What am I doing wrong?

duncanmcloud

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Mar 28, 2016
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I had only one girl, and another one that called me to her place (over Facebook), but lives 200km away from me- those were the straight forward experiences. And these are the highlights in the last couple of months which were strange to me…

Girl 1:

My female friend asks me if I want to go out with her and her two friends, I say yes, it was a summer style outside party in a bar. I didn’t drink much because of my medication and condition and try to hide that. My friend insists that I drink- that was my first mistake (had only one drink), alcohol gets me gamy. So I get talking to her friend, she asks this and that, she is very pretty, we get talking and then she, while I was talking about my trip to Kenia (I did not say anything stupid nor uninteresting), girlcodes my friend and they go inside (restroom I suppose), just that ignores me, after that she moves away from me, and I do not engage her anymore, she positions herself so that she is hard to approach, and I decide not to pursue because she, as mentioned, practically ran away from me. Night was really good, my second time going out after the rough times; I exchanged a few glances with her and that was it. We go home.

Girl 2:

I know her for some time, and decide to ping her, we start exchanging messages, and then I decide to call her. She immediately tells me she is studying and very busy, I thought OK next, but she continues the conversation and whenever I try to escalate, she continues talking (I don’t know if on purpose to stop me escalating or just wanted to talk more), we touch on different topics, she laughs blabla, then I try to end the conversation, but she continues, I get enough of it, tell her good luck with the exam and hang up. I ask my friend what she thinks about that and she tells me: strange conversation it was, but she thinks I should just try to message her for a date. The girl answers she is very busy. Next.

Girl 3:

Spanish girl. My friend meets her in a bar, shows her my photos at a moment in time (to cut to the chase) while I was on rehab. She tells him she likes me and when I got back from my rehab, she sends her to my place (to that moment I thought he was joking), because she needed somewhere to sleep for a night or two, as she got evicted from some other accommodation- that is her story. I thought that the eviction is just an excuse, but then she asks me for the copy of the keys of my apartment and mentions she will “only” stay for a month. I was stunned, the “date” goes at max 30 min, she goes away, then starts to text me 10 messages in a row and tells me she is bringing her things in two days. Of course I refused that... Next.

Facebook:

I talk to a girl while I was recovering by the sea over FB, ping her sporadically, and she also pings me. I get back to my city, arrange a date, she tell OK, she sounds eager. Then a minute before the date, she flakes. She says she did not think I would come; I tell her WTF(?). she doesn’t arrange a different time and I don’t call, next.

Tinder:

Sporadically I get matches, say 5-7 a week. From that, most of them do not reply (I don’t send hey how are u). Two situations of those who do talk I would mention. The first one, I arrange a date quite fast, but she then says to me she is further away then she put on her profile, and to come to some different town. Next. Other one writes first, says to send her more of my photos, I do that she sends hers, says I’m handsome and then asks me for 50 Euros.
 

MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla

Modern Human
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Joined
Dec 13, 2019
Messages
230
Boy lemme try to see if I have a good idea on this one.

Girl 1: I’ve had that happen before, could’ve been a lot of different things. Jealous friend love triangle? So main platonic friend does she give off any IoI’s? Indicators of interest?

Girl 2: Distraction then shit tested you for compliance. I feel the beta orbiter vibes in this interaction.

Girl 3: Whoa, hard next!

Facebook date: I had this from a bumble date recently as well. So it’s nbd but I hate when it happens. A lot of women are jerks, I did a post sometime back saying I now double book my dates, I didn’t do this last week and I got burned by it. What was the idea for the date?
 

Chase

Chieftan
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tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
5,421
Girl 1: I’ve had that happen before, could’ve been a lot of different things. Jealous friend love triangle? So main platonic friend does she give off any IoI’s? Indicators of interest?

Sounds like to me too...

Territorial Female Friend: "Hey, Duncan's my friend. Can you not get too close with him?"

Girl You Chatted With: "Oh, sorry. No, I'm not even interested in him [true or a lie]. Don't worry." (proceed to ignore you to keep the peace)

Territorial friend might want you for herself. Or she might think you're too big a player and drama will come of it if you + the other girl get involved. You will both in social circle.

Girl 2:

I know her for some time, and decide to ping her, we start exchanging messages, and then I decide to call her. She immediately tells me she is studying and very busy, I thought OK next, but she continues the conversation and whenever I try to escalate, she continues talking (I don’t know if on purpose to stop me escalating or just wanted to talk more), we touch on different topics, she laughs blabla, then I try to end the conversation, but she continues, I get enough of it, tell her good luck with the exam and hang up. I ask my friend what she thinks about that and she tells me: strange conversation it was, but she thinks I should just try to message her for a date. The girl answers she is very busy. Next.

Her: Hey I'm studying, super busy right now!​
You: Oh, well pardon me! Anyway, it's been too long. When's your last test?​
Her: Thursday!​
You: Well we ought to celebrate when you're done. Text me when it's over. Or I'll try to circle back to you. But yeah, shoot me a message.​
Her: I will!​
You: Great. Obliterate those tests! [hang up]​

Etc. Then you just give her a day or two after the tests end and message her yourself if she doesn't message. Frame it as meeting up to help her unwind after the exams.

If you just call a girl, and she says "I'm busy", and you're like "Next", and she gets the sense you are doing that, if she doesn't want to lose you she will feel obligated to keep you on the phone and rebuild rapport with you. Seems like that's what happened here. You could've saved that by saying you'd get off now but the two of you can connect once she's no longer busy.

Just need to understand people have busy periods, and that if you can respect that, then connect with them once that's over, a lot of the times that can work quite well. She's finally free again, just wants to relax, have fun, enjoy herself, let go of all the stress and pressure she was under... I don't know why you'd want to next a busy girl. Just set her aside while she's busy, then swing back to sweep her up once she's on the rebound from her busyness and looking for the guy to help her celebrate that.

Girl 3:

Spanish girl. My friend meets her in a bar, shows her my photos at a moment in time (to cut to the chase) while I was on rehab. She tells him she likes me and when I got back from my rehab, she sends her to my place (to that moment I thought he was joking), because she needed somewhere to sleep for a night or two, as she got evicted from some other accommodation- that is her story. I thought that the eviction is just an excuse, but then she asks me for the copy of the keys of my apartment and mentions she will “only” stay for a month. I was stunned, the “date” goes at max 30 min, she goes away, then starts to text me 10 messages in a row and tells me she is bringing her things in two days. Of course I refused that... Next.

lel

But you want analysis on this? On what you are "doing wrong"?

What was the desired outcome here?

If she's extremely hot, and you like living dangerously, and are not otherwise getting laid right now, you could always just tell her: "Look, only people staying with me are if they're paying me rent or we're fucking. Are you going to be in one of those camps? Rent needs to be up front." Said in a very charming way, of course.

Of course a girl like that no matter how hot has her shit so scrambled she is going to turn your life into a nightmare the moment she gets in there. Could be a really fun / ridiculous / memorable nightmare, though :ROFLMAO:

Or maybe the "what you are doing wrong" recommendation should be "tell your friends to stop trying to hook you up with chicks just looking to mooch a free place to crash."

Facebook:

I talk to a girl while I was recovering by the sea over FB, ping her sporadically, and she also pings me. I get back to my city, arrange a date, she tell OK, she sounds eager. Then a minute before the date, she flakes. She says she did not think I would come; I tell her WTF(?). she doesn’t arrange a different time and I don’t call, next.

Too high pressure. It's just been messages for ages?

Get on a phone call or a video call with her. Bond with her. Relieves the pressure, excites her for the date, and reduces the odds of flaking a lot.

Tinder:

Sporadically I get matches, say 5-7 a week. From that, most of them do not reply (I don’t send hey how are u). Two situations of those who do talk I would mention. The first one, I arrange a date quite fast, but she then says to me she is further away then she put on her profile, and to come to some different town. Next. Other one writes first, says to send her more of my photos, I do that she sends hers, says I’m handsome and then asks me for 50 Euros.

As far as "what am I doing wrong" advice for, e.g., dealing with the hooker... I don't know. Tell her that's fine but she needs to send you 100 Euros first?

If you're matching but they're not responding to the initial message, it's almost certainly either you're taking too long to message them or your first message is off. I would begin with one of those... or both.

Chase
 

duncanmcloud

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Joined
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Messages
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@MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla
Girl 1: I’ve had that happen before, could’ve been a lot of different things. Jealous friend love triangle? So main platonic friend does she give off any IoI’s? Indicators of interest?

I know her since childhood... She does give me IOIs but haven't thought of it that way. It is a plausible explanation why the Girl1 ran away. My friend doesn't have a boyfriend, I actually suspected she is lesbian. We had some "thing" when we were very young, we were naked and kissed at my garage, but even that now seems to me platonic. She calls me to go out every year when I'm at the seaside at summer, we talk a lot, touches me...



Girl 2: Distraction then shit tested you for compliance. I feel the beta orbiter vibes in this interaction.

Hm, I met her at a social circle about 2+ years ago. She is very shy and was very young then. She blushes almost whatever you tell her. I couldn't even talk to her normally, she is a bit odd, but very pretty. She told me she was a virgin.
At that time her female friend was heavy gaming me or playing with me. That friend was so aggressive when she met me, that I thought she is crazy, heavy IOIs, heavy eye contact, heavy "strange" energy... At one of our social gatherings (some language classes) she was touching my crotch area (inner leg) under the table. I tried to get her alone for a drink or whatever 3 times after class, and every time she refused and continued her game... So it got me distracted with the Girl2.
I don't think I orbited, my thinking was not to game her at that time because I failed with her friend. I pinged her sporadically when bored so maybe no orbiting? I was trying to get back in the game, so I remembered her and called her.



Facebook date: I had this from a bumble date recently as well. So it’s nbd but I hate when it happens. A lot of women are jerks, I did a post sometime back saying I now double book my dates, I didn’t do this last week and I got burned by it. What was the idea for the date?

That happened to me only once before with a crazy girl (that I remember), so I saw that as strange- usually they come if we set a date. The idea was a café at my apartment building, then try to call her upstairs... So I didn't waste much time, but I had just got dressed when the message arrived. I sent her she should have texted earlier the next day and she responded:
"I must apologize- I didn't think you would come, I thought you were going to message me earlier that day to confirm" (bs)




@Chase
Territorial friend might want you for herself. Or she might think you're too big a player and drama will come of it if you + the other girl get involved. You will both in social circle.

Can be, along the years I brought different girls to the seaside. One time she joked "Every year new girl :)" (that isn't completely true, but I did bring a few different girls throughout the years).




Her: Hey I'm studying, super busy right now!

You: Oh, well pardon me! Anyway, it's been too long. When's your last test?

Her: Thursday!

You: Well we ought to celebrate when you're done. Text me when it's over. Or I'll try to circle back to you. But yeah, shoot me a message.

Her: I will!

You: Great. Obliterate those tests! [hang up]

Basically- I did that (but over SMS after 45mins of talking) - she said the exam was the next morning after the call (I called her at about 19h). She told me she was studying that evening, but kept talking what I saw as bs (if she was that serious about her studies). At a moment in time, while we were talking, she said she had a month full of exams. That I also thought was bs.
I messaged her after that something like: "Let's have a drink tomorrow evening to celebrate you passing that one easily".
But OK, I get your point. First f... up.

If you just call a girl, and she says "I'm busy", and you're like "Next", and she gets the sense you are doing that, if she doesn't want to lose you she will feel obligated to keep you on the phone and rebuild rapport with you. Seems like that's what happened here. You could've saved that by saying you'd get off now but the two of you can connect once she's no longer busy.

OK, second f... up.

Just need to understand people have busy periods, and that if you can respect that, then connect with them once that's over, a lot of the times that can work quite well. She's finally free again, just wants to relax, have fun, enjoy herself, let go of all the stress and pressure she was under... I don't know why you'd want to next a busy girl. Just set her aside while she's busy, then swing back to sweep her up once she's on the rebound from her busyness and looking for the guy to help her celebrate that.

Seems to me logical, thank you, I learned something from this.




But you want analysis on this? On what you are "doing wrong"?

What was the desired outcome here?

If she's extremely hot, and you like living dangerously, and are not otherwise getting laid right now, you could always just tell her: "Look, only people staying with me are if they're paying me rent or we're fucking. Are you going to be in one of those camps? Rent needs to be up front." Said in a very charming way, of course.

Of course a girl like that no matter how hot has her shit so scrambled she is going to turn your life into a nightmare the moment she gets in there. Could be a really fun / ridiculous / memorable nightmare, though :ROFLMAO:

Or maybe the "what you are doing wrong" recommendation should be "tell your friends to stop trying to hook you up with chicks just looking to mooch a free place to crash."

I already saw her coming as 99% pointing that evening- that was the desired outcome. :) I didn't think she was actually planning to stay for a month... :D
She is not extremely hot. Dresses provocatively (came in a shiny mini skirt). She is young, but not hot. She is just OK, nice body.
I told her, when she had asked where she was going to sleep: "We'll share my bed, I am not going to sleep on the couch, I cannot fit :)" so in a way I did that.
Yes, you are right, she gave me the crazy life nightmaring vibe.
I told my friend something like that :D

My view of that situation was that I f... something up, because my friend told me she really liked me on the pics from my seaside rehab. My thinking was something changed her view of me from lover to provider.




Too high pressure. It's just been messages for ages?

Get on a phone call or a video call with her. Bond with her. Relieves the pressure, excites her for the date, and reduces the odds of flaking a lot.
Messaged each other for about two months, maybe three while I was out of town... Not that much texting, but yeah- no calls. She seemed eager and really interested so I didn't bother much. OK, so more over the wire bonding.


As far as "what am I doing wrong" advice for, e.g., dealing with the hooker... I don't know. Tell her that's fine but she needs to send you 100 Euros first?
She didn't look like a hooker, so I thought I vibed like a provider- that is why I put that here in my post. But now I think she is just a hooker almost 100%. I responded "I'll give you 10E for the taxi to come and blow me while I relax." (blocked me)


If you're matching but they're not responding to the initial message, it's almost certainly either you're taking too long to message them or your first message is off. I would begin with one of those... or both.

OK, I will change the first message and try to respond immediately.

Thank you guys for taking the time to answer my post! So, basically one major real f... up (with Girl2) and one minor f... up (with FB girl).
 
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