What to do when a girl is willing to do everything sexual except actual sex?

[youngbuck]

Hi, I've been reading Chase's and others articles for a few months but this is my first post here.

I've seen this girl 3 times, and each time the furthest things have gone is oral sex.


I was thinking that after a couple encounters she would be comfortable enough to go all the way, but now it just feels like I set up a bad precedent where I'm willing to invest my time into her where I don't fully get what I want from her.
While we were hooking up last time, I told her I wanted to have sex with her. She said no, I asked why, she said she just didn't want to and I said okay. Was that a mistake or was it better that it's now VERY clear that that's what I want? We have plans to meet up later this week, so I'm not entirely sure what's going to come of that.



What's the best move here? She's definitely one of the hottest girls I've gotten naked and I do enjoy myself each time, but DAMN do I want to have sex with this girl! It's gotten to the point where even though she is very attractive I would rather meet up with another girl where it's a guarantee we'll have sex.
Is there something I can do to sway this in my favor or should I just put her on the back burner?

youngbuck

 

[NealIRC]

If she's willing to send nude photos of her, or let you take pictures of her when she is nude, especially in places like rooftops, that's not good enough? Feel free to post some pics.

 

[youngbuck]

Haha definitely not

 

[Hue]

youngbuck,


A little more dialogue as far as you going for sex and her saying no would be helpful. On you being very clear, that actually is to your benefit since you've already gotten kinda far with her sexually. You're being direct and honest about what you want, and she knows what you want. Hopefully she'll expect that sex will happen soon, now that you're not hiding your banana.

If you've gotten to 3rd base I think it's pretty clear that you both want to fuck, but she might not be willing to fuck you yet. There's TONS on the site about dealing with LMR gracefully. I highly recommend you go to the main site and read there.

Yes ladders, reframing and overal frame control are all fire skills you can harness to lead to intercourse.

I think it's great that you were cool about it, that's huge. Since you've seen each other 3 times she's clearly invested in you too - as you have to her. It's partly about making her comfortable with you (in which case more detail on your guys' dialogue would be helpful) and partly about getting her aroused enough to smash through it.


My most favored method of smashing through LMR is a segway when both of you already have your fun parts out, and you start commanding her. If she wants to, then she will. If she doesn't, she'll show it through her body language or verbally. Normally, I'd recommend have her on top and tell her "rub your pussy on my cock" and if she's down for that this has literally always gotten her turned on enough to when I start saying "I wanna fuck you so bad" she's wet and willing.

In your case you've already had oral - which is normally enough to assume sex comes next as she has to be pretty comfortable with you to suck your cock. Either during 69'ing (super easy to switch right into doggy or reverse cowgirl - commanding her like "get on my cock" ) or a really hot/passionate moment of switching back and forth with oral tell her "I wanna fuck you so bad right now", which is you suggesting sex. Plant the seed, rather than ask, and let her decide when she's ready. Once she is, it's your job to recognize the window and suggest it / command - and boom: dick in the pussy.


Hue

 

[NealIRC]

If she's willing to send nude photos of her, or let you take pictures of her when she is nude, especially in places like rooftops, that's not good enough?

You probably know sex for men is just the ejaculation part, right? You don't need an actual vagina to ejaculate to, you can do that anytime, anywhere, to tissue, Kleenex, toilet paper, etc.

Her being nude for you isn't enough so tell me, what would you rather have, her being naked in front of you, or you get to ejaculate into her while she's fully clothed?

 

[youngbuck]

youngbuck,


A little more dialogue as far as you going for sex and her saying no would be helpful. On you being very clear, that actually is to your benefit since you've already gotten kinda far with her sexually. You're being direct and honest about what you want, and she knows what you want. Hopefully she'll expect that sex will happen soon, now that you're not hiding your banana.



I think it's great that you were cool about it, that's huge. Since you've seen each other 3 times she's clearly invested in you too - as you have to her. It's partly about making her comfortable with you (in which case more detail on your guys' dialogue would be helpful) and partly about getting her aroused enough to smash through it.




Hue

Thanks for the answer, Hue.

As far as dialogue goes, it was a rather short exchange.

Me - I want to have sex with you. (while we were already naked and I was fingering her)

Her- I can't/I don't want to. ( I WISH I remembered her exact words because I feel like those make a big difference.)

Me - Why?

Her - I just don't want to. (She kind of hesitated before she answered me, almost as if she was caught off guard and looked a bit flustered.)

Me - Okay

After that, I just resumed fingering her.

I think it's important to mention that before our first time meeting up, she texted me that she only wanted to make out and I replied that I was fine doing whatever she was comfortable with. I was fine with that, but I also thought it was similar to when girls say "We're not having sex tonight." I did end up fingering her and she gave me head for probably all of 15 seconds, so I just chalked that up to inexperience.

I do believe she isn't that sexually experienced, so I can't tell if her being hesitant is simply due to that or for religious reasons.

I also saw her again five nights ago and I face fucked her for the first time, which is a bit confusing because although it's not as heavy of an investment as sex, it's still a substantial amount. She did mention that that was her first experience with it.

I may have disqualified myself as a boyfriend TOO hard and she has the mentality that losing her virginity needs to be a with a special guy in her life. If so, do I need to start dropping subtle hints that I do have value as a boyfriend or should I make losing her virginity seen as not that big of a deal? How do I go about that?

I do agree that she is invested, but usually after I meet up with a girl 3 times she makes it incredibly easy for me to see her again. While this girl doesn't necessarily make it difficult, she's hot and cold in making herself available when I ask her what her week looks like. (We've seen each other 4 times in about 50 days, with her not being available some weeks when I asked.) I asked her to meet up this week and she told me she was busy so I said we'd do it another time. Although I do have around 4-5 other girls I'm sleeping with, she's definitely the most attractive and I haven't been able to fully sleep with her so I believe that's messing up my abundance mentality. Perhaps I need to forget about her for awhile which will give her the space to reach out to me.

I put some additional information in there that doesn't relate to my initial question just because you seem more experienced than I am and I'd appreciate your insight!

Thanks,
youngbuck

 

[Hue]

youngbuck,

Thanks for the detailed response - much more helpful and practical for precise feedback.

Her - I just don't want to. (She kind of hesitated before she answered me, almost as if she was caught off guard and looked a bit flustered.)

Me - Okay

After that, I just resumed fingering her.

The only thing I would add here is to notice the psychological difference between:

"Okay"

and

"Okay, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

One is simply acceptance. The other is acceptance and a statement that will likely leave her more comfortable with you.

If so, do I need to start dropping subtle hints that I do have value as a boyfriend or should I make losing her virginity seen as not that big of a deal? How do I go about that?

That's one way to go about it. In that case you could bring up why a past expectation didn't meet your desires - though doing this with the sole purpose to fuck her is implicitly setting the wrong expectations for the future and I in no way recommend that because of potential negative repercussions for both parties.

You would be better off reframing a person's first time as not that big of a deal than reframing yourself. I've done this on girls that were raised christian before and it worked - although we were both younger than 20 at the time so it doesn't speak to every situation. But generally, reframing a dynamic removes a person's mind from such an important and core structure like the totality of a person and is easier to navigate, mentally.

I asked her to meet up this week and she told me she was busy so I said we'd do it another time. Although I do have around 4-5 other girls I'm sleeping with, she's definitely the most attractive and I haven't been able to fully sleep with her so I believe that's messing up my abundance mentality.

Word dude. Don't treat her ALL that much different from your other girls - but DO PERSIST. It's worth it. You either get a failure that taught you something or a success that got you laid. She sounds like a smoke but there's plenty of shows, my man.



Hope this helps(;

Hue