Ways to get out of a rut in life?

[TheEcho]

Hey Gents!

*Depression warning*

7 months post breakup, 7 months post graduation, 7 months of applying to every job in my field in several major cities (150+). I read a lot of pickup material, have read several books (Greene, Peterson, Deida), and meditated morning and night for a while. I workout hard every day, did dance and singing lessons for a while, and have done online courses relevant to my career. Went to Europe, got a nice tattoo, done plenty of soul searching. I'm feeling very burnt out at this point, though. I'm not seeing results in any area of life (except physique), and that's making it hard to keep up habits that payoff with intangibles (reading books, meditating, nofap).

Had decent savings out of college and have tried fully focusing on getting the dream job and not a random min wage role. Without income (and my own place), though, I don't feel great doing night game and such. I've been able to get 0 girls out, other than a meh fwb a few months back, and church girls who clearly want me as their Christian husband (which I am not). My mindset is definitely deteriorating when it comes to getting girls and getting a good job.

Does anyone have any experience being in a rut like this? I feel stonewalled by life. I interview with a couple companies a month and the response is always the same bullshit "not enough experience", with no actual useful advice I can work on. I have a couple small things going, but the situation has worn on me greatly at this point.

I don't think I'm depressed, but there's a general negativity I had from the relationship that's spreading to all other parts of my life.

Open to anything you guys want to share/recommend!

Thanks all!

 

[HoofHearted]

Post-college window is very, very hard. And it may make sense to not think about women right now.

Your pursuit of a job should be intense rn. Stabilizing, having you own money and your own place does wonders for your wellbeing. I made a lot of people on this forum very mad at me by saying have a job, have a drive and don't live with your mom. Surprise, this is a position I still hold. Don't live with your mom. And never worry, if she needs company, I'm always here for her...

I suspect that is a wound that will sting until its resolved. I would just accept that fact until you resolve it. Pursue this resolution every hour of every day until it appears imo

Lots of people tell me they can still meet women while living with mom, that I'm dumb and no one needs a job. That's technically true. But why you sad inside, bruh.

I look forward to everyone's responses explaining to me that i'm dumb and why we should all live with mom.

Beyond that, the basics are needed. Make sure whatever space you live in is clean. exercise is important, i did not say training which i love but please understand the difference. Keep training if you love it, we train for the longterm effect, but also exercise, which is something we do for a shortterm effect-- think taking a walk, or an easy run, or physical activity more for endorphin release or stress release, as opposed to training which is exposure to and recovery from stress.

If you do the tiny things correctly and take care you will build momentum in your life. You will build positivty that you can carry with you to interviews and phone screens and potentially dating.

Do the dishes, shit like that. Every little positive action becomes a snowflake beckmes a drift becomes an avalanche of momentum.

You're in a perilous time in life. You're going to be okay, even if you can't do things perfectly. But to some degree you're in charge of how bad it sucks to go through this so quit fucking around and get to work, unless you like being dragged through sideways.

 

[TheEcho]

You have a very interesting way of putting things, but I appreciate it haha. Yeah, have to push in all areas and keep the positivity up so I don't self sabotage into a truly bad spot. I pay "rent", cook for myself and others more than they for me, do chores, have the nicest room in the house, am bodybuilding. Definitely not turning into a loser in the basement, but being stuck for this amount of time wears on you.

I used to be in the "don't need a job" tribe, having slept with 13 girls so far pre-real job and mostly living at home. Though having lived on my own for 6 years, my self worth has become strongly tied to my independence and status in life (formerly being respected amongst my peers, being in a top college, having a girlfriend I wanted to marry).

 

[HoofHearted]

Well if you are really providing for yourself, you're leaps and bounds ahead.

It always seemed like caveman days to me. Mankind has always needed food and shelter, its so basic and rudimentary. What that translates to in this day and age is usually a job and/or starting a business if you've got the nuts and intelligence.

Can't go higher on the pyramid til the foundation is good. You will literally die without food. I say this to you because you seem like one of those generation Zers, and you might not know that. No cap, on god. Being able to know you can provide for your own basic needs reduces a level of existential anxiety, i think.

I also say do whatever it takes to get a job. Even move. A strategy most people don't appreciate... if you're got a desirable background, and you pop in somewhere rural or less desirable, you become the big fish in a small pond. Work there 24 months, suddenly you're in an industry and sparkly with experience and can go wherever you want.

 

[ElderPrice]

It sounds likes you kinda put the cart in front of the horse. I think you need to pause some things and think about building up your sense of self. For instance, when you outright say you're doing some things for their payoffs, that makes me wonder... what are you doing for YOU? What are you doing that you ENJOY? You can't operate just on doing stuff to get laid. Paradoxically, doing so will work AGAINST you getting laid.

Along these lines, I think it would help you to re-assess your job situation. It sounds like you're going down a route where you keep doing the same thing and getting the same results. What can you change? What can you do that's thinking outside the box? How are you tackling this job hunt incorrectly?

To further summarize, to get out of a rut, you need NEW things. New strategies to try to get a job/make money. New projects. New hobbies that you actually enjoy and new people to meet that have nothing to do with getting pussy. Try something NEW or DIFFERENT, and if it fails, no big deal, just try something new or different again.

 

[TheEcho]

Right, Hoof, I'm actually close to 30 (adds to my distaste of the situation), but getting the foundation is killer. Oh yeah, I've driven 8 hours several times to interview in other cities just to get the same "more experience needed" crap.

Yeah, Elder, that's where my small side projects should eventually qualify for "experience" and get me into a real role. My degree is in real estate, and my personality clicks very well with the commercial side, so the upside should be HUGE, which adds even more annoyance to being sidelined currently. As for other hobbies, I definitely have this underlying sense of only wanting to do stuff if there's potential mates around. I realize that's not great, but I really enjoy talking, especially with girls (got this weird balance of dominant personality with feminine tendencies), so the things that involve both usually overlap. I've held myself back quite a bit out of financial conservation, but that's probably not helping overall at this point.

 

[HoofHearted]

Right, Hoof, I'm actually close to 30 (adds to my distaste of the situation), but getting the foundation is killer. Oh yeah, I've driven 8 hours several times to interview in other cities just to get the same "more experience needed" crap.

Now that is tough. I had incorrectly assumed you were fresh from undergraduate.

I don't really have specific, informed input about your situation. The general idea still stands. What are you really gonna get done in life if you're feeling like shit?

Work, resumes and interviews are usually mostly a joke that are keying at least 50% off of your energy anyway, and some of them closer to 100%.

So, more as your peer than the generation ahead of you, I say consider what I mentioned about momentum. People will key off of that and positivity and good energy. A small victory is accelerant for larger ones, and this starts maybe with something as small as folding laundry.

Truth is, it starts smaller, with thinking, but most people tune this point out. We don't choose what thoughts arise, but the actionable part of thinking is selecting which thoughts to get on board with from the field presented to us. That's actually step one, but some find this idea fufu, so laundry or dishes may be a safer bet.

 

[Will_V]

Hey Gents!

*Depression warning*

7 months post breakup, 7 months post graduation, 7 months of applying to every job in my field in several major cities (150+). I read a lot of pickup material, have read several books (Greene, Peterson, Deida), and meditated morning and night for a while. I workout hard every day, did dance and singing lessons for a while, and have done online courses relevant to my career. Went to Europe, got a nice tattoo, done plenty of soul searching. I'm feeling very burnt out at this point, though. I'm not seeing results in any area of life (except physique), and that's making it hard to keep up habits that payoff with intangibles (reading books, meditating, nofap).

Had decent savings out of college and have tried fully focusing on getting the dream job and not a random min wage role. Without income (and my own place), though, I don't feel great doing night game and such. I've been able to get 0 girls out, other than a meh fwb a few months back, and church girls who clearly want me as their Christian husband (which I am not). My mindset is definitely deteriorating when it comes to getting girls and getting a good job.

Does anyone have any experience being in a rut like this? I feel stonewalled by life. I interview with a couple companies a month and the response is always the same bullshit "not enough experience", with no actual useful advice I can work on. I have a couple small things going, but the situation has worn on me greatly at this point.

I don't think I'm depressed, but there's a general negativity I had from the relationship that's spreading to all other parts of my life.

Open to anything you guys want to share/recommend!

Thanks all!

Right now imo you should completely focus on getting a job. Not being financially independent is the big burden that will weigh down on other areas of your life. It's great that you're going to the gym, that's the first thing anyone should do when they hit a low point, but after that comes putting your life in order in terms of money, apartment, being able to fund hobbies and interests etc.

What have you done to improve your interview skills? If you're getting interviews and then being told you don't have enough experience, when presumably they can already see that on your resume, then you're probably not making enough of a good impression in person. How hungry do you look? Do you come across depressed or low energy or are you able to show that you have loads of drive and all you need is a little opportunity?

Getting a job with little or no experience comes down very much to selling yourself as a diamond in the rough. Especially if you're in sales, 95% of your worth is your ability to convince people of your point of view. What those hiring managers are looking for is to feel compelled to give you an opportunity, to feel as if they are getting a ferrari that just needs a little tlc from facebook marketplace for $5000. Without experience, this is even more so. If you don't have anything else in life, you must have absolute frame control.

If you're letting yourself get depressed, it's probably showing. You don't have to be happy to do good interviews, you need to have fire and be persuasive and come across like you absolutely believe in yourself, because no one else will unless you make them believe it.

 

[TheEcho]

What have you done to improve your interview skills? If you're getting interviews and then being told you don't have enough experience, when presumably they can already see that on your resume, then you're probably not making enough of a good impression in person. How hungry do you look? Do you come across depressed or low energy or are you able to show that you have loads of drive and all you need is a little opportunity?

I believe I have the drive, I'm getting further into interview processes. The latest one I went to the last round (drove 8 hours twice, that really stung to lose out on). They said they went with the other guy because he had 1 year experience...

you need to have fire and be persuasive and come across like you absolutely believe in yourself, because no one else will unless you make them believe it.

I definitely can do better selling myself. I bring a lot of energy, but have always not thought much of my accomplishments or ability, despite logically knowing I have a lot of value to add, proven through school, pickup, and personal projects.

 

[ElChe]

idk if I will get shit on for this idea, and I don't have tons of life experience so take this however you will... but imo when you're doing tons of "grindy" work (reading books, applying to jobs, working out) and not getting results... you might be stuck emotionally.

If I'm understanding your description of the work you've been doing, it may be a bit similar to how I was a couple years back. I was so focused on getting my habits in shape, reading books, whatever... kinda grinding at life as if it was a video game where every little piece of "practice" I did automatically leveled me up. Not sure if that makes sense but I had like a structured/logical/numbers-based view of improvement.

What I lacked, I think, was passion.

More specifically, I was an apathetic, numbed out person... but... I had figured out a way to progress very slowly in life by "chugging along".

Maybe you're not that down in the dumps but if that connects at all, I believe I have the solution (it's similar to what the others in the thread described but... I think it deserves a more in-depth explanation).

So... check this out. How important are your emotions? Here's what I think...

As an example: When it comes to seduction and such-- I know (logically) that I have a good amount of knowledge, experience and skill in this area. Like, I have the answers; I have moved towards fear and developed tension abilities many times in the past, I've been very social, girls have chased me easily, and so on. Whatever.

I have the answers... I've done the practice... but for the past ~4 years my success with women has been nonexistent. Why?

Apathy!

I think success in life comes down mostly to how you feel.

If you look at the times you've been successful (or unsuccessful) in life... and then look at the emotions you were feeling... you may notice a pattern.

For me, I once had a lot of anger/pride towards socializing and girls. I had success and improvement but mostly, people just butted heads with me (and that would make me more angry). This is because-- even though there is a lot of energy in anger-- anger/lust/pride are "pushing" emotions. You're pushing against the world and trying to force what you want. And the world pushes back.

A little bit after this anger arc, I actually had some realizations and did some stuff that moved me into courage and love. I just had a lot of courage and love for people and women. This was the easiest time I ever had improving. I was putting in a lot of work but it felt easy; friends were easy, girls were easy, and so on.
This is because courage/acceptance/love/peace are "giving" emotions. Give to the world and the world gives back. If you've ever experienced moments where people just do favors for you and everybody loves you... you were probably in this higher state.

But... in recent years I've been in apathy. Deep apathy. Apathy (which is similar to depression btw) /grief/fear are "pulling" states. These are the lowest emotions. You're trying to pull things to you, get all that you can from the world. It's victim mentality, neediness. When you're like this, the world runs away from you.

Most people are in those lower apathy/fear states for MOST of their lives (and they get into higher emotions in moments, like when they're with friends).

The most successful people, I think, live most of their life in those upper emotions.

Anyway. Whatever. That's a basic descriptions of how emotions work (and why, imo, they are the most important thing for success and life).

Here's how to change those emotions and start moving towards courage/love... which, combined with your hard work and knowledge, will bring you all the success you want:

(Well, it's either that or all your hard work has just been multiplying slowly, and you're about to get some exponential gains. Could be both. Hope you got some cool ideas out of this)

(btw, that guy Brian Begin has tons of free videos on the idea he describes in that video. If it interests you, there are two playlists here and here)

 

[TheEcho]

I can definitely relate to trying to do things that should "level me up", I am totally a Sagittarius and am drawn to learning 24/7, but there's definitely been a lack of passion involved. Moreso doing things just because they should be good for me. That's probably not the worst route when large parts of life feel stuck, but it's like you said, just chugging along. From a lot of what everyone's saying, need to get my emotional state fixed and get a good job asap (though I was doing everything toward that end for months, but can't stop).

 

[Railer]

church girls who clearly want me as their Christian husband

A totally different angle: Are those hot?

Personally, I experience a growing disdain to women who fuck around (until they become less attractive and decide to rather start sticking to some guy).

Maybe you want to at least consider those women.

in recent years I’ve been in apathy.

When you’re like this, the world runs away from you.

Are you out of it now and were the videos enough of an input or do you have some valuable insights in addition?

I’m neither needy, nor in the typical form of victim mentality, but I am repelled by the way things are.

Just today when a super beautiful girl passed by, I was neither nervous nor attracted. On several recent occasions like this, I captured myself wondering why I didn’t even worry about missing out on the opportunity of getting to know somebody of her quality …

 

[TheEcho]

A totally different angle: Are those hot?

Personally, I experience a growing disdain to women who fuck around (until they become less attractive and decide to rather start sticking to some guy).

Maybe you want to at least consider those women.

Couple issues, I'm totally an atheist, having stopped believing in Christianity 10 years ago and these girls are at my family's church, who are super involved at the church. Feel like I'd rather not take them down the seduction route, have it blow up, and have it connect to my family in some way.

 

[ElChe]

Are you out of it now and were the videos enough of an input or do you have some valuable insights in addition?

Sorry for the late reply. I do feel like I'm getting out of it, yeah. Though I'm not in a situation to get girls right now, I've felt more fear, lust and actually a lot of hope. I'm moving to university next August and I'm excited to start improving at seduction again

What I did was watch all of the videos on the playlists I linked, then start revealing/letting go a little every day. I wanted to see how it worked... and after getting some solid releases, I bought Brian's Revealing Masterclass course at a discount (just cause I wanted all the info sequentially and in one place).

But all the info you need is in those playlists. Actually, you could just follow the one video I linked and make a lot of progress. His course just goes deeper into the details and is more "in order".

I’m neither needy, nor in the typical form of victim mentality, but I am repelled by the way things are.

Just today when a super beautiful girl passed by, I was neither nervous nor attracted. On several recent occasions like this, I captured myself wondering why I didn’t even worry about missing out on the opportunity of getting to know somebody of her quality …

You go down into apathy when there's an overload of emotions that you refuse to feel (which is what happened to me). And then... your body wants to stop feeling the apathy, so you go into this thing Brian calls "the spins"... where you're in a tornado of thoughts and analyzing (this also happened to me and it fucked up my sleep for a long time).

All kinds of stuff could've lead to the feeling you have... maybe you felt frustrated that you feel like you "have" to improve at seduction, maybe you feel like beautiful women are too high quality for you and you want to be "above them" and not care. Could be anything-- but in the moment you're feeling a form of apathy.

There's nothing wrong with feeling apathy or disinterested though. It's just an emotion-- and if you can welcome/surrender to the feeling, you can let it go.

(and doing that might bring up more stories and emotions, and you can let those go too... and eventually you'll be in those upper emotions and feel energized and happy and ready to accomplish your goals and enjoy women )

What I like about the way Brian teaches releasing, is that he shows you the importance of letting go, and also the roadblocks you might face.

Some people analyze like crazy, some people repress, some people create stories, etc.

Once you get self-aware about how you let your body interact with your emotions, you can just observe what you're doing and let go of those habits too lol.

 

[Railer]

Got it.

 

[Railer]

On a more helpful note:

I don’t think I’m depressed, but there’s a general negativity I had from the relationship that’s spreading to all other parts of my life.

Just the other day I compiled an overview of new habits I am adopting.

Independent of your outer experience, maybe doing some bodily chems boosts your clarity for getting new bearings.