What is a STRONG Takeaway / Ball in her court text that you can send a girl that is mildly interested

[Kaida]

Long story short, fumbled with a new girl that liked me a good bit. Lowkey caught a bit of oneitis for like half a day but I cured it a little by taking a break from thinking about her.


Over time I built up negative compliance by asking for meets during bad times for her; Iikely came across as (possibly very) pushy, but school is about to end and I was trying to isolate before it ended. Very low chance of meeting during summer


After I fucked up by diffusing too much tension over text by accidently rewarding resistance (I thought that I was reframing her resistance ‍) She shot me a text asking for help on a project.


Obviously I did not comply. I texted her back saying “Like ur parents said, you need to grow up and be independent ”. I was basically saying “do it yourself” in a playful way.


I realize that it might be a bit insulting, so I’m not 100% sure if her ghosting is due to auto rejection or boredom. More likely boredom or even a mix of both


Also, she removed me from her “close friends story” on instagram. The action of physically removing me from the story probably means her emotions are cemented about ghosting me.

and now she has ignored texts of mine and I’m maybe 80% boxed into “boring guy” territory.


I feel that I’m still somewhat (even if its a little) intriguing to her, and I think a really strong ball in her court message could work.


I’m already ready to move on, although since we’re in social circle its very likely I can get another chance. I want to end on a note that's as strong as possible so after 3 months of summer I have another option of the many that are present at school.


What BIHC messages do y’all think could loudly say “Hey, you got me wrong, Im actually high status” while keeping a door open for later?

 

[topcat]

Don’t message her at all for 3 months. Send her a ping - either an intriguing emoji ( like girl dancing or a cat). have a short friendly conversation if she’s receptive ( ask about her and reward her compliance; meet lack of compliance with less investment and silence). soft close then hard close.

 

[ulrich]

Well, the correct bottomline idea is not “Hey, you got me wrong, I am actually high status”.
It is “Hey, you got me wrong, I actually do like you”.

Your actions did not show that you were low status.

What happened is that when this girl exposed herself to rejection (chasing), you failed to recognize it and tease or ignored her advances.
In her head either you don’t care about her or you just don’t get it.

I would send something on the lines of

“Hey, sorry for being such a dickhead lately. I had a lot of things on my head and I feel I might have been rude to you unintentionally. Let me know if you want to chat some time, beers are on me.”

 

[Kaida]

What happened is that when this girl exposed herself to rejection (chasing), you failed to recognize it and tease or ignored her advances.
In her head either you don’t care about her or you just don’t get it.

Oh shit!
I may have rushed to the conclusion that she didnt see me as a lover anymore.


It felt like she was trying to assert status over me cuz of how straight up the compliance ask was. I saw it as an investment request and not an “advance”


She said verbatim “Hey, can you send a picture example of the project, I did it all wrong”. I still think both auto rejection and boredom are possible but you have opened a new line of thinking for me.


Thats actually a possibility, she could have been trying to just get into a conversation or something while also trying to innocently test me for friend zoning.


I think I actually knew this in the moment though, and I tried to make it playful with the joke - making a playful conversation start. I think if the joke itself was better calibrated / less insulting I probably would have been fine.


I automatically assumed it was a test and the tension diffuse fuck up I did earlier made her see me as boring.


I was using the test to reposition myself more in bad boy territory, but ended up being insulting

Im gonna give her a few days to cool off first if thats okay. idk if I should send it asap.


(also what exactly about the tease was insulting?)

 

[ulrich]

It’s funny, Chase just release an article about something similar to this.
(although in your case, she wasn’t qualifying, she was opening a window)

What to Do When a Girl Starts Qualifying Herself

A girl starts to qualify herself to you. What do you do? There are many mistakes guys make when women do this – you won’t want to make those. You WILL want to reward her. Something I have seen a lot of beginner guys and even many intermediates get wrong is handling things when a girl starts to...

www.girlschase.com

(also what exactly about the tease was insulting?)

It wasn’t insulting, it was just uncalibrated.

She was giving you an opening (either consciously or unconsciously) and you shot her down.
You could have used that request to set a date or show that you care for her by helping her somewhat (without doing the project for her), instead you told her to step it up which insinuates she is not good enough for you.

That was you lowering your attainability, which was uncalibrated for the situation.

 

[Kaida]

You could have used that request to set a date or show that you care for her by helping her somewhat (without doing the project for her), instead you told her to step it up which insinuates she is not good enough for you.

That was you lowering your attainability, which was uncalibrated for the situation.

This actually was extremely helpful man. I was feeling bad thinking it was some sort of personal value problem. I think you helped me find a major flaw in my attainability game just now and I honestly appreciate it


I read somewhere on here that you generally do not want to do something if a girl asks you to do it, and almost all investment from you should be auto-investment. Seems like may be exceptions to that



Edit:

What do you think of this resurrection text? (ashley is a fake name)


Hey, realize you took that comment pretty hard, I can be accidently harsh sometimes, I wasnt trying to hurt i promise

ur a fun girl ashley, and I actually like talking to you, there arent many people I can say that about

We cool?


Also I sent this a while ago and she may have ignored it.


I want to persist with her (not chase) as I have a feeling it would work, plus it would be good practice as I’ve never really persisted like that before.

how do I do that effectively?

 

[Sully]

Obviously I did not comply. I texted her back saying “Like ur parents said, you need to grow up and be independent ”. I was basically saying “do it yourself” in a playful way.

This line was very socially uncalibrated and rude. Far away from playful.

"Go get your life in order instead of asking us questions/favors here kid. Didn't your parents teach you to be independent?"

This would be the equivalent of us saying to you what you said to her.

Hope this helps

 

[Kaida]

This line was very socially uncalibrated and rude. Far away from playful.

"Go get your life in order instead of asking us questions/favors here kid. Didn't your parents teach you to be independent?"

This would be the equivalent of us saying to you what you said to her.

Hope this helps

Yeah, it was meant to be a kind of inside joke because we had talked about that earlier. The more I think about it the more I'm thinking @uriel was right. A girl who's bored with you does not remove you from things and go cold turkey on you just like that. That's auto rejection.

 

[ulrich]

I read somewhere on here that you generally do not want to do something if a girl asks you to do it, and almost all investment from you should be auto-investment. Seems like may be exceptions to tha

Thanks, @Kaiderman. I’m glad we are being of help.

Mmmhhh, no… I think you got that wrong.

You want to balance your compliance in a way that you don’t give too much value too early.

So, if a girl you met in a bar one minute ago asks you to buy her a drink, you say no because she is asking too much too soon.
If a girl you have been talking with for half an hour and then danced with you and she is following your lead and asks very nicely if you would buy her a drink, you might buy it if you feel like it.

Any ask that comes from a girl has to be evaluated depending on her current level of compliance

Edit:

What do you think of this resurrection text? (ashley is a fake name)


Hey, realize you took that comment pretty hard, I can be accidently harsh sometimes, I wasnt trying to hurt i promise

ur a fun girl ashley, and I actually like talking to you, there arent many people I can say that about

We cool?


Also I sent this a while ago and she may have ignored it.


I want to persist with her (not chase) as I have a feeling it would work, plus it would be good practice as I’ve never really persisted like that before.

how do I do that effectively?

The message is OK.
For future situations, I would suggest blaming it on you being distracted/stressed and not knowing exactly what you did wrong.

When you say “you took that comment pretty hard” you risk her reminding the specific comment and how you made her feel.

Better play dumb.

“He doesn’t know where he fucked up but he is sorry” is a slightly better frame than “He analyzed our interaction and found his mistake”.
The first paints you as interested in her albeit a little dumb while the second makes you seem intelligent but calculating.

I honestly wouldn’t chase more than the message you just sent. If she doesn’t reply there’s not much you can do.
However, I get that you may bump into her again, if she doesn’t reply and that happens then you have many more chances to try to win her in person (if you want to).

One last piece advice:
At your age most of the girls you will meet are going to be inexperienced.
Inexperienced girls can seem aloof and uninterested because they don’t know how to deal with seductions nor send signals effectively. They think they are signaling pretty hard and a lot of times you can’t even tell.
Assuming attraction is your friend here.
If a girl is acting weird and pulling out of an interaction, assume she might just be shy and doesn’t know how to handle it. So assume that she is attracted and try to lead her in the right direction.

 

[Kaida]

You want to balance your compliance in a way that you don’t give too much value too early.

So, if a girl you met in a bar one minute ago asks you to buy her a drink, you say no because she is asking too much too soon.
If a girl you have been talking with for half an hour and then danced with you and she is following your lead and asks very nicely if you would buy her a drink, you might buy it if you feel like it

Any ask that comes from a girl has to be evaluated depending on her current level of compliance

Alright, that makes sense to an extent. But can’t you easily be slotted into shopping guy territory if for example you help her with something like her homework? cause that sounds like something a friendzoned orbiter would do. I may be wrong

I honestly wouldn’t chase more than the message you just sent. If she doesn’t reply there’s not much you can do.

This girl was sending me goodnight texts and stuff and was generally very interested, I just didnt manage her feelings well.


I remember reading somewhere on gc that girls sometimes have fantasies of blocking a guy on everything and he still somehow finds a way to contact her.

I have her instgram and I was texting her on imessage, so maybe if I text her on insta it’ll serve as some kind of pattern interrupt, maybe I could make it a video message as well


This could be one of those kinds of times where varied persistence would work, cuz I actually feel so bad and want to make it up


I wont see her again until the end of august and by then attraction would have expired.
& In school she isnt in my academic level so it’s rare for me to bump into her

 

[Skills]

You insulted the girl with horrible calibration, and waited too long to apologize....look at my post on strategic pisition on weakness... @uriel gave you right diagnosis a girl can go from green to red stop missdiagnozing based on articles that dont aplly to situation.

 

[ulrich]

Alright, that makes sense to an extent. But can’t you easily be slotted into shopping guy territory if for example you help her with something like her homework? cause that sounds like something a friendzoned orbiter would do. I may be wrong

Yes, exactly… if you actually help her with homework.

If you use “homework” as an excuse to meet with her and seduce her and you only help a bit (she still has to do the task) then you are using it as plausible deniability to grow closer.

Don’t reject the invitation, reject the low value task.
Offer something higher value / less effortful in exchange like giving her advice on how to the task or only doing a small more skillful part of it.

I remember reading somewhere on gc that girls sometimes have fantasies of blocking a guy on everything and he still somehow finds a way to contact her.

Yeah, they fantasize about a guy who seems unattainable who suddenly realizes she is so cool but she rejects him out of fear and the guy goes through all these hurdles to show her that he cares.
Auto-rejection / attainability… basically what you are going through here (assuming she still sees you as very high value).

This thing gets lost in translation and low value guys go through a lot of hurdles for girls who see they have no value. In that case it’s pointless.

Very importante to distinguish for every girl you seduce if you’re coming low/high value AND lowly/highly attainable.

 

[Kaida]

You insulted the girl with horrible calibration, and waited too long to apologize....look at my post on strategic pisition on weakness... @uriel gave you right diagnosis a girl can go from green to red stop missdiagnozing based on articles that dont aplly to situation.

Makes sense. I think it would have been better if I apologized earlier, damn. I only waited so long because I was convinced it was a value problem

Yes, exactly… if you actually help her with homework.

If you use “homework” as an excuse to meet with her and seduce her and you only help a bit (she still has to do the task) then you are using it as plausible deniability to grow closer.

Don’t reject the invitation, reject the low value task.
Offer something higher value / less effortful in exchange like giving her advice on how to the task or only doing a small more skillful part of it.

Ahhhh okay. But then whats the difference between doing that and buying her a drink? In the drink example you’re still actually buying it for her, but you decide to do it because she’s been compliant.


I’m guessing it’s the connotation of buying a drink vs. doing her homework. Buying a drink validates her and implies you like her (and is slightly romantic). Meanwhile doing her homework is really just something a friend would do, which can validate her but in all the wrong ways.


Am I right in this assumption?

Yeah, they fantasize about a guy who seems unattainable who suddenly realizes she is so cool but she rejects him out of fear and the guy goes through all these hurdles to show her that he cares.
Auto-rejection / attainability… basically what you are going through here (assuming she still sees you as very high value).

This thing gets lost in translation and low value guys go through a lot of hurdles for girls who see they have no value. In that case it’s pointless.

Very importante to distinguish for every girl you seduce if you’re coming low/high value AND lowly/highly attainable.

I believe I was coming across as moderate value and moderate attainability until I screwed up and plunged my attainability. I think it could work if the framing is perfect


I’m planning to send her a video message on instagram (not imessage like I was texting her on before) as a pattern interrupt.


I’ll pace and acknowledge the fact that it might be a little against social rules to text her again - so I dont look socially clueless - but then I’ll say I dont care and I’m gonna break the social norm anyway because I like her.


Ill try to throw in some callback humor about her job at mcdonalds (i teased her about it earlier) to not appear too serious and remind her of why she likes me. If I get her laughing, I think it has a very high chance to work (still trying to come up with a joke if u got any lol)


And then im gonna give her a genuine compliment and ask her to invest again. Something like “Even though we met not too long ago, I can really see that ur a great girl and I wanna see where this goes. pinky promise?”.

You think this could work?

 

[ulrich]

I’m guessing it’s the connotation of buying a drink vs. doing her homework. Buying a drink validates her and implies you like her (and is slightly romantic). Meanwhile doing her homework is really just something a friend would do, which can validate her but in all the wrong ways.


Am I right in this assumption?

Yes, you’re right.
But remember, you don’t have to do the homework for her. You can simply guide her which is higher value.

And then im gonna give her a genuine compliment and ask her to invest again. Something like “Even though we met not too long ago, I can really see that ur a great girl and I wanna see where this goes. pinky promise?”.

You think this could work?

Maybe.
It’s one of those thing you just have to try and see what happens.

I thought you said that you didn’t care if she stays or leaves… that last bit seema a little too invested.
Do you want to go that route?

 

[Kaida]

Maybe.
It’s one of those thing you just have to try and see what happens.

I thought you said that you didn’t care if she stays or leaves… that last bit seema a little too invested.
Do you want to go that route?

Not gonna lie, after all this thinking and planning I believe Im quite invested at this point.

But I think that’s okay, its part of the learning process and soon I’ll be able to do this stuff naturally and w/o much investment


Update:

I did the video message and it worked…slightly. She replied saying “It’s all good! I’m not mad” and I replied “Thought I lost ya there” and she mightve gone back to ignoring again.

It wasn’t too long ago and it was late last night so I might be jumping to conclusions a lil.


A better response by me would probably be something like “you gotta pinky swear” requesting investment.

Im not sure if by the way she worded her response if she thinks shes better than me or if I lost power in some way.

 

[Skills]

Not gonna lie, after all this thinking and planning I believe Im quite invested at this point.

But I think that’s okay, its part of the learning process and soon I’ll be able to do this stuff naturally and w/o much investment


Update:

I did the video message and it worked…slightly. She replied saying “It’s all good! I’m not mad” and I replied “Thought I lost ya there” and she mightve gone back to ignoring again.

It wasn’t too long ago and it was late last night so I might be jumping to conclusions a lil.


A better response by me would probably be something like “you gotta pinky swear” requesting investment.

Im not sure if by the way she worded her response if she thinks shes better than me or if I lost power in some way.

Actually i like that better than pinky swear... when i have screwed like this what i use is lets start againg from 0 angle... you will be in down position for a bit but be patient and persistant, you can flip it..read this too:

Strategic position of weakness

There are some possible strategic position of TEMPORARY weakness that may be perceived as beta, weak, needy, chasing... But in reality they are not if it will give you another chance with an OBVIOUS lost opportunity... The main one that comes to mind is apologies but there are many such as...

www.skilledseducer.com