What my Natural friend can never understand

[132]

one of my best friends (also 21 like me) is doing good with girls. He has lots of girl who like him and would go out/sleep with him.

But when we start talking about girls and how I've never even kissed a girl. He starts talking how easy it is to get a girl or a girlfriend,etc.

And always the advice he gives me is just go out. Then I ask him (like someone who has no experience) "Okay where do I go, when do I go, how do I approach a girl. what do I say?" And his response is always "man, I'll just stop talking. You're not listening to me. Just go out."

But I thought back all the times he was with a girl/girlfriend the past 8 years - He's never approached a single girl in his life. He always waits for the girls that like him to approach him. At some club or at university, or at the gym.

He's never approached himself. So he doesn't understand why I ask how to approach a girl. In his head I just need to go out and start getting approached by girls and do nothing like going out and approaching myself.

And he always tells me how easy it is to escalate, etc. Yeah it's easy when the girl likes you so much she approaches you and ask you out or asks you to go to her place.. There is no game needed. You just wait around for the girls who want you sooo much that they do all the approaching.seducing, etc.



I realized he might be one of my best friends but he can't teach me shit about seducing girls.


Have you ever met a person like that?


There is not much of a point in this post just sharing my thoughts, to get them out of my head.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/5-big ... %E2%80%9Ds

This article covers everything you mention.


Good luck with your first steps and may you get all of the kissy kisses,

Anatman

 

[Drck]

I disagree, you can learn a lot from your friend. "Just go out" is a great strategy. You'll meet lots of girls, by talking to them and being around them you will become more comfortable, less shy and anxious. Don't worry about seduction for some time, just make some girl friends. Be her friend, its ok. Work on fundamentals and you'll be fine. As a matter of fact, you should go out with him and learn as much as you can by copying what he does. You are overthinking things with girls, you worry a lot that you will mess up, you are anxious about what she thinks of you. Just go out and keep it simple like your friend. He'll teach you more by doing than you can learn by reading hundreds of pages on PUA sites.

 

[Light]

I have to agree with Drck and your friend here.

The first question that came in my mind when I read this is: "Do you even go out?" - as advised by your friend?

You have to start somewhere. You can't approach if you don't start by getting comfortable in going out, and actually Enjoy just going out without any expectations.

The difference between you and your friend is that he enjoys going out. He doesn't go out to pick up girls. And that is exactly the reason why he appears natural and attracts girls to him.
When girls approaches him, he just simply phase shifts.
I am pretty sure he is also using the "Pre-Selection" technique most of the time without realising it.

 

[trashKENNUT]

one of my best friends (also 21 like me) is doing good with girls. He has lots of girl who like him and would go out/sleep with him.

But when we start talking about girls and how I've never even kissed a girl. He starts talking how easy it is to get a girl or a girlfriend,etc.

And always the advice he gives me is just go out. Then I ask him (like someone who has no experience) "Okay where do I go, when do I go, how do I approach a girl. what do I say?" And his response is always "man, I'll just stop talking. You're not listening to me. Just go out."

But I thought back all the times he was with a girl/girlfriend the past 8 years - He's never approached a single girl in his life. He always waits for the girls that like him to approach him. At some club or at university, or at the gym.

I understand where you come from. You wonder why does he say to "just go out" when he never really approached. Your friend is a natural, this makes himself hard to explain to you what he is actually doing.

By telling you to "just go out", What he actually implement is that he wants you to go out and learn how people communicate.

z@c+

 

[Nova]

The reason your friend is good with girls is probably because he has spend a fair amount of time going out and approaching them. He has gotten to the point today where his prior work is paying off and attracting girls is seemingly easy for him. He doesn't have to know exactly what it is about him that attracts girls, all he knows is that going out = results. And it does, providing you've been doing it for a while anyway.

What GirlsChase and a few other seduction based websites allow a man to do is conceptualize their game, develop a process and analyze an interaction correctly, fast tracking your learning as opposed to just picking things up sub-consciously through repetition and results/failures. GC allows you to become consciously aware of what you are doing and should be doing, gifting you control over your own destiny and allowing you to examine certain areas of seduction which need to be worked upon.

In my opinion, the best place to learn seduction is through naturals. Watch your friend, and other men who know what they are doing and try to find the traits which link them all together, then develop those same traits in your own person. What you will find, in general is that all the traits those men possess will be similar to the things discussed here on GirlsChase, they will have great fundamentals, be good at leading women, know how to spot and act upon escalation windows fearlessly and have great social calibration.

This is how it went with me, I was always fairly good with women (after a lot of approaching and making a dick of myself when I was very young and learning the ropes) - but I could never really answer when somebody asked m 'how do i get a gal' or whatever, I always assumed that success with girls was either something you had or didn't. When I stumbled across GirlsChase and started reading I found it so interesting the way it allowed me to conceptualize things and understand why certain things worked and others didn't - it has increased my successes by quite a bit.

 

[132]

The reason your friend is good with girls is probably because he has spend a fair amount of time going out and approaching them. He has gotten to the point today where his prior work is paying off and attracting girls is seemingly easy for him. He doesn't have to know exactly what it is about him that attracts girls, all he knows is that going out = results. And it does, providing you've been doing it for a while anyway.

That's the thing - he hasn't approached a girl in his life. We know each other since we were 13 we were in the same class in highschool and sitting next to each other. Everyday going out together to shoot pool/ etc.


And I know he hasn't approached a single girl. Every girl he's been with has approached him. He doesn't have the balls to hay hi to a girl, but he gets girls approaching him.


The point of my post was that my natural friend doesn't understand why a person would ever approach a girl. His thinking is - just wait till a girl approaches you and asks you out. No need to ever approach yourself the girls you like.


And that was his advice to me - just go out and wait (if you have to for years) to get approached and never approach a girl myself

 

[Doctor]

Yeah I know a guy like this.

I don't know him that well, he is sort of periphery social circle, but I have been around him on a few nights out. I hesitate to call him a natural as he does some stupid stuff, like getting his dick out on the dance floor, smooth. But he is simply the best looking man I have ever laid eyes on in my life, by quite some way! So girls love this stupid shit. Especially young drunk ones.

I agree with Ico, there isn't much I can learn from him. He just heads out, does stupid shit to get attention, and girls gravitate around him like moths on a flame. From there all I can see is that he just follows basic escalation and rarely encounters any real resistance.

I did copy his haircut though!

-Doctor

 

[132]

Yeah I know a guy like this.

I don't know him that well, he is sort of periphery social circle, but I have been around him on a few nights out. I hesitate to call him a natural as he does some stupid stuff, like getting his dick out on the dance floor, smooth. But he is simply the best looking man I have ever laid eyes on in my life, by quite some way! So girls love this stupid shit. Especially young drunk ones.

I agree with Ico, there isn't much I can learn from him. He just heads out, does stupid shit to get attention, and girls gravitate around him like moths on a flame. From there all I can see is that he just follows basic escalation and rarely encounters any real resistance.

I did copy his haircut though!

-Doctor

That's exactly what I'm talking about. But my friend isn't much good looking. I'd say he's a bit above average. The differences between us looks wise are:
- he's 6feet 4 inches and I'm 6feet 1inch
- dresses a bit bad - jeans a bit baggy and not slim fitted, baggy t-shirts instead of fitted shirts and weird shoes the kind a 50 year old lawyer would wear
- he's always being the funny one in our group of male friends, kinda the comedian but when we are with other people he completely shuts out and stops talking and just stands there
- doesn't talk or deep dive girls - always answers with 1-2 words and lets the girl do ALL the work
- dances alone and it looks kinda silly/weird


I swear he's acting like a girl. Doing exactly what girls usually do and wait for some girl to come approach him, have a conversation with him, escalate with him etc.. Like he's waiting for the girl to be the man in the interaction without him taking any initiative. But he still gets girls and some super super hot ones.


Maybe it's easy because the girls who go that far are ready to have sex with him right there and they don't even care if he says anything.
And he's getting only the kind of girls who are active about approaching guys and taking charge.

So "just go out" works for him.


But I don't want that. I don't want to wait around. I want to approach a girl whenever I see one. And I've tried to learn that from him all this time, thinking if he gets girls he must be doing day game cold approaching. But it's not the case.

Meaning you can probably get girls a bunch of different ways no only by being a man and approaching.

 

[Drck]

I've never approached hot woman (8-9/10), at least not intentionally. They usually approached me, and I mean the hottest ones I've met in my entire life. They approached me while I was quite passive, and not even interested, sort of like you describe your friend.

When you approach her, you signal that you are interested, therefore you are the one who is investing, who is making effort, who is making her value bigger than yours, who is kind of supplicating. You can cover it any way you want, if she has some brains she'll always knows that she has the cards in her hands, and you are facing rejection.

On the other hand, if she approaches you, she is signaling that she is interested and available. Right there you get rid off bunch of useless PUA stuff. She is investing into you, she is the one who makes an effort. By default you have bigger value than she does. But you must have really great fundamentals, you must be sexy, otherwise she'll approach you only as a potential non-threatening friend. I also believe that at the same time you must be in sort of meditative state, relaxed, in positive, friendly and outgoing mood, while at the same time you don't give a damn about the outcome with her. Some people are in this state of mind by default, others have to learn it.

But you can't of course mess it up, you got to have great fundamentals, you must know what you want - and go for it when she gives you the window. Personally I consider this much better and efficient strategy than going out and approaching tons of women.

 

[Pato]

Ico,

If he is getting hot girls to approach him, then he must be doing something right. By seeing exactly what he does and how he gets girls to approach him, and how he deals with them during the interaction, you could learn some things on how to replicate the kind of results he's getting. I get that you're saying he isn't doing anything particularly well, but if he wasn't doing anything well then he wouldn't have girls approaching him so much. And if you see him do things that cause him to fuck up and not close or pull a girl home, then you can see what doesn't work from him and certain things not to do with women.

If girls aren't approaching you, and you want to start meeting women on your own without having to wait for them to approach, then he's not the person to learn this specific skill from. Someone who doesn't approach at all won't be someone you want to teach you how to open girls (obviously). But there are other things that you can take away and learn from him. If he's still cleaning up like nobody's business, then you would do yourself a huge favor to see how he does things and what he does to make things work. But he IS missing a lot of opportunities by not taking the initiative and never approaching girls, because some girls that are attracted to him won't always approach him (out of nervousness/shyness, social pressure, friends, etc). So just realize that you won't learn how to approach from him, but just by hanging out with him and surrounding yourself with another guy who is successful with women, you can take the things in that you learn along the way.

So the advice "Just go out" can still be very effective advice, but how effective will vary. If you take a shier/more timid guy that is clueless with women, then just going out won't do as much to help, as he still won't know what to do. He can still learn a good bit from being around naturals/more advanced guys, it's just that the process will take longer than giving him specific advice or instruction. On the other hand, if you take a guy that is at least average with women and knows a fair bit, just going out more than he already does will improve his skills and will get him more lays just by playing the numbers.

-Pato

 

[Doctor]

That's exactly what I'm talking about. But my friend isn't much good looking. I'd say he's a bit above average.

That is interesting. The guy I know pretty much only gets approached due to his looks. This was explicitly demonstrated to me when a girl I had number closed earlier in the night walked up to him, just within earshot of me, and proceeded to open him in the most ridiculously forward way I have ever seen (she was a solid 9 too) only to have him barely acknowledge her and just blow her off with a "nah". My curiosity got the better of me and I interacted with her a bit more that night (she later flaked on a date with me, my current sticking point!) and she basically told me she just had to go talk to him because it is so rare to meet such a good looking guy. I guess because guys can only do so much to look better (no make-up or push up bra's) that a truly good looking guy is something girls are more than willing to compete for. I think this particular girl was so clumsy and forward when she opened him because she never usually opens, but this was the time to make an exception.

Anyway the point of all this is that I thought most naturals worked this way. You know, they have that something about them that makes girls go crazy and do all the work so they don't have to be good. So it's interesting to see that you friend seems to be able to do this without the gift of great looks. I would love to know exactly how he does it, I didn't know fundamentals could be THAT powerful. If they can be then perhaps I need to work on mine more.

Watching this with interest.

-Doctor

 

[Nuncle]

I can sympathise.

People who are good at stuff (can be anything) often don't realise they are good at it. They just think everyone is like them and can't understand why they don't use their powers. Its like when people say to a bullying victim "just man up!" They don't realise that they have a certain mindset/life situation that makes it easy to "man up".

You may as well say "oh just get in the car and drive, for goodness' sake!" to someone who has never driven before.

 

[Chase]

Ico-

That's exactly what I'm talking about. But my friend isn't much good looking. I'd say he's a bit above average. The differences between us looks wise are:
- he's 6feet 4 inches and I'm 6feet 1inch
- dresses a bit bad - jeans a bit baggy and not slim fitted, baggy t-shirts instead of fitted shirts and weird shoes the kind a 50 year old lawyer would wear
- he's always being the funny one in our group of male friends, kinda the comedian but when we are with other people he completely shuts out and stops talking and just stands there
- doesn't talk or deep dive girls - always answers with 1-2 words and lets the girl do ALL the work
- dances alone and it looks kinda silly/weird


I swear he's acting like a girl. Doing exactly what girls usually do and wait for some girl to come approach him, have a conversation with him, escalate with him etc.. Like he's waiting for the girl to be the man in the interaction without him taking any initiative. But he still gets girls and some super super hot ones.


Maybe it's easy because the girls who go that far are ready to have sex with him right there and they don't even care if he says anything.
And he's getting only the kind of girls who are active about approaching guys and taking charge.

So "just go out" works for him.


But I don't want that. I don't want to wait around. I want to approach a girl whenever I see one. And I've tried to learn that from him all this time, thinking if he gets girls he must be doing day game cold approaching. But it's not the case.

Meaning you can probably get girls a bunch of different ways no only by being a man and approaching.

Yeah, sure, this sounds exactly like me before I started teaching myself game (minus the being 6'4" part). The only difference is that your friend apparently knows how to take action at the right times and take phone numbers / set up dates / close, whereas I didn't know how to do that kind of thing when I used to do this as my bread and butter, and girls will rarely do those things for you.

All he's doing is tapping into an understanding of female psychology to get them to approach: that is, girls will approach you when you are separate, clearly alone, and they won't have to risk approaching you in front of other people (e.g., your friends), which is way scarier to do. So, he separates himself, then draws attention to himself with his dancing and, I'd wager, also where and how he chooses to post up, and he waits for girls to come up to him.

See this article if you want to understand what he's doing better:

Tactics Tuesdays: Get Approached by Women

Really though, there's no need for you to get him to "understand" what you're trying to do. Just go do it. Once you learn cold approach, you'll be able to pull off things he wouldn't dream of when you're good. At some point, it may be worthwhile for you to circle back and study what he's doing though - when you're tired or low energy, it is still nice sometimes to hang back and let the girls come to you.

Chase

 

[Nuncle]

Yes indeed.

Or occassionally if you listen to them long enough they will throw out a nugget without realising it.