What is my ideal type's ideal type?

[Zoro]

Finally in the process of relocating to a much more lively area and have started to see more women to approach! I've got some questions though.

I've been observing the men that my ideal type of girl dates. This type of girl is natural blonde/brunette (NOT BLONDE BOMBSHELL), petite, feminine, cute, perky, and is usually a bit of a homebody, maybe a bit shy/conservative. Think cute face and sexy body.

The guys I see these type of girls are normal dudes. I think thats the point. Nothing strange or eccentric about these guys and nothing less than normal. They don't have big muscles or impeccable fashion or cool hair, but they won't be out of shape or look bad either. Sometimes I see guys with fit bodies and expensive clothes with much less attractive girls, but the normal dudes will be with the most attractive ones!

Now being out in the hunt for these types of girls I am doing my best to accentuate qualities that are attractive to these girls. Compared to most of these guys I have above average looks (posture, fashion, body) and am a bit of an eccentric (musician in heavy bands, strict healthy diet, treehugger). Is this working against me or for me? I've dated this type of girl before, and they were very attracted to me, so why don't I see these girls with guys like me? Are these just provider dudes and they are getting a piece of something like me on the side in secret? (Pretty sure this was the case with one of the girls I dated)

Also looking to figure out where I can find more of them! So far I've only dated this type from meeting them via social circle. Since I've moved I am starting from scratch with friends. Bookstores, grocery stores, the beach, salsa class are some places I already am going. Any more suggestions would be appreciated.

Love,
Jwick

 

[Zoro]

Bumping this and opening it as a discussion of anyone's type and what those types' typically look for.

 

[Drck]

"The guys I see these type of girls are normal dudes. I think thats the point. Nothing strange or eccentric about these guys and nothing less than normal."

>>>> Agree. Down to earth guys, normal guys, nothing special. Just guys. Not lovers and not seducers, there is nothing mysterious and nothing overly sexy. Regular boyfriends, perhaps good providers. But as always, it depends on what she wants, and what you want. Do you want to be lover, provider, BF? All together? For example, you want to be amazing lover while these girls are looking just for 'normal' guy? If so, why bother? Just be a normal guy, you'll get the same results with minimal effort...

"They don't have big muscles or impeccable fashion or cool hair, but they won't be out of shape or look bad either"

>>>> Most guys who go to seduction don't have ANY success with girls at first place. Maybe they are too introverted, perhaps weird. Maybe he's got 240 pounds, so now he wants to be shredded at 160, he thinks that being shredded is attractive, so he goes to fitness 6x per week and sweats his ass off. So guy like this starts at say 10 on a scale from 0 to 100. Because he is hungry he wants to become a great seducer, say at 100. So he overshoots everything, he learns every possible detail, he practices everything 500 times, he is working hard to lose some weight and become shredded... He wants to get every single possible pussy available, he is looking for large group of girls to seduce.... And maybe at the end, after he practices couple of years, he ends up being say 90 while in great shape. Good for him.

But the girls are looking for a normal guy, regular BF say at the scale at 40-50. "Normal" guy doesn't start at 0, he starts at 30 - he already have decent social skills, he already has bunch of friends and good network, he's already assertive enough, he doesn't have to overcome his weirdness, he already has some experience with girls... He doesn't have to lose 100 pounds, maybe just 10. He could care less whether he is shredded or not because he knows that girls are attracted to men who look solid, even who have couple extra pounds equally...

So normal guy doesn't really need much seduction skills at all, he's just got to fix little bit here and there, brush up on his social skills, raise little bit of confidence, get some basic plan, perhaps lose couple of pounds by eating less and exercising 2x week... and he is at 45 in no time... He doesn't need to shoot to 90 at all, he doesn't need to sleep with 300 girls - he has no need to do that because he finds a great girl while at 50 on a scale... He's done with seduction in what, 2 weeks? Or 2 months?

"Sometimes I see guys with fit bodies and expensive clothes with much less attractive girls, but the normal dudes will be with the most attractive ones!"

>>>> Exactly. These guys are doing too much. They are on the hunt, they want to impress pretty girls with their clothes, sexy walks and looks, clever words... So they actually build a barrier for themselves because 'normal' girls will avoid them...

"Now being out in the hunt for these types of girls I am doing my best to accentuate qualities that are attractive to these girls. Compared to most of these guys I have above average looks (posture, fashion, body) and am a bit of an eccentric (musician in heavy bands, strict healthy diet, treehugger). Is this working against me or for me?"

>>>> How does it work for you? Are you getting girls that you want? Are you impressing those girls enough with your looks, posture and fashion? Are the amazed with your body? The same like above, maybe you are working hard on improving things - that they don't care about at first place...

Also, there is age difference. A girl might be interested in hot looking rock star while she is say age 20-25. But once she wants to saddle down and have family, say age 30-35, the likelihood that she will be looking for some guy who is rather a normal provider is high...

"I've dated this type of girl before, and they were very attracted to me, so why don't I see these girls with guys like me? Are these just provider dudes and they are getting a piece of something like me on the side in secret?"

>>>> I had the same question. I wanted to date a girl, I had lots of knowledge and skills, I understood females quite well, and I knew what I was doing. She was attracted to me, yet she chose Mr. Nice Guy/provider regardless, never mind he had no clue nor experience with girls. This guy was just clueless with no social skills. Talk about fucking frustration.

So again, it depends what is she looking for and what you want yourself. Is she looking for a normal/provider guy - while you are doing your best to be some mysterious sexy lover? Well, congratulations, you just work too hard to be the 'best and amazing' lover around, and perhaps you even are - yet she doesn't care about what you think is the best at first place because she is just looking for something totally different, for a normal guy...

 

[Anonymous]

Yeah, reiterating some of what Drck said, some women will actually think you're out of their league. This is probably less common for women than for men, but if you really carry yourself well and have your stuff together, women can easily sabotage themselves because you're actually "over-gaming".

I remember reading somewhere about old pickup stuff, don't remember who exactly it was, but if you appear too confident/ good looking/ high status/ high value to the girl and she's attracted to you, but you start teasing her and breaking rapport too fast and too hard, you'll send her into auto-reject. It's basically the concept of cocky-funny.

But most of the time you're better off assuming that the girl is open and interested, so that you're warm and charming, instead of cocky and contentious.

To your point about "normal" dudes being with attractive women:

All this literature and advice on dating and relationships makes it all seem like social interactions and human beings are linear and can be quantitatively measured and boiled down to a science. But it's not all like that.

Women don't always see themselves the way other people see them. Some beautiful women don't believe they're beautiful. They might have heard and been complimented all their life that they're beautiful, but they don't believe it. They don't feel it on a gut level, or they it doesn't translate to boosting their self-esteem. Most women have a very poor self-estimation of themselves. They're actually pretty bad at judging what their real value is.

Sure they know that men want to have sex with them, but it doesn't necessarily make them feel good about themselves. That feeling of "power" and choice gets old really fast for them. Of course there are plenty of women who do use that power to their favor. But having been good friends with a number of very beautiful and popular women, they're not happy or fulfilled because of this power. Most women are not manipulative, man-hating sociopaths. I'd say most of them are genuinely kind and good people, but they've also been burdened with a lot of societal programming and constant badgering and annoyances from desperate and low value men.

So it comes full circle to the fact that women don't always choose their men based on superficial characteristics. There are always exceptions, outliers, not everything is black and white.

 

[Zoro]

Drck,

Got stoked when I saw you replied, always lay down some meta shit and this time you really made me take a step back and question everything.

I thought about the guys I know who do well with women and the ones who don't.

The big determinate was aggressiveness. The ones who take action and are comfortable doing it, do the best hands down and date lots, get laid lots and have attractive girls around them.

I have some friends who are very attractive, but pretty timid or just don't make moves and they NEVER get laid. Also some less attractive friends who absolutely slay.

The friend of mine who was slaying the most pussy out of them all was definitely aggressive, but also very attractive, had a big social circle and was very socially calibrated, and popular with a bad to the bone reputation (drugs, sex, and rock and roll).

I think pretty much every girl in our social circle was after him and he hooked up with most. His reputation was so notorious that I benefited from it. Being one of his best friends, girls thought I was also a bad boy (some what true) and that I would ravish them. Here's the kicker, I was very timid and uncomfortable with making moves. I had girls chasing me, yet they would soon grow cold from inaction. I did manage to snag a few (more like they snagged me), but if only I had the confidence I have now!

JJ,

Yup, the girl might feel you're out of her league if you are too attractive, while normal guys are attainable. As with me having girls chase me because of my friends reputation, I was very attainable back then and because of that sometimes the girls were comfortable making a move, and since I wasn't making moves, it was up to the girl to move things forward. Face palm.

While attainability plays into this, I think what Drck says, and has said before, is on point.... at least in relating to my issues. I'm already a guy these girls like, I'm just not going out and meeting enough of them.

All this mumbojumbo is really just to sharpen your skillz. And those skillz are nothing more than getting yourself to talk to the girl, see what she's like and make some moves. Maybe your blade is already sharp enough, and there's only one way to find out.

**Mic drop**

 

[Drck]

"The ones who take action and are comfortable doing it..."

>>>> Exactly. Confidence + Action + Desire/Determination to have sex

What else does the guy really need? If he is average intelligence he'll find out very fast what girls want. If he is too fast and pushing too hard for sex, they will fall into auto-rejection. If he is too slow, they will shift him into a friend zone. So all it takes is to 'be around' that girl and keep pushing persistently, and when she'll move away don't chase.

The biggest problem is confidence. A guy is shy, he feels too anxious to approach. He doesn't trust himself, he is afraid that he will fail. He is afraid of rejection and so on.

Part of having low confidence is being too dependent on what girls or others think. The guy worries about what they think about him, he worries about being judged. He worries about messing up, perhaps somewhere inside he's got lots of shame issues, he thinks that others will laugh at him. He doesn't trust himself, he is insecure. But in reality, who really cares? Even if others laugh at him it is not important, it is just a good laugh... All this insecurity is only in his mind...

Another part of the confidence is masculinity. There are different ways to look at it, but basically if a guy jacks up his masculinity he will automatically become more confident. He will be more self reliant, he will trust himself more, he will be more independent. It doesn't have to be necessarily weight lifting and/or martial arts, but these have huge direct impact on masculinity. A guy becomes disciplined, he pumps adrenaline and testosterone directly to his blood stream. He learns to trust himself when he stands up against another guy or has to lift 300+ pounds, he's got to be extremely focused otherwise he will fail. A guy of course doesn't have to lift weights nor become a fighter to have plenty of masculine energy, e.g. assholes can have lots of masculinity as well, but if nothing else these will keep him healthy, strong and confident. Look at Tyson, look at Schwarzenegger, look at many other athletes. These guys probably slept with more women than the best seducers on GC - without any knowledge of seduction...

Once he's got some confidence it is easy to approach. That's the Action. The more masculinity, the more confidence, the more independence, and the easier is to talk to girls. He may realize that he's got much more masculinity than he thinks at first, he will see these females that he is at first anxious to talk to will be automatically falling into submissive position, just by interacting with him. He don't have to do anything else, just talk - like a normal guy - about what interests him, and what interests them. If the guy has enough of masculinity he is already leading, he is already more dominant - and they only fall into submissive frame. Can't get easier than that...

The final step is to have Desire/Determination to have sex. All he has to do is lead again, that is have some place and try to get her there without pushing too much...