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Anonymous
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When a woman goes into auto rejection after being really responsive and happy to see you, is it possible to get her to go back, or is she just stuck that way forever?
When a girl goes into auto-rejection, can she get out of it?
This ties in with what I wanted help with. Girl went cold after being really responsive, but I've been warming her up recently after I created some distance and it's working out alright although it's not the same as before. I say distance might remedy the situation.
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Rarely. If you try to "win" her back you will be automatically chasing. Let her see you with other girls, keep her at a distance by being a bit aloof/indifferent with her or next her. Abundance mentality and preselection is key when you are in this situation...
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Yes, a girl can come out of auto-rejection if she was previously in it. However, you need to act fast.
Most guys go one of two ways - they either flounder around trying to get her back by being exceedingly nice and chasing her, or they strike off looking for a woman who won't go cold on him.
Neither of these is the ideal solution because they do not address the issue of auto-rejection. Guys don't need to supplicate a girl to bring her back or show her what she's missing out on to bring her back - they need to make themselves more available and relatable.
Here's a micro-adjustment that you can use in-field if a girl has gone cold on you: cease working on whatever you were then working on (getting her to invest or moving her around) and instead shift your energies on reversing anything that may be causing your attainability to tank. Acting like too much of an asshole and she's shutting off? Stop teasing her. Feeling like there is a lack of an emotional connection? Deep dive her. Been talking to her for a while and it feels as though you missed the cue to take her home? Move her. She's sharing a lot of information but you seem disinterested? Reward her and positively reinforce her sharing information about herself.
In order to implement the previous suggestions, it's best to simply talk through the coldness while addressing the issue. This is typically hard for guys to do because they don't recognize (1) what they were doing wrong and (2) don't know how to fix the issue, therefore talking to her often runs the risk of it feeling like a chase. But putting a little bit more effort into the conversation to up your attainability is well worth it, because it has become a necessity if you want to take her home.
Most guys go one of two ways - they either flounder around trying to get her back by being exceedingly nice and chasing her, or they strike off looking for a woman who won't go cold on him.
Neither of these is the ideal solution because they do not address the issue of auto-rejection. Guys don't need to supplicate a girl to bring her back or show her what she's missing out on to bring her back - they need to make themselves more available and relatable.
Here's a micro-adjustment that you can use in-field if a girl has gone cold on you: cease working on whatever you were then working on (getting her to invest or moving her around) and instead shift your energies on reversing anything that may be causing your attainability to tank. Acting like too much of an asshole and she's shutting off? Stop teasing her. Feeling like there is a lack of an emotional connection? Deep dive her. Been talking to her for a while and it feels as though you missed the cue to take her home? Move her. She's sharing a lot of information but you seem disinterested? Reward her and positively reinforce her sharing information about herself.
In order to implement the previous suggestions, it's best to simply talk through the coldness while addressing the issue. This is typically hard for guys to do because they don't recognize (1) what they were doing wrong and (2) don't know how to fix the issue, therefore talking to her often runs the risk of it feeling like a chase. But putting a little bit more effort into the conversation to up your attainability is well worth it, because it has become a necessity if you want to take her home.
Ross I like that advice. I want to know would it be a good idea to directly address the coldness she's displaying? Such as saying "Are we cool? I know we don't talk like we used to and I thought I may have done something to upset or hurt you, and if I did it's not what I wanted." After her response, you immediately move away from the topic and flirt it up and ask to hangout some time.
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- Nov 20, 2012
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RLS said:
I typically stay away from meta-framing auto-rejection. Pointing out what people are doing while they are doing it typically enhances the emotions that they are feeling at that time. So if you address her coldness she's probably going to act more aloof about the situation, which typically opens avenues in conversation which lead to negative topics and/or arguments. Focus on the positive and moving past it.
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I saw a video today and this guy was explaining a auto-rejection type scenario and this is how it went:
Him: Hey, my names *blah* *blah* (extends hand)
Her: (Shakes hand and turns head away)
Him: If you want to say hi to me you can look me in the eyes or just not say hi...
Her: oh sorry, there's just a lot of bullshit in this place
So what the lesson is, I think, is to bring her auto-rejection to light and make her feel bad for it, I mean what have you done to deserve this rejection and who is she to think that she can just reject you without having a reason. I guess that applies to just the initial approach though but I feel you could utilize a rendition of it when she was previously responsive, but in that case you have to understand that you probably did do something to turn her off, and it would be beneficial to do this in a positive way, because you can't be sure what situation caused her change in state.
Him: Hey, my names *blah* *blah* (extends hand)
Her: (Shakes hand and turns head away)
Him: If you want to say hi to me you can look me in the eyes or just not say hi...
Her: oh sorry, there's just a lot of bullshit in this place
So what the lesson is, I think, is to bring her auto-rejection to light and make her feel bad for it, I mean what have you done to deserve this rejection and who is she to think that she can just reject you without having a reason. I guess that applies to just the initial approach though but I feel you could utilize a rendition of it when she was previously responsive, but in that case you have to understand that you probably did do something to turn her off, and it would be beneficial to do this in a positive way, because you can't be sure what situation caused her change in state.