Exes What to do with a birthday present from ex?

[Lover]

My ex bought me a laptop bag for my birthday. She went no-contact mode on me since November.

I hid the bag for some time after she went no-contact and decided to use it again since NYE. But because of recent discoveries about her health and her weird interpretations of my actions, I am going to get rid of the bag once and for all. I want to sell it, but I have no receipt from the purchase. I have deleted her number and blocked her on social media. And I don't want to initiate a conversation with her in our circle.

I have considered to give it back to her because she could use the money. But I don't know how I should go on about that in the first place. And I don't think she wants it back anyway.

I feel like that leaves me with one choice: sell it for a reasonably low price since I have no idea what it costed + I don't have a receipt. It's in good shape though.

You agree?

 

[BigPapa]

If it is a good laptop bag , I would continue to use it . I have a lot of gifts from girls that I used to date , and I still use them if they are still in good shape .

makes no sense to hate someone over trivial things ,every girl is a lesson learned or to be learned . What it is important though is to learn whatever is to be learned from that relationship and from women in general .

even the girls with a really good heart tend to be ruthless if they have to be

 

[Lover]

Thanks for the feedback @BigPapa. I was hoping not to elaborate, but here goes.

*deep breath*

From what I see, she's victimizing herself and neglecting responsibility for her own health in the relationship (and even after the break-up). She feels like I put her through mental abuse and manipulation. I don't know what exactly she's referring to, but whatever scenarios I can think of, they don't match the legal definitions of mental abuse. I'm 99,99 % certain I won't face any legal charges. The situation itself might be trivial (two lovers break up and end up having no contact afterwards, both are hurt etc.), but her interpretation and opinion of my actions are blown completely out of proportion the way I see it.

We had a two months window after the break up where we still kept in touch. She used the end of that time to make up for all the things she didn't tell me in the relationship by... you guessed it: she told me about all those things, in a resentful way. I drew a line, telling her that since we were not in a relationship anymore, she was in no position to be mad and tell me those things. I soft nexted her, but she completely cut contact during that soft next after desperately trying to get in touch with me and apologizing multiple times (which... was not new behavior. I couldn't take it seriously anymore, it gets "old").

I did approach her a month ago (I shouldn't have, lesson learned). She went to a psychologist with signs of depression and the suspicion that I mentally abused her, but didn't tell me any examples of when it happened. The psychologist apparently agreed with her. I feel bad that she is in that state because I want to leave them better than I found them, and I couldn't do that again. However, we will both move on as I know from past experience.

I don't regret anything. I take full responsibility for my actions in the relationship, and I have to take responsibility for my own health. That bag is, unfortunately, a trigger of bad emotions. That's why I don't want to have any reminders of her. Soooo, yeah... I'm not keeping the bag no matter what. It's a matter of how to get rid of it by this point

 

[BigPapa]

She auto rejected because she wanted more and you were happy with how things were , based on what you said .

it is Normal for women to behave this way when they feel that they are not good enough etc . Women cry and eat like 6 people put toghetwhen they go through this phase .

I think that you think too much about it and somehow She is manipulating you to feel how you feel .

after a while you will see the good parts of the relationships and the important lessons you learned along the way , and you will not feel bad about anymore

 

[Lover]

I hear what you're saying, and I appreciate your feedback I'm still leaning towards selling it though.

But let's say I do keep the bag. What do I tell people (and new girls in particular) in worst case they ask where I got it from?

 

[BigPapa]

if You decide to keep it , just tell them that you received the bag as a gift a while ago and that you still like it

If a girl pushes for more details , just tell her that you will keep it till it will brake , cause well it will be a shame to throw away a good bag pack and if she still pushes to throw it away , just tell her to buy you a new one that is good and when she will do this you will donate it or sell it

the Problem in most cases it is not about the bag itself , but more if you still have feelings for the person who gave it to you in the first place , and since you are willing to donate it or sell it you communicate that you just like the backpack and willing to change it for new one that is at least as good as the old one . Basically you are just saying that you are just a practical guy

 

[Lover]

She auto rejected because she wanted more and you were happy with how things were , based on what you said .

Hey @BigPapa. I have come to the final conclusion that you could be very right about this. It makes a lot of sense. I can only guess of course, but she must have wanted something during and/or after the breakup that I have not been aware of. And that lowered my attainability as time went by. Then she slowly began to resent me and claim I did some unforgivable things when I asked her. This is the most valid explanation I have been able to come up with (but since she never told me exactly what exactly I did to make her feel like that, it's hard to know for sure).

She made quite the mess out of me. But with your feedback, I see things in another light. It gives me clarification to know the underlying issue. And to be honest, I'm seeing a pattern. This has happened before both during pickup but also in LTR's (committed and non-committed).

If history repeats itself, I don't think the emotional blows that might come in future events will hit me as hard. And yeah... let me work on my attainability

What a great day to start a new month!

 

[BigPapa]

Women are like water , they take the form of the vessel . When the vessel disappears they do not know what to do and starts acting like you described .

have you ever noticed at the funeral when the husband dies , the wife starts crying and repeating mainly 2-3 things “ what will I do without you “ , “ to whom you leave me “ Etc ? - I was surprised to see this even though the marriage was quite shit and the guy treated her very bad

glad your self reflection pointed out some things that will improve whom you are as a human being

 

[Lover]

Hector's newest article could also explain part of what happened. She and I did sleep together twice after the breakup and texted somewhat as if we were still in a relationship. I fucked her with zero emotions at that time, but it must have been a big deal to her with my apparently mixed signals. I still believe she somewhat led me on to behave this way because I was still "the guy" for her. Oh well, next time I better not fall into that trap

 

[Troy]

I would keep the bag despite the bad breakup. The big question I want you ask yourself @Lover is "would I purchase this bag in a store and wear it often because I genuinely like it?"

If your honest answer is "yes I very much would buy this for myself" then keep the bag

If your honest answer is "no I would never buy this garbage" then I'd say sell or give away the bag.

Personally even if I did not like the bag, my personality actually keeps me from discarding things...that's probably why I got so much "stuff" in my closet. Lol come to think of it, I still have that T shirt I used to wear in grade 2 as a reminder of where I came from and I still those roses my date gave me on Valentines Day.

Anyhow just my 2 cents

 

[Lover]

@Troy it's been a while! I used to go by A-jay in the past days if you remember. Hope you are doing fine bro.

It's really not a big question. She bought it as a birthday present because she knew I was looking for one. And back when I asked this question, I was in a tough place because of everything I wrote above.

I'll be honest: I made less than a half-assed effort to get rid of it. I asked a friend to ask his friend if they wanted to buy it. Haven't heard from him. I have used it once in a while in the meantime.

Now, two months after my OP, I feel completely different about it. I'm in a much better place. I don't care I haven't gotten rid of it. And I have learnt (or rather, re-learnt) a couple of lessons around the breakup period. The main lesson is to give my wounds time to heal and not let the emotions rule my decision making too much... having a circle of girls would have helped. If I was having a crazy sex life, I wouldn't give two damns about the bag anyway haha

 

[Troy]

@Lover

Ah yes I remember

I am doing great bro! I was in high school last time we actually talked on the boards here. I've been up to a lot lately, doing a couple jobs and becoming a part time entrepreneur which I hope to make full time in the future. Otherwise life is ok, it could be better. I'm just using quarantine as a time to put on more muscle and make more money.

Yeah I totally understand, sometimes emotions at a current moment can cause fuzzy feelings. I'm glad to know now you feel differently about the bag. True true a crazy sex life, you wouldn't even remember there was a bag when all those girls be hooked to you like super glue haha . It is good to know you are ok now