What's the ideal reply time in terms of messages?

HiddenLurker

Space Monkey
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Hey,

Matched with a girl on CMB and she was super cute - which is quite refreshing because my matches have always been the 'lower quality' girls (maybe I am low quality myself?!)

But anyway started out with an excellent opener, she replied 4 messages with lots of substance, emojis and even questions back toward me (indicated a clear interest and 2 way convo), however I was planning what to say etc and I replied her the next day but within 24 hours. E.g. she sent at 3pm and I replied at 1pm.

Problem is, right now she has completely ghosted me although her previous texts were super different from other girls which leads me to believe I have taken too long and the attraction died down, so my question is, is there a certain 'ideal reply time' to keep in mind? I know you can't reply too fast but what about too slow?

Also, how do I get her to 'un-ghost' me?

Thanks for reading and any inputs you may have.

Cheers.
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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I usually reply many hours later or 1-2 days.

If she likes you, she'll wait.

i post my facebook dating later. The girl i didn't reply/rejected when she wanted to see me at my home. :/

Zac
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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when it comes to online dating the rules are a bit different. What you usually want to do is text back quickly, because she has so many options. Often it's the person who sets things up the fastest who gets the girl when it comes to online dating.
 

Lover

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I've moved on from "replying after x amount of time" because girls are not stupid. It doesn't matter how much they like you, you have to show some interest and move things forward. Otherwise she knows you're playing, and if she played that game or had other guys play that game, she knows what's up.

Instead, reply in the hours when you are available. If you and her both work/study full-time, late afternoon and evenings are great hours for texting. And when you do text, you just text her when you're not busy with other stuff such as hobbies or reading GC articles ;) Be balanced about this - sometimes you reply fast with short time between texts, sometimes slower than that.

In weekends, you have more leeway to bend the rules, depending on your plans. So you can text her even before lunch sometimes.

Tldr; let your texting time be congruent with your daily life
 

HiddenLurker

Space Monkey
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ZacAdam said:
I usually reply many hours later or 1-2 days.

If she likes you, she'll wait.

i post my facebook dating later. The girl i didn't reply/rejected when she wanted to see me at my home. :/

Zac
Thanks, looking forward to seeing that! A case study is always nice to delve into..

JacobPalmer said:
when it comes to online dating the rules are a bit different. What you usually want to do is text back quickly, because she has so many options. Often it's the person who sets things up the fastest who gets the girl when it comes to online dating.
Thanks, I'm beginning to realise this as well - does anybody have any articles on texting? I've read LOADS of GC articles but I can't seem to execute them because I always get confused as to what to say.... too many "rules" to remember. I really hope someone can dumb it down for me into 1 or 2 simple fundamental rules so I always have a direction whenever I'm texting.

Lover said:
I've moved on from "replying after x amount of time" because girls are not stupid. It doesn't matter how much they like you, you have to show some interest and move things forward. Otherwise she knows you're playing, and if she played that game or had other guys play that game, she knows what's up.

Instead, reply in the hours when you are available. If you and her both work/study full-time, late afternoon and evenings are great hours for texting. And when you do text, you just text her when you're not busy with other stuff such as hobbies or reading GC articles ;) Be balanced about this - sometimes you reply fast with short time between texts, sometimes slower than that.

In weekends, you have more leeway to bend the rules, depending on your plans. So you can text her even before lunch sometimes.

Tldr; let your texting time be congruent with your daily life
Thanks so much for the info. I think you might be spot on with regards to this - I've never thought about it that way. If you take too long to reply - do girls really perceive that you're "playing the game" with them? Recently I've had SO MANY GIRLS GHOST ME SUDDENLY and it's getting SO frustrating and depressing - I've never felt this unattractive in my life before.

I seriously need some help on this whole texting game - I can't get women to even reply me nowadays. It's like I've hit a dry spell or something. I'd really love to have a few "core" articles to scope down onto and study (e.g. what is the ultimate goal? There's a thousand permutations/topics you can talk about, so what should I say? is the overarching goal to build connection? etc etc). I have 10 different tabs on the topic of how/what to text that right now I'm totally confused when I plan the next text to a girl.

Thanks everybody for the great inputs.
 

Lover

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HiddenLurker said:
If you take too long to reply - do girls really perceive that you're "playing the game" with them?
Experienced women and women otherwise obsessed with men and mating, most likely. Inexperienced women might just think you're not interested or too busy to care about her - essentially same side of the coin.

Be aware that online dating is also filled with people just checking out what the hell it's all about, or looking for attention or social media followers, depending on what dating apps you're using. You can't really know unless you try to make things happen and move things forward. That's how you identify the time-wasters and know whom to disqualify.

HiddenLurker said:
I have 10 different tabs on the topic of how/what to text that right now I'm totally confused when I plan the next text to a girl.
Find one or two articles that seem manageable to test advice from, and test the advice on, like, 50 women. Or just test it for a couple weeks. If it's getting you results, stick with it and work on the next problem you have noticed meanwhile.

The thing to be aware of when taking advice from multiple articles, is that different authors have different styles, and they all work. So it's not like there are too many rules to remember. But you have to find the ones that inspire you most.
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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she's decently pretty by the way, and that's picture is not her. that's a gif :)
 

GameWith

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I dont think there is an ideal reply time, I just reply as soon as I can while the "lead" is still hot. As someone said in this thread: online dating is different she has so many options.
What I do is I send her the opener and after she has replied I go for the date.
For example:
Me: (I send her the opener, something funny and different)
Her: (almost any response from her)
Me: Thank you/Nice, lets grab a drink/coffee, Im free on tuesday or wednesday evening, what day works for you? (Give her two options here, if she is busy both days sometimes she will say another day when she is free, if she dont mention another day you suggest another day)

Thats how I do it. :)
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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GameWith said:
I dont think there is an ideal reply time, I just reply as soon as I can while the "lead" is still hot. As someone said in this thread: online dating is different she has so many options.
What I do is I send her the opener and after she has replied I go for the date.
For example:
Me: (I send her the opener, something funny and different)
Her: (almost any response from her)
Me: Thank you/Nice, lets grab a drink/coffee, Im free on tuesday or wednesday evening, what day works for you? (Give her two options here, if she is busy both days sometimes she will say another day when she is free, if she dont mention another day you suggest another day)

Thats how I do it. :)
This can be dangerous. Especially if she's only on the fence about meeting up. Build more investment and compliance first. So I completely disagree with this advice. It's an all or nothing approach, which will absolutely sometimes, but oftentimes won't. Think about it in terms of real life - would this work? Sometimes yes, but often times no.

Personally I'd like to see what your success rate is with this, and the quality of girls this works on.
 

GameWith

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JacobPalmer said:
GameWith said:
I dont think there is an ideal reply time, I just reply as soon as I can while the "lead" is still hot. As someone said in this thread: online dating is different she has so many options.
What I do is I send her the opener and after she has replied I go for the date.
For example:
Me: (I send her the opener, something funny and different)
Her: (almost any response from her)
Me: Thank you/Nice, lets grab a drink/coffee, Im free on tuesday or wednesday evening, what day works for you? (Give her two options here, if she is busy both days sometimes she will say another day when she is free, if she dont mention another day you suggest another day)

Thats how I do it. :)
This can be dangerous. Especially if she's only on the fence about meeting up. Build more investment and compliance first. So I completely disagree with this advice. It's an all or nothing approach, which will absolutely sometimes, but oftentimes won't. Think about it in terms of real life - would this work? Sometimes yes, but often times no.

Personally I'd like to see what your success rate is with this, and the quality of girls this works on.

What do you mean with dangerous ? Yes, I agree with you that it will oftentimes not work. I use this strategy on Tinder and I meet 1 in 18 that I match with doing this. I have tried different approaches on Tinder and this works best for me. And no, I dont like/swipe right on girls that I dont want to meet. :)
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Dangerous in terms of it's a low probability of success. You could increase your odds of success to something better than 1/18.
 

GameWith

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Yes, I could probably increase my odds of meeting her to be better than 1/18 but the time I spend talking to her online is pretty much the lowest possibly.
 

Cody Lyans

Tribal Elder
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Time schedules are like this
Social influence lasts three days then forgotten
Sexual influence lasts 11 days and then forgorten
Big life events last three months and then are forgotten
.

So don't take longer than three days if you are not hooking up
If hooking up get her invested every week and a half at least

Generally what I do is give girls a day if they need to refresh mindset, two if I want them to forget or move past something, and three if indifference is key and I want to reset our dynamic.
Similar in involved relationships but over ten days. Give her a few days to refresh, six to move past something, and nine if I want to reset
 

POB

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My take is it depends on what is your status in her eyes and where you two have met. More status you have, less attention is required from you. If you met her live on a social occasion, of course you have more leeway with your texting than with online.

When in seduction phase, you only text her with fluffiness after you have a date scheduled. If you pitch a date and she balks, it's good to give it a little time so you not seem to eager. I usually go by this rule:
1) I pitch a date, she agrees. Text one time per day until the date, not more than 15 minutes of back and forth in each interaction. If we have the date, mission accomplished with texting;
2) If she flakes, I say "ok, I'll just do X with Y. How about we leave it for X day at noon?" or something along those lines. If she agrees, good, I repeat "one interaction per day" until the date. If she flakes again, I don't answer and give her at least a week to get back to me. If she doesn't answer, I try one last time knowing my odds are low at this point;
3) If we met online, I def use a faster pace. Momentum is key when doing online, so from opener to a real date I try to stick to 3 days at maximum;

When in relationship management phase I do this:
1) let her initiate as often as possible;
2) if we haven't spoken in 3-5 days, I send a quick text to keep interest alive;
3) usually my texts always have the intention of scheduling the next meet or, if I'm busy, to tease her as much as I can;
4) if she does not answer me in 48 hours, I send another neutral text;
5) if she does not answer my second text, I give her a week to get back to me;
6) if she does not get back to me in a week, I move on and don't text her anymore;
 
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