Waited An Hour For Her, She Stayed for 30 min

[ramirezs316]

I went out last night with a girl who I met out at a club. We chatted, danced and made out a little, but she was too drunk to take home so I got her number. I figured getting her out was a longshot. We texted and she didn't remember much, so we got reacquainted then I called her and we chatted a bit. She seemed really receptive and interested so much that she practically asked me out. I set up the date.

Last night I went to a bar to meet her. She was already late but texted me to tell me she forgot her ID and had to go back. I gave her 30 minutes before I was gonna leave but she showed. I mentioned my displeasure but didn't linger on it. She was fiddling with her phone almost immediately once she got there and I almost called her out before she put it down and we chatted. She mentioned her friend was also out for her bday (which gave me pause). We got into stuff about her career goals for like 10 min then she had to go to the bathroom. She was gone a good 5 min and I was getting impatient but keeping my cool. I suggested we move to the couches because I had been at the bar over an hour but she wasn't into it so I figured I'll connect more than try again. We talked for a little longer and I got her talking about herself, even though she seemed oblivious to my complements or how I was relating to her. Then she got a call from her friend, said she had to go, and left like I smelled bad.

The damn date lasted maybe 30 minutes. I was incredulous, not only how rude she was coming off but that she didn't even give me a chance to connect with her. She remembered what I looked like, had a pic of me from the night we met, and i was looking good, so I don't think my appearance was an issue. And I didn't even have enough time in the conversation to bore her because she was so goddamn distracted. I'm guessing she texted her friend when she went to the bathroom. What should I have done about her being late and then wanting to leave so soon? I was pretty fed up but kept my cool. It seems like she made up her mind five minutes after she got there. Were these tests and should I have called her out?

 

[Parkour]

I'd say you were off on the wrong foot by the time she was late. I.e. You ended in a scenario where you were investing heavily and she wasn't. As she got distracted and you continued to drill questions or compliments and once again waited while she went to the bathroom too long... It all reinforced this.

You need to create the frame that she's chasing you. It might be good to actually have been texting yourself if only for a moment making sure she's waiting before you give her your attention. You might have stated that the lateness is pretty bad but she can make it up to you by buying the next round. Then a healthy mix of chase framing (she must have been nervous about seeing you if she was so absent minded sort of as a joke) followed by a mix of interest/disinterest like you're trying to figure out if she's good enough to continue things with followed by us against the world if you can hook her. Maybe try being dismissive and get her to stick around five more min before going. The idea is to get a lot of investment and to project a sense that you're the prize she is coming after and to break any frame that is counter to that. At the same time it's not a battle but a dance and you just need to not mis step or recover gracefully as a skill then these interactions will go smoother.

 

[ramirezs316]

I'd say you were off on the wrong foot by the time she was late. I.e. You ended in a scenario where you were investing heavily and she wasn't. As she got distracted and you continued to drill questions or compliments and once again waited while she went to the bathroom too long... It all reinforced this.

You need to create the frame that she's chasing you. It might be good to actually have been texting yourself if only for a moment making sure she's waiting before you give her your attention. You might have stated that the lateness is pretty bad but she can make it up to you by buying the next round. Then a healthy mix of chase framing (she must have been nervous about seeing you if she was so absent minded sort of as a joke) followed by a mix of interest/disinterest like you're trying to figure out if she's good enough to continue things with followed by us against the world if you can hook her. Maybe try being dismissive and get her to stick around five more min before going. The idea is to get a lot of investment and to project a sense that you're the prize she is coming after and to break any frame that is counter to that. At the same time it's not a battle but a dance and you just need to not mis step or recover gracefully as a skill then these interactions will go smoother.

Hmm...the hour wait definitely took some energy out of me and I need to work on chase framing when the girl isn't sold 100%. But she seemed so disengaged from the get go, like it was my job to impress her within 30 minutes otherwise she was going to bail. Usually hard to read girls are ones I need a little time with to crack, but I feel like I wasn't given any time. Some of the conversation was starting to pick up and then she had to leave and I had a "what just happened?" moment. How do I be dismissive while trying to get her to stick around?