What does a kickass life actually look like after 30 if you're a bachelor?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

We had an idea of what it looks like to kickass at stages of life where things are more structured (high school and college) but with adult life I get confused.

It seems like most high value and well put together guys I know of got married by 30 or at least as soon as they entered their 30s. A lot of guys who were on their way to success or were successful early on in life got tied down to a marriage, this is also true for guys who were handsome or naturals.

For most bachelors past 30, there is not much about those guys I actually envy or admire. The ones I've known are obsessed with strange anti-social hobbies, bitter about life, and at times posers who don't actually get laid all that much.

I seem to find that society's version of a kickass life after 30 is being married to a loving wife and kids.

Then when I read about what makes life so kickass after 30 if you're single, it is usually some generic cookie cutter bullshit such as "ah life purpose" or "well at least I am not divorced with kids". All this reads to me is some anti-social loser who is somehow coping with the fact that he is lonely, not someone worth admiring at all.

I want to know from the seasoned veterans on here who are older, what does a kickass life after 30 look like for a bachelor?

I don't mean some generic life purpose garbage or being comfortable with being a shut-in anti-social loser, I mean what is actually worth admiring and envying about such a life.

 

[Chase]

Following a member report, I've warned Oh Pry about constantly making posts on the following topics:

• Is life over after college?
• Is life over after your mid-twenties?
• Is life over after 30?
• How do you still be a cool college bro in your 30s?

... and other such related questions.

Oh Pry, folks are getting tired of it. I'm tired of it. We have plenty of guys on the boards enjoying bachelor lifestyles in their 30s, 40s, and up. Some of the more successful examples on here over the years have included Lao Che, Seppuku, and NarrowJ. If you want to know what life looks like for those guys, please read their posts. Plenty of details there.

I know you're worried about this. You're REALLY worried about this. But asking a million questions about it isn't going to resolve that worry.

You're either going to have to study the guys who are already doing what you want to do, and reassure yourself that it is possible... then go do what those guys are doing. Or you'll have to forge your own path and make it up as you go along. Or you'll have to adjust your life goals to fit inside what YOU believe is possible.

What your posts seem to amount to, again and again, is "I don't believe it's possible. MAKE ME BELIEVE, SENPAI!"

But nobody wants to do that. Does anybody here want to spend his time trying to make someone believe who doesn't believe because he wants that person to make him believe? It's a thankless job, and usually a fruitless one too (as all our prior responses to you on this subject have shown... since you are still asking about it).

Find guys who are doing what you want, then go test that.

Seeing is believing, amigo.

Chase

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Absolutely fair Chase, my bad.

This is a topic that comes up for me time and time again, in some moments in life it practically takes over my life. I think I have at this point spammed the board with this topic and you've even, to some degree, written a post on it.

I will stay away from this topic for quite some time and especially the depressing tone about it.

 

[slazenger]

I want to know from the seasoned veterans on here who are older, what does a kickass life after 30 look like for a bachelor?

I was in a relationship for 10 years (married for seven of them). I'm in my early-50s, so I've been a bachelor for most of my adult life. So, with a little perspective, I don't think your question is very difficult to answer.

(1) You want to be wealthy enough to do everything you want to do and not have to work for someone else. Or your work should afford you sufficient flexibility and income to do whatever you want. Basically, you want to have enough financial independence to do what you want and not have to answer to anyone but yourself, in whatever manner you're capable of achieving that goal. It would help if you actually enjoyed that work as well. Independence is key - if you're a slave to some job, spending most of your time doing something you don't like, or you're under some knob's thumb... you're not living, you're surviving. And that probably carries over into all of your relationships.
(2) You want to live in a place - in a house/apartment and a part of the world - that you don't want to leave. If you're counting the days until vacation, you're living in the wrong place. Your house (or apartment) should make a statement about you - your tastes, your views on life, etc. It's not just some place to store your miscellaneous shit and it shouldn't be about impressing anyone but yourself. That said, it's always nice if girls get wet just walking up the stairs to your rooftop terrace (or out onto your balcony).
(3) You want to be fit and healthy. It's a cliche, but it's also one of the truest statements ever uttered: without your health you have (almost) nothing.
(4) You want to have a network of friends that you find interesting and fulfilling.
(5) You want to have access to super-hot women. This is self-explanatory.
(6) You want to be well-traveled and continue to travel (despite living in a place that you love). Most adults who don't travel are boring, one-dimensional rubes. (If that's elitist... well, sorry.)
(7) You want to have hobbies that you're passionate about, whether sports, art, reading, or whathaveyou. If you're ever bored, there's something wrong with you.
(8) You want to be involved in philanthropy. If you don't get joy out of helping people (or beasts) that aren't as fortunate as you... again, there's something fundamentally wrong with you.

Opinions differ, of course, but I suspect if you can get a handle on the eight issues above, you'll have a pretty great bachelor life after 30.

 

[Sub-Zero]

How could I achieve number 1 as fast as possible starting now with no experience?

I want to know from the seasoned veterans on here who are older, what does a kickass life after 30 look like for a bachelor?

I was in a relationship for 10 years (married for seven of them). I'm in my early-50s, so I've been a bachelor for most of my adult life. So, with a little perspective, I don't think your question is very difficult to answer.

(1) You want to be wealthy enough to do everything you want to do and not have to work for someone else. Or your work should afford you sufficient flexibility and income to do whatever you want. Basically, you want to have enough financial independence to do what you want and not have to answer to anyone but yourself, in whatever manner you're capable of achieving that goal. It would help if you actually enjoyed that work as well. Independence is key - if you're a slave to some job, spending most of your time doing something you don't like, or you're under some knob's thumb... you're not living, you're surviving. And that probably carries over into all of your relationships.
(2) You want to live in a place - in a house/apartment and a part of the world - that you don't want to leave. If you're counting the days until vacation, you're living in the wrong place. Your house (or apartment) should make a statement about you - your tastes, your views on life, etc. It's not just some place to store your miscellaneous shit and it shouldn't be about impressing anyone but yourself. That said, it's always nice if girls get wet just walking up the stairs to your rooftop terrace (or out onto your balcony).
(3) You want to be fit and healthy. It's a cliche, but it's also one of the truest statements ever uttered: without your health you have (almost) nothing.
(4) You want to have a network of friends that you find interesting and fulfilling.
(5) You want to have access to super-hot women. This is self-explanatory.
(6) You want to be well-traveled and continue to travel (despite living in a place that you love). Most adults who don't travel are boring, one-dimensional rubes. (If that's elitist... well, sorry.)
(7) You want to have hobbies that you're passionate about, whether sports, art, reading, or whathaveyou. If you're ever bored, there's something wrong with you.
(8) You want to be involved in philanthropy. If you don't get joy out of helping people (or beasts) that aren't as fortunate as you... again, there's something fundamentally wrong with you.

Opinions differ, of course, but I suspect if you can get a handle on the eight issues above, you'll have a pretty great bachelor life after 30.

 

[slazenger]

How could I achieve number 1 as fast as possible starting now with no experience?

No idea. It took me until my late-30s so I don't know any short cuts. I only know the long slog.

I realize it's a cliche but it's probably better to focus on the journey as opposed to the destination. If your initial focus is on how quickly you can get there then you're setting yourself up for disappointment right out of the gate.

 

[Sub-Zero]

I'm just needed a way to make cash on my own now instead of relying on a job. It's the worse feeling because you literally have no control and have to play the waiting game and the hoping game.

What did you do to start making money on your own? if you don't mind me asking.

How could I achieve number 1 as fast as possible starting now with no experience?

No idea. It took me until my late-30s so I don't know any short cuts. I only know the long slog.

I realize it's a cliche but it's probably better to focus on the journey as opposed to the destination. If your initial focus is on how quickly you can get there then you're setting yourself up for disappointment right out of the gate.

 

[slazenger]

I'm just needed a way to make cash on my own now instead of relying on a job. It's the worse feeling because you literally have no control and have to play the waiting game and the hoping game.

What did you do to start making money on your own? if you don't mind me asking.

I followed a very traditional path then went out on my own. Undergrad, screwed around for a few years, then business school, then started working in finance (for others), passed the CFA exams and got another masters while I was working, bounced around between a few different firms and ascended the professional ladder, wrote a book, saved up my money along the way and then once I felt I could do it on my own... I left and started my own firm. I got very lucky with the timing and things just fell into place. As I said, it was a long slog, but... there aren't many shortcuts. If there were, believe me, I would've taken one.

 

[BlackBolt]

Best way to be satisfied in your 30's I imagine is Having your shit together by your 20's. Easiest way I've seen is to get an extremely well paying career right out of college until you have enough capital for investments and ways to have a sustainable lifestyle without having to work (financial independence). I work in banking for one of the largest most successful companies in America. Bankers, high level sales professionals, successful businessmen tend to have the best fundamentals and very rewarding lives, is a grind in your early 20's but the money is good and if you're doing things right by the time 30's come around you really shouldn't depend on a career anymore. When you're financially independent you have more time to find more hobbies, things you're passionate about, travel, etc.
Also you should be working extremely hard to have your physical appearance as close to perfect as you can (dress the best, well built, white teeth, etc.) Look good feel good, all that jazz.
Have a core group of those very close and important to you. If you have friends from College, work, family Keep those connections very close even if it's only 2 people who are your core group. In addition have a large network of "Facebook friends" people who aren't your true friends but who you can network with if need be to further your own agenda.

 

[Parkour]

Fitness - there are many flavors of this but kickass means you can do somethings you couldn’t do in your 20s whether it’s distance running, mma, powerlifting, parkour, or some flavor of conditioning you never bothered with before.
Taste - clothes, “stuff”, food and drinks, travel, choice of activities, all better
Skills - you should basically be better capable at everything that matters for you moving forward than you were in your 20s
Purpose - your goal moves beyond trying to get established and starts to answer, “Now what?” Existential questions start to get some answers.

Worst case, you get caught up for what you wish you had done in your 20s and look forward to 40s.