What do you do if you are trapped deep inside of a victim's mentality?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I don't want to share too much about my story right now (I posted the blonde bombshells thread which you guys can read as it has a lot of views) as I have posted it a few times on this forum but I feel that I am trapped deep inside of a victim's mentality. Chase talked about how there are some people who are so deep inside of a victim's mentality that you cannot help them because it takes so much to really help them. I feel like right now I am one of those people in terms of social life and getting women. It's like I feel that I haven't had the chance in my life to make cool friends that love partying and drinking. In terms of women, I have a very strong fixation on a particular kind of women but feel that because of my ethnic appearance alone I cannot get them which leads me to become frustrated and negative on most days. It's like over the past 2 months my victim's mentality has progressively gotten worse.

I think it is unfair to a lot of the guys here who have invested so much in helping me for me to still be this way too. Franco has more than done his part in helping me but the problem is that I lack the money to move or travel. It's like I find my goals in terms of social life and love life to be almost impossible to achieve but for some reason a part of me doesn't want to give up.

If you happen to be in that deep of a victim's mentality, how do you get out or take the first steps in terms of getting out?

 

[Thedoctor]

Chase talked about how there are some people who are so deep inside of a victim's mentality that you cannot help them because it takes so much to really help them.

This mostly has to do with people who do not want to help themselves. OR, you get people that want to change, but then shoot down solid advice or reply: "Well, yeah that works for you but I can't because of....."

If you want to change, then there can be no room for excuses. You are using your ethnicity and your current living situations as excuses. That is the mindset you need to change before moving onto anything else. People can spot severe victim mentality a mile away and avoid it like the plague. No one wants to get close to people that have it because it just brings them down. This causes it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy: someone with victim mentality is miserable since they have a hard time making friends, relationships, getting good jobs etc. Whenever there are any opportunities, they say to themselves it won't work because of whatever negative mindset they default to. Because of this, whatever they were trying to achieve fails and the cycle repeats itself.

The first step begins with improving yourself, your living situations, and changing your poisonous mindsets.

If you think girls don't find you attractive, start going to the gym, get a sexier wardrobe and work on your fundamentals (your ethnicity is no excuse)
If you do not have enough money to move or travel, change jobs, or even get a second job, and start budgeting your money better.
If you do not have any cool friends, work on changing your belief system, become a better conversationalist and start giving value to people, rather than taking it.

If you happen to be in that deep of a victim's mentality, how do you get out or take the first steps in terms of getting out?

Your post is full of excuses as to why you cannot attain your goals. It's time to stop making them. That is the first step!

Here are some articles to get you started:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/your- ... del-flawed
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-o ... depression
https://www.girlschase.com/content/conversationalist
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-b ... ss-formula
https://www.girlschase.com/content/great ... ntangibles

-John

 

[Drck]

Saying that you are trapped deep inside of a victim mentality is too general, thus the answer(s) can be only general. You are talking about being "trapped deep", meaning there is probably something that really bothers you but you are not willing to disclose it, but it may be the main cause, the underlying reason why you feel that you are a vicim. Sometimes things should come out into daily light so they can be seen and recognized?

Anyway, try to see the victim mentality from different angles:

1. Life is not fair. Things happen to innocent people, things happen to most of us. Deal with it, get used to it, you are not any different than otehr people, you are not alone. Life can get quite difficult here and there, so let it be that way. Nice and Easy life is for suckers!

2. Even though life is not fair, learn to take responsibility for your life. Set up goals, short term and long term, and work on their achievement. This is your life, you are responsible for it, no one else's. No one else can live it for you, and it is only your choice and decision how you want to live it

3. My favorite: Excercise. Lift weights. This will make you stronger mentally and physically. Weak people don't lift weights, they are lazy, they always find thousands of excuses. Strong people lift weights. No excuses, just shut the fuck up and lift. Hang around strong people, become strong, be strong.

4. Add some martial arts to weight lifting. It will give you confidence. You may not become the best fighter but you will learn that other guys also have their strenght and weaknessess. You will learn to overcome your weakness. Learn what fighters do. Weak person gets beat up and he stays on the ground, never gets up. He is a victim, he needs other people to support him, to feel sorry for him. Weak person never tries to overcome his weakness, he feels sorry for himself. Fighter gets beat up here and there, but he stands up again. Fighter learns new techniques and then comes back, for more fight. He doesn't need anyone to support him and he doesn't feel sorry for himself. Be like a figher, imitate fighters, become fighter.

5. Change your believe system. Your current belief is "I am a victim" and "I have victim mentality". Change it to: "I used to think that I am a victim but now I know I am becoming more dominant". And/Or "I used to think that I was trapped in victim mentality, but now I am more stronger, more independent of what people say and think about me". Repeate it several times every day for the next couple of weeks. Then after couple weeks add to it: Fuck the victims, fuck being a victim. Fuck all victims. I am strong now because I am a fucking man!

6. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You used to be a boy, now you are growing up. Stop asking for approval, stop asking for help from others. You want to be a man. Learn what men do, observe how men behave, imitate men. Surround yourself with men, become one.

As any man should say: Stop being a pussy, Man the Fuck Up!

 

[metomeya]

I've been there. Here is some solid advice...stop thinking about it. Slowly over time you'll rewire your brain where you are at a chronic state of thinking about it and getting depressed from thinking about it. Luckily, the opposite is true.

I think the first step is to find something to be grateful for and then do some activity to keep your mind off of it. From there, you can focus on your self-improvement since you mind is now in a better state. And make sure to avoid anything that will trigger a bad mood.

Yes, it sounds corny, but it is true.

Here is an interesting video to watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHEu9bGFTNs

He talks about meditation, but I've been a little interested in knitting lately (go ahead and make fun of me ). It works like meditation, but it is easier to keep in the present moment, which frees your brain of your current, painful situation. Google it, there are a lot of benefits to it. Other things like playing the piano can work as well.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Well guys, my point is I am doing some of that but not nearly enough. It's like I have this some sort of weird mental thought pattern going on where instead of approaching girls I end up being in my head too much. Here is how it goes.

1. I see a cute white girl
2. I look away and go on with my day
3. I keep thinking about things like race, politics, and develop a victims mentality

It's like I have this mindset that these girls hate me because of the way I look and there is not much I can do about it but I feel bad about the fact that there isn't much I can do about it. If only I saw a guy that looks somewhat like me with one of those girls out in public could I think that I am being a fool for thinking the way I do but I have not seen that so I assume the worse. Even then I think it is sad that I need to have a guy who looks somewhat like me show that it can be done rather than me going out and trying it for myself.

I cannot seem to leave that mindset right now and I am stuck there which is causing me to regress. Right now I have more of a victim's mentality and I am in my own head so much thinking about things like race when it comes to women. I am tired of hearing so many bad things about men of my background and I feel that these girls believe those bad things when they meet me.

 

[Drck]

You might have issues with low self-esteem, perhaps because of your etnicity? You are describing this "fixation on a particular type of women"... You like those women (different etnicity?) too much, you are giving them too much of a value and thus leaving yourself with low value. You put them on a pedestal and then you kneel in front of it. Now you can't stand up... Because you like them too much you unintentionally built poor self worth for yourself.... You built a high obstackle in your mind because you admire them too much, and now you can't overcome it...

Decrease their value, remove the pedestal... They are just women, and there are many other interesting etnicities... Create higher value for yourself, stand up, put yourself on a pedestal (within a reason)... Build a high value man that most women desire because those men are rarity today... Create new belief system and believe it. Your situation won't change overnight but eventually it will. I've done it so I know that it workds.

1. I see a cute (white) girl >> Damn, she is hot!
2. I look directly at her. I look up and down, I take a good look at her tits and ass. Boy, she can make my day!
3. I keep looking at her, that is how hot she is. Damn, why can't she look back at me? Is she blind? Just look woman!
4. Finally, she looks. She can finally see the man she is looking for! I look great! I hope she can see my skin color. It's beautiful!
5. I smile at her. She smiles back and looks to the ground.
6. Do I look away, walk away? Fuck no. Why would I do that? Not only I look great, I am great!
7. So I ask myself: Do I get to nail her or not? At least touch? Will she reject me? Who really cares, but how exciting it is to find out? It is fucking exciting because she is exciting, lets go find out!
8. So I go talk to her instead. Suprisingly, she gets all excited, opens up and talks back. Why wouldn't she? She is a girl, just a girl, silly and cute, exciting and sexy...