FR What would you do from here?

[NewBeeWinner]

Hey guys.

Went out with the religious girl today. She dressed up, did her nails, put on some makeup and looked great and I let her know it. We went to a country music event. Or at least it was supposed to be (hint: it wasnt). It was awful so I asked her "want to go get ice cream?" to which she agreed.

We talked going back to the car and we both were thinking the same thing, so that was funny. Lots of laughing and talking and she actively contributed a lot. Went and got ice cream and that was fun.

Still kept a sexual undertone throughout like at one point women having smaller hands got brought up so I said how it took me a while to grasp that. Like when I grab things its much bigger for a girl when she grabs it. She then said "what kind of things?" to which I replied "you know, things " and she said "Oh like your penis? " as an example lol.

We then went to the park and walked around and talked. We got into deeper topics and hypotheticals. She loves journalism so I asked her to interview me and come up with a background story for me. She used it as a chance to describe how she sees me. Mostly things of me being mysterious and having a dark past. So it then lead to her saying how she wants me to be more open and vunerable, and I said the same of her. She also asked a lot about what I find attractive about her and different things like that.

But then my parents showed up! By complete accident. After a quick introduction and them leaving to walk around, we left. I took her back home and on the drive we talked some more. More deep diving and me touching her leg or hand on high points.

We got to her house and said our goodbyes. I leaned in for a hug and I could tell she was thinking a kiss by how she leaned in. But I just hugged her. She then got out after me teasing her after poking her cheek saying "Yep I cant be around you anymore - youre too distracting. Any more and we'd get into trouble. Know how I know? When I poked your cheek, I imagined you sucking my finger" She laughed and it ended on a good note. She shut the door and then started to walk away before saying "Oh yeah! " coming back, opening the door, and saying "Thank you". Right before this she also told me she had fun.

I had invited her to join me for dance classes, which she seemed excited about so that'll be the next thing.

Anyways guys, heres my question:

Shes a religious girl, whos sexual (has sexted, done phone sex, etc) yet a virgin, but also new to the faith and is wanting to remain "pure". I want to pull her out of her shell and have sex with her. But I cant do that in good conscious knowing she wants to be pure, despite her sexual side. I also dont know if shed suffer social ramifications from our church group. I also dont want it to be a repeat of the mutual friend, where it backfires on me.

So what would you guys do? Should I just talk to her and tell her I want to be more physical with her but dont feel comfortable doing that as long as she wants to remain "pure"? (maybe not the best wording, but you get the idea).

Thank you!!!

NBW

 

[NewBeeWinner]

Or maybe, on thinking from my past experiences, talking about it is probably the worst thing I could do.

So next time we meet in 5 days (wednesday for coffee), should I go all out and physically escalate as far as I can dealing with LMR? Put everything on the table?

 

[JacobPalmer]

I think first you need to understand her definition of pure, and then talk about how sex and being pure don't have to be mutually exclusive. Also, tell her somehow that you don't view women like that (which you shouldn't), and that it's not so much about being pure as about building a strong connection with people. So you could try to escalate on her, but also tell her you'll respect her boundaries she she wants to stop.

I've met a few religious girls who once they've had sex dropped their religion, and were much happier, and also some that have had sex and still believe in god. So you might have to see this girl a number of times before she is open to having sex with you, but really play it by how the interaction is going.

 

[NewBeeWinner]

JacobPalmer,

Thanks - that's actually pretty helpful. We were supposed to meet today, but she forgot. So we'll meet another day (probably this weekend). I want to talk with her a bit more about it and I was thinking of stating what you suggested and then suggesting we do things bit-by-bit (like a lot of the GC community recommends for virgins) instead of just going straight in for the sex.

I'm really struggling because I'm just a horny man xD But yeah I'll try better to be more calibrated to her.

Thanks again,

NBW

 

[NewBeeWinner]

Update on the religious girl:

She was texting me complaining about the guy in our church group who doesn't like her back (because she "really likes him"). So I made it pretty obvious I wasn't a fan of her talking about it (and encouraged her that "we're human. we make mistakes and move on" to which she agreed) by taking time between responses and using increasingly disinterested emojis.

Anyways, she wouldn't let it go and was wallowing in self-pity. Even when I tried to encourage her to move past it. I felt like it was a slap in my face.

So finally it got to a point where I told her "I think we shouldn't talk to each other for a while", reminding her that she'd find out of I was allowed back in the church group depending on if she saw me on Thursday or not. She said "Ok do whatever you need to do" and, while I understand her sentiment, she was totally off in her response compared to what I was looking for. I then said I'd just choose on my own to not come back. So she said "I don't want you to leave for good". So I asked why and got no response so I told her "goodnight :/" and went to bed. I then offered to get coffee with her to talk about things and she said she just wasn't interested.

So I said I'm leaving for good then. Bye.

She's now cut off and I'm done dealing with all this ridiculous drama with my church group. I'm not going anymore. I'm done.

I don't feel bad about it and feel free. She's losing out and she's failing to realize the value I'm bringing (and can bring) to her life. So let them all enjoy my absence. If they never come back, fine. The fault isn't hers and it isn't mine. It's just how things went.

Time to go out and find a new one.

NBW

 

[NewBeeWinner]

Hey guys,

After talking with my grandma (I know but she gives solid advice), I realized I goofed on my response.

When she had told me that she wasn't interested - she probably meant interested in talking about the other guy. I took it as she wasn't interested in me - and that hurt. My grandma also reminded me that girls emotions are like a roller coaster, going up and down and up and down. Unlike me, who is thinking through things in my mind, she said, she likely needed to think it through with her mouth - just letting her hear herself until she came to a conclusion on her own. Being an active listener, but allow her to feel heard - this is where I went wrong.

I let it show my insecurity.

She also reminded me that the problem men face is not running away. That's exactly what I'm doing.

But I told her I had deleted this girl's number (which I did - whoops). She made a joke of it, but then agreed it be best for her to contact me first, which she said she probably would. I could then clear up the misunderstanding about the "I'm just not interested" text and get clarity on if she meant me or talking about the guy.

SO, what this means is I'm going to face the group on Wednesday with a new understanding of how I should act. I'm also going to have to reget everyones number's that I deleted (ah...) and take responsibility.

I'm also going to clear things up with her either Thursday or whenever she reaches out to me. I'll likely get her number from someone on Wednesday and clear it up then.

I look forward to a better update

NBW