What to Do When My Girlfriend Wants Alone Time

[Jack Swave]

My girlfriend told me this morning that she wants to be left alone. Last night I called her phone 6 times and she didn't answer . This morning she told me its because she didn't want to talk. She says that everytime we talk it turns into a argument.

I was having arguments with my girlfriend and I couldn't take it so I started texting her sister. I asked for advice and all her sister told me was " oh yeah she is a bit crazy and insecure ". And I actually believed. While I was sleeping my girlfriend got my phone and read every message. That was 3 weeks ago.

I'm a workaholic . I don't have time to idle chat all day. My girlfriend though , she has no job and short school hours so she has lots of free time. She comments I don't spend enough time with her.

Everytime I ask her to come see me she says " I don't have any money or clothes ". She only wants me to text all day. And when I do text her she replies with such lack of interest. And when I comment on the way she answers me a argument starts .

This morning I text her

Me: Good morning beb
Her : Hi I didn't answer your call because I didn't want to talk
Me: Oh you haven't been responding the way I want you to.. I'm very busy yet I put side stuff for you and then you are telling me this

Her: I want alone time

Me: why
Her : Ntn OK

We text a little more with me trying to convince her I will make time. She says I'll never change . I was considering to break up with her. But I just threw the ball in her court " OK beb I'll give you alone time. Since you won't tell me when I can contact you again, just tell me when you are ready to talk. I won't call or text you till then .bye beb "

She replied " kkkk ".

So guys what should I do now?

Bubinile

 

[Smith]

When a girl tells you you don't spend enough time together, it means u need to take care of her emotional and sexual needs.

She doesn't want you to drop everything to spend time with her. That's unattractive and not what an "alpha male" would do. Getting into a logical argument about why she's acting the way she is not addressing her emotion either.

The best thing you can do now is meet other girls, since u already told her u won't contact her.

 

[Jack Swave]

I don't drop everything I have to spend time with my girlfriend. She was the one to complain about it and when I spoke to her sister, that's where the hurt set in. She thought I was looking her sister . And to be honest I discussed too much with her sister. Of course I didnt talk about personal stuff with her sister. Only why my girlfriend was acting all insecure and crazy.

So when she does get back in contact with me how should I act? She may not want to see me or she doesn't have taxi fare to do so. What do I say? I can't text her between 9 and 5pm and after work I have classes till 8pm and by the time I go socialize it's 11pm. Right there my whole day is done and then I reply to her messages after 11:30pm.


If she had the money to come see me I wouldn't have this problem I think. I would just take time off from my friends and spend it with her. Realistically though, if she won't allow me to call her and she won't meet me more often because she still angry at me then I'm ending the relationship . I simply can't spend 4 or more hours texting her. Did I mention she is emotional? So often she cries saying I'm out there meeting people, she wonders if I'm cheating. She behaves so insecure. I tried inviting her to places I go. She doesn't have the money and neither do I to spend on her .

Next thing is she accuses me of dating her sister behind her back . It's quite a drain and when I ask her " what do you need from me? " she just says " forget it you will soon find someone better than me "

#confusing

Bubinile

 

[Smith]

She sounds crazy and have low self esteem. If I were you, I would dump her and find women who are more compatible.

 

[Jack Swave]

She sounds crazy and have low self esteem. If I were you, I would dump her and find women who are more compatible.

Update , her best friend took her phone and told me my girlfriend attempted suicide she is at the hospital. I was so shocked. Meantime they were at the hospital with family and friends. My girlfriend didn't want anyone to know.

Later my girlfriend found out that I knew even though it was supposed to be a secret . I tried being nice and asking how she was. Her response was " K whatever " and a long voice message with her crying and saying I don't love her . Sigh I think I should leave her asap . Smith or anyone else I don't want to break up with her and she commits suicide. She's already vulnerable and has been hurt by 5 men ( who all left her)
She tells me " give me space " and when I do I hear " you don't care about me ".

#doubleconfused
#terrified

Bubinile

 

[Richard]

Sounds like she's also got a I don't want what I want kind of issue as well.

People who have been hurt tend to want what hurt them in the first place but, as they realize they have it they push it away to not get hurt again. Love is one such example. She had 5 guys hurt her, she didn't learn her lesson the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th time so she still wants "love" or "connection" but as she gets it she gets scared because it's what hurt her in the first place so she rejects it, then needs it again, then rejects it, etc.

That being said: SHE'S CRYING OUT FOR HELP! Suicide is nothing more than a giant cry for help, and no offense, I don't you think you have the skills required to deal with a situation like this and I can't possibly explain what should be done here. As a psych major and life coachee I've gone through this but I also have an understanding of human psychology/ human behavior/ human spirit, etc. and can analyze the problem and deal with it swiftly. As I write this I feel really upset and powerless because I can't help here as much as I want to.

If you want to break up with her, be as direct and gentle as possible. Voice your thoughts on the matter, explain your side, and if you have doubts about her mental state post-break up then call professionals in. As cold as it sounds you aren't responsible for her behavior and you shouldn't be a slave to her mental state. That's very hard for me to write.

You're also approaching communicating with her the wrong way - she's got it in her head that you don't love her, and that you want her sister. You don't combat that by asking her what she wants, or explaining with bullet points why she's wrong. If you want to help her, pull her the fuck up. Reach into that fucking hole she's in, grab her hand, and pull her up. First of all, you need to understand what she defines love as: for some people it's physical touch, for some people it's talking, etc. Ask her "How do you know when somebody loves you?" or "If you love somebody, what do you do to show it?"

Ask her better questions to understand her and keep us updated. Sorry if it feels like I'm a little angry in this post, suicide is a touchy subject for me and it's not something I take lightly, and I always extend my hand to people who are reaching out. So, it feels horrible for me knowing a woman is dealing with suicide and I can't help.

-Richard

 

[ray_zorse]

Bubinile all this kind of bullshit is unnecessary with any woman, does not matter if she is depressed or cluster B or whatnot, even healthy women will always behave in exactly the same way if you allow it. Thing to remember here is you cannot control her behaviour, you can only control your own behaviour. The best you can do is through your own behaviour try to create incentives for her in terms of what behaviour is rewarded by you. The other main factor to consider is that the more attractive and feminine the woman the more she will try to beta-ize you and test you and fuck with your head (push/pull etc). The reason she does this is for evolutionary reasons, if you remain firm and on course while her drama just washes over you, her deep down instinct is to make babies with you, secure in the knowledge you will protect her and nevee be blown off course. She will test you often, like once a week. It starts off gently, you say "honey I feel like sushi tonight, get your gear and let's go" she says "yuk! raw fish again... I want kentucky fried chicken" and you say "oh okay... then let's have kentucky" this directly contradicts what you said before "I feel like sushi" and she feels you are being weak and not genuine... in case it was a mistake or one off she now tests you harder... half an hour later it's "we always eat unhealthy food... i feel very fat after beginning relationship with you" and just about anything you say will be wrong "honey you aren't fat you are beautiful" -> caving to her frame and supplicating "what, you said you wanted kfc, I suggested sushi" -> logically trying to reason with her, but highlighting your earlier weakness... correct response to these kinds of tests is laugh "haha, whatever baby, you just do whatever you have to do... meet u at home after i eat my sushi. take care". Does that all make sense? Now lets look at your situation... r/ship is fresh and all is happy, then suddenly "baby you don't love me"... very mild first test, you think it's a one-off or an aberration so you quickly cave to her frame and supplicate "no baby I really do love you, why do u think that"... problem solved you think, all good... but you failed the test and an hour later it's worse "you never make time for me..." and pretty soon b/c you set no boundaries she's regularly accusing you of cheating, going through your phone etc and you're always on the defensive. She basically just burns up your mental energy and emotional resilience to see if she can, and when she can, concludes you are weak and beta, stops texting you etc. If you just passed the earlier tests "sorry you feel that way baby, text me when you are feeling better" and ignored her for a while, all would be fine and she'd respect you and maybe even enlist your help with her suicidal issues etc instead of acting crazy.
Ray