What does it mean?

[mono]

Hey guys,

I need some insight on a situation which bothers me a lot. It goes like this:

I get on the second date with a girl who is recently broke up (a month or so she was left). We get a nice diner and I offer her to extend the night at some local club where a small live concert took place. She agrees and we enjoy the show while I try to extend the boundaries of physical contact. It goes smoothly, she snuggles up close and rests her head on me. The last song is playing slowly and I get her on the dance floor. She looks right at me and I try to kiss her on the lips. She avoids it and get's a peck on the cheek instead. Then, does the same right away, gives me a kiss on the cheek. We continue to dance and the night ends just like that.

I'm not sure how should I interpret what she did. It feels like her message is "Let's take things slow", but that's a dead end isn't it? Or should I genuinely consider that she needs to take it slow in respect of her recent break up, as if she might still love him?


Too hard for me to unscramble this, any input would be appreciated!

 

[NarrowJ]

The bottom line here is that now you need to get her to your house, or really anywhere private where you can escalate physically.

Do not worry about the ex, or any of that. Do not over-analyze, as it is unnecessary because remember: if this doesn't work out... oh well! No big deal. There are tons of other girls out there, and you have this website and everyone on the forums here to help you.

 

[trashKENNUT]

mono,

Hey guys,

I need some insight on a situation which bothers me a lot. It goes like this:

I get on the second date with a girl who is recently broke up (a month or so she was left). We get a nice diner and I offer her to extend the night at some local club where a small live concert took place. She agrees and we enjoy the show while I try to extend the boundaries of physical contact. It goes smoothly, she snuggles up close and rests her head on me. The last song is playing slowly and I get her on the dance floor. She looks right at me and I try to kiss her on the lips. She avoids it and get's a peck on the cheek instead. Then, does the same right away, gives me a kiss on the cheek. We continue to dance and the night ends just like that.

I'm not sure how should I interpret what she did. It feels like her message is "Let's take things slow", but that's a dead end isn't it? Or should I genuinely consider that she needs to take it slow in respect of her recent break up, as if she might still love him?


Too hard for me to unscramble this, any input would be appreciated!

I get a feeling that there's something about you that makes her want to slows down things with you. You can persist but this might be you not disqualifying yourself as boyfriend material, and also her not wanting to jump onto another guy yet.

Anyway, if you persist, and she denied, likely she's not rushing and recovering. But on your side, disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend material is a thing of thought.

Zac

 

[PrettyDecent]

Heya mono,

She agrees and we enjoy the show while I try to extend the boundaries of physical contact. It goes smoothly, she snuggles up close and rests her head on me.

Nice job on this part. Getting comfortable with touching each other is important.

I get a feeling that there's something about you that makes her want to slows down things with you. You can persist but this might be you not disqualifying yourself as boyfriend material, and also her not wanting to jump onto another guy yet.

Anyway, if you persist, and she denied, likely she's not rushing and recovering. But on your side, disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend material is a thing of thought.

+1 here

What are you trying to be with her? A boyfriend? Strictly a lover? I'm not sure how the conversation went on the date, but if you let her do any of the crying-on-your-shoulder stuff and you were trying to be really supportive, you may have lumped yourself into boyfriend category (which will make her move slower).

Either way, you'd probably want to become intimate with her, just to seal the connection. In this case, you'd want to wait on kissing her until you got to the place where you physically escalate. It's hard to kiss somewhere and then invite her home because she's thinking, "Well, now that we've kissed, going to his house must mean sex", and that's when you'll encounter resistance. If you go on a third date, try to get her back to your place somehow, and wait on the kissing until you are there

All the best,
Jake

 

[Light]

She looks right at me and I try to kiss her on the lips. She avoids it and get's a peck on the cheek instead. Then, does the same right away, gives me a kiss on the cheek.

I would have held her chin with my thumb and two fingers, and slowly but confidently pull her lips back and manhandle kiss her.

 

[mono]

Thank you for your responses!

I would have held her chin with my thumb and two fingers, and slowly but confidently pull her lips back and manhandle kiss her.

Sounds like an awesome thing to do, yet I cannot imagine myself handling this situation like that.

The bottom line here is that now you need to get her to your house, or really anywhere private where you can escalate physically.

I see your point, however, I find it really hard to push things forward due to my lack of experience. Yes, I can definitely get her to my home, In fact, I already had her there at some point to get her familiar with that place.
The truth is, that I'm VERY afraid of any resistance. I read the blog, but still I don't think I could stay cool and unfazed if I face any rejection. Also, it is worth mentioning that she doesn't drink at all, so I don't even know how to ease the mood. I don't want things to get awkward.

What are you trying to be with her? A boyfriend? Strictly a lover? I'm not sure how the conversation went on the date, but if you let her do any of the crying-on-your-shoulder stuff and you were trying to be really supportive, you may have lumped yourself into boyfriend category (which will make her move slower).

No, I'm definitely avoiding that topic about her ex for now. (Maybe will be able to use it at some point MUCH later for deeper emotional connection?). We talked about her, not too much though, she seems shy by nature. But really, I'm struggling with my every step because I, myself would be much more comfortable taking things slow, which, as I understand is not an option in this game.

 

[Tyme2k]

I see your point, however, I find it really hard to push things forward due to my lack of experience. Yes, I can definitely get her to my home, In fact, I already had her there at some point to get her familiar with that place.
The truth is, that I'm VERY afraid of any resistance. I read the blog, but still I don't think I could stay cool and unfazed if I face any rejection. Also, it is worth mentioning that she doesn't drink at all, so I don't even know how to ease the mood. I don't want things to get awkward.

Don't limit yourself based on lack of experience.

Resistance is futile! Lol, you will almost always encounter resistance, only the guys worthy get passed it.

I never get my girls drunk before closing. I'd much rather her be sober and not feel tricked or taken advantage of.

 

[mono]

I never get my girls drunk before closing. I'd much rather her be sober and not feel tricked or taken advantage of.

Good point, but it's not like I want to get her drunk, what I meant is that I could use a glass of wine myself for this one. Would be more relaxed and confident, you know, smoother fundamentals... Cause I do get really nervous and things could get awkward. This is my huge concern right now.

 

[Tyme2k]

Good point, but it's not like I want to get her drunk, what I meant is that I could use a glass of wine myself for this one. Would be more relaxed and confident, you know, smoother fundamentals... Cause I do get really nervous and things could get awkward. This is my huge concern right now.

My suggestion, don't rely on a crutch. First couple times it's GOING to be akward, but it's your job to remain chill, sexy and reactionless. You WILL mess up I know I have, many times, but eventually you will become amazing at LMR and escalation. As chase put it in my most recent LR "Bedroom super powers."

 

[mono]

As chase put it in my most recent LR "Bedroom super powers."

Great post over there, very motivating! I'm looking forward into this weekend when I'll have her over at my place.

 

[mono]

We met for diner at the restaurant. Since it was the day before Easter and the weather was also fucked up, the restaurant was empty. We ate and chatted for a couple of hours before heading to my place. We just left the restaurant and I started walking towards my place (~10 min walk). She asked no questions and I didn't said what will we do next. We reached my place, she took a chair at the kitchen bar and we stated talking.. It was hard to maintain the conversation while all I could hear in my head was "dude, you really need to kiss her right now". I was pressuring myself, having really hard time..
Her mother called asking when will she get home because she needs her help with something tonight. I knew that my fear is nothing compared to regret that I will feel if I will not make a move. I knew, that every minute not kissing her is a failure. So I did.
I gave her a kiss on the lips and pulled back staring at her eyes. She smiled and I gave her another one, said her lips are soft. She did not responded to my kisses but did not turned away either, so I thought she needs a moment to think about it and make her own decisions. After a few moments I kissed her again and this time she responded. We started kissing passionately, I had my arms around her and I could feel her heart racing. Somehow It was relieving to me, feeling that she's stressed too. I lifted her and took her to the couch, she had a huge grin when I put her there. More kissing, my hands all over her, started undressing... No resistance until I tried to take off her skirt. "Not today", she said. I carried on like it was nothing, tried to take it off a few more times. She was pulling it back again and again while throwing objections: "Isn't this too soon?", "I really need to go home", "You will not pull this off today". After each of them I would pause and start over to push things forward again. She started saying things like "I'm not ready for this today", "I want this too, any other day".
I decided to go with it and postpone. We lied on my couch slightly kissing, she said she needed to go home, I told her to get up and go while still holding her firmly. "You still here?" I asked her after a few moments. She just lied there smiling and I said "Look at you, wanting to be somewhere else while you're happy here right now.. Aren't you happy?" She responded with something implying that she's happy since she met me.
We got up and I drove her home. She asked how long will I stay with my parents for Easter and when will I get home. She asked when will we meet again when I dropped her off and told me that I should text her when I'll want to see her again. She also told that the next time she won't be needing to help her mom, probably.

I guess I did good.

 

[mono]

So I have a follow up on this.

I was surprised when she texted me the very next day wondering if I'll be home tomorrow. Wow, did I made such a good impression on her? I could not believe that. I didn't gave her straight answer last night when she asked when will I see her again. She told me to text her and now she is texting me first? She is making huge investment, I though. At this point I realized that the deal is sealed, she is inviting herself over to my place. Feeling frisky I asked why and she said we need to finish what we've started. I was impressed by her courage since she seemed shy at first and now she's being straight forward. We arranged the time and she showed up the next day.
It was simple In my head when imagined it but now I see her taking off her shoes in my apartment and I stalled for a moment. I was frozen. But then I hugged her from behind and started kissing her neck, I lead her to my bed slowly. Although we had a nice foreplay, she was very nervous and seemed strained. When she closed her eyes I could see her eyelids tingling. I asked if everything is fine and she told me that she only did it once. (Once? Over her 7 years relationship?) I stayed cool and tried to be a little bit more gentle.
After we were done just lying there curdling I asked her how come she only did it once? She told me that her boyfriend was very shy and she was actually more initiative than he was. (Wow, what is wrong with this guy? She is a cute girl!) Then I realized what I did right. I was trying to bed her when she did not expected it at all. She felt desired sexually (for the first time?) and it blew her mind. She had no idea that we could sleep together after our date. Which is why she said she was not ready the day before.

It was amazing!

 

[Franco]

Way to close this out, mono!

What you'll start to find out about women is that they are most attracted to the men who they know will close things out with them. This is why it is of UTMOST importance that you try to move things as far as you can as quickly as possible. This girl (like every other girl) wanted to feel desired by a man, and her gut feeling told her that you would satisfy her if she saw you again. So she decided to contact you, and you gave her that satisfaction.

Good stuff, mono. =)

- Franco