Background is that I went on 2 dates with this girl who I met from an online dating system. At the time, she had deleted the service and told me that she didn't take any other guys' phone numbers, so I believed that I was the only one asking her out on dates. I had my usual lousy dates (see one of my field reports) and due to lack of logistics and me being just awful at dates, we had two dates that didn't lead to isolation or seduction. The first was a dinner date and the second was an activity, like crazy golf. It took around 2 months after this second date before we were planning a third because of traveling and personal issues, more on her part. Anyway, here are the recent texts where I almost planned a date, had to cancel and summarily got dumped. My plan had been to wait until my thing for which I had canceled the date had ended before asking for her schedule and setting up another date, but she beat me to the punch and dumped me before I could do that! We can call her 'Tamara' in the below texts.
Firstly, we were going to have a daytime date in the afternoon on Thursday. She asked if I could change to a morning date and I said no. It was a work day anyway but one other reason why I thought that it might not go well is because I was worried that she'd have to rush off in the afternoon and we wouldn't have much time.
[27/08,] Raiden: I don't think that I can do the Thursday time slot
[27/08,] Raiden: We'll need to reschedule, maybe to next week (I know that it's term time soon..)
[28/08,] Tamara: It’s term time from next week!!
[28/08,] Tamara: That’s okay - thanks for letting me know
[28/08,] Tamara: What days could you do next week? I’m back at work Monday to Friday from the 2nd
[28/08,] Raiden: Probably Tuesday or the weekend I think. Do either work?
[28/08,] Raiden: We just have some end of month stuff to do in the first week of every month..! Should get outsourced soon
[29/08,] Raiden: And Tuesday is netball night for you right?
[29/08,] Tamara: Hello! If you’re okay with the [x]th, I could do that?
[30/08,] Raiden: [x-day] [month] [x]th? Yes it should work for me
[01/09,] Tamara: That’s great
[04/09,] Raiden: Do you know around when you'll be free that day?
[04/09,] Raiden: Start of the month has been OK for me. I guess that it's a big change for you after a long time away from [workplace]
[05/09,] Tamara: I’ll be free all day
[05/09,] Tamara: Definitely- feeling pretty nervous but we can talk more when we see each other
[09/09,] Raiden: Hi. So can we meet in the afternoon on [x-day] and do one of those plans?
[09/09,] Raiden: These
[showed her two potential date plans, depending on the weather, that I had suggested before for the Thursday date at the top that didn’t happen]
[10/09,] Tamara: Sounds good to me!
[13/09,] Raiden: Hey. Still OK for [x-day]?
[13/09,] Tamara: Hey! Yes I’m still good for [x-day] x
[13/09,] Raiden: It looks like we will have to reschedule..
[13/09,] Raiden: My [sibling] got engaged and the family of [their] betrothed are visiting for the first time on [x-day]. I'll have to be there
[13/09,] Tamara: Congratulations to your [sibling]
[13/09,] Tamara: I am disappointed that our plans are off, but I understand - hope we can reschedule this!
[13/09,] Raiden: Yeah I'm disappointed too. I thought that this event might get delayed or I might not have to go, but it looks like they're making a big deal of it
[13/09,] Tamara: No worries
[15/09,] Tamara: Hi Raiden,
I have enjoyed meeting you and had fun dates. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that we are the right fit to take this further. I wish you all the best and happiness in the future. I know it’s awkward having these conversations, but I don’t want to ghost. Wishing you the best of luck.
My view of what went wrong:
-My attainability was very low. She asked previously before this if I was still interested in meeting. Then I went and canceled on that Thursday date and that pushed it even lowered. Then when I canceled on this one, even though it was for a valid reason, that really killed my attainability.
-Related to the attainability point, I had delivered two piss poor dates before this and she was only going to be so patient with me after that.
-When she said "hope we can reschedule this!" I should have jumped on it and tried to reschedule right there, though I probably still would have been firefighting at this point.
-So overall it was auto rejection and the auto rejection was set up more from my lousy dates (moving faster improves your attainability and I didn't, so I left my attainability low) but these cancellations afterwards really left her no choice but to dump me.
-Some chitchat texts might have helped too, after I had canceled on her. Remember that when a woman flakes on you, it's a good sign if she chitchats and mentions rescheduling etc. In my case, I should have done this stuff, to push up my attainability.
Firstly, we were going to have a daytime date in the afternoon on Thursday. She asked if I could change to a morning date and I said no. It was a work day anyway but one other reason why I thought that it might not go well is because I was worried that she'd have to rush off in the afternoon and we wouldn't have much time.
[27/08,] Raiden: I don't think that I can do the Thursday time slot
[27/08,] Raiden: We'll need to reschedule, maybe to next week (I know that it's term time soon..)
[28/08,] Tamara: It’s term time from next week!!
[28/08,] Tamara: That’s okay - thanks for letting me know
[28/08,] Tamara: What days could you do next week? I’m back at work Monday to Friday from the 2nd
[28/08,] Raiden: Probably Tuesday or the weekend I think. Do either work?
[28/08,] Raiden: We just have some end of month stuff to do in the first week of every month..! Should get outsourced soon
[29/08,] Raiden: And Tuesday is netball night for you right?
[29/08,] Tamara: Hello! If you’re okay with the [x]th, I could do that?
[30/08,] Raiden: [x-day] [month] [x]th? Yes it should work for me
[01/09,] Tamara: That’s great
[04/09,] Raiden: Do you know around when you'll be free that day?
[04/09,] Raiden: Start of the month has been OK for me. I guess that it's a big change for you after a long time away from [workplace]
[05/09,] Tamara: I’ll be free all day
[05/09,] Tamara: Definitely- feeling pretty nervous but we can talk more when we see each other
[09/09,] Raiden: Hi. So can we meet in the afternoon on [x-day] and do one of those plans?
[09/09,] Raiden: These
[showed her two potential date plans, depending on the weather, that I had suggested before for the Thursday date at the top that didn’t happen]
[10/09,] Tamara: Sounds good to me!
[13/09,] Raiden: Hey. Still OK for [x-day]?
[13/09,] Tamara: Hey! Yes I’m still good for [x-day] x
[13/09,] Raiden: It looks like we will have to reschedule..
[13/09,] Raiden: My [sibling] got engaged and the family of [their] betrothed are visiting for the first time on [x-day]. I'll have to be there
[13/09,] Tamara: Congratulations to your [sibling]
[13/09,] Tamara: I am disappointed that our plans are off, but I understand - hope we can reschedule this!
[13/09,] Raiden: Yeah I'm disappointed too. I thought that this event might get delayed or I might not have to go, but it looks like they're making a big deal of it
[13/09,] Tamara: No worries
[15/09,] Tamara: Hi Raiden,
I have enjoyed meeting you and had fun dates. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that we are the right fit to take this further. I wish you all the best and happiness in the future. I know it’s awkward having these conversations, but I don’t want to ghost. Wishing you the best of luck.
My view of what went wrong:
-My attainability was very low. She asked previously before this if I was still interested in meeting. Then I went and canceled on that Thursday date and that pushed it even lowered. Then when I canceled on this one, even though it was for a valid reason, that really killed my attainability.
-Related to the attainability point, I had delivered two piss poor dates before this and she was only going to be so patient with me after that.
-When she said "hope we can reschedule this!" I should have jumped on it and tried to reschedule right there, though I probably still would have been firefighting at this point.
-So overall it was auto rejection and the auto rejection was set up more from my lousy dates (moving faster improves your attainability and I didn't, so I left my attainability low) but these cancellations afterwards really left her no choice but to dump me.
-Some chitchat texts might have helped too, after I had canceled on her. Remember that when a woman flakes on you, it's a good sign if she chitchats and mentions rescheduling etc. In my case, I should have done this stuff, to push up my attainability.
