When a girl leaves you hanging...what do you do?

[asmi8803]

This girl auto rejected with me so I followed chases how to get a girl back guide and, low and behold she's back in touch...

However, before she was extremely interested in me and would never have replied how she did this time... Where before she would have said something like, "I can do wednesday or friday!"
This time she said, "Ok, I'll let you know nearer the time if thats cool"

Here's the text below;

Her: Me too, he’s a legend! Hope you’ve had a good monday! Christmas drink soon? x
Me: Hey Sarah, christmas drink sounds good, let me know when you’re free and we’ll set it up x
Her: Cool, I’m desperate for a mulled wine! I’m free Thursday or Saturday if you wanted to do this week? x
Me: Getting into the christmas spirit! I fancy a baileys I can’t do Thursday or Saturday this week, I can do Sunday eve or one night next week? Let me know what works for you
Her: Yeah I love christmas ok cool I’ll let you know nearer the time if that’s ok x

My question is, how do you respond here... ( I realise after I got her chasing again by telling her to let me know when she's is free, I should then have said, I can't do Thurs or Sat, whats your schedule like next week?) But as I've now messed that up, how do I recover from this (and regain control?)?

Here's my thoughts...

I’m really stuck with this one, because it’s usually me saying, "I’ll let you know nearer the time if thats cool?"

But I have no idea how to respond to it? Your ideas and thoughts are greatly appreciated!!

 

[asmi8803]

Ok, see here is what I've come up with, let me know what you think.

In reply to Her: Yeah I love christmas ok cool I'll let you know nearer the time if that's ok x
Firstly I'm not gonna reply until the morning because it's late.

Then I'll reply in the morning with the 3rd iteration of the following text...
(1st Iteration)
Me: Me too, it's the time I get to see my friends who live out of town! My week is getting busy, what's your schedule looking like? X
(Many edits later)
Me: Me too, a time for friends and family! I bet your week is filling up! Mine is beginning to, what's your schedule looking like? X
(Many more edits later, I came to this)
Me: Me too, a time for friends and family! I bet your week is filling up! Mine is beginning to, tell you what, let's sort something now before they fill up so we can enjoy those mulled wine and baileys before christmas if thats cool with you? what's your schedule looking like? X

To break down my thinking here...

Firstly, I'm kind of ignoring her question, it doesn't really help leaving things in her hands, by then I may very well be too busy to meet up which would suck. And it would allow her friends time to arrange things which again gets in the way of us meeting.
Secondly, I'm letting her know that my time is scarce and that I understand hers is too, this also doesn't give me too much value and stops her thinking, 'oh he might not be available when I suggest, I'll just say maybe we should do another time when we've both got more time.
It also gives her a reason for needing to sort something out now rather than leave it to chance, this also prevents me from looking desperate (I think).
Thirdly, I'm taking the control by saying, look, we need to do this now or it won't happen.
Fourthly, I'm reconnecting to a previous text (I can't think of why this is good, I'm just pretty sure it is)
Fifth, I'm asking her if thats cool, because while I want to take the lead, I don't want her to feel like she has lost total control and back out from fear of rejection again. It also shows that I'm considering her.
Sixth, I'm not waiting for her to say if its cool or not, I'm expecting her to say yes and give me a schedule, after all, she did ask if it was ok for her to let me know later!

That's my breakdown, it's taken me a lot of rewriting my original to get to that text so I hope I'm right in my breakdown and that I'm at least on the right lines.

Your thoughts appreciated...

 

[Franco]

asmi8803,

You've over-thinking this one. The best response to that last text is: "Sounds good ".

She's asking you a very simple question, so you want to make sure your effort matches hers or is even less than hers (if possible). Yes, it is true that by saying you weren't available on either Thursday or Saturday that you kind of shot yourself in the foot because now you have to rely on her emotions still being the same the following week. Regardless of this, you still want to obey the Law of Least Effort and go with the flow of conversation. I would let her contact you at this point sometime next week like she suggested so that it feels natural and not too contrived.

Your best bet here is just to give her until Thursday or sometime late next week to get back to you. If she doesn't, you can shoot her a text on Thursday afternoon saying, "Hey Sarah, I've got some free time tonight/tomorrow night. Want to grab that drink together? " And then get the ball rolling from there if she still seems excited to set it up.

Hope that helps!

- Franco

 

[asmi8803]

Ok thanks for your reply Franco, my thinking was that losing control is what makes us want to chase, so I was trying to work out how to regain control.

However I have gone for your least effort way. Many thanks