FR+ WhatSweeterMusic

[Marty]

Okay fellas, with your help I knew I could do it.

18-year-old undergrad: opened right outside her halls of residence, insta-date, insta-kiss. On the mouth. Of course.

Here goes...

I take the subway downtown after lunch and exit near the state university. After a blowoff by one attractive businesswoman, I find myself walking up a major street that has university buildings on either side. I haven't been in this particular neighborhood of the campus before, and I take a few minutes to get the feel of the place. Student cafeterias, faculty buildings, mixed in with ordinary businesses and stores. A university hospital a quarter-mile or so behind me. Students everywhere.

I reach a big intersection and contemplate crossing and rounding out the block on the next parallel street, but decide to head back the way I just came: it seems to have rich pickings. Good decision.

After crossing the first side-street a tall girl (perhaps 6'1") comes up, carrying a trombone case. Long chestnut hair over one shoulder, a generous body with all the right curves in all the right places. I keep my sunglasses on (thanks Tool). As I check her out casually, she stares at me. Hard.

It's only a momentary glare—perhaps half a second—but it's enough. It's unquestionable.

I turn to catch up. She's moving fast; I have to follow her across the side-street before I can draw level.

• 
  Marty: Hey. (gesturing to remove earbuds)
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Hello! (removes earbuds)
  
  Marty: I just saw you walk past a moment ago... (gesturing back toward where we crossed paths)... and you have such magnetic eyes, I simply had to turn back and say hello.
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Oh! (smiling) Well, hello!

(Thanks Zphix for the "magnetic eyes" line!)

I ask her name, ask about the trombone, correctly assume she's studying music. She plays the 'cello too. She stops outside what I have come to realize is obviously her hall of residence. She doesn't seem in any hurry.

I'm not sure if I've been direct enough, so I compliment her unambiguously on her appearance:

• 
  Marty: You have such a delighful tall figure (indicating up and down as I take it all in), I find it so attractive.
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: (smiling happily) Thank you, that's very nice!
  
  Marty: Why don't we grab... no, in fact, what are you up to right now?
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Well I was just going to get something to eat, and then head to rehearsal.
  
  Marty: Do you want to have lunch with me?
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Sure, why not? I'll just drop this instrument back at my dorm room, then I'll be right back. See you in a few.

She returns minus the trombone and we head to a busy pedestrianized downtown street where there are lots of eateries and tables outdoors. She tells me she's 18 and just finishing up her freshman year as an undergrad. The walk takes about 15 minutes and on the way, I deep-dive her about everything imaginable. She's very talkative and unhurried: it comes easily.

I go heavy on the leading touch throughout the walk.

I ask her what her favorite food is and she chooses an Indian quick-serve restaurant with some excellent-looking curries; I've already eaten though, so I just get an ice-tea for myself and buy her a plate of her chosen food. I lead her to a table outdoors, where the sun is shining and all seems right with the world.

The deep-dive goes yet deeper. I give her a few teasing nudges with my knee and take her hand a few times. At one point I hand her my business card; later I get her to key in her cell number into my phone, and she insists on a text from me so she has mine too, seemingly forgetting that I gave her my card a moment before. Good to know that she's eager to stay in touch. I find myself staring at her mouth. She's lovely.

About an hour after I first met her, she's done eating and I know she has rehearsal coming up in twenty-five minutes' time. I move her a little way up the street, explain that I am taking the subway back to the office and ask her which direction she's headed. At the place where we part, I put my left arm around her and draw her in for a kiss.

The first lands on the cheek, but I draw her closer with my other arm and we kiss on the mouth for a few seconds. No tongue, but it still tastes amazing. As I draw away she has a look of uncomprehending surprise in her eyes: I don't know what she's thinking, but it looks like "I wonder if he's usually like this".

Getting her to bed might be a challenge; traces of the conversation indicated she comes from a religious background... however, there may be a rebellious streak in there. She mentioned how she went against her parents' wishes in her choice of university, to be in the big city.

If I can get her to agree to a second meeting, that'll be an achievement in itself. Meanwhile, I've broken the jinx!

-Marty

 

[Verisimilitude]

Hey congrats Marty! Persistence pays off. She's probably never had a guy move that quick! I think you should text her and go for it!

 

[Marty]

Thanks Verisimilitude. Okay, I fucked up somewhere very badly en route... can't quite work out where I went wrong.

I left her around 2:35 PM. At 6:19 PM I sent her an icebreaker text. This was the reply:

• Mon 6:58 PM—WhatSweeterMusic: Hi, thank you so much for lunch. It was nice meeting you, however, I don't think I left you with the right impression. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship

Really scratching my head here. I didn't think anything to give a "nice-guy" or "boyfriendly" impression. I didn't supplicate, I didn't move slow, I didn't tiptoe around my desire, I went direct and commented on her body. She followed all my compliance and moving demands, and I kept the focus on her for 90% of our conversation. WTF?

I did respond, but I was left on the back foot and doubt whether this will reestablish the right frame... it's too late I fear:

• Mon 7:10 PM—Marty: That's cool, neither am I, actually! Who said anything about a relationship? Though as I told you, I do find you physically desirable.

Where do you think I slipped up, fellas? Did I offend her somehow? Puzzled.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Gooood shit, my mannnn. To all those who give up before they get results, BE INSPIRED!

As for her thinking you're boyfriend material, unless you leave a girl totally mystified by you when you conclude the first date with a kiss (which should be very passionate), then she begins thinking "Oh, okay, so that was a date. Typical, even though he moved faster than most, kiss on the first date..then the next date is..."

As for your response, you maybe should not have agreed with her. I liked "who said anything about a relationship? " If you leave it at this (without the emoji if you want to be really daring), probably better.


I might have said something like

Marty - "Woahh, missy, I'm far too busy for a relationship.

I use this line A LOT now and it resonates well with women (thanks, Chase!)

The advantage here is that you don't really agree with her; in fact, you make it seem like SHE'S the one who's being too girlfriendy (which she subtly opened herself up to by saying "I don't think I left you with the right impression.")

OR, I think Just_Dave proposed this response to combat girls who send empty "hey!" texts.

Marty - ??

This would be edgy as fuck and it might be too incongruent for you, but it's worth a try. I'd like to see its effect.

 

[Marty]

Hey Anatman,

Thanks for your encouragement and feedback!

I quite agree with you on the text message response... I realized after I sent it that I should have missed off the first sentence, but now I'm on your page that I should have missed off the last one too and just gone with: "Who said anything about a relationship??" The double question-mark is awesome by the way, way better than an emoji in this instance.

For the future I like your "way too busy, missy" version, but I wonder if there's an easy way to ensure the subtext is too busy with women, and certainly not too busy in the regular social sense, i.e. implying you're a run-of-the-mill wage-slave with a boss breathing down his back. I always try to negate that impression by implying, to the contrary, that I have all the time in the world, as in this case when I met the girl mid-afternoon on a Monday.

But in the broader learning sense, I'd still like to understand where I went off the rails in this interaction. By ordinary (non-GC) standards the first five minutes were very socially aggressive: stopping her in the street, complimenting her eyes, commanding her to tell me about herself and having her comply, qualifying her very obviously on her body just in case she hadn't gotten the hint from the first compliment, and having her accompany me for a bite within a few moments of meeting her. A man she'd never seen in her life before and who as far as she knew had no social or occupational connection to her whatever.

My belief is that after all the above, there is no way in the world she could have misinterpreted my intention as Platonic. Right? So her text response was actually quite disingenuous. I had made myself abundantly clear in the first five minutes. Probably much sooner than that, if she has an ounce of social intuition.

Just for kicks I'd like to know how she apparently classified me—Boyfriend candidate? Failed boyfriend candidate? Friendly nice-guy? Creepy guy??

I ask because she complied with the kiss... she didn't resist or push me away. I can believe that she'd tolerate that from a "failed boyfriend candidate" who was attractive enough to her to make it pleasant or neutral; but a nice, friendly guy? No way—she'd think "ewwww" and back off pronto.

So that's what I'm wondering, Anatman. Seems like she's trying to have it both ways, and I wonder how I can avoid this in future altogether, or slap it down if I see it arise.

-Marty

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

Marty, you sly rapscallion you.

GOOD JOB MATE !!!

Mon 6:58 PM—WhatSweeterMusic: Hi, thank you so much for lunch. It was nice meeting you, however, I don't think I left you with the right impression. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship

I'm curious to know if this is her discreet way of asking you for casual sex. If not is she just throwing out a stupid "takeaway" because she knows you have the upper hand so far in this relationship? Wtf, the way you told the story, it seems flawless (bravo, btw). Maybe she's afraid of being loved up and is just trying to ruin your sandcastle.

Lol, as for the text response, how hilarious would it be if you had said

Marty: Perfect!

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with this one Marty.

To all those who give up before they get results, BE INSPIRED!

I'm inspired.

 

[Richard]

(Thanks Zphix for the "magnetic eyes" line!)

Gets them every time

 

[Smith]

Hey Marty,
Everything seemed smooth until her text message. (which surprised me too! like WTF!) But great job on the pick up!

Just for kicks I'd like to know how she apparently classified me—Boyfriend candidate? Failed boyfriend candidate? Friendly nice-guy? Creepy guy??

I think it's important to keep in mind that she's only 18... so probably no one has ever done this to her before!( i.e. moving fast with her) so she's probably confused as to what going to happen next time you see her, i.e. sex?

I don't think she classified you as a boyfriend candidate, friendly nice-guy or creepy guy.
I actually think she understands perfectly well that you want a casual relationship, but I don't think she wants one given her religious background. (DISAPPOINTING I KNOW!) Anyway! that's just my theory! Girls are cute and silly! who knows what they're thinking?
and I'm just curious, did you say anything after you kissed her? or did you just say goodbye?

 

[Marty]

GP, thanks!

If not is she just throwing out a stupid "takeaway" because she knows you have the upper hand so far in this relationship? ... Maybe she's afraid of being loved up and is just trying to ruin your sandcastle.

I know that Chase says (somewhere—I can't find it) that he doesn't like spending much time talking to people who don't understand women properly, but I really am putting in work to learn—and yet I have no idea what you mean by either of the sentences above, whatsoever. Takeaway? Upper hand? Loved-up? Sandcastle? It's like women inhabit a sphere where different paths of reasoning apply, it sometimes seems. Guess I will not be talking to Chase anytime soon!

The Smith:

I think it's important to keep in mind that she's only 18... so probably no one has ever done this to her before!( i.e. moving fast with her) so she's probably confused as to what going to happen next time you see her, i.e. sex?

I dunno. Everywhere you look on this site it says that women love sex, so if you subscribe to the site theory (which I do), then if she thought that was going to get sex next time I saw her, surely she'd be more than eager? Makes no sense to me.

Girls are cute and silly!

Good reminder. I should have texted her: "A relationship?? You're very silly. It's cute though! "

I'm just curious, did you say anything after you kissed her? or did you just say goodbye?

Yes. I do remember more or less what I said to her, The Smith. I don't think it was anything particularly significant.

I just said something like: "You're a lovely girl, WhatSweeterMusic! I hope we see each other again some time soon."

What could be more innocent than that?

-Marty

 

[Smith]

I dunno. Everywhere you look on this site it says that women love sex, so if you subscribe to the site theory (which I do), then if she thought that was going to get sex next time I saw her, surely she'd be more than eager? Makes no sense to me.

Haha yes you're right. I do believe in the theory that women love sex, and I've actually had women telling me to take things slow and that sex is not important to them, but a few days later...they told me in the exact same words "I love sex" right before we did it. lol theory tested and proven! So maybe her text message was a test to throw you off. Not sure =/ Just wondering if it would be better to throw back a question at her like "hmm interesting....so what impression did you think you left me with?... haha I'm too busy for a relationship anyway " This way, you can find out where you need to adjust.

You're very silly. It's cute though! "

One of my favourite lines

"You're a lovely girl, WhatSweeterMusic! I hope we see each other again some time soon."

hmm yea. Nothing wrong with that.

Smith

 

[Grand Pooba]

Hey Marty,

Congrats on your progress!

I keep my sunglasses on (thanks Tool). As I check her out casually, she stares at me. Hard.

It's only a momentary glare—perhaps half a second—but it's enough. It's unquestionable.

Good read!!

Marty: I just saw you walk past a moment ago... (gesturing back toward where we crossed paths)... and you have such magnetic eyes, I simply had to turn back and say hello.

Marty (and Zphix), I love this. Great use of an interesting word to convey the core message of direct attraction.

She stops outside what I have come to realize is obviously her hall of residence. She doesn't seem in any hurry.

My first thought was "I wonder if there's any way you could have proposed going to her place right then and there." The logistics certainly would have worked, but I'm sure you probably didn't have enough time for such a thing, building intrigue, attraction, etc.

Mon 6:58 PM—WhatSweeterMusic: Hi, thank you so much for lunch. It was nice meeting you, however, I don't think I left you with the right impression. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship
Really scratching my head here. I didn't think anything to give a "nice-guy" or "boyfriendly" impression. I didn't supplicate, I didn't move slow, I didn't tiptoe around my desire, I went direct and commented on her body. She followed all my compliance and moving demands, and I kept the focus on her for 90% of our conversation. WTF?

This really is a "WTF." I can't say I agree with your reply, as it's sending all the wrong messages (as others have stated). You really just bought into her frame. I like what Gentle_Phrases said:

I'm curious to know if this is her discreet way of asking you for casual sex.

I'm thinking you could have really just gone all-or-nothing and gone direct and blunt about casual sex. Nothing to lose.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

I don't have enough of the interaction to say for sure, but my guess is that your goal was obviously to be a lover, but throughout the interaction, you inched your way towards boyfriend candidate (didn't keep up the edginess? Not aloof enough?) and since you ended with a kiss (which if you do, it has to be mandhandled and very rough/passionate), you secured your spot there.

What I've done with girls who've taken multiple dates to lay is when you do kiss them between interactions, it must be VERY rough/passionate or VERY teasingly sexual (light kiss but sizzling with tones of "I'm going to ravage you later").

1. For rough kisses, you go in, go hard, and then break away really fast (but not nervously fast) and continue the interaction like nothing happened.

2. For teasingly sexual kisses, you go in slow, kiss softly, and release slow and steady, eye fucking her as you do so, and then continue the interaction like nothing happened.

I notice that when I do fall into the boyfriend bin, it's because of the interaction, but also when I do kiss, it reeks of "omg, she let me kiss her!" vibe. Additionally, your non-verbals are shaky, fast, nervous, etc. You imply that you're the lucky one to be kissing her, rather than vice versa.

I.e., don't be thirsty. I think when you got the cheek kiss first, you came off unsmooth. One way to recover from this is to say softly, but firmly, "don't be shy..." and then get your real kiss in.


Hope this helps, Marty!

 

[Marty]

Anatman,

You've not only hit the nail on the head, but rammed it in with full force in three blows. I love talking to people who know what I mean even when I don't actually say it. I had a friend like that in high school, 20+ years ago.

your goal was obviously to be a lover, but throughout the interaction, you inched your way towards boyfriend candidate

Yes yes I make this FUCKING mistake every time!

Here's what I do, broken down. (I know it in my heart.)

I come in real good on the opener, though I say it myself. (Sometimes I strike a bum deal there, usually because the girl's not that pretty and I'm insincere and doing it without my heart in it. But that's the exception.) I don't care if some say this opening was cliché, by normal social standards it was quite aggressive—grabbing that momentary, incidental eye contact and running with it, catching her up, demanding compliance with the earbuds, direct statement of intent.

By about 5 seconds into the interaction, the girl is thinking "Hmm, this guy seems strong".

And then what do I do? I allow the sexual tension to drip away, drop by drop, until there's next to nothing left. I'm heavy into the deep-dive and the convo and I'm socially very confident and leading the interaction and keeping the focus on her. All that's well and good, but I allow the sexual content to evaporate.

I was discussing this with Mr. Rob today and he had an inspirational idea. We figured that I should lead with kino. Thing is, I'm naturally quite confident with kino. Stuff like putting my hand on her leg and leaving it there. It's much, much easier for me than suggestive language, which I admit to finding exceptionally difficult. Where I've used kino well on dates (usually with the older age-group), I've gotten good results. I should do it with the younger ones too, starting at the next opportunity. I mean, all I have to do is TOUCH the lovely little thing, what could be easier and more natural than that? For me it certainly beats trying to create sexual tension with words, which involves a whole load of acting: eye contact, body language, vocal tonality (though that one comes naturally too), pretending to be a "bad" guy—the whole thing seems forced and artificial, at least while I'm not yet accustomed to it.

Rob thinks that ramping up kino will get me out of the BF hole with the chicks. I hope he's right... seems an excellent ploy. I already do leading touch, but it's not enough... I need to escalate. Touch the bits that no social, friendly guy would dream of touching. LOL And then I can be the confident, authoritative, genuinely curious man who loves finding out about the ladies, but maintains a constant undercurrent of sexual intent through unambiguous touch, like the looming hum of a B-52 not yet visible across the horizon.

And regarding the kissing, Anatman. This is spot-on:

I notice that when I do fall into the boyfriend bin, ... when I do kiss, it reeks of "omg, she let me kiss her!" vibe. Additionally, your non-verbals are shaky, fast, nervous, etc. You imply that you're the lucky one to be kissing her, rather than vice versa. ... I.e., don't be thirsty.

And now we've got that little embarrassing secret out of the way, this is how I plan to do it ideally, starting ASAP:

say softly, but firmly, "don't be shy..." and then get your real kiss in.

Followed by:

2. For teasingly sexual kisses, you go in slow, kiss softly, and release slow and steady, eye fucking her as you do so, and then continue the interaction like nothing happened.

God, this is cool.

(The point is, that #2 is congruent with the personality I currently put across, which is dominant-authoritative, but not dominant-badboy. I'd struggle to pull off #1, I think.)

The "Don't be shy" line is beyond brilliant.

I feel as if my arsenal has been replenished. Ready for action! What a privilege to get such a masterclass.

-Marty

 

[Mr.Rob]

I just got a chance to read this and this is very inspiring that you didn't give into the limiting belief that you were too xyz to get an undergrad!

Lol nice she has a boner around you

The first part that notes my interest is the transition to lunch proposal. You literally invited a fucking 18 year old, 20 years younger than you, to lunch withing like minutes of meeting her and she had no qualms whatsoever. Sounds like good buy in, at this point she's either hooked or about to view you as her dad/wise old man that she gets guidance on life from... of course you're not even about to go there. You take it and run!

Now based on her actions it sounds like rapid escalation to sex could have been easily possible unless my intuition wrongs me. She was following your lead and talking with a strange man (2o yrs. her senior!) with utmost comfort and curiosity. On top of that she was letting this strange older man touch her. And I guarantee her religious parents told her not to let strangers touch her when she was growing up. Boom rebellious streak right there.

Now obviously you did pretty stellar but I think when you get some more experience under your belt in the next couple of years you'll be able to come across this exact situation again and lay her within an hour.

Just my opinion. Like you we were talking about whats 5-6 years of learning a skill set to have such an awesome ability. We got this in the bag dude!

-Rob

 

[Nova]

Lol nice she has a boner around you

i dont know if thats a good thing

 

[Marty]

Hey Nova: joking aside I'd be interested in getting your input, unless you think it's all been said already -Marty

 

[Nova]

Okay fellas, with your help I knew I could do it.

18-year-old undergrad: opened right outside her halls of residence, insta-date, insta-kiss. On the mouth. Of course.

Here goes...

I take the subway downtown after lunch and exit near the state university. After a blowoff by one attractive businesswoman, I find myself walking up a major street that has university buildings on either side. I haven't been in this particular neighborhood of the campus before, and I take a few minutes to get the feel of the place. Student cafeterias, faculty buildings, mixed in with ordinary businesses and stores. A university hospital a quarter-mile or so behind me. Students everywhere.

I reach a big intersection and contemplate crossing and rounding out the block on the next parallel street, but decide to head back the way I just came: it seems to have rich pickings. Good decision.

After crossing the first side-street a tall girl (perhaps 6'1") comes up, carrying a trombone case. Long chestnut hair over one shoulder, a generous body with all the right curves in all the right places. I keep my sunglasses on (thanks Tool). As I check her out casually, she stares at me. Hard.

It's only a momentary glare—perhaps half a second—but it's enough. It's unquestionable.

I turn to catch up. She's moving fast; I have to follow her across the side-street before I can draw level.

• 
  Marty: Hey. (gesturing to remove earbuds)
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Hello! (removes earbuds)
  
  Marty: I just saw you walk past a moment ago... (gesturing back toward where we crossed paths)... and you have such magnetic eyes, I simply had to turn back and say hello.
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Oh! (smiling) Well, hello!

(Thanks Zphix for the "magnetic eyes" line!)

I ask her name, ask about the trombone, correctly assume she's studying music. She plays the 'cello too. She stops outside what I have come to realize is obviously her hall of residence. She doesn't seem in any hurry.

I'm not sure if I've been direct enough, so I compliment her unambiguously on her appearance:

• 
  Marty: You have such a delighful tall figure (indicating up and down as I take it all in), I find it so attractive.
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: (smiling happily) Thank you, that's very nice!
  
  Marty: Why don't we grab... no, in fact, what are you up to right now?
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Well I was just going to get something to eat, and then head to rehearsal.
  
  Marty: Do you want to have lunch with me?
  
  WhatSweeterMusic: Sure, why not? I'll just drop this instrument back at my dorm room, then I'll be right back. See you in a few.

She returns minus the trombone and we head to a busy pedestrianized downtown street where there are lots of eateries and tables outdoors. She tells me she's 18 and just finishing up her freshman year as an undergrad. The walk takes about 15 minutes and on the way, I deep-dive her about everything imaginable. She's very talkative and unhurried: it comes easily.

I go heavy on the leading touch throughout the walk.

I ask her what her favorite food is and she chooses an Indian quick-serve restaurant with some excellent-looking curries; I've already eaten though, so I just get an ice-tea for myself and buy her a plate of her chosen food. I lead her to a table outdoors, where the sun is shining and all seems right with the world.

The deep-dive goes yet deeper. I give her a few teasing nudges with my knee and take her hand a few times. At one point I hand her my business card; later I get her to key in her cell number into my phone, and she insists on a text from me so she has mine too, seemingly forgetting that I gave her my card a moment before. Good to know that she's eager to stay in touch. I find myself staring at her mouth. She's lovely.

About an hour after I first met her, she's done eating and I know she has rehearsal coming up in twenty-five minutes' time. I move her a little way up the street, explain that I am taking the subway back to the office and ask her which direction she's headed. At the place where we part, I put my left arm around her and draw her in for a kiss.

The first lands on the cheek, but I draw her closer with my other arm and we kiss on the mouth for a few seconds. No tongue, but it still tastes amazing. As I draw away she has a look of uncomprehending surprise in her eyes: I don't know what she's thinking, but it looks like "I wonder if he's usually like this".

Getting her to bed might be a challenge; traces of the conversation indicated she comes from a religious background... however, there may be a rebellious streak in there. She mentioned how she went against her parents' wishes in her choice of university, to be in the big city.

If I can get her to agree to a second meeting, that'll be an achievement in itself. Meanwhile, I've broken the jinx!

-Marty

sure,

your opener was nice in the sense that the two of you had actually traded eye contact prior to opening, so it was kind of relevant if you like, and better than saying something like 'your eyes are beautiful' which is obviously cliche as hell. be careful with that opener though, make sure the relevance for it is there. if you just stop a random girl you like, look at her and drop that magnetic eyes opener obviously it looks weird, so don't over do it. that said after pre opening/mutal eye contact its cool.

the 'you have a delightfully tall figure' line... i don't like the wording, to me it sounds limp wristed and nice. for me, the fact that you opened direct and showed a little interest in her was enough for then, i wouldn't have come out with any other appearance related compliments, i don't really them anyway. relate to her, qualify and have a little banter at this early stage that is enough. don't over do the 'you have a delightfully tall...' 'your elegance is... 'your aura is breathtakingly...' etc etc. you wanna watch the wording or end up looking a little bit prince charming.

instead of guessing how much time she has on her hands find out. i always do this to solidify whether this interaction is going to be a quick number grab or something that could potentially turn into a same day lay. ask hey 'so what are you up to now, keeping your self busy or just...' 'keeping yourself busy this afternoon?' 'you up to much now?' anything of that variety really, just to know for sure her plans. sometimes you can just tell with a girl is she's busy, but not always.

also asking her what her plans are gifts you a better platform to ask her to come to lunch with you, versus asking out of the blue.

the 'do you want to have lunch with me' i wouldn't use. you give her all the power and fail to assert yourself. it also seems a bit approval seeking 'do you want to have lunch with me' is essentially saying 'do you like me enough to want to eat with me' - your right to consider her schedule, but something more assertive and assuming would be better.

once you got to the cafe or whatever it was, you did the right thing, got to know her, had a bit of fun also, that's the key, building a connecting but sprinkling in a bit of humor and teasing to make sure it doesn't get too intense. a lot happens during the 'getting to know her' period. i hope you set the right frames, and maintained the correct balance.

the kiss i wouldn't have bothered with. there is something i don't like about kissing a girl and not doing anything else. for me i would have ramped up desire and expectation trough framing, innuendo, body language etc etc, leaving her wondering what might happen next. there is something about kissing a girl and not moving further forward in the same moment that kills a lot of the intrigue.

this was the problem though. you didn't really know her plans/you had to get back to work. you should have grabbed her number earlier. set up a date later. and progressed properly during the date towards sex. the fact you had this date, gave her a little kiss after and then did nothing is not good, it gives her time to consider things, analyze things and come up with messages like 'Hi, thank you so much for lunch. It was nice meeting you, however, I don't think I left you with the right impression. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship'

(to which by the way i would have replied something like 'yeh relationships aren't for me at the moment, have too much going on. we should definitely chill again soon though') don't even bother trying to work out why a girl sends you x text or analyze it. everybody likes to believe they can see into a girls mind, but believe me you just have to rub it off and progress properly, girls say all sorts of shit, the meaning behind it is not always universal.

-

but these are things you can work on to polish your technique. all in all, you did good, keep doing this and you will gradually learn all the small things that work and don't work. the main problem now facing you is structure & logistics. your interactions have to flow properly.