What Is This Behavior Called?

[metalbird]

This isn't about seduction per say, but a female friend of mine exhibits a certain behavior pattern with all of her boyfriends that I'm really curious about.

Basically, when there's a disagreement, or if she's not pleased with them for some reason, she will say something cutting or likely to provoke a reaction, but she will say it with a smile on her face and in a very nice tone. However, if the guy responds with the least bit of overt hostility or defensiveness, she immediately -- I mean without even letting the guy finish his first sentence -- pounces on him with "whoah, chill out, wtf" etc, attacking the guy's response (as disproportionate or uncalled for or whatever) rather than the actually subject of the argument.

This seems to be very effective at shutting down resistance from her guys, especially because it almost always turns anyone else present in the group at the time to take her side against the guy.

There's got to be a name for this technique, right? How do you defend against it? I remember Hector talking about something like this a couple times. Maybe he could identify it?

All The Best,

Daniel

 

[Franco]

metalbird,

Generally I only see this behavior from a girl when she has already established herself as the dominant one in the relationship, which means it's generally not a behavior you want to see from your girlfriend in the first place. It means that she's confident she can insult you in public and knows you won't do anything about it. Not a good look if your girlfriend is doing this to you, especially if you don't know what to do about it.

If my girlfriend were to try something like that, I would immediately pull her aside and say something along the lines of, "what the fuck was that? I do not appreciate your obvious attempt to insult me, especially in front of friends. If I hear you say something like that again, then you're on your own. I'll call my boys and we'll go out and do whatever -- have fun finding something to do."

If she cares about you at all and actually wants to keep you, she'll be relatively submissive. She might argue if she has a strong personality (or if you've been rather weak prior to this), but if you stand your ground, she's forced to submit or lose you. Of course, if she doesn't care about you (which subsequently means she doesn't care about losing you), then you've already messed up too many times prior to this for it to matter. She'll call your "bluff" and dismiss it.

I'm not sure there's really a "name" to this behavior, but it's not a behavior I would accept for one damn second from my own girlfriend. I'd leave her right there on the spot if I had to to make it very clear that I'm not putting up with it.

- Franco

 

[Regal Tiger]

Second what Franco said, though also not sure on the name

One thing I'd like to add though is this; rather than saying "I don't appreciate you insulting me" I would say something that doesn't allow her to play dumb about it. If you're on Franco or Hector or Chase's level, then absolutely it will work. But for newer/intermediate guys I would say something a little more vague that still gets the point across. Something like "I don't like what you just said, and maybe you didn't mean it this way, but it sounded insulting to me" and then continue on with the rest of what Franco said; that you're willing to walk away and etc.


The reason that I suggest that phrasing is so that she can't play dumb. Or if she does play dumb you can still repeat/fall back on the 'it sounded insulting to me and I won't tolerate it". Newer/intermediate guys very well could get sucked into her frame of "I didn't mean it like that" and then from there she wrangles you into apologizing. I've actually had this happen to me with a fling (though we weren't with anybody else) when I was still pretty new myself. Newer guys might not have the rock solid frame control to stand their ground. But with something a little less.... confrontational (only word that springs to mind), you can stand your ground a lot easier. It will not be as effective as what Franco advised, but it's easier to stick to. Which is a helluva lot better than letting her turn it around on you


And again, if you think you have the frame control required for it, then Franco's way will be better. So if you can pull it off, do it that way instead

 

[Alpha13SC]

Hi,

I know it's and old post, but just landing a reply here for newer guys. The perspective that I chose. I'm going out with that girl. I know I'm good and I won't settle for less. I can get girls like her or better. She making a disrespect move? Going full with @Franco approach. Otherwise there's no future between you and her.
I went out with a girl(already had sex) and was a little bit crazy(the first time I actually feared for my dick, iykwim). I made some jerks jokes and then she kicked my in my balls. This girl. I just went full "What the fuck was that? Are you fucking crazy?" Angry, but not emotional. I was clearly upset. After a few hours, we ended at a river shore, in our town, midnight, giving me a handjob.

Have a great day,
Alpha13SC