What do you think about this advice on Falling in Love

[GeneralFap]

A lot of pickup advice tells us that we should not let our emotions guide us too much when it comes to a specific girl. That we should not show too many emotions early on. But I recently saw this video saying that you shouldn't hold back the natural emotions that come up when you feel love for a woman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5uS2m3OwUQ

 

[Franco]

Lothario,

A lot of pickup advice tells us that we should not let our emotions guide us too much when it comes to a specific girl. That we should not show too many emotions early on. But I recently saw this video saying that you shouldn't hold back the natural emotions that come up when you feel love for a woman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5uS2m3OwUQ

I watched this one up to the point where he told the viewer/writer to "allow himself to be in love." I think this advice is fine, but it sounds like he wasn't addressing the viewer's actual problem.

At the beginning, he talks about how the viewer ends up in a dorm room with a girl, gets/gives a massage with oil, and then the girl ends up going cold on him and not wanting to see him again. And it sounds like this is a repeated pattern. This tells me that the viewer's problem has nothing to do with not being able to "fall in love." It sounds more to me like he does not know how to properly escalate, and he's saying and/or doing the wrong things to close the deal with women when he gets into situations where they are looking for him to have sex with them.

This guy's problem is not that he does not want to fall in love -- it's that he doesn't know how to properly close with women and give them the sex they desire, which allows them to fall in love with him. Essentially, these women are not falling in love with him, so naturally he's not going to have the opportunity to fall in love with them.

It's not so much that I disagree with the man in the video; however, it sounds like he doesn't quite understand the problem the viewer is actually having, and he is addressing an entirely different problem that usually occurs when a guy is sleeping with lots of women but feels like he can't "fall in love" with any of them.

- Franco

 

[GeneralFap]

Franco, maybe the guy was bad at escalating but I think his problem was that he caused girls to go into autorejection because he tried to protect his emotions too much and not show too much interest. He said that he was good at using his mind to not get attached to the girls he talked. Which means that he wasnt expressing himself genuinely.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

This guy's problem is not that he does not want to fall in love -- it's that he doesn't know how to properly close with women and give them the sex they desire, which allows them to fall in love with him. Essentially, these women are not falling in love with him, so naturally he's not going to have the opportunity to fall in love with them.
- Franco

Franco,

This raises the question, is a women not in love when she marries as a virgin?

 

[Franco]

BDSC,

This raises the question, is a women not in love when she marries as a virgin?

Good question. For the most part, my answer to this would be "no."

When a girl's a virgin, she might be really excited at the prospect of getting to marry a man that she really likes, but I don't think the emotional attachment is strong enough to use the word "love" until intimacy has occurred.

For example, if a woman were about to marry a man that she really likes, but hasn't slept with him yet... and then suddenly meets an extremely sexy man somewhere that swiftly takes her to bed and causes her to lose her virginity, I believe her feelings would be much stronger for that man than for the man she was about to marry. That's not to say that she would necessarily "leave" the man she was about to marry for the other guy (because in her mind, it's a giant gamble... what are the chances this other amazing, sexy man wants to keep her around? She's already heavily invested in this other man who has at least offered her long-term security, stability, and likely children). However, I would not want to be the man that is forever "less sexy" than the other man that my wife has slept with and had strong, emotional feelings toward.

The best exception to this would be her marrying a man who's a complete stud in bed, even if she does not have a chance to experience it until marriage. If she goes to bed with him on their honeymoon and he ravages her body and gives her amazing orgasms and a great sexual experience, he will cement his place in her heart. At that point, she can probably truly fall in love with him.

- Franco

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

The best exception to this would be her marrying a man who's a complete stud in bed, even if she does not have a chance to experience it until marriage. If she goes to bed with him on their honeymoon and he ravages her body and gives her amazing orgasms and a great sexual experience, he will cement his place in her heart. At that point, she can probably truly fall in love with him.

- Franco

This sounds a lot like imprinting. That would sure mess up the woman's romantic notion of love. This would mean that the arranged marriage could be just as strong as a romantic relationship. Interesting. So if we were taught the Kama Sutra from a young age and relationships were arranged there would be no need for romantic love.