What can I do to increase her interest on this date?

[phuasjn2]

First Date

phuasjn2 said:
Bad
1) Paying for the drinks (Should've asked her to chip in half)
2) More intrigue and baiting the conversation
2) Distracted by phone calls during the date, and having to key in stuff (Silence the phone, it doesn't matter unless my house is burning)
3) Seat on tea/coffee shop was uncomfortable as it sink in, forcing me into a slouched position or an uncomfortable straight back position
4) Apply chase frames or push pull during the conversation
5) Stated that I didn't know I tested positive for covid or not (Just don't mention it)

We recovered from our mistakes on the previous date
1) Got her into the habit of chipping in half
3) Not distracted by calls
4) Optimal seat positioning by moving the chairs
5) Did about 1 chase frame, and only 1 push pull
6) Just stated I tested positive

Still didn't do
2) Did not intrigue/bait today

The date was just "ok". No K-close/F-close, not even a hug. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I feel like if I even try to pull her closer or hold her wrist, she wouldn't be comfortable. Maybe I should have commanded her to stand and move closer to me when at the bridge.

I focus on recounting the 1st hour of the date below.

Date plan
Meet her in a mall for dinner
Shopping in mall
Coffee shop drinking
Moving her to take a seat somewhere quiet (I moved her to standing on a bridge instead)

Date start
Opened the wrong girl at the start of the date and left her.
Opened the correct girl.

Me: Hey
Her: Hey

She seemed like she wanted to hug me, as she extended her arms a little but I wasn't prepared so I did not extend my arms.

Me: How have you been?
Her: Good.
Me: Let me go to the toilet before we start
Her: Ok I am going to shop at the other shop

I went to the toilet and back. I familiarized myself with some canned lines for the seating portion of the date.

Push pull
1) I like your profile photo but I don't like your height, you need be about 2 cm taller, then we will be on the same level. Actually just tip toe u tall enough already.
2) I love the way you smile, but your eyes are scary when u squint. Ok just keep it that way can already

Chase frame
1) So what do you like about me?
2) So you are into bookworm guys like myself?
3) So you are into drama guys like myself?

Screening
1) What's your favorite genre of book?
2) What did you do in poly for fun?

Qualifying
1) I love girls who can read books,
2) You are special, like not everyone can [do action

Compliance
Show me ur hands
Click to expand...

Dinner
I went into the accessory shop she went into and spotted her. We walked back out towards the basement where the food section is at.

Me: I am back again!
Her: Hey
Me: Lets go for dinner, are you hungry?
Her: Yeah I am
Me: I was thinking of going to either [place 1], it has local chinese food and stuff or [place 2]. [place 2] is mostly Singapore food. What do you prefer?
Her: I am actually ok with anything I like most foods.
Me: Lets go to [place 1]. I feel like trying the chinese food today.

We sat in the restaurant. Prior to this date, I knew that she went overseas to indonesian beaches over the last week, and that she reads self help books like myself. She came to Singapore from Myanmar.

We ordered our meals and started chatting.

Me: That's a really nice gold chain you have on your hand.
Her: Thank you, its just plated gold haha
Me: It shines really well, I love the gold color
Her: Yeah that's why I bought it
Me: Where did you get it from?
Her: It's an online store [store name]

(pause for food)
1) Push pull
Me: I like your hair, but I don't like your height. You need to be like 2 cm taller then just nice can reach my height
Her: Yeah I can always wear higher shoes
Me: It's ok u can tiptoe and then we will be on the same height
Her: Or wear heels also can

(pause for food)

Me: How was the trip to Indonesia, was it fun?
Her: Yeah I sent you the photo, remember the photo with the blue lake beside the desert looking place. We also went to the shopping centre, it was a really small place, only had 3 shops.
Me: Haha only 3 shops.
Her: Yeah, it was a really small place.

(pause for food)

Me: Oh I rmb u were saying u read a new book there. How was it like?
Her: It was a thriller. It was about this young 12 years girl who was kidnapped by her tutor
Me: Oh no, that's terrible
Her: Yeah for 10 years and then she got trapped underneath the basement from the tutor. Then her parents tried to call the police. Apparently the kidnapping tutor lived close by to her house.
Me: Scary story. What happened to her, did she got released?
Her: Nope. She got pregnant and her tutor killed her afterwards. Apparently her tutor is female also. She bought some sperm online
Me: Wow, what a story, was it real?
Her: Nope, its a fiction
Me: Luckily

(Pause)

Me: Where did you get the book from?
Her: Oh I got it from the resort that I stayed in. It was a nice paper book
Me: I like paper books, really long since I read one
Her: Yeah somemore mine is the old kind, the pages already yellow, it has the paper smell
Me: Yeah that's great. It's always fun to feel the texture on the hand when reading
Her: Especially at the resort, next to the beach.
Me: No way, you could sit down, hear the ocean waves and feel really relaxed
Her: Even better, I was sitting on a hammock
Me: That's so chill haha, I like the beach environment it really takes me back

(pause)

1) Chase frame. It was supposed to be "What do you like about me" from online dating, but I changed it to fit the context better
Me: So what do you like about how I met you?
Her: Haha, I saw you and I was like thinking like why you don't know the directions to [place]
Me: I saw you like really cute so I had to talk haha
Her: Yeah I was with a friend that time

(pause)

2) What did you do in poly for fun?
Me: What did you in poly besides studying [course]?
Her: What do you mean
Me: Your ccas
Her: I started doing Taekwando that time
Me: Wow that's really cool
Her: Buuut, I quit after like 3 weeks.
Me: That's fine, at least it showed that you tried to be a really healthy person. What happened though?
Her: I couldn't learn the steps. At that time I was still bad at English so it was hard for me to understand
Me: Yeah it wasn't like you were not trying
Her: And also I didn't like running. They were forcing us to run laps around the school.
Me: Did you try anything else then?
Her: Yeah I did this one dance thing, but it was a one time thing
Me: I also did something similar myself. We had to practice for a dance movement in between classes in my school
Her: Sounds more or less like what I did

(pause)

Eventually we finished our meal and moved on to shopping as I asked her to walk with me. Before that I went to the toilet

Shopping
I came back from the toilet.

Me: I am back, did you miss me
Her: Nope
Me: Aww

I looked away and walk with her to the first shop. Some random promoter kept trying to attract her attention, even though we already said we were just looking around. She felt uncomfortable and we moved on. We started talking about sneakers.

Her: I see the Aldo shop the other time too.
Me: Oh you saw it where?
Her: Rmb dhoby ghaut the other time, I went there too
Me: So you already seen everything inside
Her: Yup, I even bought a sneaker from that shop
Me: Aren't they for running? I don't really like sneakers
Her: Can also wear outside. The one I buy is thin and light, unlike the other one. (She was wearing the one she bought)
Me: You mean the errr... converse one?
Her: I think so

We walked a bit more and came near a seat and sat down. She took out her phone and wanted to show me. She was holding her phone out a little far from me so I couldn't really see clearly. At this point of time, we only had a couple of incidental touches when walking. Held her wrist for directing her about 2 times. She spent about a minute looking at her phone and I got bored so I wanted her to seat closer.

Me: Sit closer, I can't see (I said as I curled my hand around her shoulder)
Her: Its ok (she said as she uncurled my hand and slowly stood up from the seat). I can't remember where is it

Coffee shop drinking
Another list of conversation topics
- About her job being a nurse
- About my job in healthcare,
- Nursing profession and how they advance the "corporate" ladder
- Investing for the future, both in stocks and crypto

I did not do any chase frame, push pull, did not really qualify her too.

I moved her to standing on a bridge together
More relaxed conversation talking about
- The atmosphere below, the food and people
- Not dating people of other races
- The bar nearby, whether they had a live performer
- Clubbing before covid

I did not do any chase frame, push pull, did not really qualify her too.

 

[phuasjn2]

What can I do to increase her interest on this date?

First Date phuasjn2 said: Bad 1) Paying for the drinks (Should've asked her to chip in half) 2) More intrigue and baiting the conversation 2) Distracted by phone calls during the date, and having to key in stuff (Silence the phone, it doesn't matter unless my house is burning) 3) Seat on...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[StrayDog]

Push pull
1) I like your profile photo but I don't like your height, you need be about 2 cm taller, then we will be on the same level. Actually just tip toe u tall enough already.
2) I love the way you smile, but your eyes are scary when u squint. Ok just keep it that way can already

These just come across as mean-spirited, criticizing things she has no control over. Her height. Her Eyes. Think of push-pull more as finding genuine reasons to bring her closer to you and genuine reasons to make the distance between you two (both physically or emotionally). For example, say she likes riding motorcycles. You start to relate to her about what is so fun about riding motorcycles and how you like a gal who takes risks. You get her to open up about what she finds so fun about motorcycles. Then she mentions something that sounds reckless. Now you pull away and say something like "Uh oh, that's just reckless. I'm having second thoughts about riding together." And you retract your energy a bit. She'll be thinking "Oh we are really connecting on this" "Uh oh, he is pulling away." And don't go over the top with this, it should be subtle. Not dramatic.

Chase frame
1) So what do you like about me?
2) So you are into bookworm guys like myself?
3) So you are into drama guys like myself?

These are not chasing frames. The only chasing they imply are you chasing her. You are literally asking "Do you like me?" "Do you like guys like me?" An actual chase frame implies "I know you like me and you are clearly trying to get me." There is an endless amount of different ways to do this. I am going to keep this massive subject brief and provide one example
Let's say she asks you where you live (for some reason or another). You replay "We've been hanging out for twenty minutes you're already trying to take me home." See how you are implying that you know that she is trying to chase you? Keep in mind this is just one example and using chase frames well is very contextual. Chase frames don't always have to be as blatant as "you are trying to take me home." You are definitely missing the concept with your examples though.

Screening
1) What's your favorite genre of book?
2) What did you do in poly for fun?

These are more just basic questions about her interests. I am not sure how you see this as screening. Screening is gathering information that is pertinent to the seduction, as well as information that helps you qualify her for what you are looking for.
-Logistic information. what side of town does she live, does she have to be up early, etc, etc...
-Information that helps you understand if she is a slut/dtf, girlfriend material
-Is she a crazy
-Does she actually meet your standards

Qualifying
1) I love girls who can read books,
2) You are special, like not everyone can [do action

These are definitely examples of qualifying, but they are also pretty flat. Add some dimension to them by clearly stating to her what it is you like about this particular quality and what it means for your connection. "Girls who read books always have interesting perspectives. We are clearly going to have a lot to talk about"
Also, understand that Qualifying is closely related to attainability. By qualifying her you are making yourself more attainable, so always have a good reason to qualify her and make sure you don't it so much that you are not a challenge.

Compliance
Show me ur hands

This is a fine example of compliance, but I implore you to research deeper on exactly how compliance factors into the seduction process. Exactly when and why it is used. In fact, I implore you to do more research on all the techniques you listed as they are a pretty deep subject it seems your grasp of them is either very surface level or totally off base. I barely touched on them here, but wanted to at least point you in the right direction.

Now about

The Date​

Overall, I think a huge reason you weren't connecting much is that A: The way you were leading the conversation was missing a lot of cues that would have allowed you to build a deeper connection B : You are often putting yourself in a chasing position, so there is no real challenge or sexual tension. I'll point out a few examples of this.

Date plan
Meet her in a mall for dinner
Shopping in mall
Coffee shop drinking
Moving her to take a seat somewhere quiet (I moved her to standing on a bridge instead)

Always have a date plan than can lead towards sex, even if the date doesn't go there, or it makes sense to stop short of that end goal, you at least know you are prepared. This date is lacking a clear end goal, and also has way too many activities planned. Think dinner-drinks-home. Or Mall-coffee-home. Or Coffee-walk-home. With a date like dinner-mall-coffee, by the time you get to coffee she will thinking to herself "where is this date even headed?"

Date start
Opened the wrong girl at the start of the date and left her.
Opened the correct girl.

Me: Hey
Her: Hey

She seemed like she wanted to hug me, as she extended her arms a little but I wasn't prepared so I did not extend my arms.

Missed opportunity to build connection. start out your date with confidence and gusto. You weren't prepared for a hug? This is a date. Greet her with warmth and affection. Reward her for coming out to see you. Give her a hug, tell her it's good to see her or compliment her by telling her she looks nice, or maybe complement a specific piece of her outfit "Hey that's a creative shirt!" Don't go overboard, of course, but start things off with some confidence, warmth, a sense of closeness, and a touch of affection. If for whatever reason the woman does not appear open for something like a hug (which one would hope you at least laid enough groundwork to where she would be), calibrate but still show some warmth. "good to see you!"

Me: How have you been?
Her: Good.
Me: Let me go to the toilet before we start
Her: Ok I am going to shop at the other shop

Momentum counts for a lot on a date. This feels kind of start-stop. Having to pee happens, but be sure to leave to pee and return with some energy and momentum so it is not awkward and stale.

Dinner
I went into the accessory shop she went into and spotted her. We walked back out towards the basement where the food section is at.

Me: I am back again!
Her: Hey
Me: Lets go for dinner, are you hungry?
Her: Yeah I am

This is precisely my point of returning in a slightly awkward and stale manner. Return with some energy and forward momentum "Alright dinner time! You're gonna love this spot. Best Chinese in town, hands down. So, tell me about your week. Too much studying?" Move things forward bring some energy.

Me: I was thinking of going to either [place 1], it has local chinese food and stuff or [place 2]. [place 2] is mostly Singapore food. What do you prefer?
Her: I am actually ok with anything I like most foods.

Just pick a spot (ideally you already confirmed this beforehand to make sure she even likes Chinese food). giving her options appears indecisive and kind of kills the momentum. Yes, you want to include her in the decision-making process but there is a time and place for that. Ideally, you are coming into the date with a sense of direction and forward-moving momentum.

Me: That's a really nice gold chain you have on your hand.
Her: Thank you, its just plated gold haha
Me: It shines really well, I love the gold color
Her: Yeah that's why I bought it
Me: Where did you get it from?
Her: It's an online store [store name]

This perhaps could have been an opportunity to segue the conversation into her travels. Get her to open up about her experiences.
You: Hey that's a cool necklace, you get that when you were traveling?
Her: Oh thanks. no I got it online
You: oh right on. Gold is always regal. I bet you saw tons of amazing jewelry in Indonesia

You are relating to her interests and experiences. Instead, in your example, you just have a kind of flat matter of fact conversation about her online necklace and then leave it at that.

(pause for food)
1) Push pull
Me: I like your hair, but I don't like your height. You need to be like 2 cm taller then just nice can reach my height
Her: Yeah I can always wear higher shoes
Me: It's ok u can tiptoe and then we will be on the same height
Her: Or wear heels also can

(pause for food)

Me: How was the trip to Indonesia, was it fun?
Her: Yeah I sent you the photo, remember the photo with the blue lake beside the desert looking place. We also went to the shopping centre, it was a really small place, only had 3 shops.
Me: Haha only 3 shops.
Her: Yeah, it was a really small place.

(pause for food)

You are kind of just initiating these flat conversation threads, not leading them anywhere personal or compelling, then letting them fall flat. You need to find ways to build on the information she gave you. You need to lead the conversation into places where she is able to open up about her experiences. There are many ways to do this but here is just one possible example:
When she mentions there are only three shops in the town you say something like "Wow, that must have been so peaceful and remote. I bet you felt so rejuvenated" I see that you started to get more into this mode later in the conversation (when she is talking about reading by the ocean) which is good but you missed an opportunity to start that momentum sooner, and then build from there.

Me: Oh I rmb u were saying u read a new book there. How was it like?
Her: It was a thriller. It was about this young 12 years girl who was kidnapped by her tutor
Me: Oh no, that's terrible
Her: Yeah for 10 years and then she got trapped underneath the basement from the tutor. Then her parents tried to call the police. Apparently the kidnapping tutor lived close by to her house.
Me: Scary story. What happened to her, did she got released?
Her: Nope. She got pregnant and her tutor killed her afterwards. Apparently her tutor is female also. She bought some sperm online
Me: Wow, what a story, was it real?
Her: Nope, its a fiction
Me: Luckily

Perhaps a good opportunity to tease her here. Build a bit of tension
You: Well, that's dark. You never told me to have a freakier side. Suppose that makes sense though
Her: Haha, why's that?
You: It's always the unassuming ones, they say... (Both of you laughing) that's cool I love bookstores. Been a while since I've been, always used to go as a kid though. Was definitely all about ghost stories. So, where did you get the book?

It is important to show her how you relate to her interests. Share stories from your life that show where you have things in common, then turn the conversation back to her. This is a huge thing I noticed from your examples that is missing. You don't really take the opportunity to share bits of yourself. you are kind of just jumping from one question about her to another. You have to give her the opportunity to get to know a bit more about you.

(Pause)

Me: Where did you get the book from?
Her: Oh I got it from the resort that I stayed in. It was a nice paper book
Me: I like paper books, really long since I read one
Her: Yeah somemore mine is the old kind, the pages already yellow, it has the paper smell
Me: Yeah that's great. It's always fun to feel the texture on the hand when reading
Her: Especially at the resort, next to the beach.
Me: No way, you could sit down, hear the ocean waves and feel really relaxed
Her: Even better, I was sitting on a hammock
Me: That's so chill haha, I like the beach environment it really takes me back

(pause)

This bit of convo is probably the best yet, but still a lot of missed opportunities. This could be a good moment to embellish a bit about the sensual qualities of life. really play off of that.
"Oh yeah, reading a book is one of the best sensual experiences there is. It's not just about the story, it's the feel of the pages under your fingers and the sound of the ocean nearby. Hiding from the heat, in the shade Just being present in the moment. This is so important in our day and age. So easy to get distracted by everything online. Reading a book is about being in your body. It's about being in the world. The simple joys It's all part of the experience. Do you know what else is sublime... reading next to someone else! A deeply intimate experience"

Also, look for opportunities to hint at the two of you doing things together. Framing certain moments as "we" moments. Or in my example, just framing the idea of reading books next to someone else (the implication being the two of you), and since reading books in framed as a sensual experience, it is hinting at the two of you having a sensual experience together.

1) Chase frame. It was supposed to be "What do you like about me" from online dating, but I changed it to fit the context better
Me: So what do you like about how I met you?
Her: Haha, I saw you and I was like thinking like why you don't know the directions to [place]
Me: I saw you like really cute so I had to talk haha
Her: Yeah I was with a friend that time

She didn't really even answer your question about what she liked about you. Even framed it as maybe you are clueless "why don't you know these directions" And then you rewarded her with an unwarranted compliment.

2) What did you do in poly for fun?
Me: What did you in poly besides studying [course]?
Her: What do you mean
Me: Your ccas
Her: I started doing Taekwando that time
Me: Wow that's really cool
Her: Buuut, I quit after like 3 weeks.
Me: That's fine, at least it showed that you tried to be a really healthy person. What happened though?

Missed the opportunity to tease her a little for giving up so soon. Instead, you just let her off the hook easy. This could have been a great moment to build a little tension

Also talking about travel, a missed opportunity to deep dive her. Get to know more about her on a personal level. What makes her tick. Start getting bellow surface level depth

Her: Yeah I did this one dance thing, but it was a one time thing

Great opportunity to move the conversation to dance and how it's so much better to just dance when you are out on the town having a good time. Then maybe move into a more sexual frame, or frame the idea of you two going out dancing sometime

Eventually we finished our meal and moved on to shopping as I asked her to walk with me. Before that I went to the toilet

Shopping
I came back from the toilet.

Me: I am back, did you miss me
Her: Nope
Me: Aww

I wouldn't even ask this question in the first place, but your response when she said nope... You gotta be quicker on your toes. This was a total shit test and you did not pass one bit.

I looked away and walk with her to the first shop. Some random promoter kept trying to attract her attention, even though we already said we were just looking around. She felt uncomfortable and we moved on. We started talking about sneakers.

Her: I see the Aldo shop the other time too.
Me: Oh you saw it where?
Her: Rmb dhoby ghaut the other time, I went there too
Me: So you already seen everything inside
Her: Yup, I even bought a sneaker from that shop
Me: Aren't they for running? I don't really like sneakers
Her: Can also wear outside. The one I buy is thin and light, unlike the other one. (She was wearing the one she bought)
Me: You mean the errr... converse one?
Her: I think so

Another missed opportunity to connect. Even if you don't really like sneakers you don't have to say that. It just kind of shuts down something she is interested in. Instead, you could be like "I bet you have an epic sneaker collection"
Or compliment her (granted it is a well earned and you have not already been complimenting her too much). "You are definitely looking fly in those kicks" (looking her up and down)

We walked a bit more and came near a seat and sat down. She took out her phone and wanted to show me. She was holding her phone out a little far from me so I couldn't really see clearly. At this point of time, we only had a couple of incidental touches when walking. Held her wrist for directing her about 2 times. She spent about a minute looking at her phone and I got bored so I wanted her to seat closer.

Me: Sit closer, I can't see (I said as I curled my hand around her shoulder)
Her: Its ok (she said as she uncurled my hand and slowly stood up from the seat). I can't remember where is it

She saw right through your attempt to have her sit closer. At this point, there is already have a strong precedent of you chasing. She knows where she stands with you and is actively not buying into your advances. You are trying to close a touch gap that should have been closed way earlier (like by hugging at the start of the date), so now it just feels awkward and forced.

Coffee shop drinking
Another list of conversation topics
- About her job being a nurse
- About my job in healthcare,
- Nursing profession and how they advance the "corporate" ladder
- Investing for the future, both in stocks and crypto

I did not do any chase frame, push pull, did not really qualify her too.

I moved her to standing on a bridge together
More relaxed conversation talking about
- The atmosphere below, the food and people
- Not dating people of other races
- The bar nearby, whether they had a live performer
- Clubbing before covid

I did not do any chase frame, push pull, did not really qualify her too.

These are all decent conversational points and can lead many places, but again it feels like you are just touching on a bunch of subjects briefly, skimming over them, and not really using them to move the chemistry and energy towards seduction. Also, they are all very "adult" subjects. Best to keep things mostly light, playful, and, adventurous. Nowhere in any of this date did you build any tension, or make things about the two of you together. You failed to highlight the areas where you two really relate on a deeper level. You also kept putting yourself in a position where you were chasing her. You didn't close the touch gap soon enough. You started out with low momentum. When there would start to be momentum, before each moment could really take off you changed subjects or let the momentum just kind of fade.

Obviously, these conversations could go a million different ways. The examples I provide are just one possible way. Context counts for a lot though, so you have to think on your toes when you are out on a date. Know why you are making each move, and have an end goal in mind. Start the date with more energy and momentum. Close the touch gap as soon as possible, and build from there. Start with small compliance, and build from there. Capitalize on opportunities to highlight how the two of you genuinely relate. Share a bit more about yourself (Your views, thoughts, memories, experiences) in a way that relates to her so she can get a strong sense of who you are and where you are coming from. Capitalize on opportunities to set sexual frames. Capitalize on opportunities to get to know each other on a more personal level, and opportunities to move things closer to seduction. Dig a bit deeper into who she is. Don't be too easy and attainable, challenge her a bit. Tease her a bit.

 

[phuasjn2]

I really appreciate your serious evaluation! I kept thinking throughout the entire night that I was doing everything fairly well but still feeling way too much aloofness. This had happened more than a few dates already and made me overthink more than I should.

Your inspection made me realize that even my plan from the get go needed some modifications. I will slowly work something out for the dates next week!