Weird approach problems and other things

[Gunslinger]

I have been actively trying to better my life, because I had a lot of difficulties in social situations and pretty much everything else, growing up, since childhood. I managed to improve a lot( 19 years old now ). This took an incredible amount of willpower and time, thus, I have become an obsessive perfectionist. I only stumbled across this site 6 months ago, so you can already guess I still need a ton of time to improve. I eat really healthy, no smoking, no alcohol ( perfectionism...), but I've come across a problem I just can't seem to fix. I naturally tend to do really terrible at things I've never done before, so here's my problem:
I can't, for the life of me, get down pre-opening, eyecontact, peripheral vision and all that jazz with strangers/non-social situations. I have had girls actively telling me they want to sleep with me at a party/festival in a very actice, forward way in no time. People telling me I look good, or not telling me otherwise when I said so or asked them if they think I am attractive. So my fundamentals are getting pretty tight ( also the thing I worked on the most ). I have no problem starting conversations with strangers I am not sexually interested in, I also asked out girls at a gay party for my lesbian friend.
I can even talk to new cute girls at a birthday party, just any bit of social context is usually enough, though there are exceptions. I have approach anxiety with girls in day game/cold approach in general ( party/club ), who are complete strangers.

So my anxiety is triggered when: 1. I know I approach for myself because I am sexually interested and/or I don't know anything about that person

I tried out the "don't scan/steal glances" thing and look for signs of interest through my peripheral vision, but I don't seem to get it. I can't really discern people, noticing if they are looking at me etc.. Is it possible to improve your peripheral vision? I guess using it more helps, but it feels really weird to me. Should I just start cold approaching even though my peripheral vision seems to be terrible, or work on it whilst doing so? I should have started cold approaching way sooner, anyway. This might seem too advanced for me, for now. I need to see someone first to cold approach, this peripheral vision thing doesn't do jack shit for me. I take too long to identify a girl as a potentional person I want to approach, and I don't see the signs of interest, especially when using peripheral vision.

To summarize, I am working on eyecontact, peripheral vision, seeing signs of interest and cold approaching strangers while conquering approach anxiety right now. I am thankful for any advice on how to continue my quest to become a better man!

Keep improving,
Gunslinger

 

[Franco]

Gunslinger,

You need to just start approaching. Pre-opening is actually a technique that actually only really improves through experience since you can't really be absolutely sure what you're looking for until you've been around lots of women that you've escalated with. It's something you pick up on as you go along, and it helps you improve your consistency with opening girls who are interested as you get better.

At the beginning, you just need to approach and get used to seeing what rejections look like so you can get reference points. Your accuracy with approaching girls who are interested is going to be a lot lower when you start out, but it improves as you go, and before you know it, you're mostly approaching girls who give you warm receptions!

So don't worry about pre-opening so much and get past your approach anxiety first. =)

- Franco

 

[Gunslinger]

Franco,

thank you for the quick reply! I guess I've just been confused by my weird situation and went too far too soon/took too many steps at once. I should get the most elemental things down, before going further, for now. My motivation to try out your advice is huge!
Keep improving,
Gunslinger