Logistics Weekday Dating

[Cam87]

So I'm pretty recent single (after a LONG relationship) and still figuring things out. But so far all the girls I've slept with have been on a Friday or Saturday after a night out semi-partying.

I'm just now getting geared up to go on dates. One tomorrow night and one Friday, plus some others that are really promising. Thing is I'm anticipating that on a weekday date women are going to be more apprehensive about going home with me. The "I have work in the morning" objection is something I know is coming. Anyone have any advice or tactics that work well in this situation?

 

[Chase]

Howdy Cam,

I'm just now getting geared up to go on dates. One tomorrow night and one Friday, plus some others that are really promising. Thing is I'm anticipating that on a weekday date women are going to be more apprehensive about going home with me. The "I have work in the morning" objection is something I know is coming. Anyone have any advice or tactics that work well in this situation?

There are advantages and disadvantages to each, actually. The biggest advantages of weekend night dates are:

• If the girl's clearing her schedule to spend Friday or Saturday night with you, she REALLY likes you, and she knows she's communicating that to you
• She probably doesn't have anything to do the next day

The disadvantages of weekend night dates are:

• Girls will sometimes want to divert these into friendly / party outings with their friends who are clubbing
• Girls will often be getting texts / calls / etc. from other people that break the mood and divert their attention, and artificially inflating their sense of personal status relative to you (sort of like taking a girl to a bar or a party or a nightclub and her being approached by a lot of men)

For weekday evening dates, the advantages are:

• Fewer demands on her time, so these are usually easier to land
• Fewer or no people texting / calling / pestering her to go out or go somewhere else
• Breaking patterns and getting her out of autopilot (it's different from what she's accustomed to)

The disadvantages of weekday evening dates are:

• She has to get up for work tomorrow
• There's less of an assumed interest / sexual element to a weekday date than there is with a weekend date

However, you can still pull on weekday evening dates, and personally I find them to be lower pressure... the girl isn't expecting there's a strong chance you'll have sex, so she isn't as tense and she isn't putting as much pressure on the date or expecting you to be quite as perfect or move quite as fast and fluidly as she otherwise might.

The biggest drawback of the weekday evening date is that the girl needs to get up for work the next day, but there's an easy fix to this: just pull her earlier.

The ideal time is usually 10 PM. It's still not SO late that she can realistically protest needing to get home to get to sleep. It's also not so early that going back to your place for a nightcap will seem out of the question.

I normally structure weekday evening dates to look like this:

• Meet up at 7:30 PM or 8
• Run the date for ~2 hours wherever we are
• Propose a nightcap at ~10 PM
• When she resists, "I have to get up for work tomorrow!" Gently prod her - "What are you, thirteen? It's 10 o'clock! Trust me, I would never make you miss your bedtime. We'll just have one drink, and then you can go to sleep."
• Take her home, escalate fast

The only real problem you run into with weekday evening dates is letting them drag on too long, and suddenly it's 11 or 11:30 and she needs to go home and go to sleep. Even then, sometimes she's excited enough that she'll go back with you for a little while.

If you're unsure how much time you've got, just ask her at the start of the night: "When's your bedtime tonight, so I won't be surprised when you turn into a pumpkin?"

Then just get her out of there an hour before she says she needs to go home.

(Note: asking her when her bedtime is isn't always ideal, as it can "lock her in" to having to leave at a certain time, that she might otherwise have pushed back had she not committed to leaving earlier and later decided she really wanted something to happen with you. So, use at your discretion).

Chase

 

[Cam87]

Good stuff, thanks for the thorough response Chase.

The two dates I had last week were with school teachers. Meaning they get up super early and are then tired by like 9.

Got a 6pm date Wednesday so this is helpful.

 

[girlsfollow]

Chase

Impressive you find 2 hours is enough to build enough rapport! I suppose this has a lot to do with getting the physical fundamentals down (I noticed a dramatic change in girls responses for instance if my hair wasn't done well) as well as the other fundamentals. I think I have often let dates drag on too long actually -

I find the nightcap suggestion is quite forward though? It's basically like asking a girl "you want to come up for a cup of coffee?" in a way thats interpreted as "wanna come up for sex?" which unless you have super high attraction can be too much. I find something a little less threatening can be better with a little more plausible deniability, no?

also what time would you end weekend dates then? What woould you suggest as a range for length of dates 2-4h? I've recently been toying with the 10am idea aswell - I'll be trying this out soon. Also whats your reasoning behind later than 7? You think 7 is too early for the sexual vibe? -here it gets dark at 6 and exactly because I was aiming for 10 I was thinking of pushing the start back to 6.30 (on a sunday and with a girl I had not seen in 4 months with little comfort - this was to build a bit of a connection first etc)

 

[Chase]

GF-

Impressive you find 2 hours is enough to build enough rapport! I suppose this has a lot to do with getting the physical fundamentals down (I noticed a dramatic change in girls responses for instance if my hair wasn't done well) as well as the other fundamentals. I think I have often let dates drag on too long actually -

Well, remember, rapport isn't about finding out a certain range of facts about her, it's just building enough of a connection that she feels comfortable becoming sexual around you (without building SO MUCH of one that she's afraid if she gets sexual with you it risks her losing too much... which is what happens if you talk to her for too long).

You can build rapport in 1 minute or 10 minutes if you hit the right topics and she's already on the hunt for a man to take her home and bed her. It's not necessarily a matter of length of time... but you're right, fundamentals do help tremendously. These days for me, anything going over an hour and a half feels like it's dragging on too long; the girl's ready already, stop delaying. If you don't have as much of a sexual vibe going on and girls aren't feeling it as much, maybe take as long as 3 hours, but that seems like pushing it... she's either interested or she isn't, really.

I find the nightcap suggestion is quite forward though? It's basically like asking a girl "you want to come up for a cup of coffee?" in a way thats interpreted as "wanna come up for sex?" which unless you have super high attraction can be too much. I find something a little less threatening can be better with a little more plausible deniability, no?

Again, what I'm going for is implicit sexuality.

When I say, "How about we grab a nightcap and call it a night?" I never say where we're grabbing that nightcap. It's just implied. But anything you do where you invite her home has that. When I was starting out I used to tell girls about souvenirs I'd picked up while traveling in various locales, and invite them to come back to see my souvenirs. At the time, I thought this was a GREAT line, and it really did work... but now I look back and I'm like, dear lord, what a terrible line that is. I can't believe I used to use it... and I can't believe it WORKED as well as it did!

It's much less about what you're inviting her to do, so long as it isn't explicitly, "Hey, wanna go to my place and fool around?" If a girl goes home with you, she knows what that means, and there's really no dancing around that.

Also, the more you dance around it, the less prepared she's going to be for what's coming when she gets back to your place, and the more feigned surprise / resistance you're going to face when you begin to escalate.

also what time would you end weekend dates then? What woould you suggest as a range for length of dates 2-4h? I've recently been toying with the 10am idea aswell - I'll be trying this out soon. Also whats your reasoning behind later than 7? You think 7 is too early for the sexual vibe? -here it gets dark at 6 and exactly because I was aiming for 10 I was thinking of pushing the start back to 6.30 (on a sunday and with a girl I had not seen in 4 months with little comfort - this was to build a bit of a connection first etc)

My preferred timing for weekend dates is about 11 or 11:30 AM until 1 or 1:30 PM. Nice and early. Even if she has thing planned that evening, nobody plans things for 3 PM (usually).

Length to target: 2 hours of talking max before you invite her home, unless you're doing a very energetic date (beach, rollerblading, ice-skating, laser tag, etc.), which... can be good (physical energy makes sex more likely, actually; it's why tickle fights and play-fighting immediately prior to escalation up your odds; also why BradP was so big on Dance Dance Revolution for so long), but you've got to have logistics planned out very well for that (e.g., the laser tag place is right next to the hot tub place, which is where you'll end up at the end of the date). Normally though, 2 hours in a cafe is all you need, then invite her home.

As far as why I picked later than 7, it's more about practical work and traffic reasons than anything else. In most major cities, most girls are coming home from work and fighting through rush hour traffic... 7 PM ends up being too early to realistically get off of work, get home, shower up / do make up, then turn around and make it back to the place without getting completely hectic or otherwise coming straight from work. Hectic is bad because she's in the wrong frame of mind, and straight from work is bad because she hasn't done anything to ready herself for the date... you're not that big of a deal. So, you just give her some time to go home and freshen up, spend a few hours thinking about the date, and get herself all prim, primed, and excited. (obviously, if she doesn't have a traditional 9-to-5 or she's off on the day of the date or she's in school or something like that, you don't need to worry so much about this one)

Chase