What next gents?

[Mr.Rob]

Went on a date with a girl last night, brought her home within 30 minutes, and failed to escalate all the way to sex because I wasn't proactive/passionate enough in eliciting the right emotions to seduce her.

However she's somewhat intrigued by me and told me she wanted to see me again when I dropped her off surprisingly enough. Kept saying "I've never met anyone like you" and other flatteries of that nature.

I honestly don't think I will see her again (based on my past experiences with failed escalation) but I'm going to try and set up a date again anyway.

If you were in my situation how would you proceed with the next date?

At this point in the game I have two options that I see fit.

A. Date compression: In which I was planning on taking her to a local nature trail I've been wanting to go to since I've moved (kill two birds with one stone). Don't kiss her/get physical at all but build sexual tension and make her chase and wonder "whats next". Then have the next date at my house and escalate to sex and don't fuck up and make same mistake as last night.

B. Friendzone her, get her to come help out at a fundraising event that a team I'm working with on a business school venture are holding. I'm the leader of all this so I would be in a place of authority. My aim here would be to get her to chase as a mix of seeing me in authority making shit happen and also that I friendzoned her and aren't chasing her like all the other guys she meets.

or option
C. A better suggestion that you have

At this point I'm going to shoot for option A as I think it's less work and more practical.

Thnx for the input!

-Rob

 

[Smith]

I would go for option A too. She seems keen. Friendzoning her might send her into autorejection.

good luck

 

[Raqimus]

Definitely A, B seems like too much effort.

 

[John116]

Option A looks like a winner. Here's Chases post on what to do on a 2nd date after a failed escalation:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-sec ... -and-swoon

 

[Drck]

Don't doubt yourself, you did great. IMO she will give you another opportunity with no problems. Next time simply push yourself one more step further. Keep your frame

You got her to your place on first date within half an hour, so I wouldn't plan any looong site seeing at your trail. Don't try to "seduce" her, for the most part she already is. Start at half way point where you were last time, then quickly progress where you ended last time. Then go further. If you were physical and kissed her last time, do the same as soon as you get a chance. Don't make her wonder what "will happen next", from last time she already knows what should happen and she was 'open' to it. So she already knows. She was 'open' to sleep with you last time, so don't try to make it "dating for weeks" experience, keep the same frame like last time - fast, efficient, not wasting any time...

 

[Mr.Rob]

Thanks for your thoughts guys.

@Drck- I really like your suggestion (as I'm all for being direct and not wasting unnecessary time) but my thinking is if I get her back over to my house and resume where we left off she'll put up 2X more resistance than originally. You think just invite her over for dinner and then just escalate from there?

I'd love to hear your rationale as to why you think your suggestion, which I personally prefer over mine, would be the best option.

My thinking was to just hang out with her and make no physical contact might throw her off a bit and get her chasing me and wanting me more.

Thanks,

-Rob

 

[Lotus]

Rob,

My thinking was to just hang out with her and make no physical contact might throw her off a bit and get her chasing me and wanting me more

It definitely would throw her off, but wouldn't you rather maintain your congruence?

She knows what your about and will be expecting you to push to sex. Her showing up for a second date would be accepting that frame and she is giving you another chance. If you "game" her to get her to chase, it could cause auto-rejection.

Kept saying "I've never met anyone like you" and other flatteries of that nature.

You clearly already won her over, the hard part is done. Don't over think it just lay her. You're a sexy, intriguing man why wouldn't she want the D.

 

[Franco]

Rob,

Actually, this is a tough situation. The problem is, date compression is BEST used if you two ended the first date without going to each other's places and attempting to physically escalate (and then failing). So date compression is most effective, for example, if you finished a first date, passionately kissed the girl, pulled away from her in the middle of the kiss, and then made her wonder whether or not she's going to see you again. And then of course... she eventually does: on a second date.

However, getting her back to your place and physically escalating, and then failing, puts you in an awkward position. Date compression kinda gets stifled here because it feels like you're going "backwards." You go from a date, to physical escalation (and ALMOST sex) back to... a date? It just doesn't sit right in a girl's mind.

At the same time, your failed escalation not only makes her feel more in control, but it also makes her privy to the fact that you're probably going to try to escalate on her again the next time you two are alone, which allows her to prepare her defense against it. You don't want that either.

I don't think I had read the article that John linked until now, but Chase pretty much communicates my thoughts on the matter. His solution is a bit difficult to muster up on a moment's notice, however. With that being said, you might be able to run with an alternative solution. Since this girl did want to see you again, you could try inviting her out for a drink and then be extremely platonic about everything (as if you've friend-zoned her). And then during the outing, you be the one to end it somewhat early and say you have to go. This way, she thinks "wait, was this even a date? What just happened?" At this point, she still likes you, but you threw her off by not doing what she thought you were going to do.

From there, you pretty much go silent on her. If she happens to contact you again asking to hang out, then you can suggest having a meal at your place and relaxing and seeing if she bites. The previous "date" will reset her defenses against your escalation, so then you can re-attempt to escalate from there.

This would be my suggestion if the whole "party" thing that Chase suggests in that article isn't viable. But just keep in mind that this situation is one that is harder to recover from than one where the first date ended before escalation occurred.

NOTE: These days, if I get to escalation, I pretty much just tough it out for however many hours it takes until sex occurs. Once you get that far, it's best just to be patient and push for the finish line, even if it takes all night for her to finally let you do it!

- Franco

 

[Mr.Rob]

Thanks for all the input guys,

@Franco- I like your idea the best as I think that's essentially what I had planned on minus the "romantic outing" thing at the nature reserve. You think ditch that idea and just go for a basic drink and be platonic and end things early? Kind of fun, I think I could play around with that and stir her emotions up a bit and see if she bites.

Thanks for the reply!

-Rob

 

[Drck]

Hi Rob, there is always couple of right answers, IMO it always goes to your overall frame, to your personality, what you are comfortable with. My attitude is rather simple, it is impossible to fit it into a couple of words (or as you can see books, LOL), but essentially: "I am who I am and I am not going to change because of that girl".

So if I go for a date and I fail, ok, it is what it is. I failed. But I already made some impression on that girl, we already have something in common, so I'm simply gonna do the same thing over and over, until I succed because I assume that she is 'open'. And there are smart ways to do it, there are less smart ways, and there are dumb ways. I'm just a regular guy who is avoiding the dumb/painful ways, yet at the same time I am not seeking any sophistication as seduction (IMO) should rather be easy - she either likes you enough to sleep with you or not, there are no tricks. So my way may not be the most sophisticated but I simply overwhelm her with my frame.

Think about newbies. Most of these guys know nothing about seduction, yet many of them can get several dates in a row. They can go for a date with that girl 10 times, not sleep with her at all, and still - she is still interested enough to eventually sleep with him. How? If these guys pre-think every step they would have to give up after 2-3 dates because the chances are diminishing. And that is true - just not always. I used to date girls for months before I slept with them, and they were still interested in sexual relationship. They were pushing me into it, but I just didn't see it... Ok, maybe I wasn't that fast lover who can nail a girl on the first date - but I was still getting laid...

So Franco is right, she might be prepared for your escallation and try to defend against it. At the same time, if she "likes you enough" she will make sure that you can overcome those barriers, because, well, because she simply likes you enough... and if she likes you enough she will also tolerate your mistakes...

So in essence, the simplest way is to start where you finished, and add to it. This will show her your persistance and determination, those are good qualities. You are trying and she will always help you, as long as she is interested. Based on what you wrote, she is IMO still interested... I wouldn't change that frame though, you got her to your place after half an hour... So next time I would want to get her to my place again, perhaps after some short date. I wouldn't go out hiking for too long without doing anything...

 

[Mr.Rob]

Most of these guys know nothing about seduction, yet many of them can get several dates in a row. They can go for a date with that girl 10 times, not sleep with her at all, and still - she is still interested enough to eventually sleep with him

Haha yeah I've met a few guys like that... honestly I think there game is better than mine. I don't think I could keep a girl interested long enough for that.

I wouldn't change that frame though... So next time I would want to get her to my place again, perhaps after some short date. I wouldn't go out hiking for too long without doing anything...

Thanks for hashing out your perspective for me. I like your thoughts on holding your frame.

 

[Lotus]

This thread has made me re-evaluate... lots of good information in here.

I think I completely understand one of my failed second dates now.

 

[Drck]

Yes, I would definitely keep the same frame. Think about it, you already took her to your place, after half an hour. She already told you that she wants to see you again, and other flatteries. So she knows what is going on (you and her alone at your place, very fast!), and if she shows up for next date you know that she is definitely interested. She is interested because she liked those things you did during the first date - otherwise she wouldn't show up for another date. So simply keep doing what you were doing, give her more of what she likes.

Now imagine you start doing something else. She comes to a date expecting MORE of what happened last time, but now you are going to take her for some long trip. Ok, the trip might be quite nice - but she might get disappointed, it is possible that her expectations of being seduced fast were not met. Remember, the likelihood that all the other guys she knows were taking it really SLOW is high, and that might be the reason why she told you "I've never met anyone like you". So if you start changing that frame, you will also appear as less confident, you will appear insecure - it didn't work out the first time so you are now seeking more time, you are 'moving away' from the issue of sleeping with her... She will shift you to "just like the other guys" orbit, you'll get dumped, and you'll be wondering what has happened...

I'm not saying to do exactly the same things you did last time, just some quick/interesting date - and then mover her to your place again... After all, she wants the same thing like you, so there is no reason to worry much about her defenses much, she might play hard to get, but she wants it...