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- Oct 9, 2012
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Here’s a common issue I see guys run into: trying to decide how polarizing they should be. The general breakdown is:
Now, one of the issues I see is guys skipping the polarization phase and going straight for “Be smooth, like a pro lady killer.” That’s all well and good, but the guys who go straight from “pushover nice guy” to “James Bond smooth” invariably end up sitting around trying to look cool and only modestly succeeding, like what I talked about here: Want Dates? Then Approach Girls.
If you’re starting out OR intermediate, you NEED to be more polarizing. Rule of thumb: if you’re getting laid with fewer than 2 new girls a month (and pickup is something you’re working on), you need to be more polarizing.
If you’re not working on it as devotedly and it’s more of a recreational thing for you, then disregard this unless/until you decide you’re setting your heart on getting this handled and being seriously good with girls is a major life goal. Then come back to this post and reread.
Once you reach the point where you’re sleeping with 2+ new girls a month, you can start really toning down and refining how polarizing you are so that it’s more targeted polarization; e.g., you peacock less extravagantly (i.e., rather than having items on you women will walk up and comment on, like the beginner wants to have to get more social touch points, wear things that look exceedingly cool but aren’t easily pinpointed as specifically cool in their own right as standalone items), you say fewer outlandish things, and the like.
The advanced guy uses polarization as a pattern interrupt with women who aren’t responding to his normal game. e.g., he’s talking to a girl and running his sexual attraction game on her and she’s just sitting there talking about it like she’s discussing a project at work. So he makes a ribald sex joke or puts his hand on her inner thigh momentarily in the midst of telling a story about sex and gauges her reaction. Had she been responding well in the first place, he might not have made as bold a move because there’s no need to rock the boat when it’s already moving along swiftly in the direction you want it going in.
And that’s the key determiner of whether you need to be polarizing people and women more: if you do nothing but your usual schtick, do you get the results you want?
If it’s “yes – I sleep with the women I want to sleep with and date the women I want to date and I’m happy with my close rate and consistency”, you’re at the point where being too polarizing will hurt more than it helps, by rocking a boat that’s already headed in the right direction.
If it’s “no – I don’t sleep with the women I want to sleep with or date the women I want to date, and/or I’m unhappy with my close rate / consistency”, then you need to be more polarizing: move faster, do things you’re not supposed to do, wear things you’re not supposed to wear, be outlandish. Obviously be smart if you’re places or with people that will have social repercussions for you (school, work, etc.), but if you’re heading to nightclubs or shopping districts in big cities where everyone’s anonymous, stretch your wings out a bit more and do things you wouldn’t normally do. No one learns to play piano by saying “I’m not comfortable moving my fingers like this, I don’t think I’m suited to musical instruments.” Success is the product of targeted discomfort.
Chase
- Beginners: polarize a LOT, across the board
- Journeymen: still polarize a lot, but start reeling it in and being more refined
- Advanced: polarize in small, controlled doses – use it only when you need to free up a girl who’s on the fence with you or not moving forward
Now, one of the issues I see is guys skipping the polarization phase and going straight for “Be smooth, like a pro lady killer.” That’s all well and good, but the guys who go straight from “pushover nice guy” to “James Bond smooth” invariably end up sitting around trying to look cool and only modestly succeeding, like what I talked about here: Want Dates? Then Approach Girls.
If you’re starting out OR intermediate, you NEED to be more polarizing. Rule of thumb: if you’re getting laid with fewer than 2 new girls a month (and pickup is something you’re working on), you need to be more polarizing.
If you’re not working on it as devotedly and it’s more of a recreational thing for you, then disregard this unless/until you decide you’re setting your heart on getting this handled and being seriously good with girls is a major life goal. Then come back to this post and reread.
Once you reach the point where you’re sleeping with 2+ new girls a month, you can start really toning down and refining how polarizing you are so that it’s more targeted polarization; e.g., you peacock less extravagantly (i.e., rather than having items on you women will walk up and comment on, like the beginner wants to have to get more social touch points, wear things that look exceedingly cool but aren’t easily pinpointed as specifically cool in their own right as standalone items), you say fewer outlandish things, and the like.
The advanced guy uses polarization as a pattern interrupt with women who aren’t responding to his normal game. e.g., he’s talking to a girl and running his sexual attraction game on her and she’s just sitting there talking about it like she’s discussing a project at work. So he makes a ribald sex joke or puts his hand on her inner thigh momentarily in the midst of telling a story about sex and gauges her reaction. Had she been responding well in the first place, he might not have made as bold a move because there’s no need to rock the boat when it’s already moving along swiftly in the direction you want it going in.
And that’s the key determiner of whether you need to be polarizing people and women more: if you do nothing but your usual schtick, do you get the results you want?
If it’s “yes – I sleep with the women I want to sleep with and date the women I want to date and I’m happy with my close rate and consistency”, you’re at the point where being too polarizing will hurt more than it helps, by rocking a boat that’s already headed in the right direction.
If it’s “no – I don’t sleep with the women I want to sleep with or date the women I want to date, and/or I’m unhappy with my close rate / consistency”, then you need to be more polarizing: move faster, do things you’re not supposed to do, wear things you’re not supposed to wear, be outlandish. Obviously be smart if you’re places or with people that will have social repercussions for you (school, work, etc.), but if you’re heading to nightclubs or shopping districts in big cities where everyone’s anonymous, stretch your wings out a bit more and do things you wouldn’t normally do. No one learns to play piano by saying “I’m not comfortable moving my fingers like this, I don’t think I’m suited to musical instruments.” Success is the product of targeted discomfort.
Chase
