"What's your name?" or "My name is..."

Jan

Space Monkey
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What phrase do you guys prefer when you introducing names?

- "What's your name?"
- "My name is..."

I like to ask her name first as I feel this is more authority-based approach. When I think "What's your name?" I think about a policeman asking for your name, selection staff at event's entrance. I feel like the person who asks this question has more power than the one being asked.

"My name is..." feels more like being a job candidate, someone who is introducing yourself, because he wants something from the other person, therefore has less power.

What are your views on this?
 

phuasjn2

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Yeah, now that you mention it, I also agree that what's your name is better.

Many times I would introduce my name and the girl forgets to introduce her's because she didn't expect to be meeting someone. Other times they are stunned by my opener and are still deciding whether they like me enough when I introduce myself. Asking for her name because she forgets to volunteer it out breaks rapport because it seems like you are trying to force a connection.

Once she introduces her name then u introduce your's, extend your hand and break the touch barrier.

P.S. Woot I am a space monkey now!
 

Sully

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"What is your name?" is definitely more authoritarian but people who are socially aware will hate this and it will be starting on the wrong foot. I will definitely get a bit confrontational and aloof with a person who starts a conversation like this. ("Do I know you" with an annoyed tone and expression)

But then you can use
"I am [Name], What's yours?"
(This would be better because you introduced yourself and now asking hers)
 

West_Indian_Archie

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What phrase do you guys prefer when you introducing names?

- "What's your name?"
- "My name is..."

I like to ask her name first as I feel this is more authority-based approach. When I think "What's your name?" I think about a policeman asking for your name, selection staff at event's entrance. I feel like the person who asks this question has more power than the one being asked.

"My name is..." feels more like being a job candidate, someone who is introducing yourself, because he wants something from the other person, therefore has less power.

What are your views on this?

If I'm going to play power games like that, I don't ask for names at all.

I interact as long as possible, build value, and wait for her to ask my name. (That shows her hand, shows that she's interested)

If she does not start asking me questions about me after a star performance, she's not that interested OR she's socially awkward - which is not something I have time for anymore. (I did in the past, and I just avoid chicks like that now, because social awkwardness hints at long term compatibility issues for me specifically)

That said, it's smart to think about tone. Any sort of police man/interview/news reporter tone is something to avoid - unless you know what you're doing with it.

For example, if you look the part of someone in Law Enforcement/Military and can adopt those mannerisms - you can ask those questions and ratchet up the tension. And then when you get to a good point, you can release the tension.

The power of controlling the tension during the approach is far more valuable/creates more value than anything about the name exchange itself.
One of the keys, imo, to this stuff is understanding that 99% of the time, the literal words coming out of your mouth/their logical meaning/the underlying logical implications - are not that important. It's the tone and tension of the back and forth that draws her in.

To the extent that "content matters", stuff like current events, chick crack, jokes/stories/routines, dancing/eye coding, whatever you're doing - that just sets the stage. That's why I might start with something about a celebrity, knowing that whatever joke/point I wanted to talk about, will often times never land perfectly. But the fact that we're talking about some BS, instead of 2 strangers passing by each other is the VALUE.

WIA
 

Kaiderman

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"What is your name?" is definitely more authoritarian but people who are socially aware will hate this and it will be starting on the wrong foot. I will definitely get a bit confrontational and aloof with a person who starts a conversation like this. ("Do I know you" with an annoyed tone and expression)

Yeah, it always feels like I’m forcing something when I ask “What’s your name?”. Multiple times I see the girl get a little confused or uncomfortable by the question even if they like me.

I too also get a bit annoyed when a guy I dont know asks me that, and when a girl asks me that I always respond jokingly (“My names Bruce Wayne ;)”)


But frequently I get a girl who’s socially unaware and forgets to give me her name back, so your new response is something helpful I’ll add to my tools
 

Glow

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its not a or b

Hi im glow is a simple opener that can eg show a gentleman typish effect, or i can choose another vibe to shape it differently

Hi im... prince... will make and open loop of drama or mischief as a im a white guy
and after holding the tension just enough i could go
... charming.

Asking whats your name can be commanding, smooth or cute or whatever. It will make her respond to YOU creating a certain reactive dynamic you can use further.

Several simple questions like whats your name delivered alongside shifts in the underlying vibe is a strong way to establish firstly to be a force driving the dynamics and some polarity while secondly shifting vibes per question to create an emotional roller coaster by a roll of vibes hitting her system. Eg shifting between firm, challenging and fun loving is a power cocktail of push an pullish vibe game.

So to your question:
Know each for their effect. know how to vary each to particular deliveries.
Play with them :cool:
Also understand their effects in the larger picture as its a bit of detail focus vs bigger principles like @West_Indian_Archie is wisely alluding towards.
 
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Skills

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What phrase do you guys prefer when you introducing names?

- "What's your name?"
- "My name is..."

I like to ask her name first as I feel this is more authority-based approach. When I think "What's your name?" I think about a policeman asking for your name, selection staff at event's entrance. I feel like the person who asks this question has more power than the one being asked.

"My name is..." feels more like being a job candidate, someone who is introducing yourself, because he wants something from the other person, therefore has less power.

What are your views on this?
ideally you want to open situationally and/or indirectly then after she opens you go, I am Felipe, they call me "latin diesel"(if you have a nickname), here most women will say "i am hb name" if she does not, you say "you are?". then try milking the intro.

"what is your name" is what everybody else does, and my name is (kind of formal) so both are meh...
 

uriel

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I don’t know, I use both depending on what “feels right” to the moment.
Try to calibrate to the overall vibe.

Honestly, most of my pre-hook interactions seem like a trainwreck in my head and yet they work most of the time… too many things to pay attention to, too many decisions that need to be made quickly… I just let my instinct call the shots for wether I should offer my name first or not.
 

StrayDog

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Feb 23, 2022
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187
This is splitting hairs.

Get your vibe right. Come with a strong approach. Make introductions when the moment feels right (sometimes sooner, sometimes later). Sometimes it makes sense to play a little game with divulging your name (like what Glow outlined). Sometimes it makes sense to just make introductions straight away. Don't over think it. You're golden

Also a name introduction is a perfect moment to break the touch barrier with a handshake.
 

DonGately

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Hi, my name is Don Gately, what's yours? No need to overthink things. Probably the easiest ways for most guys to open.

or funny:
Hi, my name is Justin Timberlake but my friends call me Don, what do you friends call you? Etc. {I've used this to good success}

I'm sure others may differ but I don't do handshakes. This isn't a job interview. My first touch with her isn't going to reek of the office.

It'll be sitting/standing next to each other at the bar/etc touching her hand, arm, shoulder, knee, hair.
 

Chase

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I've always found minimal effort best:

"[opener] I'm Chase" --> take her hand, hold it, laser eye contact, tranquil yet expectant smile, and just hold all that until she responds.

Unless she's so smitten with you she can't think straight or playing it so icy she's deliberately avoiding telling you, she will tell you her name.

If five seconds go by and she's just standing there awkwardly not saying anything, I will laugh a bit and say, "So are you going to tell me your name?" or "... and they call you...?" or "How about you? Got a name?"

In the rare instance where she says "no" and won't give you a name, up to you how you proceed... generally if she refuses to give her name it is not going to go anywhere... but you can still have fun and get her laughing / acting like she's having fun to use for social proof plus exit on good terms yourself. So I will just name her at that point with a name that it a little bit too old... not super old like 'Gertrude' but something maybe a generation or two behind, like 'Barbara' or 'Leslie'.

e.g.,

You: [sarcastic] Wow it's pretty poppin' tonight, huh?​
Her: [also sarcastic] Yeah.​
You: [check her out] You know, I like your style. 5th Avenue but cooler. It's trendy. I'm John.​
[take her hand, hold it, laser eye contact, relaxed-but-expectant smile. 5 seconds go by]​
You: So, did they name you anything?​
Her: [kind of smiling, kind of snooty] No.​
You: Guess I'll just name you myself. Let's see... Margaret? Nah... you look like a Barbara. I'm John. Nice to meet you, Barbara.​
Her: [smiling] Nice to meet you.​
[blah blah, some random flirtation, if it's still not going anywhere exit while still on good terms before you overstay your welcome]​

97% of the time though just introducing yourself with "I'm [name]", followed by taking her hand and holding it + eye contact + a powerful smile until she offers up hers is all you need.

Chase
 

Skjöldr

Cro-Magnon Man
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Doesnt matter. Giving her your name in a very manly way like Chase says is attractive. Witholding it from her until she asks about it can also be attractive. Sometimes girls forget even though I told them my name in set.
 

Skjöldr

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A reverse on what Chase does:

Me: Hey I just saw you and thought you looked amazing in that dress.
Her: Haha thank you
Me: What's your name? *reach hand out*
Her: Sara *she takes hand*
Me: *holds hand and shakes it* nice to meet you Sara!
Her: You too, and what's your name?

Usually she will say that. So you dont offer your name but instead say "Nice to meet you" and usually she will ask you.
 

Jan

Space Monkey
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A reverse on what Chase does:

Me: Hey I just saw you and thought you looked amazing in that dress.
Her: Haha thank you
Me: What's your name? *reach hand out*
Her: Sara *she takes hand*
Me: *holds hand and shakes it* nice to meet you Sara!
Her: You too, and what's your name?

Usually she will say that. So you dont offer your name but instead say "Nice to meet you" and usually she will ask you.
I usually do what you described with the difference that I say my name after she says her.

So:

Me: Hey I just saw you and thought you looked amazing in that dress.
Her: Haha thank you
Me: What's your name? *reach hand out*
Her: Sara *she takes hand*
Me: Jan, nice to meet you.
 

StrayDog

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I usually do what you described with the difference that I say my name after she says her.

So:

Me: Hey I just saw you and thought you looked amazing in that dress.
Her: Haha thank you
Me: What's your name? *reach hand out*
Her: Sara *she takes hand*
Me: Jan, nice to meet you.
The difference between this (giving your name without her asking) and what @Skjöldr described is that his method builds a bit of tension and makes her work (invest) in the interaction. Both approaches could have their application but if you already come across too attainable/ friendly, I would experiment with withholding your name (until she asks) and see how that works out in your sets
 

uriel

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I think withholding your name is a nice challenge for yourself to see how far into interactions you can get with the girl knowing practically nothing about you.
I have had girls drooling for me with them having close to zero idea who I am or what I do for a living.
It’s eye-opening the first times it happen.

That being said, you don’t win anything by withholding your name so it’s not like this is a strategy I suggest or anything.
Just interesting to experience at least one.
 

HentaiSamurai

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This question is a bit high on the mental masturbation scale, but the below is my fave because you get more info. on her interest level. If it doesn't happen, you can exchange names later on in the convo at any point in whatever way you want. It doesn't matter much, especially it you're already a cool dude. Focus on developing a generally social and charismatic presence instead of focusing on details like how to exchange names.

wait for her to ask my name. (That shows her hand, shows that she's interested)
 

Glow

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Keep an eye on how most skilled peeps tend to see it as part of a sequence of things.
This is how you wanna think about these little micro actions. Not as single thingsæ

Try eg to feel chases model to understand the surrounding feels and aims he has and uses. This will inform you better.
note the level of detail he has is far more particular which tells you a lot more of important insight you can use to really form impact. Amd it opens access into things you cant see nor comprehend if you dare follow his outline and open your senses to it.

As i wrote dont try to find the best solution to cling too as there are none. Learn what each doing does.

eg skills says stand out from mainstreams verbal choice. i said do exactly what everyone is doing but add continued vibe changes along it. we both hold good points to why we do what we do. and both works well. you need to understand why,

Ask yourself why people do what they do. Do it yourself to see and gain reference to this particular direction. Understand what each entails.
 
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