What Is Your Biggest Fear Or Frustration With Pickup?

[PrettyDecent]

Way cool!

Not sleeping with girlfriend-quality girls - that's my biggest frustration. I've seemed to hit a plateau in regards to the quality of girl I sleep with. I can get girlfriend-quality girls on dates, that's not an issue, its just that I can never sleep with them on the first date (which is just about the only date I'll go on...if I didn't sleep with her on the first date, then my skills need to be improved, and I need to focus on correcting it).

They almost always come back to my house and kiss me as well, but can't really get past that. So, not sure if its a problem of my sexual vibe (not amping them up enough during the date and/or not making enough an emotional.connection), or if I'm boyfriend-zoned, or my actual physical escalation is off.

I know a few other fellas on the board struggling with this as well, which leads me to believe that, just as we've all been around the same problem at the same time, we'll eventually overcome the hurdle - but having someone diagnose the root issue and giving a plan of action could really reduce that learning curve.

Cheers dude!

~Nick

 

[Man-O]

The amazing amount of rejections, terribad logistics and flakes. AND friends with no knowledge of game.

Approaching more than 10 times in n-game getting 7 rejections either from get-go or within the first 30 secs, even worse than they're happening in a row as I just can't see why ppl are so dismissive towards meeting new ppl even if they're on clubs etc..
2 of 10 you talk with but because of logistics you realize it's not worth getting number (I still don't own a flat) or the conversation dies out. The last you type with over phone and try to set up a date but they just reply with a "maybe" and then no more than that. In the end I need to rely on horny 5's or be lucky to have the rare "spike" where she's rdy to do it right now but then you can't do it outside as it's too cold here atm. and alrdy been thrown out from one toilet and not daring it again due to being afraid of being blacklisted.

When out with friends who don't game I tend to be chilling too much with them instead of chilling AND improving my game.

What do I fear? Not reaching my goal of finding out what kind of girl I want to spend my life with and end up with seperation.
In short not getting my game improved.

 

[Jeet02]

For me it is still the approach. I am going to be working on it soon...but it is mainly the approach. Yeah - I can go hi and introduce myself but then what? Will I have enough to say? To keep the conversation going? What happens if she just plains rejects me?

Hopefully a few months down the road I will look at this and think how silly I was for thinking such things. Sometimes I do worry too much...but I feel like we all do when it comes to approaching/seducing a girl.

 

[Sam Dray]

My frustration would have to be: Conversation Quality.

My voice tone..is pretty much under control.. though I still slip up from time to time. I can hold conversations with women for a decent amount of time..but what
worries me is that I end up going off topic or bounce from topic to topic.

And sometimes she just says something I can't relate to.. and I have no idea how to handle that.

I know it's impossible to have the perfect conversation. I just want to work on being as well-rounded as I can.

-Sam

 

[RDawg]

DrexellScott

I'm having the exact same or similar issues that Nick mentioned.

Way cool!

Not sleeping with girlfriend-quality girls - that's my biggest frustration. I've seemed to hit a plateau in regards to the quality of girl I sleep with. I can get girlfriend-quality girls on dates, that's not an issue, its just that I can never sleep with them on the first date (which is just about the only date I'll go on...if I didn't sleep with her on the first date, then my skills need to be improved, and I need to focus on correcting it).

They almost always come back to my house and kiss me as well, but can't really get past that. So, not sure if its a problem of my sexual vibe (not amping them up enough during the date and/or not making enough an emotional.connection), or if I'm boyfriend-zoned, or my actual physical escalation is off.

I know a few other fellas on the board struggling with this as well, which leads me to believe that, just as we've all been around the same problem at the same time, we'll eventually overcome the hurdle - but having someone diagnose the root issue and giving a plan of action could really reduce that learning curve.

Cheers dude!

~Nick

The whole first date sex thing is such a struggle for myself and my closing rate is so low for first date sex. Like Nick mentioned, i'm not sure if I am getting boyfriend-zoned, if my physical escalation is off, etc.

All the best!

- Rdawg

 

[Raqimus]

I would say it's fear of not meeting expectations. The women I've been with and hang around think I get laid lots and I feel like the women I pursue expect a lot out of me when it comes to sex so I have performance anxiety. Also theres the fear of approach and it may sound cheesy but I am afraid to fall in love.

 

[Smith]

Right now, it's getting high quality girls in terms of look and personality. I would say most girls I met have good personality, but only average to slightly above average in terms of look. I noticed I tend to 'over-game' when it comes to girls who have both, and it's usually too late when I realize it...I kept telling myself this time, I'll just treat her like any other girl, but I always overgame because I think I need to do more to attract them when in reality I'm probably doing too much. I'm still trying to catch myself when I'm doing this.

 

[ILoveElla]

I had a similar topic a while back..

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=8846

 

[Mr.Rob]

Sup Drex!

There is no reason why every guy shouldn't have the proper tools and mindsets to be successful with women. It's a lot simpler than it seems at first and I want to help more guys get to the level they want.

Love that mindset it definitely is easy as a student to get bogged down with all the details and trip ourselves up.

I'd say my biggest sticking point is consistently pulling girls home and having sex. I usually sleep with a new girl every 4-6 weeks put I can't seem to get to the point where I can consistently get laid whenever I want (say once a week, given I approach enough girls... and I do approach enough girls).

Chase quotes him reaching abundance when he found he could pull a girl for sex just about any given night as long as he approached enough women and found one that clicked (10-15 approaches typically he noted).

Did you have a plateau of similarity where you got sex on a decent enough basis but not consistently? What did you do differently / who did you have to become (and what behaviors/traits did you have to kill and leave behind) to reach more "physical" abundance of getting sex pretty much whenever given you met enough women?

If I go out on a typical night and approach 10-15 girls at a bar/club I can usually get 1-2 that are hooked, will move, and are seemingly sold on me so I know I'm close!

I feel like perhaps I'm not moving things forward with enough aggression or focus, not hitting this shit hard enough and getting the hard blowouts that should result as well as the hard YESS's that should also result.

Great thread here!

-Rob

 

[D_Smooth1900]

Way cool!

Not sleeping with girlfriend-quality girls - that's my biggest frustration. I've seemed to hit a plateau in regards to the quality of girl I sleep with. I can get girlfriend-quality girls on dates, that's not an issue, its just that I can never sleep with them on the first date (which is just about the only date I'll go on...if I didn't sleep with her on the first date, then my skills need to be improved, and I need to focus on correcting it).

They almost always come back to my house and kiss me as well, but can't really get past that. So, not sure if its a problem of my sexual vibe (not amping them up enough during the date and/or not making enough an emotional.connection), or if I'm boyfriend-zoned, or my actual physical escalation is off.

I know a few other fellas on the board struggling with this as well, which leads me to believe that, just as we've all been around the same problem at the same time, we'll eventually overcome the hurdle - but having someone diagnose the root issue and giving a plan of action could really reduce that learning curve.

Cheers dude!


~Nick

I feel you on this one

 

[ray_zorse]

You know I had a lot of trouble thinking about my answer to this one.

Biggest fear... blowouts? Nope got that handled.
Approach anxiety? Nope had some bad outings but I know I can have a good outing if I hit it hard from the outset.
Shit tests? Nope I'm actually starting to welcome shit tests even though I don't handle them all that well.

Biggest frustration... women who don't respond to text? Nope it just makes it even more refreshing when they do respond with stuff like "hey it was fun hanging out with you...tbh I'm not keen to take things further but I think you are a cool person".
Being horny and nobody in my bed... nope I know I just need to approach more and ask for dates more and fill up that phone, can do brother.
Making it about them and losing myself in the process... nope I'm cool with just going around handing out compliments and letting people share and generally adding value. No reciprocation needed... probably should ask for dates more but it's still cool to brighten people's day.

Really I'm with Raqimus, its being unable to get it up that fucks me over, however, this appears to be improving as I get closer to abundance... I'm a lot less stressed out cos I know that the number of women in my bed is simply a function of how many I approach... really don't care that much these days, let it happen.

The other thing that frustrates the hell out of me is my weight, it's been static since about last November and I know I could be losing more. But I have a habit of comfort eating that's hard to control. Possibly, if I got the rest of my life more in order then the comfort eating would go away, but I think I need to address it.

-Ray

 

[PrettyDecent]

A lot of those girls just have a " no sex on the first date" rule but would happily bang you on a second date.

OK, gotcha - so even as someone with loads of experience and expertise, you find that there are just some women that won't allow you to sleep with them on the first date? It's not always just sex on the first date for you?

On the other hand, if they're coming back to your place alone at night once you've PUT YOUR SEXUAL INTENT OUT THERE, then perhaps it is an issue of not turning her on enough.

Alright - then I'm off to try and build more sexual tension during the date!

Their not sleeping with you on the first date is exactly what makes them girlfriend-quality to begin with.

Whoa, epiphany - perhaps it's me building them up in my mind whilst on the date ("whoa, this girl is high-quality, I better not fuck it up!") that causes me to hesitate during my escalation and miss an escalation window of a sort...and it all comes back to this paradox that you mentioned here, the narrative that I don't sleep with "girlfriend-quality" girls on first dates.

What part of this response resonates with you and why?

Well, you gave me 3 ideas and each came from a different angle, so there's a lot of different gears running in my head. Fresh ideas I hadn't thought about - am I psyching myself out? Maybe it IS a problem with sexual tension? Other words, I believe your response was good in getting me to think of the problem differently.

Cheers brother!

~Nick

 

[sneaky_charm]

Okay Jeet02,

Will I have enough to say? To keep the conversation going?

Do not worry about what you say, just say 'Hi' first. Read 'How to Talk to Anyone' and 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', those 2 should help you greatly. And the best part? GC has about 20 INCREDIBLY HELPFUL posts on having great conversations. Besides, why would you worry about what you say? The whole point is to get her talking. Aim for a ratio that is close to 80 - 20, or 70 - 30 at least.

What happens if she just plain rejects me?

That's the beauty of the game mate. You will have to learn to enjoy the rejections, cause rejections are going to teach you the most when you reflect back on your interactions. Your goal, at this point, should be 'Let's see how many times I can get rejected.' And the moment you get a new rejection, smile, pat yourself on the back, and genuinely say to yourself 'Yup, I did it, I have one more rejection under my belt!'. Your best approaches will turn out to be those in which you have 0 fear of rejection, and that can only happen when you have been rejected so many times in so many different ways and situations that you become immune.

Hope I helped!

 

[Lotus]

Thread management/ conversation direction

I don't seem to have an issue engaging and building comfort with girls and then deep diving but I think I still offer too much of myself as I get carried away in conversation.

A lot of advice mentions "not being in your head" but I would argue I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I don't get blowouts and bad reactions because of over talking but I remove challenge. This also leads me to have trouble building a sexual frame.

How do you get inside your head? How do you work on managing the threads of conversation you enter and know what to avoid? It feels like such a fine line between conducive to seduction and being counter productive. I want her to tell me things she tells no one else but not negative things. I want to tell her enough but not too much.

Brum

 

[Troy]

Biggest Problem,

Moving past a doubtful and depressing mindset. After following advice on building social calibration I find people floating in and out of my life too often. I've upgraded my fundamentals, except my voice is still way too unattractive and hard to understand. I provide value to people and get thrown under the bus after they got what they wanted. I've provided value doing stuff like:

1) I followed a "friend" to the bank in downtown to change out some coins. When we arrived at the bank it was closed and I had to pull strings convincing the guards to let me in. They did and luckily my aunt worked there and because of the link I had with my aunt I got the coins changed when the computers had to be turned on back and the bank was two hours closed. Despite doing all that my friend doesn't acknowledge me whenever I'm around and I dont know why.

2) I assisted a guy (more acquaintance than friend ) with his project because I'm knowledgeable in the subject. We sat in a library and I helped him type his work. He too ignores me until he needs help.

3) I lent a friend $7.50 to make up and buy a iPhone. Now that he got the phone he doesn't care to talk to me.

4) Me and a girl sat in a library and I had her laughing her head off. Not only she but other girls I put effort into making them enjoy my company and yet I end up always having to be the one to call to them and talk everytime.

....and I could go on and on. Biggest problem is I provide value to other's and be good company to them yet they go be friends with someone else who is doing the same thing or nothing at all and leave me on my own. And I do remember to ask for compliance and not be a pushover . The result is I'm still not valued despite providing value. This makes me wonder what I'm still doing wrong and I have no idea how to fix it.

Troy

 

[Suave]

My biggest problem is approaching and continuing the conversation, but I'm working on it, approaching much more than what I was a month ago, stacking up rejections and that will be even more a focus after reading some advice above, I only day game, also with friends of no seduction knowledge or anything, so it's just me, me friends are, however pretty encouraging.

I'll get through it! Hells yeah!

 

[Drck]

Falling in love.

Just couple of weeks ago, I'm standing in some barber shop, waiting. There is this cute and sexy girl working there, good 7.5/10, decent size tits, perhaps just some 20 feet away. I see her back and front (in the mirror). So I'm just peeking at her here and there as I am waiting, making sure that she doesn't see me peeking. I'm thinking that she must be really interesting person. I was there actually with another girl, so talking to her would be kind of awkward.

Anyway, she must have saw me peeking at her, so after some 10-15 minutes she just walks directly towards to me, never looks at me but I can see her tits clearly. She grabs some stuff, gives me a couple of seconds window to open up, waiting patiently, and then she walks away. Then another 10 mins or so I was ready to leave, and now she gave me this deep and confident look, directly into my eyes...

I mean, I never saw her before nor after, I never heard her saying one word, but I realized that was falling in love right there. How is it even possible? Love again? Fuck no. It will never happen again....

 

[BarryS1]

Thanks Drexel! My problem is having consistent willpower to socialize every time I go out. By willpower, I mean that self-driving impulse to start a conversation and continue it.

Looking over my journal for the last 6 months or so, there are a couple days per month where I absolutely crush it while socializing. No hesitation, aggressive approaching, and consistent number closes. Other times, I don't have the willpower to approach or continue a conversation for that long. The best way to describe it is trying to start your car and nothing happening. I started noticing a consistent lack of willpower to socialize after the first year of approaching. There are waves when it comes back, but nothing like the first year of a constant urge to talk to everyone. I am not trying to break any habits, just trying to stay on the same trajectory.

I have tried rituals, going through an NLP workbook, energy drinks, reading/applying the articles about vibe from this site, and improving my health (workout, eat, sleep well). I still haven't pinned down what makes willpower so strong some days and not others.

 

[Smurf]

My biggest fear is just struggling to get better in general.

Once I learned about this stuff, no matter how many times I put it down for a month or two I can't stop thinking about the possibilities. I can't really be "normal" anymore knowing that I'm not living up to the full possibilities of my life. It's just a commitment issue, because I have moments where I just live "normally" again for a few weeks and it doesn't work for me. I know I just have to keep working at it.

Jake.

 

[topcat]

Are you guys all mass-approaching? There is such an easier way to learn. It still takes a lot of time and effort but at least it's spent in the right direction, IMO mass-approaching or "grinding" is usually just spinning your wheels.

I'm all ears, what's this easier way?