Was I clingy, and if so, how to proceed

[Undelia]

So, here's the situation; it's a lot of info, but I want to paint a solid picture as I am new to the post-college dating scene. I met a girl online, and we hit it off in that venue. We planned a date, but after texting me all day, cancelled about 30 minutes before, saying that she's got some bad news. I told her that was cool, contacted her the next day and we rescheduled. She texted me, later that day, wanting me to make sure I knew she wasn't skinny and sent me a picture of herself, her appearance wasn't news to me. I sent her a recent pic of mine and she was very complimentary and made reference to wishing she had someone to cuddle with.

We went out a few days later, and it couldn't have gone better. She's very nerdy, like myself and we only stopped talking to make-out a few times. I initiated making-out, though very early on in the date, she initiated physical contact. I texted her the next day and told her I had a good time, in a playful way and she responded in kind. Now, here's where it gets tricky, figuring we had an exceptional rapport, I asked if I could call her when I got off work, to which she never responded. My intention was to set up another date with her. She's busy and often has to be in bed early and I got out of work pretty late that day. I'm worried, though, that I may have come across as weak or clingy.

I know it's important not to put all your eggs in one basket, and I have a date lined up with another girl for next week, but I really like this on and just wanted some advice on how to proceed. It's been a day since she ignored my text.

 

[PinotNoir]

How long has it been since you last texted her? If it's only been a day, I wouldn't stress about it, which sounds like is the case. If she doesn't respond in a week or two, then I'd send a follow-up text just asking about herself in general or on a topic you discussed during the date or something interesting that has happened to you.

"Can I call you when you get off work?"
I don't know if this is the exact text, but if it is similar, I don't suggest this. It's like you're asking permission just to call a girl. Better is:

"Let's talk on the phone some time. When you free one night this week?"
or
"I'd love to talk more about X. When you free some night?" (open-ended for phone or in-person)

Or, you can just call, but don't get caught trying to chase her through the phone. Call her twice. If no answer, wait a couple of days. Then send a text.

"wishing she had someone to cuddle with."
On the date, this would have been a perfect way to pull. After making out, you could have said, "You know... earlier via text, you said that you were wanting to cuddle with someone. You still want cuddle with someone? [Yes.] And you like (movie X or TV show Y)? [Yes.] [Stand up; grab her hand; pull her up from the seat in a gentle/playful way.] Let's head back to my place then. "

If you were already making out in a seduction location, then the problem would have been not pushing towards sex.

It's good you got a new date next week. Don't stress it. I'm sure she'll respond in a few days.

 

[Undelia]

@pinotnoir

I very much appreciate the advice. One thing, though, the reason I didn't try to sleep with her was that she said she had to be up at 5:30 the next day. This is also why I asked if she minded if I called her after I got off work, because she had said that, when she works the next day, she's often in bed around the time I get off work when I close.
Generally, is it best to just ignore these sort of concerns, or does that alter the situation?

 

[PinotNoir]

Well, if you found out that she had to wake up at 5:30 before trying to push for sex, then that is definitely fine, and you just send her on her merry way.

Read: We Are Not Having Sex Tonight: What Happens When You Don’t

But, if you were pushing for sex and she says that she has to wake up early, then I think that it's best to push for it and can happen. Typically, guys think, "Ah, but I don't want to inconvenience her," and she may say words that reflect the same feeling -- that she wants a good night's rest. But, you can get around this, as long as you view it in a different way. You view yourself as the prize (fake it until you make it, right?) and view a great night with you worth losing a few hours of sleep over.

Her: "You know.... I just can't. I have to wake up early tomorrow."
Me: "Let me ask you this.... when was the last time you stayed up late?"
Her: "Haha, I don't know. Maybe 4 years ago back in college."
Me: "That's too long! You're young. Live. Embrace life. Let's have an enjoyable night together."
Her: "I'm just not sure..."
Me: "How about this. I promise to wake up an hour early, make some pancakes, and wake you up. Sound good?"
(Or suggest going to her place instead.)

Sometimes, a girl may not even give you any LMR. She may just be like, "Yeah, okay!" You don't know until you push for it or ask

 

[Marty]

Undelia:

She's very nerdy, like myself

Do not wallow in it like that. You need to fix this.

One of the harmful ideas that has recently started to penetrate the English-speaking world (it seems to be less prevalent in other Western cultures, like the Germanic and Slavic countries) is that it is somehow "okay" to be socially awkward, and that if you are, you will find company among like-minded individuals who will play fantasy games or goodness knows what else with you and validate your own awkwardness, blindly oblivious to the fact that the outside world is snickering at you. I even have a friend who to my shock told me that he actually wanted his young son to grow up "nerdy". (And I would not describe the father, and certainly not the mother, as such.) It boggles the mind.

Among the most important points taught on this site is that from a girl's perspective, it is not what you do, but who you are; hence all the focus on fundamentals, effortlessness, and the formation of effective habits through intelligent work. You may find success with this particular girl, but Zac's video (linked above) will give you an idea of what's in store if you proposition a socially astute, refined lady while in possession of off-color fundamentals.

It is not "okay" to be awkward. As the views of religious fanatics who claim that the Earth is 4,000 years old and created by a supernatural being do not hold equal validity with the tested hypotheses of scientists about geology and evolution, just because the fanatics find validation in equally ignorant company at their local church... in the same way, the fact that other socially graceless people exist and interact with a young man does not imply that he has equal value to his contemporary who has made efforts to refine his social ability.

To continue the analogy: that life on Earth began over 3 billion years ago as a result of replicating molecular chemical processes and was shaped and enhanced by natural selection to take the complex forms we see today is proven scientific fact. It is also proven scientific fact that we humans are primates, that primates have dominance hierarchies, and that sexual selection among primates as practiced by females depends very strongly upon the dominance of the male. Like many other primates we are social beings and our perceived dominance (among both sexes) is strongly correlated with how we interact socially.

Nerdiness is an easy fix. If you had bad teeth, were extremely overweight, or were long-term unemployed, for example, correcting your problems would be much more difficult and/or painful. Why not give this a try? You'll be surprised how easy you find it if you put in the effort.

All the best

-Marty

 

[Inferno]

Thanks Marty for putting what Ive been pondering about whenever they say their girl is a "gamer girl" (I love vg and plan to design them in the future, but girls are totaly separate from that world) from all the info I've read on the gc sites my best sounding advice would be to stop thinking about her and find a new girl, Especially if your new like me, getting hung up on her can hinder your progress. I got hung up on this girl when I was fairly new to pickup, she was a hella cocktease , always making me touch her breast or ass. I halted progress for a year playing stupid games with her, so now Im back to continue my quest for exp and an asian girlfriend. I wish you good luck in your quest sir!