When and how to touch a girl

[Zorex]

Hello everyone,

I have been socializing with girls a lot lately trough social circle and night game. However, I still have a lot to learn about the ins and outs of seduction (I just started). The main problem I am having now is moving the interaction forward with girls. In most of my interactions I get the girl interested in me, move them to another location, and then proceed to do absolutely nothing but talking to the girl. In this way I have interacted with a girl for like 1 hour while moving her around the venue, and nothing came of it, probably because I didn’t escalate physically.

My main problem seems to be that I have trouble touching the girl. I just don’t know where and how to touch the girl for the first time without it being awkward or creepy. The interaction might go very well conversation wise (deep diving, connecting and vibing), but I don’t understand how to connect with her physically. Some girls make it easy for me by escalating on me, (and then I just copy what they are doing/go along with it) but I don’t want to rely on this the entire time and it doesn’t work in the long run. I will give you an example to illustrate my problem:

I walk around the venue with my friend when I spot a cute girl. Me and him walk up to her and he opens her. They start some conversation but it quickly falls flat. Then the girl turns to me:

Girl: Hey, who are you?
Me: Well, I am the next awkward idiot of the night (got this from RSDJeffy)
Me: Haha no just kidding, you seem cute. What’s your name?
Girl: Haha thanks, I am <name>. And you?
Me: I am Zorex
Girl: Nice to meet you

I then start to involve the girl in a discussion me and my friend had earlier about fitness and health. My friend then gets distracted so now it’s just me and her. We then proceed to talk more about health and fitness. I connect with her very well because one of my goals is to become very fit and get a great male body. And on top of that she studies nutrition. During the interaction she begins qualifying herself to me and gets closer to me. We have great eye contact (chase seriously killed this problem with his article on eye contact), but still I don’t touch her and she doesn’t either. At some point I touched her on her shoulder, but that didn’t help at all, because she moved back when I did this. This went on for about 20 min and then I blew myself out.

The problem really is that I don’t know how and when to touch girls. I seriously want to get this sticking point out of the way, because it is greatly hurting my chances, especially with cute shy girls (my current niche). Maybe you guys have some kind of system for me. Like do this when she does this, and where to touch her at a given moment. On RSD I see some of the instructors just touch girls right of the open. Is that the way to go? Or is there another solution? What works best for you guys? My current view is that if I know what to do I will be less shy about touching girls.

Help would be greatly appreciated.
- Zorex

 

[ray_zorse]

What do u think will happen if u touch her? What is holding u back from doing sth that is normal and natural? Is it fear of rejection or something else? Girls LOVE to be touched A LOT.

One of the main principles is: if you are thinking it, do it! To hell with hesitation, consequences etc. Sure in 1% of cases there may be a consequence (you just met her, she gets upset, rejects your touch, yells out this guy is a creep, whatevs), why tie your hand behind your back in the 99% that she wants it?

Anyway a system can really help, see Seppuku's journal his touch system is pretty comprehensive. Some tips, touch EARLY and OFTEN, start with elbow touch then go to upper arm, knee, shoulder, upper back, lower back etc (gradually escalate the touch), touch on a high point while looking deeply into her eyes, and set goals (I will touch at least 3 women on the elbow after asking her name tonight).

Ray

 

[Zorex]

Thanks for the inspiring words! Looking back, I sure could use em.

I think it all boils down to fear of rejection. You know, when a conversation is going so well and you dont want to ruin it by (maybe) creeping her out. But I think you are right, I just have to take action and experiment with what works for me while keeping in mind that I have to gradually escalate the touch and start early into the conversation. Also you are probably right on the odds of things going crazy wrong (1%). The chance that things work out fine far exceeds the chance of it going wrong. I need to start playing to win instead of avoiding to lose.

Also I am definitely going to set up goals regarding touching girls for the next time going out. That will help a lot with getting this sticking point out of the way. And I will look into Seppuku's journal to see how he solved this.

 

[Fuck This]

Seriously, use touch in your non sexual relationships.

High five your buddies, Bro hug when you meet them and leave. Pat 'em on the back and shoulder.

Hug your mom, give grandma a kiss on the cheek.

Make touch a part of your communication every day because what makes touch awkward is the person DOING the touching feeling awkward or nervous.


When you meet some one new, male or female, for the first time be sure to shake hands, and do it well. Make eye contact and say their name..." Jasmine, Nice to meet you." and smile.

Many times I like to position myself in the conversation next to the person as if I was pointing out something in the distance. I'll incidentally touch from the side, arm to arm as I lean over to say something, that usually will generate a pretty clear response. A woman who is interested will return the pressure rather than move away. Also she is letting you into her personal space, indicating her comfort with you. You always have to leave them an escape route though. Don't pin her in a corner !

The other way that people become awkward initiating touch is when they try to do it from outside the personal space. I have one friend who stands nearly an arms length away and then reaches up to the girls elbow as he is talking to her and it just isn't calibrated. Looks forced...

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

Yes, touching a girl the right way will do a lot of good things for you. If done properly touching is part of the subcommunication with the girl (voice tone is also here). The sub communication is happening in the background, while engaging into normal communication (i.e. conversation) with her. Your subcommunication will tell her a lots of things. Being comfortable with the touch will tell her that you are a physical, sexual man.

You should be touching the girl very early, maybe within the first five minutes. The more you wait, the more awkward it will become. The earlier you start, the easier it is.

You start by touching her "incidentally", in the course of the conversation. You do it discreetly, briefly, on the high points of your communication. Let's revisit your own example:

Girl: Hey, who are you?
Me: Well, I am the next awkward idiot of the night (got this from RSDJeffy) [wink, or sexy smile]
Me: Haha no just kidding, you seem cute. What’s your name? [on the last sentence, you lean in briefly, and shortly touch her forearm, then withdraw and lean back]
Girl: Haha thanks, I am <name>. And you?
Me: I am Zorex
Girl: Nice to meet you

In a couple of minute you will do it again, on another high point of your conversation. You have now established the physical contact. Once the physical wall is broken, you may notice that she starts to touch you back.

Touching means "I like you". You can start playing with it. Keep a cool and collected vibe that doesn't give away your attraction [Maybe he doesn't like me?] but at the same time you touch her from times to times:[He seems to like me?] That will keep her guessing and build tension. Or: for some length of time (while you're deep diving her) you keep touching her and leaning in regularly. At some point you withdraw, lean back, and stop touching her. She will lean in and touch you back [I liked your touch, please touch me more]. You reward her by resuming touch. All this, of course, happening in the background of a normal conversation. Observe her reactions when you touch her this way, you will be able to tell if she likes it. Also, is she touching you back a lot? She likes you!

That was "background touching". You can also use conscious touching. She mentions about her weight? Touch her belly fat and say something playful. She complains she's skinny? Briefly touch her boobs, wrap it up with a sexy smile and a wink: "How much is coming from the bra ;-)" If the vibe is good and you have plenty of good signals, you can even venture a caressing hand on her ass, as long as it's brief (not insisting) and wrapped up with a playful comment and sexy voice.

Physical barrier broken, you can do things like taking her hand and leading her in a "come with me" fashion, when you move her. Trust me it will be welcome.

All this touching will actually contribute to make her excited.

Later when you escalate her physically, you already have a big head start since she's already used to your touch. Touching is, in fact, the beginning of physical escalation. Use it, and use it well!

I hope this helps!

Cheers,
Seppuku
PS. You can learn to apply all this progressively of course. Start easy by learning how to break physical contact early in the conversation with incidental touching.