FR What REALLY went wrong here

[MikeD]

hey everyone. been a silent lurker of the room. so I decided to join the forum and post a FR that I'm not sure how to proceed.

this is interesting to me because this chic was hot af HB9 or 10 depending on who you ask with a banging body & curves. inspired lately to start approaching hotter women.

initially posted on a discord so I got excellent feedback from guys like @fog

so let me know what you guys think


THE BEGINNING/APPROACH

so I came with my friends to the café and she's sitted with her friends. They're done eating from the plates on the table. I go to order a drink. She comes over to the counter too to order stuff. I ordered my stuff. And she kept looking at me. making eye contact. AI spotted.

so I turn to her:

Me: you eating here or getting a take out (her friend was done eating so I wanted to be sure if I can start seducing her)

Her: yeah I'm eating here.

Me: alright then. I'd like to talk to you for like 5 minutes before I go

Her: sure no p

At this point my order came so I just grabbed it and went to eat.

She took a seat beside her friend that was free (almost like she was expecting me to come join her)

But my friends left to a nearby bar. I Had to join them. Once they left, I went to her table, pulled out a chair and sat down

Vibed with her a bit. Told her I have to go join my friends but would still like to talk to her

She says sure. Ask her when will she be done from there. She tells me. I didn't want to start seducing her there right in front of her friends.

my phone was dead so I told her "Give me your number. I'll charge my phone with my friend's power bank, text you so you have mine. when you're done, hit me up"


vibed a bit after this then left. We were meeting up with some people at the bar so no idea how long it would take.

i didn't hit her up because my friend didn't come with his power bank. we did end up finishing early enough.

so i went back in the cafe with my friend. ordered a drink and sat down.

3 girls I knew came in. we vibed, talked a bit.

she was looking at me the whole time.


BRIEF INSTA DATE

Won't really count this as an insta date but whatever.

later on, the girls left. My friend left. and two of her friends left too. remaining her and one more.

her friend left the table to make a call so I took the opportunity to talk to her.

i signalled her with my hands to come over.

she came and sat opposite me. while sitting she smiled and jokingly said "are you planning to preach to me"

I smiled and said "come and sit here" (beside me)

she smiles and comes over.

Me: why did you say that (while smiling)

She: the way you approached me with the whole talk to you for five minutes thing (while smiling)

I said nah it's because my friends and I had few minutes left so we were heading for a meeting at the bar

Then I ask her why did she say pastor......

And if I look like one.she says no. it's just the way I approached her

so I ask what do I look like
She says "gentle and laid back" I smiled and continue

I notice she's tensed a bit. So I told her not to be and relax

She smiles just a bit and says: "It's not like that. It's her friends waiting for her plus she's waiting for me to get straight to the point"

I said well we just met so I'm basically observing her vibe and seeing what kind of girl she is

Then I ask her if she knows how she comes across

She looks at me seductively as says "how"

I say "do you really want to know"

She let's out an enthusiastic "yes" so I tell her "has anyone ever told you have a different energy behind your eyes"

Her smile is really big now and she lights up.. says no she hasn't heard that before.. i ask what has she heard then

She says people usually compliment her about her voice and skin colour. While people close to her compliment her about how lively her vibe is. I comment on how soothing her voice is

We talk a bit more. She's basically laughing, smiling, blushing. She says "the way you're looking at me is making me smile. And I'm not usually like this with people I just meet"

She then tries to playfully adjust her lips with her hands so she doesn't smile. I look at her with a smirk and say "don't even bother. You can't help it"

She starts smiling & laughing again

Her body language was more of like she's feeling some tension and relieving it by laughing and smiling at my most boring jokes & teases

then I say I noticed three things about her. Told her ill say 2 now and one later.

I said she seems mischievous. She smiles and looks at me seductively and asks me how.

I joke and say "I just get the feeling. for instance, if we were lovers you're the type to hide my stuff or wallet so I can stay with you and not go out"

She laughs and says "I'm like that but wont necessarily call it mischievous."

I reply "well not the negative kind of mischievous more like the fun type"

She smiles and says yeah true

I tell her the second one is that she seems like someone that doesn't take life too seriously

She's like yeah. She loves to live in the moment. So we talk a bit on the positive sides of living in the moment.

I ask her where she's from. She tells me. I told her she seemed from somewhere else.

she asks back. I make her guess

she guesses correctly. ask how did she know. she says she can just tell. I tease her for stalking me

she laughs and says nah she isn't. I ask where she grew up. she mentions the city we're in. I tell her where I grew up too

so we just Vibe more. her friends signal her that she's almost done and about to go

somehow the convo turns into travelling. she says the City is kind of boring. So she travels to other fun cities

i then tell her about a bar that's relaxing. She says she knows there and it's one of the few cool places

Then we just vibe a bit after that. I tell her based on me just vibing with her and seeing what kind of girl she is.. she's done well so far. Tell her I like her vibe and she doesn't seem like much trouble so far. She laughs & smiles then says "nah I'm no trouble at all"

At this point her friend looks like she's done so she's about to leave

we talk some more. That's when I tell her I'd like to spend some time with her as we get up to leave

she responds "well you have my number.. so text me let's see how it goes"

We talk for a few seconds and we say bye"


MY QUESTIONS


- why do you think she said "let's see how it goes" at the end. It's a maybe response so In my mind it means she's interested but not that much


- she frequents the cafe so I'll run into her again. How do you think I should approach her when I see her?.

My goal is to casually run into her then, talk with her and do another "brief insta date" at the cafe. The cafe is not secluded enough for a full-on seduction. so after the brief insta date, propose a date later that day or the next day

Thanks for reading

 

[MikeD]

@Chase @Teevster @Karea Ricardus D. @Will_V @Skills

 

[Gorili]

At a high level, to answer what went wrong or could be improved, a few things:

• The first half of the interaction up until you left for the bar was really awkward and not smooth, and you could've shown more leadership
• When you came back from the bar, the interaction there was overly gamey when the focus was to relieve tension
• You didn't really connect with her on a deeper level

Me: alright then. I'd like to talk to you for like 5 minutes before I go

Told her I have to go join my friends but would still like to talk to her

She knows that you want to talk to her already so no need to repeat it. This makes things a bit awkward and increases the tension (not in a good way). I mean, aren't you already talking to her physically? Why the need to verbalize it?

Ask her when will she be done from there. She tells me. I didn't want to start seducing her there right in front of her friends.

Sometimes, you will have no other choice than to do it on the spot with her friends nearby. Second chances don't always come around. Since she's been so inviting, you should've just stayed with them and see how things go. You could always eject to find your friends later and build intrigue that way. Furthermore, you could've done some light teasing / flirting here to show that this is a seduction.

my phone was dead so I told her "Give me your number. I'll charge my phone with my friend's power bank, text you so you have mine. when you're done, hit me up"

Did you try asking her, her friends, or the cafe workers if they have an extra power bank? Speaking from experience, you'd be surprised how many people have one on them. If they did have one, this could've saved the entire interaction and gave you a lot more time. Perhaps, something to remember for next time.

What does "when you're done" mean?

i didn't hit her up because my friend didn't come with his power bank. we did end up finishing early enough.

so i went back in the cafe with my friend. ordered a drink and sat down.

3 girls I knew came in. we vibed, talked a bit.

she was looking at me the whole time.

You got lucky here. A lot of times, people are gone by the time you circle back.

i signalled her with my hands to come over.

she came and sat opposite me. while sitting she smiled and jokingly said "are you planning to preach to me"

Natural response from her given how much time has passed since the first part of the interaction. You didn't set the right frame of what you wanted from her before running off, and now she's questioning what your intents are. What was initially a natural running into each other meet-cute thing has now snowballed into a big ball of tension.

Then I ask her why did she say pastor......

And if I look like one.she says no. it's just the way I approached her

so I ask what do I look like
She says "gentle and laid back" I smiled and continue

I notice she's tensed a bit. So I told her not to be and relax

She smiles just a bit and says: "It's not like that. It's her friends waiting for her plus she's waiting for me to get straight to the point"

I was correct above. How long has it been since you guys first chatted in line? An hour?

Girls are generally much more indirect, but she's telling you directly what you need to do to remove the awkwardness cuz you've been dragging this out for way too long without getting to the point. She still doesn't know what you want from her even after all this time.

I said well we just met so I'm basically observing her vibe and seeing what kind of girl she is

Then I ask her if she knows how she comes across

She looks at me seductively as says "how"

I say "do you really want to know"

At this point, your goal should've been to relieve tension quickly, like make a joke or something. What you did here was way too gamey. It would've worked if you did this before you left for the bar during part 1, but the timing here is off. Good technique, but incorrect application.

It's like someone knocking on your door, and 20 minutes in you still have no idea what they want or are trying to sell you...

She then tries to playfully adjust her lips with her hands so she doesn't smile. I look at her with a smirk and say "don't even bother. You can't help it"

She starts smiling & laughing again

Her body language was more of like she's feeling some tension and relieving it by laughing and smiling at my most boring jokes & teases

Good intuition and understanding of what she's feeling

then I say I noticed three things about her. Told her ill say 2 now and one later.

I said she seems mischievous. She smiles and looks at me seductively and asks me how.

I joke and say "I just get the feeling. for instance, if we were lovers you're the type to hide my stuff or wallet so I can stay with you and not go out"

She laughs and says "I'm like that but wont necessarily call it mischievous."

I reply "well not the negative kind of mischievous more like the fun type"

She smiles and says yeah true

I tell her the second one is that she seems like someone that doesn't take life too seriously

She's like yeah. She loves to live in the moment. So we talk a bit on the positive sides of living in the moment.

Again, similar to the points above, you're going back to building too much unnecessary intrigue. She's probably thinking that you're treating this as a game or something.

I ask her where she's from. She tells me. I told her she seemed from somewhere else.

she asks back. I make her guess

she guesses correctly. ask how did she know. she says she can just tell. I tease her for stalking me

she laughs and says nah she isn't. I ask where she grew up. she mentions the city we're in. I tell her where I grew up too

so we just Vibe more. her friends signal her that she's almost done and about to go

somehow the convo turns into travelling. she says the City is kind of boring. So she travels to other fun cities

This should've happened way earlier. It should have been your core focus when you came back from the bar.

- why do you think she said "let's see how it goes" at the end. It's a maybe response so In my mind it means she's interested but not that much

Correct. You had all this time, but she's probably not feeling the connection because you guys barely know anything about each other. You probably came across more as an entertainer than a seducer.

2 more things: I don't think you rewarded her for being so compliant the entire time (quite impressive actually) and barely qualified her on the surface of what you liked about her

- she frequents the cafe so I'll run into her again. How do you think I should approach her when I see her?.

"Oh hey Stacey. How have you been? It must truly be destiny that we run into each other again. Found any hidden gems or cool bars lately?"

 

[MikeD]

At a high level, to answer what went wrong or could be improved, a few things:

• The first half of the interaction up until you left for the bar was really awkward and not smooth, and you could've shown more leadership
• When you came back from the bar, the interaction there was overly gamey when the focus was to relieve tension
• You didn't really connect with her on a deeper level

She knows that you want to talk to her already so no need to repeat it. This makes things a bit awkward and increases the tension (not in a good way). I mean, aren't you already talking to her physically? Why the need to verbalize it?



Sometimes, you will have no other choice than to do it on the spot with her friends nearby. Second chances don't always come around. Since she's been so inviting, you should've just stayed with them and see how things go. You could always eject to find your friends later and build intrigue that way. Furthermore, you could've done some light teasing / flirting here to show that this is a seduction.



Did you try asking her, her friends, or the cafe workers if they have an extra power bank? Speaking from experience, you'd be surprised how many people have one on them. If they did have one, this could've saved the entire interaction and gave you a lot more time. Perhaps, something to remember for next time.

What does "when you're done" mean?



You got lucky here. A lot of times, people are gone by the time you circle back.



Natural response from her given how much time has passed since the first part of the interaction. You didn't set the right frame of what you wanted from her before running off, and now she's questioning what your intents are. What was initially a natural running into each other meet-cute thing has now snowballed into a big ball of tension.



I was correct above. How long has it been since you guys first chatted in line? An hour?

Girls are generally much more indirect, but she's telling you directly what you need to do to remove the awkwardness cuz you've been dragging this out for way too long without getting to the point. She still doesn't know what you want from her even after all this time.



At this point, your goal should've been to relieve tension quickly, like make a joke or something. What you did here was way too gamey. It would've worked if you did this before you left for the bar during part 1, but the timing here is off. Good technique, but incorrect application.

It's like someone knocking on your door, and 20 minutes in you still have no idea what they want or are trying to sell you...



Good intuition and understanding of what she's feeling



Again, similar to the points above, you're going back to building too much unnecessary intrigue. She's probably thinking that you're treating this as a game or something.



This should've happened way earlier. It should have been your core focus when you came back from the bar.



Correct. You had all this time, but she's probably not feeling the connection because you guys barely know anything about each other. You probably came across more as an entertainer than a seducer.

2 more things: I don't think you rewarded her for being so compliant the entire time (quite impressive actually) and barely qualified her on the surface of what you liked about her



"Oh hey Stacey. How have you been? It must truly be destiny that we run into each other again. Found any hidden gems or cool bars lately?"

Thank you so much for the response bro. really helpful.

i told her the five minutes thing so I let know it may not be a quick interaction because i had no idea how long i would be there. but yeah, in hindsight, i guess I shouldn't have said that


i really couldn't stay back because the bar meeting with my friends was important. i was more concerned in getting her number in case i don't see her. that was why i rushed for it that way. i didn't think of flirting. because I thought my eye contact and me checking her out should have sent the message lol.

i didn't bother asking her friends for a power bank. One, cause I didn't want to talk to them. and 2, I really had to go. my mindset was just to get the number and leave. I asked "when who you be done here" like when would she be done at the café. Wanted to know if they would be staying longer. so I told her to give me an estimate.


how would i have set the right frame before leaving for the bar? Flirting with her? i didn't do that because I didn't want to start something seductive then leave abruptly.


Yes, you're right. The time from us chatting to me coming back to the bar was about an hour 30 mins.


not sure how I would have relieved the tension when I got back. i didn't actually pick up on how tensed she was until later. but you're spot on that there was big ball of tension surrounding us maybe why she smiled and laughed a lot trying to relieve it


I agree. It did feel gamey. Even from my end lol. I probably came across as entertaining rather than seductive. how would I have made it more seductive and less entertaining?

Another thing to add I was rushing through all these things cuz I had little time. so I felt like getting out as much game material as quickly as possible


About the two things: 1) how would I have rewarded her compliance? I thought me telling her how I liked her vibe and she's doing well so far would have been enough. and when I agreed with her about living in the moment. I thought I qualified here.
2) should I have given her a surface qualification or a deeper one? what suggestions do you think I should have said to qualify her?


Thanks for that. My goal is to run into her again at the cafe. Do a small mini insta date. Then seed a real proper date in a more secluded area. but my concern is what to do after i deliver the line you gave. what should be my focus be on the mini insta date?

--should I start off with teasing her but then transition into more comfort/connection stuff? And what kind of topics with her would be the most effective to do this?

--- also, would it be a good idea to call back something talked about earlier. Things I noted: she mentioned people compliment on her voice so thinking of asking if wanted to do a podcast. She grew up in the city so I'm thinking of telling her how her vibe was, she said it with child like energy, so thinking of telling her she misses being a child. she also hinted on how the city, life and work can be depressing due to little fun places. She also said she travels a lot and she likes living in the moment.

If you do agree on calling back things from our convo, which of them would be more appropriate to lead with


--lastly, is there a chance she left feeling tensed. and because of that, she might want to avoid it happening by becoming non-compliant


thanks for reading. i did enjoy your analysis. it felt too gamey and like we didn't really connect or build comfort. I don't think I stimulated her emotionally enough. if you can give pointers on how to do these things, it would be helpful

 

[MikeD]

Hey Chase @Chase Please can you respond. Would like to hear your thoughts