Walking away after 5 failed kiss attempts

[Prehistoric]

Do you think it was ok?

I understand persistence is important, but after 5 attempts in probably less than two hours it appeared to me there was no use in insisting more. I had kept my dignity until that point by being also very relaxed and chilled, as a matter of fact after rejecting the kisses she wanted to continue to talk, but trying further might have been come across as too needy.

I didn't get pissed. I stayed cool, talked with some other people who were in this place, including some girls I didn't know, and then I told her and the others another girl-friend who was in the area had called me so I would catch up with her and politely went away.

I just closed the all thing so I can concentrate on other chicks and not obsess on this one. After all I was quite satisfied with myself for the courage. Some months it would have been unthinkable for me to try to escalate so fast.

I even thought of dismissing her if she contacts me again, there something about this girl that makes me think the same thing would happen and I would just waste another evening, as if my attempts of kissing her really didn't move her

I also suspect she's into another guy who was also there yesterday because she touches her hair quite compulsively when talking to him.

What's your take?

 

[someone]

Having your kiss rejected 5 times is WAY into the realm of chasing my friend. You should have stopped at one, and definitely after two!

If a girl rejects your kiss, she knows this much: YOU want to kiss her. If she changes her mind later, she should make the next move towards kissing when and if she's ready. If she wants to kiss you she will because she already knows that YOU want to kiss her! If it doesn't happen by the end of the date, then drop her and move on.

You said that she wanted to talk to you and that she was probably interested in another guy. Here's my take (without having been there): She wants to make the other guy jealous by being seen with another guy (you), and so you were simply a prop she could use to make him jealous. Don't put yourself in that position, it's painful and humiliating. Move on to someone who actually wants to be with you, and who won't use you.

 

[Prehistoric]

Yep.

Fortunately I got that just as the other guy arrived. (I tried to kiss her before he arrived)

The moment he arrived I went first to the bathroom, then out smoking meeting new people, then back in speaking with everybody including a very hot girl and then I went away.

I could see she was frustrated she couldn't use me as a jealousy tool.

It was probably the only right thing I did the whole evening.

 

[Drck]

IMO you did good; you were not efficient (as she wasn't interested) but you did pretty good for the following reasons:

1. Persistence is good, going after this girl raised your confidence
2. You do what you want to do regardless what she thinks about it, which places you in charge/dominant position
3. Similarly, her rejections didn't bother you, you stayed cool and didn't get pissed
4. You moved quickly, you wanted to get physical fast. So now she knows you are a guy who wants to move things forward, your sexual value increased (regardless the rejection). If she contacts you again, that would be actually good because now she knows what you want. If that is the case do exactly the same, keep persisting.
5. Touching her hair while talking to a guy means nothing. She may be quite attracted, true, but if the other guy doesn't know what he wants and how to get it, the attraction will be soon gone
6. You should never apologize for having a strong desire for that particular girl. She may not want you, which is fine, but she will respect you as a man who wants intimacy with her. As a matter of fact, she may get quite bored with the other guys because the chances are that they are very slow and too friendly, thus boring. She may want to be in their company because they make her feel comfortable, while at the same time she is craving for more dominant and fast moving guy, so you may actually end up high on her scale of desirable man.
7. You also walked away from her, which is good, it also increases you value

The confusing thing might be (and its all relative) that she may actually be ignoring you while enjoying company of other guys, flirting with them, having great time with them - while at the same time she doesn't even look at you. But make no mistake, once you hit on her and show persistence, she knows exactly what you want, and she remembers. These other guys may be exciting to her but they may not have any sexual value in her eyes, and once her mood changes you may be the first one on her "real list" of desirable man. Depending on her experience, she may actually come after you when you won't expect it at all, and she may come quite fast.

Therefore you shouldn't change your frame. Don't make any conclusions whether she likes you or wants you. Don't get discouraged by initial rejection(s), just walk away with a smile. Keep it simple: She is a girl you really like but you won't chase her. If she comes with some interest, you'll just keep doing the same: get physical and move things forward...

 

[Prehistoric]

Thanks mate.

Yes I moved quite fast. I never moved so fast in my entire life on a "date" (provided it was). Only sometimes in clubs, while drunk with girls I met some minutes before.

We were supposed to meet at 21:30 but with another guy I met the same day I met her. The 3 of us met together in the same place and time, so he was my natural direct competitor.

What I did is, I went to see a football (or soccer for US readers) game with one of my best friend at 18 and told her. Hey I am going to a Pub watching a game with my best friend. If u want drop by. This way I could have some time between 18:00 and 21:30 to be "alone" with her. Yes, there was my best friend, but he's my mate, and was very cooperative, going out for a cigarette at least thrice and to the toilet twice. He was a real buddy.

She says ok. Was it to see me or to make the guy we were supposed to meet later jealous? Maybe the second, but who cares

We met in front of the pub at 18 (I arrived some minutes later on purpose) and at, let's say, 18:15 I made my first attempt to kiss her. She rejected me. I did my second at around 18:40. rejected again. my third at around 19:20. Rejected again. Then I stayed a little distant for some time (but always cool of course). We went eating a hot dog and and the we went, with my best friend and a couple we met in the pub to the place where we were supposed to met my "competitor". I was alone with her shortly before he arrived, at around 22:00 I tried to kiss her the last time (maybe the total was 4, not 5, I am not sure). The moment he arrived I stayed no more than 30 secodns with them, I went to the bathroom, then went smoking out, met a very cool man I became friend with, met a very cool (and pretty girl) I spoke about 10 minutes with (towards the end of these 10 minutes the girl I tried to kiss was actually looking in my direction). At that point when her, my competitor, my best friend and the couple, plus some other people were speaking in group I said "hey a friend of mine (girl) called me, I think I'll catch up with her, have fun everybody".

I will try to swallow my pride if she calls me again (unless of course she wants to meet again with other people present, in that case I'll give an excuse. I'll be happy and cool but say I am busy) and do what you suggested. Maybe, while I try to escalate, I will also try to communicate at the same time I am cool, relaxed and she doesn't mean the world to me. (aside from the kissing, I probably was too sticky the other night, which might have communicated neediness). I'll basically try to maximize the confident/dominant/assertive male component and minimize the neediness component. It's not easy, but I guess there is a way.

But only if she calls me. Before that, I'll try experimenting with other chicks. Hopefully getting some result so the girl who rejected me will become even less important in my mind.

I'll go to a work dinner on Wednesday where some girls I don't know will also be.

Suggestions on how to move with a girl when at a dinner where you also care about what other people present think?

And thank you for your answers, you're being a great help.

 

[Drck]

Say that the girl likes to ride in a car. She is comfortable with speed 60-70 miles per hour. If a guy drives 30 miles/hour she will be annoyed with him, he is too boring. She may tolerate 80, but if the guy drives 90-100 it is just too much for her. At the same time, a guy thinks he has to go 140 because it makes HIM feel good.


Similarly, when many guys start with seduction they want to go from 0 to 140. Ok, the guy feels great, hormones are rushing in, he's got to know and do everything he can - but the girl is comfortable enough at 60.

A guy's confidence is at 0 before he starts meeting girls. Then he reads some stuff online and he wants 140, very fast. Again, many times 60 is good enough.

He wants to be dominant and assertive, Alpha. 0 to 140 in 1 hour is great - but what for? She is looking for 60 only.

He is a Nice Guy who can't get girls. He is at 0, so he hits the pedal and goes to 140 Asshole. But she is looking for Nice Guy at 60, and perhaps an Asshole at 60.

A guy tries to kiss her. Ok, it doesn't work out for the first time. So he gaves up totally, he feels rejected, his speed is at 0. He goes onto another girl, tries to kiss her many times. Now the speed is 140. Not bad, but she is not ready, she is looking for 60 only...

She rejects him, his speed goes to 0, he feels miserable about himself. He will make sure that next girls won't effect on his feelings at all. That is 140. Well, she is still going only 60, she didn't really "reject" him, she just wasn't ready to drive at 100, and she won't be impressed by going 140 either...

He wants to escalate really fast. If he doesn't do anything, he is at 0. If he escalates too fast he will be going 140 - but she is only comfortable with 60...

He is all excited, vibing, confident, he's got lots of choices. He goes 140, and she rejects him. Well, not really, he is just going too fast with her. But then he turns around and puts in reverse. He doesn't want to talk to her, he gets upset, pissed off, negative, he stops answering her when she texts. He is going in total reverse, in opposite direction - yet she is just cruising comfortable at 60...

 

[Prehistoric]

I love this example.

Now I am trying to think about me with this girl on Saturday (140 speed) and my old miserable me for some years ago (0 speed) and I am trying to imagine what it would be to have a behavior which is in the middle (maybe more towards 70-80 because I don't want to lose the momentum)

I can see what I did Saturday helped me internally. Talked with one new girl today and confidently stared some on the bus, some of which lightly smiled back - while I remained indifferent to those who reacted coldly.

Well, I guess my conscious journey's just begun. I say conscious because I have experiences with women but it was always unconscious, I didn't really knew what was going on. To approach this thing consciously and scientifically is just like traveling to another planet. It feels scary sometimes, but I won't back down