Was This a Missed Escalation Window / How Would You Deal With It?

[maskedmaskless]

Met up with this girl from one of the apps over the weekend. We had matched the week before and texted some. She called me "handsome" multiple times and was sending out pretty strong interest. The day we met (Saturday) we got coffee and chatted for a few hours. Then, we walked through the park, chilled, and ended up at the bar of a restaurant right near my place. After one drink, I asked her if she wanted to come back to my place for a drink, which seemed very into.

We got back to my apartment, and I went to the bathroom. I came out and she was staring out the window, so I walked up to her. She looked back at me and within a minute we were making out. I then teased her and pulled away and asked what she wanted to drink. Walked into the kitchen, and she followed and hopped up on the counter. Got her a drink and proceeded to make out again in the kitchen while sipping the drinks. Carry her back to the couch, continuing to make out and then we keep flirting / talking / kissing. We start escalating and touching each other. I had her sit on my lap and take off her bra. Then she says that she promised to meet her roommate in half an hour.

FUCK didn't realize it was already late in the day. Try to talk her into staying, and she says she'll check with her roommate. Her roommate confirms a time, but she says she wants to stay here just she HAS to go. I tried suggesting she push back a few minutes or tell her roommate to go a different night but none of it goes. She's still lingering around, so we keep making out. Then she starts dirty talking even more... "I'm not usually naughty but I wanna be naught for you" "I'm super tight" "I'm going to be so loud your neighbors will know your name." At that point, I said she could stay a couple minutes, and she counters that when we do it she wants it to be all night long. Finally her roommate sends her another text, and she decides she's cutting it way too close. She leaves, and I kiss her goodbye and walk her out.

Texted her the next afternoon saying nice to meet her and teasing that I hoped she wasnt too late in meeting her roommate... but heard nothing. Very much expecting to be ghosted at this point. How should I have handled that? Just figure out logistics of where she needs to be way earlier on? She was super into me the whole time, so I was expecting a quick response not a lack of interest

 

[maskedmaskless]

Also appreciate any tips on how / when to re-engage (has only been 18 hours since I texted but last time I fucked up waiting too long to double text).

 

[topcat]

She looked back at me and within a minute we were making out. I then teased her and pulled away and asked what she wanted to drink

Right here is where you dropped the ball..

You should have continued to escalate at first make out. Drinks can wait till after you’ve done fucked.

You shouldn’t be the one to break an escalation unless you sense or encounter REAL resistance. At that point you get up and context switch BRIEFLY.

 

[maskedmaskless]

Right here is where you dropped the ball..

You should have continued to escalate at first make out. Drinks can wait till after you’ve done fucked.

You shouldn’t be the one to break an escalation unless you sense or encounter REAL resistance. At that point you get up and context switch BRIEFLY.

Ahh that could make sense. She started intermittently teasing me a ton after I did this by pulling away during kissing or getting really close but not letting me kiss her.

 

[Just a Man]

Right here is where you dropped the ball..

You should have continued to escalate at first make out.

Agreed.

 

[maskedmaskless]

Welp any tips on how to salvage that missed escalation window? 24 hours unanswered would be desperate to follow up now, but better to wait a day or a week if no answer?

 

[Alpha13SC]

My approach would be to wait a little, then act like nothing happened. I would text her with something like "Hey, just realized something about you", or anything that could spark her curiosity, then carry on. But next time, maybe more aggressive.

If that would not work, just let it and onto the next one. Before that, I would ask her what happened, maybe it was something out of my control.

 

[Just a Man]

My approach would be to wait a little, then act like nothing happened. I would text her with something like "Hey, just realized something about you", or anything that could spark her curiosity, then carry on. But next time, maybe more aggressive.

If that would not work, just let it and onto the next one. Before that, I would ask her what happened, maybe it was something out of my control.

Salvage is a tough gig in my experience but can be done. This would be my approach too.

 

[TomInHo]

We got back to my apartment, and I went to the bathroom. I came out and she was staring out the window, so I walked up to her. She looked back at me and within a minute we were making out. I then teased her and pulled away and asked what she wanted to drink.

I see what you were trying to do there. Doing push/pull escalation can build a ton of tension but if you do them incorrectly you can burst the seduction bubble

Walked into the kitchen, and she followed and hopped up on the counter. Got her a drink and proceeded to make out again in the kitchen while sipping the drinks.

You honestly should have closed at this point. Because she was chasing hard.

I sometimes use push/pull escalations but when the girl starts chasing, you need to close the deal asap. Because if you keep breaking things up to talk, you are going to make her feel like you're playing games and she might either eject from the seduction because she feels rejected or will mirror you and start playing games back

Carry her back to the couch, continuing to make out and then we keep flirting / talking / kissing. We start escalating and touching each other. I had her sit on my lap and take off her bra. Then she says that she promised to meet her roommate in half an hour.FUCK didn't realize it was already late in the day. Try to talk her into staying, and she says she'll check with her roommate. Her roommate confirms a time, but she says she wants to stay here just she HAS to go. I tried suggesting she push back a few minutes or tell her roommate to go a different night but none of it goes. She's still lingering around, so we keep making out. Then she starts dirty talking even more... "I'm not usually naughty but I wanna be naught for you" "I'm super tight" "I'm going to be so loud your neighbors will know your name."

Yep..... she started playing games because she's mirroring and following your lead

At that point, I said she could stay a couple minutes, and she counters that when we do it she wants it to be all night long. Finally her roommate sends her another text, and she decides she's cutting it way too close. She leaves, and I kiss her goodbye and walk her out.

Texted her the next afternoon saying nice to meet her and teasing that I hoped she wasn't too late in meeting her roommate... but heard nothing. Very much expecting to be ghosted at this point. How should I have handled that? Just figure out logistics of where she needs to be way earlier on? She was super into me the whole time, so I was expecting a quick response not a lack of interest

She probably didn't respond because she wondering why you didn't close the deal when you had the chance.

She threw herself at you multiple times, but you were playing games and now she doesn't want to go through all that again. Think about it, if a girl was being a cock tease to you, would you be excited to see her again?

I would wait about a week to see if she re-engages you and if she doesn't you can throw a hail-mary with a pattern interrupt

"Hey HB, I had fun with you last time but when we got to my place things kind of got weird between us. But it's cool because I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me "...... pacing and leading her reality

Frame it like she was the one acting strange and not you, so that if she has any shred of attraction left towards you, there's an olive branch for her to latch unto and chase

 

[maskedmaskless]

I see what you were trying to do there. Doing push/pull escalation can build a ton of tension but if you do them incorrectly you can burst the seduction bubble



You honestly should have closed at this point. Because she was chasing hard.

I sometimes use push/pull escalations but when the girl starts chasing, you need to close the deal asap. Because if you keep breaking things up to talk, you are going to make her feel like you're playing games and she might either eject from the seduction because she feels rejected or will mirror you and start playing games back



Yep..... she started playing games because she's mirroring and following your lead



She probably didn't respond because she wondering why you didn't close the deal when you had the chance.

She threw herself at you multiple times, but you were playing games and now she doesn't want to go through all that again. Think about it, if a girl was being a cock tease to you, would you be excited to see her again?

I would wait about a week to see if she re-engages you and if she doesn't you can throw a hail-mary with a pattern interrupt

"Hey HB, I had fun with you last time but when we got to my place things kind of got weird between us. But it's cool because I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me "...... pacing and leading her reality

Frame it like she was the one acting strange and not you, so that if she has any shred of attraction left towards you, there's an olive branch for her to latch unto and chase

Yeah, I think you nailed a lot of this. It was definitely a lot of intentional push-pull, and I may have been having too much fun with toying with her, and she really wanted it. I honestly feel like all was very smooth except I messed up on logistics and the timing of when she'd need to leave.

I'm hesitant to call it "weird," since it certainly all felt very natural. She called me sarcastic and referred to herself as sassy, so I'm thinking of modifying it to something like this... thoughts?

"Hey [name], just got back into town. Your sass and my sarcasm made a fun cocktail even if it got a little messy at my place. It's cool though, I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me"

 

[TomInHo]

I'm hesitant to call it "weird," since it certainly all felt very natural. She called me sarcastic and referred to herself as sassy, so I'm thinking of modifying it to something like this... thoughts?

If it wasn't "weird" between the to two of you, she would not have started playing games, making up silly excuses and ghosting you the next day.

Don't reward a negative response from her with more unearned positivity..... just saying

 

[maskedmaskless]

If it wasn't "weird" between the to two of you, she would not have started playing games, making up silly excuses and ghosting you the next day.

Don't reward a negative response from her with more unearned positivity..... just saying

Yeah, that's fair. I probably started the "playing games" in retrospect. The ghosting threw me off, since I was honestly expecting a very quick response (or I guess no response). I guess I might just try what you had once I'm back in town. Hail mary at the end of the day