What Traits Do You Look for in an LTR (or Potential Wife) and Why?

[empath]

I was reflecting on why I tend to prefer independent women—those who are focused on their own lives—over women who might be equally attractive (or even a little more attractive) but less independent and more needy of my time.

At first, the “obvious” reason seemed to be:

• If she focuses on her goals, and I focus on mine, then we both grow without getting in each other’s way. (As @Chase mentioned somewhere)

But when I looked deeper, I realized my real reason is different:

• I feel that an independent woman won’t bring me extra responsibility. She will take care of her problems her self

That insight made me stop and think. If I’m choosing based on avoiding responsibility, maybe that points to a habit or mindset in me that I need to work on.

If I can get better at handling responsibility, then I’d be free to make relationship choices from a healthier place, not just on minimizing my load.

So here’s my question for you all:
- What traits do you personally prefer in a partner, and why?
- Have you ever noticed your preferences revealing something deeper about yourself, like in my case with responsibility?


Looking forward to hearing different perspectives.

 

[Just a Man]

But when I looked deeper, I realized my real reason is different:

• I feel that an independent woman won’t bring me extra responsibility. She will take care of her problems her self

That insight made me stop and think. If I’m choosing based on avoiding responsibility, maybe that points to a habit or mindset in me that I need to work on.

If I can get better at handling responsibility, then I’d be free to make relationship choices from a healthier place, not just on minimizing my load.

It's not clear to me that the issue is necessarily avoiding responsibility. It could be that you're avoiding unwanted distraction. That's not the same thing. It would just mean you like to focus on your own priorities and goals.

Do you have and/or welcome responsibility in other parts of your life or do you have reason to really think that avoiding responsibility is a general theme for you at present?

To come to your question, I also like women who can get on with focusing on their own goals and responsibilities because I don't want those distractions in my path. But I have a bunch of responsibility in my own life, so it's not a general avoidance of responsibility, it's about priorities.

 

[empath]

It's not clear to me that the issue is necessarily avoiding responsibility. It could be that you're avoiding unwanted distraction. That's not the same thing. It would just mean you like to focus on your own priorities and goals.

Do you have and/or welcome responsibility in other parts of your life or do you have reason to really think that avoiding responsibility is a general theme for you at present?

To come to your question, I also like women who can get on with focusing on their own goals and responsibilities because I don't want those distractions in my path. But I have a bunch of responsibility in my own life, so it's not a general avoidance of responsibility, it's about

in my case it’s responsibilities. Other part of life included, on which I am working on.

 

[James D]

l- What traits do you personally prefer in a partner, and why?

Low body count.

*Sound of forum exploding*

Sorry couldn't resist

 

[topcat]

Low body count.

*Sound of forum exploding*

Sorry couldn't resist

Don’t

 

[Skills]

Is individual preference why do you care what others look for .

 

[empath]

Is individual preference why do you care what others look for .

Just to get more understanding, sometimes you knowledge for sake of knowledge, or maybe to get better understanding of my own psych.

cause at one side I like independent womens, but can’t bear the pain which they give by being less responsive sweet etc, compared to a more submissive women (rough words get the idea) but second kind of women are more self-sacrificing and clingy, want you to deal with their problems etc.

so, now if I fix my responsibility taking problem I make decision from place of power and even maybe my preference change to more sweet women then.

 

[empath]

Low body count.

*Sound of forum exploding*

Sorry couldn't resist

Well body count is not a trait or even if it is let’s exclude this from this discussion.

 

[D. Gately]

Smart, sexy, witty, fashionable, independent, submissive, well-read or artistically inclined, enjoys at least one sport, pretty face, long hair, tight abs, long legs, kinky, and heiress to a distillery fortune with a father who has a bad heart.

 

[empath]

Ok, one more thing to add I meant long term relationship/marriage.

if a mod can edit the post for clarity that would be great.

 

[Chase]

Is individual preference why do you care what others look for .

Yeah. These preferences tend to differ pretty wildly.

Due to how preferences work, if you're not totally open-minded you can end up thinking, "Geez that guy's an idiot / cuck / weirdo / etc." if his preferences are different from yours.

I guess it's sort of interesting sharing opinions but can also turn into a bunch of idiocy real quick as everyone judges each other's standards as "lesser" than his own.

-C

 

[Chase]

Ok, one more thing to add I meant long term relationship/marriage.

if a mod can edit the post for clarity that would be great.

Anyway, I updated the thread title for you.

Potentially relevant:

How to Screen for a Wife and Mother

Beyond dates and girlfriends, what should you look for in a wife? 6 things: genes, background, personality, beliefs, age, and life goals. Bit of a departure from our usual fare, but commenting on “Why Madonna/Whore is Intimately Linked with the West”, Jimbo asks: “What kind of girl and where to...

www.girlschase.com

 

[James D]

Well body count is not a trait or even if it is let’s exclude this from this discussion.

Of course... I was referring to the legendary thread that went nuclear on the forum xD

Obviously preferences differ so I won't be providing a rationale why I have a preference.

But as to your question, I've come to appreciate high emotional intelligence a lot since I got together with my current GF.

I dated a crazy Kazakh girl for two years exclusively who was very low EQ. Fights sucked my lifeforce out.

Current GF showed me the value of a reasonable high EQ woman who still has her moments of drama but much, much more reasonable.

 

[OldGuy]

Look out for women who are still carrying a torch for an old bf! My mother ruined my and one of my brothers lives. (He had moved on after she dropped him due to my grandfathers objections, and was much more successful than my dad.)

 

[Just a Man]

Interesting update to the thread title, i.e. the change to LTR / marriage. As I've been married for >15 years and LTR >20 years, that means I would add to and in a way change my earlier answer, which was more about a girlfriend on the side.

So basically, in my case, it has evolved over time more than I thought it would. What I look for now is not all the same as what I looked for way back at the start of our LTR. But to pin that down, I'm going to need to circle back here another time. Right now, I'll just say that: it's very unlikely to stay the same over the long haul. I personally doubt it does for most people if you're talking about decades of being together.

 

[Skills]

Ok, one more thing to add I meant long term relationship/marriage.

if a mod can edit the post for clarity that would be great.

The Ultimate guide to getting and keeping a girlfriend (featuring Revlifestyledesign) - The Skills Method

I’m going to outline the key factors for managing a monogamous relationship for the kind of guys who read this site, alpha males, not some men are from mars, women … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

 

[empath]

Of course... I was referring to the legendary thread that went nuclear on the forum xD

Obviously preferences differ so I won't be providing a rationale why I have a preference.

But as to your question, I've come to appreciate high emotional intelligence a lot since I got together with my current GF.

I dated a crazy Kazakh girl for two years exclusively who was very low EQ. Fights sucked my lifeforce out.

Current GF showed me the value of a reasonable high EQ woman who still has her moments of drama but much, much more reasonable.

I know of that thread
Thats why I said let’s exclude it.

Agree with high EQ - Though I am yet to meet anyone low EQ women to appreciate it