What Would You Do Next?

[foggy]

I was at a party last weekend and was talking with a chick who was pushing my skill level. Her and I had met at a party about a year ago and she had a boyfriend at the time. I got her number anyways but she pretty much sluffed me off when I texted her. She's an artist.

Then I matched with her on tinder. I also have her on facebook and I know she's single now. We started talking May 1st. Here's how the initial conversation on tinder went:

Sour Frizz: o helloh
Sour Frizz: fancy running into you here
backstory: this keeps happening...lol
Sour Frizz: does it?
backstory: yea, yet another pisces (in her profile it said she was a pisces)
Sour Frizz: oh, lucky you.

Then I didn't reply to her until June 8th:

backstory: haha sour frizz, i don't think lucky is the word to describe it.
backstory: you were in europe for a bit?
sour frizz: pisces are the best. yes i was in europe for a bit
backstory: hmmm, are they?
backstory: why europe, sour frizz? why not south america or australia...why choose that particular continent to visit?
sour frizz: because my mom has always wanted to go to italy so we went together. and I'm young so i still have lots of time to see the rest of the world.

I wasn't sure about the initial conversation....was she trying to qualify herself to me? I didn't bother replying after the last thing she said because it was just a boring conversation to me..

But then, as I mentioned, I saw her at a party a few nights ago. I was standing inside, near the door, and she was standing outside. She's talking to me from outside and I get her to walk inside to come talk to me. Then I move her really quickly back outside and we're standing really close to each other:

sour frizz: why were you acting like being a pisces was a bad thing?
backstory: i wasn't
sour frizz: yes you were, you were like..."hmm, are they?"
backstory: lol i didnt mean it like that.
sour frizz: ohh okay
backstory: whats the defining characteristic of a pisces anyways?
sour frizz: they have two personalities.
backstory: hmmm, interesting. the defining characteristic of my sign is that I'm stubborn.
sour frizz: what's your sign?
backstory: guess
sour frizz: idk maybe a saggitarious or an aquarius
backstory: naah im a taurus
sour frizz: taurus and pisces are super compatible
backstory: i know

I really could have steered the conversation in a sexual direction here... i coulda been like "compatible in what way??" with a sneaky smile. Another compliment:

sour frizz: you're very strange, but in a good way. I like it.

While I'm talking to her, I notice she's very....cold. Like emotionless...borderline unfriendly. It's not a good feeling for me. Somewhere in our conversation I comment on it and she tells me it's just a front. So then I start thinking that I should try to make her comfortable with me so she opens up a bit more emotionally. Because I know she's interested in me, but maybe not comfortable yet. So I initially start talking to her a bit more about her trip to europe, but then I start wondering why I'm trying to get to know her at a party. Like I should be bantering with her or something. I really wasn't sure what to do. So in the middle of talking about europe I say:

backstory: youre the second hottest girl at this party
sour frizz: who's the first?
backstory: i can't tell you, that would take all the fun out of it.

Soon after that we start getting in all sorts of frame battles. She's challenging me on everything I say, like for example we were disagreeing on how to pronounce "pisces" and she was otherwise trying to get me to submit to her frames. I did not bow to her frames and made her submit to one of mine. It was really intense - there was a lot of tension and I was starting to not know what to do. I started smiling to relieve the tension which I believe was a slight mistake (she was not smiling in the slightest). During this time I told her to give me her hand, then I looked at her palm and gave her a palm read, then I twirled her around. So but then, we start talking about childhood and its tough because she's still being all testy and cold. We are maintaining eye contact and she says:

sour frizz: is this a staring contest?
backstory: yes

SO we're just staring at each other and not talking and then I start moving closer and closer to her like I'm going to kiss her and she turns her head away. I wasn't actually going to kiss her, I just wanted to create more tension. Shortly after that I excuse myself by saying, "I'll talk to you in a bit." I left because I didn't know what to do. I go inside and talk to my friend for a while, then in my peripheral vision I notice her leaving. I messaged her on tinder later and here's the conversation so far:

July 19th
backstory: where did you run off to *eye roll emoji* we didnt finish talking
backstory: btw you're sooo green (talking bout my synesthesia)
sour frizz: what do you mean by green? i had to drive a friend home
July 20th
backstory: It's easier to talk about in person...what's your schedule like for the rest of the week?
sour frizz: working mostly
backstory: busy busy
backstory: orrrrr....not busy
sour frizz: in between
backstory: busyness is not black and white, its more like a spectrum
backstory: I'm going on a road trip out of province. by myself.
sour frizz: for what?

I don't know what to do - in my mind I am starting to put her on a pedestal which is making me second guess my behaviour around her. I don't want to get stuck trying to build an emotional connection with her on tinder but I feel like it might be necessary, idk. I want to take her as my lover. It would be rewarding for me to accomplish this because of the challenge she's giving me. I am leaving in the next few days to go out of town. What would you do next?

 

[Richard]

Feels like you didn't make a move fast enough - several indicators were there and you failed to escalate or push things along and she seems to have forgiven those small mistakes a bit; not sure what you were waiting for with this girl.

It seems like the initial contact was rocky and then things smoothed themselves out, you see her at a party, interact with her and then she gets testy/cold. My assumption is she was waiting on you to lead her somewhere else and was getting cold because she's like "What's taking him so long?" and then after escalating late and her resisting you kind of give up and then she leaves the party - you proceed to chase by messaging her on Tinder. Basically, it seemed like you were throwing around all kinds of different signals and she wasn't sure how to react and by the time you had done something her fire was out.

Also, I think there's too much connection building on Tinder, dude. If you and this girl already somewhat know each other and she seems interested in you then you don't need to text that much (not like you ever need to text that much with a girl) so this situation gets a bit niche; you haven't slept with this girl, and you seem to have failed to escalate at potential windows she was giving you, etc.

I'm thinking something like this:

"Sour frizz, I feel like we had a lot of chemistry at the party, and I think we click pretty well. I don't know what took me so long but with the road trip coming up but I'm short on time and would like to meet up with you this week before I'm whisked away, if you can't, I totally understand. What do you say?"

However, she doesn't seem to have called you out on anything you did so you could just let it blow over until you're back from your trip, as well. I'd really have to be in your shoes and experience what happened at the party to give you a confident call on this one. But, I think those are your two options.

-Richard