What to do next

[Rico]

So this girl I have been dating on and off for the past six months caught me off guard today. Not sure what happened I think she’s hinting that it’s over. Which is cool. We have been getting serious for the past month I meet her sister and niece. So I invited her to a family party last weekend which went well. On Tuesday she was texting me non stop. So today we texted a bit and I asked if she wanted to get some food and drinks. She replied that her sister is in town this week and next and then she has other plans and won’t be available in until November and she asked if I was free in November.

I’m not sure if she’s only joking or testing me or is not interested in me anymore.

I’m not going to answer her text and see what she does. I feel inclined to nexting her or giving her a soft next.

What should I do? Do you guys have any suggestions?

 

[Rico]

So she texted me this morning since I didn’t reply to her text.

Her- Good morning. Are you mad?

I haven’t replied and I’m not thinking of replying. What do you guys think? I think I’ll do a soft next. Have you guys ever gone through something like this. She pretty much told me to go fuck off and now she’s asking if I’m mad.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Rico dude! A have had something similar to this a was seeing a girl before an we had a date planned. She then invited me out the night before, we had a good time but the logistics were bad. She basically ambushed me into meeting more of her friends... kinda a serious step introducing people to friends an family...

The next day she text to cancel the date an said she couldn't do it. A said that's cool an then ignored her follow up message. A forget what it was but it wasn't productive. She messaged back after a couple hours asking if a was mad. An hour after that she messaged apologising.

The issue here is if ya don't reply ya look mad. A didn't reply because a was busy. When a was free a messaged back saying a wasn't mad an it's cool. Just unfazed by it. She chased back a little bit an then went into auto rejection. A wasn't gonna be warm an chase her back though. She still chases me when she sees me out. It's the strangest behaviour ever, she'll open me, invest by buying a drink, comply if a want to dance, twirl or just move somewhere but if I move any further forward she ejects but then comes back?? Weird...

The asking if ya mad is a social play, it validates her an puts social pressure on ya to respond. No response equals mad. Without a response She'll either chase ya at this point or go into auto rejection. With a response ya can look chilled an unfazed but ya remove tension an smooths it over socially.

It's a backwards test, they know ya not mad or ya would have reacted without them asking. It's because they miss ya an want to get something back. A find the best response is to acknowledge it on ya own time, an look relaxed. "Nope ya busy, have fun" or "Nope, it's cool ya busy" the second one releases tension but ya relaxed about it. A hate letting them off the hook with this shitty behaviour though...

A now use "nope, just a shame ya busy. We'd have had fun" even cut out the busy part. Law of least effort dude!

 

[Rico]

Fluxcapacitator Good advice so how would you recommend not letting her off the hook so easy

 

[Rico]

Since I didn’t reply to this mornings text message she just texted me

Her - are you ok?

I’m thinking the soft next is working. She has begun to chase.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Rico dude! Ya let her off the hook by saying things like it's okay, don't worry, that's fine. So ya don't do this an it keeps the tension. The suggestion of "we could have had fun" says ya not accepting her behaviour an ya won't gloss over it to make her feel better.

Soft nexts work well here as ya have noticed. The issue with this is if ya stay to aloof an ignore her to much she will go into auto rejection. She might explode on ya before doing this. An explosion ya can work around if she just gives up an walks of its usually a lost cause on this type of auto rejection.

 

[Rico]

Fluxcapacitator ok I’ll break the silence this afternoon. I’ll text her acknowledging I’m not mad and calling out what she did with your suggestion we would have had fun

Me - Nope not mad. Wasn’t expecting you to tell me to pretty much fuck off. We would have had fun.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Rico dude! To much emotional investment in that message dude. Ya even acknowledge that she's told ya to fuck off which makes it real. It looks bitter an needy in that context. Ya can provoke an emotional response from this or a fraud surprise where she can frame it that ya over reacted.

She even dropped the mad question to ask if ya ok so personally a would ignore the mad question. Be short an blunt more: ya I'm good, am cool or something. Don't acknowledge the mad an don't ask her how she is. It keeps the tension an pressure without letting her off. Ya don't come across as emotional or bitter this way.

If ya wanted to acknowledge the mad question it would be more: am cool, nope I'm not mad. It's a shame, we'd have had fun.

This doesn't let her behaviour slide but subtly lets her know ya don't tolerate this an ya not playing.

 

[Rico]

Fluxcapacitator I’ll text her

Me- I’m cool not mad. It's a shame, we'd have had fun.

I’ll text her in the afternoon

 

[Rico]

Fluxcapacitator so it worked and she said she was kidding yesterday. I texted her

Me- I’m cool. Not mad. It's a shame, we'd have had fun

Her - why did you do that. I was obviously kidding about November

Me - lol ok

Her - were you upset

Me - no we’re you upset

Her - I’m disappointed in myself I thought something happened to you. Or you were over me and moving on

Me - you thought something happened to me

Her - yes I care about you

Me - are we cool

Her - yes ( with 3 smiley face imojis with hearts in there eyes)

So I left it at that and probably hit her up today I know it wasn’t the right time to set up a date yesterday

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

Nicely done Rico dude! Keep us updated.

There's parts of the texting that a personally don't like for various reasons. The big one is you asking her if you're cool. She fucked up, not you. She should ask you if ya cool in my opinion. However she's invested an hooked so it's cool dude