving fast and making bold moves, and get more experience approaching women and displaying your sexuality around women in general then you'll easily be able to fake the fact your a virgin (I did it).

Probably the most nerve racking part is when you have a girl that's ready for sex and then you don't know how to proceed.

Like aforementioned watch a movie like James Bond or Vicky, Christian, Barcelona for examples of how to escalate dominantly and sexily.
Then watch a porno for how to have rough, dominant sex that and how to treat the girl in the sack.

Also don't be too worried about being a virgin at 27 there have been men that lost their virginity after 30 years of age and are now good with women.

If you really want to make some headway fast you might want to look into hiring a dating coach or going to a well rated boot camp. Do some shopping around. If you live in the US, Europe, or Australia there are probably some well known/credible dating coaches in your city or nearby.

Lastly I kind of like your theory of getting a stripper to teach you the ropes (if you have the cash to throw around). I've met some cool strippers in my time and on a slow night they may be more than happy to teach you how to get sexual. Be honest with them (they may laugh at first) but if you come across a cool one she might be down for the cause... and who knows maybe she'll be the type of girl that likes taking men's virginity's

All the best Adam.

-Rob

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

Whats up Adam.

First off I like that you're not dumping a bunch of toxic emotions and/or complaining despite your "dilemma", so props on taking responsibility and having a good attitude!

Regarding this:

"In order to exude sexiness, you have to have sex. You cannot lay beautiful women if you haven't had sex."

That's simply not true.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18 and I was always very self conscious about the fact I was still a virgin and believed that if people knew I was a virgin they wouldn't like me so I always put on a façade that I was indeed good with the ladies.

Anyway the first girl I laid thought I was rather experienced and indeed not a virgin (I'd watched enough porn to know how to escalate and have dominant sex even despite how cheesy porn is).

The second girl I ever had sex with thought I had had a partner count into the +20's and I was still faking my sexiness as being really good with women (despite my lack of experience).

So to answer your question if you handle your fundamentals, especially moving fast and making bold moves, and get more experience approaching women and displaying your sexuality around women in general then you'll easily be able to fake the fact your a virgin (I did it).

Probably the most nerve racking part is when you have a girl that's ready for sex and then you don't know how to proceed.

Like aforementioned watch a movie like James Bond or Vicky, Christian, Barcelona for examples of how to escalate dominantly and sexily.
Then watch a porno for how to have rough, dominant sex that and how to treat the girl in the sack.

Also don't be too worried about being a virgin at 27 there have been men that lost their virginity after 30 years of age and are now good with women.

If you really want to make some headway fast you might want to look into hiring a dating coach or going to a well rated boot camp. Do some shopping around. If you live in the US, Europe, or Australia there are probably some well known/credible dating coaches in your city or nearby.

Lastly I kind of like your theory of getting a stripper to teach you the ropes (if you have the cash to throw around). I've met some cool strippers in my time and on a slow night they may be more than happy to teach you how to get sexual. Be honest with them (they may laugh at first) but if you come across a cool one she might be down for the cause... and who knows maybe she'll be the type of girl that likes taking men's virginity's

All the best Adam.

-Rob

sorry to bump this thread, but ya I was a virgin until age 25, but I still haven't done it yet with a girl i'm really strongly attracted to, and i'm 27 now

 

[Man-O]

My vibe first started rly getting more sexy when I read the articles about it here, and that was months after I had had my first lay ever.

I think it's a matter of security (the less secure the less confident and you gotta be confident to show a sexy vibe), that you don't feel safe. My suggestion would be to read the articles about being sexy thoroughly as you would anything else.
The fact is that the more theory you have backing you the more safe you will feel, particularly when you see that theory work in practice.

See an article read as a weapon, which you later form into a greater weapon as you use the theory in action. Not having read it makes you defenseless and only grant you your puny arms instead of a pistol that could be formed into a bomb later on.

Links:
Constructing sexy vibe
Sexy man

There are a lot more. Read them and then study them.

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

anybody know of any guys that lose their virginity at age 25 or older and then became very successful with women?

 

[Adam101]

The TC for one, who would be me. I wrote a long post detailing my journey up to my first lay. And since then a lot of things have clicked and my success has and continues to increase exponentially. Granted I have a long way to go still but I've gone from a guy who women had 0 interest in to the guy who gets approached by women and has them warm to my approach when other chasers get the cold shoulder. I was long overdue in getting started with women but I'm living proof that it's never too late to not only start but to get downright awesome.

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

Wow, women approach you? How many lays do you have by now? So you lost your v-card sometime last year?

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

when and how did you end up losing your virginity OP?

 

[Franco]

FIWMY,

Adam is evidence that progress is in this area at a late age is possible. If you need more details/proof, you can check out the post Adam was referring to here:

• https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8498&p=40360#p40360

- Franco

 

[Adam101]

(Franco, you beat me to it. Thank you.)

That's the "My Story" post I made shortly after the event if you care to read it. I never typed up and actual FR / LR for the night but maybe I should.

As far as how many lays I've racked up between now and then...well that's tricky. I'm getting laid a ton, but it's been with the same girl I met that night. Reason being on top of having the kinds of assets I like she's also a sexual freak so I essentially hit the jackpot with her. But how do I know I'm better / more successful with women? I still go out to meet girls just to see what I can make happen, however the dynamic is completely different. It used to be about me convincing girls to like me / get with me, but now it's more about whether or not a woman is up to my standards and if I think she's better than what I already have. The other crazy thing is as men we have a habit of jumping the gun to sex and so I make it a point to try and gradually escalate to sexuality rather than leading with it. But now I'm finding girls are getting disappointed because I'm either ending the interaction or, more interestingly, I'm not being aggressive enough. It's weird when girls go into auto-rejection because you were not all over them. At least for now since it still wasn't that long ago when women barely wanted me near them. In other words I'm used to operating from the stance of getting girls to like me and my slip ups are coming from that mindset when the truth is the girls like me ALREADY. It's just about can I lead them and give them the interest level they desire.

And yes, like the title of this website says girls do chase me. It's not an every night occurrence, but it does happen with a degree of frequency. I've had a girl leave her group of friends and walk across the bar so she could dance with me, not cause I'm a Lord of Hips, but because I was confident in what I was doing on the dance floor and wasn't hounding the other booty shakers. And FYI this girl had about two heads on me. I've been picked up off the street by a woman at 2 AM, and another personal favorite of mine is when a girl walked up to me and led with "I'm a bridesmaid that just got back from a wedding and there's my gay friend all the way over there." If that's not a green light I don't know what is. Oh, and this doesn't take into account the guys I meet who will buy me a drink and then introduce me to the girls of the group without me even soliciting. I chalk it all up to continuing to mind and work on my fundamentals along with being proactive in being social with people. Coming from a place of little to no experience this probably sounds insane, I would of thought it impossible not too long ago, but it's very real and I have been continuing to rack up even more amazing experiences.

Sorry if you were expecting a more prompt response. But given the nature of this and some other recent posts I think it's worth mentioning that since implementing all of the advice from Girl's Chase my social life has gone from 0 - 100 in a pretty short amount of time. Thanks to that and being a bit long winded with my posts it can be a challenge to get a reply out since I'm busy trying to live by everything that's spoken about on here. I've accomplished a lot but still have a long way to go, and at the end of the day I would definitely consider myself a massive success story. I'm walking proof that you can turn it around provided you have the drive to change and execute on that which is no small task. To you and all others I wish similar fortunes as mine on your respective journeys.

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

so how many months ago was it when you lost your virginity? your still 27 or are you 28 now?

 

[ray_zorse]

Adam dude I completely get where you are coming from, I'm still not quite where you are (I spontaneously went cold approaching yesterday and had some fun flirty interactions but many of them were a bit chasey / 20 questions like, I'm skightly out of practice on street game as it's been a few weeks), but my vibe and social skills have improved to the point where, when I'm warmed up I basically bring the party and I had quite a few girls chasing me at festival a week ago (see LR), this was a novel experience and a breakthrough in my game, unfortunately discovered since then I'm not the king dick I thought I was & still need to work some kinks out, hehehe...
-Ray

 

[Adam101]

Just turned 28. 3 months since my first lay. It's almost been a full year since I discovered GC and began my journey.

 

[Witcher]

Just turned 28. 3 months since my first lay. It's almost been a full year since I discovered GC and began my journey.

Very inspiring story, i'm in the same cas as you, after discovering GC my socila life imporved from 0 to 100 to and my relationshop with girls for the better. Even if i didn't loose my V-card yet. Even if i readed your linked post could you give us a more "analytic" process thta you gone trought for "evercoming the curse"?

Even if i think thta my main probleme is "I don't feel bad enough " as Chase stated in one of his posts.

 

[ray_zorse]

Probably the single biggest thing you could do to get a lay is lower your standards, go for a fatty or an oldy if she seems down (preferably an oldy as she'd be experienced which is helpful if you're not... my first lay was both fat and old, hehehe). Next thing is to remember that even if she is fat and old she does not want to think of herself as a slut. So remember your plausible deniability. Always. Lastly, concentrate on process, like this:
1. Learn to approach without getting blown out
When you can do this...
2. Learn to cold read her on what she's carrying/wearing/etc.
When you can do this...
3. Learn banter, deep diving, general conversation
When you can do this...
4. Learn to add sexual and chase frames, sexual flirting
When you can do this...
5. Learn to move girls and seek or test compliance
When you can do this...
6. Learn to screw up your courage and ask for a date
When you can do this..
7. Learn to run dates (compliance, eye contact, touch etc)
When you can do this...
8. Learn to hit escalation windows and pull her to the seduction location, with plausible deniability... always.
When you can do this...
9. Learn to escalate smoothly and handle LMR
When you can do this...
10. You're fucking golden brother.

Obviously some level of mastery of each step is necessary before you can get much practice on the next step. Just like a video game. And I see nothing in any of those steps, except possibly step 10, that would be any more difficult with a vcard... and once you can reliably hit step 10 you're unstoppable, sure u may fuck it up the first few times, so what, u got a reliable process so it's only a matter of time + effort.

-Ray

 

[Adam101]

Thank you Ray, but you give me too much credit. I still have a lot to learn and milestones to reach when you have proven yourself to be very knowledgable and battle tested in these forums. That being said though I disagree with lowering one's standards just for the sake of a lay.

Reason being a lot of issues stem from the nerves that pop up from being around a gorgeous woman when we're not used to it. So if you're hitting on an older, fat girl chances are the nerves won't be there therefore you're cutting out a lot of the necessary work. Not only that but if you're not genuinely into a girl they can sense that and it very well could hurt you more than help. This isn't to say you come out the gate batting for the 10s you want, but you should be attracted to the woman. Besides sex is an amazing experience, so wouldn't you want it to be with someone you like rather than ending up having to say "I got laid but..." ? Then again, plummeting standards is an option if you just wanna get your dick wet and have no care or concern for pussy quality. But in the end I don't think it will help all that much cause you'll still be in the same situation once you start going for the attractive ones again.

And Witcher, I'd be happy to provide a more analytic take on my process but I'm a bit confused as to what you are asking for specifically. Are you looking for mindsets that help motivate me or more of a "here's what I did and why" type of post?

 

[Witcher]

And Witcher, I'd be happy to provide a more analytic take on my process but I'm a bit confused as to what you are asking for specifically. Are you looking for mindsets that help motivate me or more of a "here's what I did and why" type of post?

Adam101

First,thank you for your support.
For precision i would say yes, everything from mindsets/motivation to some skills. But beause i'm the one asking for help i will make a list to guide you, but keep in mind that you are not imited to them.

1)For the mindset, it seems that even if i matured a lot from the my first days in girlschase, i still have in my back head a shitty mindset that is keeping me from approaching and even from escalating from girls in my social and extended social circle. And this mindset i found is the fellowing :

This girl really likes me and I really like her. She’s an amazing person and definitely long term relationship material, quite possibly THE ONE. I know that if I asked her, we could be dating right now… but, herein lies the problem. I’ve never had sex with anyone and if I end up Marrying this girl then I will have only had sex with one woman my entire life. I want to at least have sex with multiple women in my life. Therefore, I will not pursue this girl until I’ve had sex with other women.

source: http://themodernsavage.com/2008/09/30/t ... e-virgins/

Even if my goals are not along term at all, its a vestige of ancient afc days mixed with my news GC discoveries.
Otehr exemple: i can't go out to train m yself to approache evern i did it sometimes but since i know that it will not finish in bed this kills my motivation.

2)What are the post that helped you the most, and how did you implement them in the best way, cause as you know there is many things in teh articles.

3)Your general process

4)How did you managed your first time?

 

[Adam101]

1. Adopt an "I Don't Give A Fuck" attitude. With women shit just happens, a lot, and it comes with the territory so you can't get bent out of shape over it. Women don't do as they say in the way that men believe they should and live by. Plus women don't care about how they make a man feel unless they've already slept with them. Not only that but once you show any degree of flapability it kills your attractiveness and sexiness. That's why like Chase says you have to think of girls as "silly and cute" so you don't put too much stock in any of their actions as men tend to do. Whatever they do, anything, is no big deal cause it's just how girls are and as seducers we have to accept and love them for it. This mindset helps immensely with #2.

2. Don't be afraid of failure. Contrary to what we're led to believe failure is not some automatic branding of our inferiority of existence. Failure doesn't make you a bad or lesser person. What failure really is is a learning opportunity. One that you must be open to. And failure in itself is a form of progress. If you fail, at least you've now learned what NOT to do, and chances are you'll make the mistake far less often in the future or not ever again. Couple this with an IDGAF attitude, and you become more willing to take on more failure. Which allows you to learn more. And become better, more experienced. It's no different than grinding in a video game. All those little tasks add up in the end. One caveat to this though is that failing once doesn't mean something doesn't work period. After all different approaches work on different girls. And as an example I've lost girls for going too direct too quick, but just a couple of weeks ago I lost out on this cute French red-head who didn't speak a word of English because I didn't kiss her and escalate right there on the dance floor. This was because our interaction had lasted all of 30 seconds and I wanted to be a "gentleman" and not get slapped. But my instinct told me to go for the kiss cause it felt right, I ignored it, and guess what? She went on to basically striptease other men in the club. My loss. But hey no thing cause there are thousands more out there who are just as cute and even cuter.

3. Don't be afraid to try new things. Humans are creatures of habit and it's all too easy for us to switch back to our default modes because it's comfortable. As the old saying goes "the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and getting the same result." Besides most of us are here because let's face it; we've been doing it wrong when it comes to women. So all the more reason to try advice on this site that may be uncomfortable at first, like touching women. If you don't try new things and push boundaries, then how can you know what you can truly get away with and how far you can go? Case in point the story above.

4. You're playing the long game. You can't just read a few articles then, armed with your newfound knowledge, go clean up the following weekend. The content on this site isn't a collection of magic tricks. A month in, if you're going out consistently, is just getting your feet wet. Getting good with women is all about process and once again, constantly grinding it out. Rather than focusing on where I was presently I tried to envision where I could be 6 months from where I was, or a year if I just kept at it with a willingness to learn. I used to play video games a lot, and I still play, only far less these days cause I asked myself "Rather than playing another game and beating it ASAP, what if I spent that time taking up an activity women actually like?" So one of the first things I did was start taking Yoga because A. A Yoga studio was a place where I could easily surround myself with sexy women and B. Anyone I've seen who has done Yoga for a length of time has a fabulous figure. So yeah those 40 hours of gaming? What if I did 40 hours of Yoga instead? All I will say is one year later and I am reaping many rewards from making that decision both in my personal fitness and having a woman tell me I have the hardest body she's ever touched. And that was just a few months in. I share this only to show what is possible and what the potential rewards are if you work for it. Also, 8 months till I got laid. There was a ton of failure in that time. But by taking the long view and sticking with it, I pulled it off and now reap the benefits.

5. Have fun with it and enjoy the journey. I'm at a point now where if a woman giggles and is flattered by a compliment and that's all that happens, I consider that a fun, enjoyable, and above all successful experience cause I made a woman feel good in a way she otherwise wouldn't have. And I am gathering a treasure trove of stories to tell people. It's fun and exciting. When you learn to enjoy yourself in the process it flows out through the rest of your game making you a more attractive person period. This is coming from a naturally introverted guy who sees heavy social interaction as tiresome work. Being social does not come naturally to me. But you wouldn't know it seeing me in action.

6. For most of my life I gave women an unbelievable amount of power. In fact I still do. Women are able to get away with a lot of things that we as men never would. For me, that's all the more reason to claim what power I do have as a man. What that translates to is, no fucking way am I ever again not going to approach a woman because it's an inconvenience to her. Fuck that. First of all if she knew anything about me she'd kill for a man like me in her life. And so the least I can do is be a man who goes after what he wants and give her the opportunity to make the best or worst decision of her day / evening. As a man, I act. It's the woman's choice to decide how to respond to my actions and the choice is one to respect regardless of what it is. But still, I will go after whoever I want because no woman is "out of my league" and I'm not gonna boost her inflated ego any more by being yet another one of the scores of men who are too intimidated to talk to her.

7. Regarding the mindset you quoted; remember that love is a choice. And it is a choice that you as a man have the power to make. It's your decision to turn a potential lover into a girlfriend or wife. It's also your choice to say "I'm not going to give myself over to love." if you want to have more relationships in your life. Once again, I made an active choice to say I would not fall for the first woman who sleeps with me cause I knew just 1 lay would not make me a master. That has proven to be a wise decision. However, you can't wait with girls. So in relation to that quote waiting for her till you get better means you're gonna miss her entirely. Time kills attraction. But the flip side is there are tons of amazing women. The girl I'm with now is amazing. But my dance instructor is also amazing for different reasons and I could carry on a great relationship with both but they would be very different animals. This also plays into abundance mentality which is discussed often here so you can read up on that if you want more.

Since you and a couple of others have asked, when I find some time I'll type up a lay report and analyze how that all went down. I'll post it here once I complete it.

 

[FeelIWastedMyYouth]

(Franco, you beat me to it. Thank you.)

That's the "My Story" post I made shortly after the event if you care to read it. I never typed up and actual FR / LR for the night but maybe I should.

As far as how many lays I've racked up between now and then...well that's tricky. I'm getting laid a ton, but it's been with the same girl I met that night. Reason being on top of having the kinds of assets I like she's also a sexual freak so I essentially hit the jackpot with her. But how do I know I'm better / more successful with women? I still go out to meet girls just to see what I can make happen, however the dynamic is completely different. It used to be about me convincing girls to like me / get with me, but now it's more about whether or not a woman is up to my standards and if I think she's better than what I already have. The other crazy thing is as men we have a habit of jumping the gun to sex and so I make it a point to try and gradually escalate to sexuality rather than leading with it. But now I'm finding girls are getting disappointed because I'm either ending the interaction or, more interestingly, I'm not being aggressive enough. It's weird when girls go into auto-rejection because you were not all over them. At least for now since it still wasn't that long ago when women barely wanted me near them. In other words I'm used to operating from the stance of getting girls to like me and my slip ups are coming from that mindset when the truth is the girls like me ALREADY. It's just about can I lead them and give them the interest level they desire.

And yes, like the title of this website says girls do chase me. It's not an every night occurrence, but it does happen with a degree of frequency. I've had a girl leave her group of friends and walk across the bar so she could dance with me, not cause I'm a Lord of Hips, but because I was confident in what I was doing on the dance floor and wasn't hounding the other booty shakers. And FYI this girl had about two heads on me. I've been picked up off the street by a woman at 2 AM, and another personal favorite of mine is when a girl walked up to me and led with "I'm a bridesmaid that just got back from a wedding and there's my gay friend all the way over there." If that's not a green light I don't know what is. Oh, and this doesn't take into account the guys I meet who will buy me a drink and then introduce me to the girls of the group without me even soliciting. I chalk it all up to continuing to mind and work on my fundamentals along with being proactive in being social with people. Coming from a place of little to no experience this probably sounds insane, I would of thought it impossible not too long ago, but it's very real and I have been continuing to rack up even more amazing experiences.

Sorry if you were expecting a more prompt response. But given the nature of this and some other recent posts I think it's worth mentioning that since implementing all of the advice from Girl's Chase my social life has gone from 0 - 100 in a pretty short amount of time. Thanks to that and being a bit long winded with my posts it can be a challenge to get a reply out since I'm busy trying to live by everything that's spoken about on here. I've accomplished a lot but still have a long way to go, and at the end of the day I would definitely consider myself a massive success story. I'm walking proof that you can turn it around provided you have the drive to change and execute on that which is no small task. To you and all others I wish similar fortunes as mine on your respective journeys.

so there have been cases in which the girl has done the initial work in terms of introducing ones self for the first time, approaching first?