What it truly means to be Genuine? Thoughts.

[DLegend]

Hey folks, I've been dwelling on for a bit whether I should experience the asshole ways, and I have, for a few days back some time ago.

I am a quite genuine, I build people up, I listen, I compliment. Yet, I never get thrown under the bus myself, people qualify themselves to me, and they invest and put a lot of effort to be with me. Which I'm pretty proud of as, I'm still in highschool, so the level people trying to climb the social ladder is pretty high here.

Chase and Hector talk about being a jerk before you can become a genuine man. Now I somewhat agree to that in the sense of if you consciously think that being the "Jerk" is the last level, the "highest echelon" as they both once thought. During their Jerk phases, they did not simply know of something far better, they came to realize it with time, that there was something far better.

Now I ask you folks with experience, someone like me, who has knowledge that the "Jerk" isn't the last level, instead "Genuineness" is. Would I really need to go through the whole "fuck what you think" ? I ask this because it's simply not my style, and I really don't enjoy it, even those days I experienced being the asshole, even while being high on dopamine and arrogance, I didn't truly enjoy it.

I enjoy listening to people, making them feel special, because I disregard everything else while they talk to me, I care about people, etc. That's who I am. Meanwhile I don't let people take advantage of me, I think for myself and while I let other people express their opinions and accept them, I don't let things get out of hand, and I protect and defend the people I truly care about.

Maybe my view of being a Genuine Man isn't what it truly means to be a "Genuine Man", if so, please, feel free to tell me otherwise, I'm open to opinions!

-DL

 

[Chase]

DL-

Here's what I'd consider the "I think I'm genuine but haven't been much of a jerk; do I need to be a jerk?" checklist (it's a common question for guys who don't really want to be assholes and are already reasonably well calibrated socially, I feel like):

Can you, without being a dirtbag about it:

• Speak up and differ with anyone without worrying about being disliked?
• Voice politically incorrect sentiments that people nevertheless see the logic in?
• Point people's problems out to them clearly and unequivocally, in no uncertain terms?
• Peel people (and girls) off of groups and onto private places?
• Lead strongly and decisively, without tiptoeing around?
• React with moral force on a hairpin?
• Cut through the fog when everyone else is dancing around the issue?
• Control the frames of your interactions at the meta level?

If you can do these things without being a jerk or asshole, and you can do them without having to overcome a lot of nervousness or unease, you're genuine.

If you hold back from telling people things they need to hear but you're afraid might offend them, or you stifle your thoughts because you don't think people will like what you have to say, you're not there yet, and 99% of the time will need to go through a jerk/asshole phase first.

I'd also add that, like anything, this is more graduated scale than on-off switch. Like perfection, you can be progressively more genuine (which I'd really define as able to get your point across clearly and charismatically with as little wasted breath as possible while still taking reasonable care of others' emotions), but you are never "100% of the way there".

e.g., you might be 95% genuine with women, but maybe you encounter a novel situation or a type of girl you're not used to dealing with and it throws you a bit. Or maybe you're a commanding genuine man with most of the people you know, but then you meet a local celebrity with a lot of clout and you clam up and start acting funny around him.

However, spend some time getting used to girls like that, or rolling with that local celebrity, and pretty soon when you meet other girls with those characteristics or other local celebrities you aren't so affected and are able to hold control of your frame.

Also, being genuine doesn't necessarily mean you are always the leader - you don't have to be the biggest big shot in the room. The jerk tries to be. The genuine man is comfortable not being. However, he knows how to put the spotlight on himself with a moment's notice should he so choose to, because he spent enough time doing it in the past that the skill/knowledge is there.

Another way of thinking about genuine: the genuine man is a mater of tension.

The nice guy defuses tension, but cannot stomach creating it or being around too much of it.

The jerk creates and sustains tension, but despises defusing it.

The genuine man creates and sustains tension when useful, and defuses it when not, applying a sort of guiding hand to tension as a tool to make sure people are feeling exactly what he wants them to feel with it: tense when he needs them to feel tense (and he's perfectly capable of smiling calmly inwards while everyone around him squirms), and completely at ease when he'd rather them feel comfortable, and he does not back down from creating or maintaining tension due to fear or social pressure, nor does he cause tension and make people squirm purely for kicks or because he's on a power trip (he only does it for good cause).

Chase

 

[DLegend]

Chase,

My fears have become true. Hector said in one of his articles that, if you never go through a jerk phase, then you never understand what it truly means to be Genuine. The qualities I thought to be one of a Genuine men, were completely wrong. I do not possess not one quality from your bullet-point list.

What I thought to be "Genuine" was more like Nice guy qualities, I told myself otherwise of.

I'll be turning on my full asshole mode, and sail on it for a while, till the inner nice me is dead and gone.

One question: Does being an Asshole mean you have to be high energy, or can you be an asshole and also be low energy?

Another thing: What movies/shows would you recommend to get into the mindset?

-Thanks for the clear up, DL