what to do if a girl tries to disqualify herself

Smith

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 14, 2013
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1,017
I've always noticed that girls do this all the time, but when a girl is actively disqualifying herself because it's obvious she doesn't qualify, I'm just not sure what to say.

For example, I was talking to this really cute girl the other day, but she was just dressed average, and during our conversation I complimented on her hat.
Me: "hey that's a really cute hat. You don't see that around here at all! where did you get it?"
Her: "blah blah blah...but I'm not some kind of fashionista though"
Me: "haha sure ;)" then change the topic because I'm not sure what to say.

I know we should help girls to be qualified for our screens, but I'm not sure how to help them without looking weak or trying too hard. Like in the situation above, I can't say "oh sure you are! you got fantastic style going on here!" because that would just make me look like I'm trying too hard please her. It would be like telling a fat girl she's not fat. you know what I mean? In another words, I can't deliver a compliment if it's not true. lol

Another solution I can think of is to play down the value of being a fashionista and tease her co-operatively.

What's the best way to handle these situations?

smith.
 

Oskar

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jul 5, 2013
Messages
182
Hi Smith,

Besides making sure your compliments are genuine, you could experiment with using cold reads in place of your early-interaction compliment. They can play essentially the same role but can be more fun and allow you to come off as more genuine and dominant faster, and can also be good for setting up a chase frame early on. The more specific the better. But basically, don't give compliments that don't apply. Just be a bit more creative, and focus on their character more than their clothes, and you'll be head and shoulders above most other guys.

You also could always just agree with her -- be like: "Yeah, actually you're right. Anyway..." If she's on auto-pilot that'll probably throw her out of it, though be careful not to come off judgmental. Make it clear that you're teasing, otherwise this'd be a neg, and those are generally something to avoid doing (at least overtly), in my opinion.

Why do girls disqualify themselves? What it seems to mostly come down to is attainability, though a girl's mindset and experience level play a big role too. Here are some common reasons a girl might disqualify herself from one of your screen.

1. She is yet unsure about you.
2. She is sure about you, and she isn't interested.
3. You haven't broken her out of auto-pilot.
4. Your attainability is too high.
5. Your attainability is too low.
6. She's not used to this kind of situation and is putting her defenses up because of that, and you aren't presenting yourself in a way that will open her up.

There's probably a few more, but I think that's most of them.

Oskar
 

Estate

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
798
Why do we need to "help" someone pass a qualifier?

The whole concept of qualifying is to well... QUALIFY someone as being worth your time or not. In any situation in life, qualification is a black and white term... you are in or you are out.
The only reason to qualify a woman is to assertain something which you feel is relevant to whether you want to continue with this woman. If she qualifies, she's in, if she does not qualify, she is out.

What you are doing, is already having determined you want her "in" but are then asking qualifying questions which you know she will not pass.
So there's 2 options:

- Do not try to qualify her on these things, they are obviously not important to YOU. Therefore the line of conversation is irrelevant.
- Forget her and meet a woman who DOES pass the qualifier because she is what you are looking for.
 

Smith

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Sep 14, 2013
Messages
1,017
Oskar,
Just be a bit more creative, and focus on their character more than their clothes, and you'll be head and shoulders above most other guys.

Thanks for reminding me that! focus on what matters the most!

What you are doing, is already having determined you want her "in" but are then asking qualifying questions which you know she will not pass.
So there's 2 options:

- Do not try to qualify her on these things, they are obviously not important to YOU. Therefore the line of conversation is irrelevant.
- Forget her and meet a woman who DOES pass the qualifier because she is what you are looking for.

Thanks estate! That clear things up a bit.
So in my example above:
Me: "hey that's a really cute hat. You don't see that around here at all! where did you get it?"
Her: "blah blah blah...but I'm not some kind of fashionista though"
Me: "haha sure ;)" then change the topic because I'm not sure what to say.

I shouldn't have try to qualify her on her sense of fashion by complimenting on the hat, if her sense of fashion is not important to me. Correct me if I'm wrong?
I've been thinking about how to respond to this one if similar situation come up again.

Her: "blah blah blah...but I'm not some kind of fashionista though"
Me: "haha well the hat makes you stand out in a good way! They certainly should hire you to shoot their ad ;)"

I think this qualifies her just enough and shows I'm on her side.
 

H-Two-O

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
16
Im not very sure on what to say but if I were in your place and I happen to see this girl regualrly, I would mix it up for her.

I would try to qualify her a little, then greatly dis-qualify er or disqualify your self (like you are too young for me or Im too old for you) or try to knock her on her pedestal if in particuar day she dresses something that you dont find any special...but be polite.

Also, if it doesnt work..apply the ever-working, tried and tested golden formula to her = 100% igonre her + move on to find someone worthy

This way her value in the stock market decreases, thus will learn how to be a better women for you in the future or at least for someone else.


Chers
 
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