When Girls Say "You look like you date X-type of girls"... Attainability?

[TomInHo]

Just had a straight to the house date with a girl I met on Hinge (Online Dating App) last night, but couldn't seal the deal. Only got a massage and make-out

But at some point in the interaction she mentioned something interesting.. She's Black, just like me but told me "You look like you only go out with white girls" and she could not believe that I actually found her attractive

It's funny because even though I am black, I have a history of struggling with closing my fellow black girls even though I find them sexy.

Also she mentioned that I was very "Refined, and kept giving back hand compliments saying that she didn't want to gas my head up. So my question is it is possible that I have difficulty with my own race because I appear too unattainable to them and what are some things I can do to correct it?

 

[Searcher]

Definitely an attainability issue.
You can mention how you had exes who were black whenever in conversation with a black girl. And it's been long since you met a black girl you found amazing.

 

[dingdong]

it's been long since you met a black girl you found amazing.

Kinda proves their point doesn't it. I would rather flip it around and say that you prefer black girls.

 

[Searcher]

Kinda proves their point doesn't it. I would rather flip it around and say that you prefer black girls.

To Get some carrot on the thread going on. The point is you are open but not completely into black women.
Preferring black women might increase attainability a bit too much.

Only way to know is to field test ideas.

 

[Alpha13SC]

How dafuq does a black man who only goes out with white women looks like?

I would look into some cultural behavioral gestures/accent/actions or everything that screams you re different than other black guys. Not saying it s good or bad, but just different and see if you re willing to modify it.

I mean, even if let s say attainability could be an issue, I see you experienced enough to handle it. This girl came straight to your house. It isn't like she came to drink tea. Maybe post a FR to see what s happening, since you mentioned in another post something like this happened to you before. Maybe there are other things you re not mentioning. Or maybe a sticking point.

 

[TomInHo]

How dafuq does a black man who only goes out with white women looks like?

I would look into some cultural behavioral gestures/accent/actions or everything that screams you re different than other black guys. Not saying it s good or bad, but just different and see if you re willing to modify it.

I mean, even if let s say attainability could be an issue, I see you experienced enough to handle it. This girl came straight to your house. It isn't like she came to drink tea. Maybe post a FR to see what s happening, since you mentioned in another post something like this happened to you before. Maybe there are other things you re not mentioning. Or maybe a sticking point.

Crazy right! I also have no idea what a black guy that only goes out with white girls looks like

Usually when a girl comes straight to my place I close the deal 90% of the time. But I probably need to post more FR's because I seem to have a sticking point with a lot of girls thinking I'm out of their league or alien to them.

For example, I laid a new girl a few nights ago, but at one point during the escalation the girl pulled back and mentioned "I just can't believe you're real". Was still able to close by making her more comfortable with a massage, but it's annoying that I have to deal with this so often

It's so strange because the more I worked on my fundamentals, style, sexual vibe and framing the more often this started to happen. Getting girls investing heavy from the start, making innuendos, paying for dates, bringing gifts for me on dates, slathering me with compliments, but then still being 50/50 when it comes time to seal the deal

Has anybody else noticed something similar when trying to perfect their game? Because a part of me thinks that I may be coming off too playerish and disingenuous but not sure how to correct it

 

[Lobo]

"You're silly, i just like girls" (ramp up the sexual tension)

I feel like this is one of those situations where you just don't want to validate the nonsense.

I'm black as well and have experienced this weird behavior.

What i do is ignore and then nuke them with sexual vibe. Touch, eye contact, proximity, more silence.

And yea, its crazy to think about, but having ridiculous fundamentals can make game harder. What i did when I was in college was tell the girl she seemed like a confident girl, a go getter, bad bitch.

Then i prized confidence as something that's so sexy, but rare these days.

Basically qualifying. Building her up.

But yea its super funny how it does the reverse effect. Makes me think I need to be pickier with my targets.

 

[TomInHo]

"You're silly, i just like girls" (ramp up the sexual tension)

I feel like this is one of those situations where you just don't want to validate the nonsense.

I'm black as well and have experienced this weird behavior.

What i do is ignore and then nuke them with sexual vibe. Touch, eye contact, proximity, more silence.

So pretty much show more sexual interest and qualify her more.

But yea its super funny how it does the reverse effect. Makes me think I need to be pickier with my targets.

Seriously...

@SunKing @uriel I know both you guys have great fundamentals and would love to get your input on this

 

[Protean]

Crazy right! I also have no idea what a black guy that only goes out with white girls looks like

Like others have said in this thread this stems from an attainability issue, but one that's specific to the black community.

I'm sure you're aware @TomInHo of the gender dynamics in the black community with respect to interracial dating. Essentially black men are about twice as likely as black women to "date out". Much of this stems from a lot of black guys (in America at least) tending to look down on dating black women, preferring to go for mainly white chicks instead. It's a very similar phenomenon to what you see with Asian women and Asian men in the west.

Basically, when she says, "You look like you only go out with white girls" that's where it's coming from. As far as specific counters to this, I'm still field testing some, but one that worked for me this weekend was to kinda talk shit about white women in passing as a prophelaxis for these issues later on. I said something to the effect of, "I dunno white girls are, okay... but I've always much prefered more melanated, black and brown women". Once that frame was set I faced zero attainability issues and only didn't get the lay due to logistical reasons.

Once again, this still needs more field testing, but like you I've faced this in the past, but never really had to deal with it since where I lived previously was pretty white lol. Since I'm encountering more black chicks these days, it's starting to crop up. Hopefully we'll have ironed out a strategy by the time my fundamentals get as tight as yours

 

[Rakehell]

@TomInHo

yeah i’ve dealt with this. I’m black as well and I believe it probably boils down to similarity. I don’t present as the traditional “handsome black guy” (denzel, idris alba, michael b jordan, etc), I look more racially fluid, and have a more pretty boy presentation.

I tend to only go for black girls since that’s what I’m more attracted to, and will hear the same responses you get. It sucks but when you’re far from the norm you’re literally alien to her.

This is where it helps to take a softer approach like you and @uriel were helping me in my thread. Talk less, listen more, ask questions, say what relates to her. Downplay dissimilarity and overplay similarities. Touch her more, be warmer.

Just humble down in general. I rarely bring up my looks, or other girls directly. Pretty much don’t overdo game that prizes you since she’s already prizing you in her mind.

@Lobo ’s post was spot on too. Focus on the vibe and the nonverbal conversation you guy’s are having. Real physical sexual interest is much more powerful than anything that could ever fly out of our mouths. Some canned stuff I say to deflect are “shut the hell up” “ur funny” “what we talking about” playfully

Of course i’m no master at this, afterall you were just helping me with a similar problem.

regardless hope this helps

 

[TomInHo]

Just humble down in general. I rarely bring up my looks, or other girls directly. Pretty much don’t overdo game that prizes you since she’s already prizing you in her mind.

@Lobo ’s post was spot on too. Focus on the vibe and the nonverbal conversation you guy’s are having. Real physical sexual interest is much more powerful than anything that could ever fly out of our mouths. Some canned stuff I say to deflect are “shut the hell up” “ur funny” “what we talking about” playfully

Of course i’m no master at this, after-all you were just helping me with a similar problem.

regardless hope this helps

Thanks G! That helped a ton

 

[topcat]

loool look at all the black ppl coming out the woodwork, had no idea there were so many of us on this forum

Not much more to add though, solid advice all round, i reckon it’s a similarity issue as well.

 

[TomInHo]

loool look at all the black ppl coming out the woodwork, had no idea there were so many of us on this forum

Not much more to add though, solid advice all round, i reckon it’s a similarity issue as well.

Wow! Had no clue there was so much BBC on the forum

 

[ulrich]

Damn, @TomInHo, this is definitely an attainability thing, no two ways around it.
But this is something that is specific to this girl mind or perhaps to the mind of her specific population (black women).

I'm going to give you my opinion but keep in mind that I am a white guy from Latin America so there is a good chance I don't get all the details right.

I have read some statitics that relate the average attractiveness of people in the USA according to their race.
One of the conclusions is that black women is perceived by the population as in average the least attractive group of women.

The attractive scale supposedly goes something like this:
----- Asian women > White women > Latino women > Black women
----- Black men > White men > Latino men > Asian men
Researches conclude his is because some physical attributes of the black race are perceivedas masculine (darker skin, thicker nose, lower pitched voice, higher musculature) while in the other hand some physical attributes of the Asian race are perceivedas feminine (smaller eyes, slimmer constitution, lower stature).

Not saying this is true for any particular person (I have met some amazingly beautiful black women) but I can see how that "tier list" can mess with many people's minds.

We have a similar situation in Latin America where if a guy with brown skin gets a blonde girl, he is considered a stud (mind not if the girl is even that attractive, as long as she is blonde).

I guess that you are going to find many black girls that because of this perception feel like they don't have as many dating options.
You, on the other hand, being a black man, have a plethora of options to choose from.

So she is like "This is such a great man, he is probably out of my league".

Never been in this situation myself but if I was, I would try to prevent this kind of auto-rejection from happening.

Whenever you meet a black girl you like, try to mention your previous lovers in passing and throw hints that they are "like her".
So long as the girl feels that you also date black girls and that you are not going to forget about her when someone "objectively" more attractive comes, you should be good.

But this has to be preventive.

Let me know what you think.
I hope I wasn't insensitive or anything. I know talking about race can be uncomfortable for many.

 

[ulrich]

Wow! Had no clue there was so much BBC on the forum

LOL

 

[Rakehell]

Wow! Had no clue there was so much BBC on the forum

 

[TomInHo]

Damn, @TomInHo, this is definitely an attainability thing, no two ways around it.
But this is something that is specific to this girl mind or perhaps to the mind of her specific population (black women).

I'm going to give you my opinion but keep in mind that I am a white guy from Latin America so there is a good chance I don't get all the details right.

I have read some statitics that relate the average attractiveness of people in the USA according to their race.
One of the conclusions is that black women is perceived by the population as in average the least attractive group of women.

The attractive scale supposedly goes something like this:
----- Asian women > White women > Latino women > Black women
----- Black men > White men > Latino men > Asian men
Researches conclude his is because some physical attributes of the black race are perceivedas masculine (darker skin, thicker nose, lower pitched voice, higher musculature) while in the other hand some physical attributes of the Asian race are perceivedas feminine (smaller eyes, slimmer constitution, lower stature).

Not saying this is true for any particular person (I have met some amazingly beautiful black women) but I can see how that "tier list" can mess with many people's minds.

We have a similar situation in Latin America where if a guy with brown skin gets a blonde girl, he is considered a stud (mind not if the girl is even that attractive, as long as she is blonde).

I guess that you are going to find many black girls that because of this perception feel like they don't have as many dating options.
You, on the other hand, being a black man, have a plethora of options to choose from.

So she is like "This is such a great man, he is probably out of my league".

Never been in this situation myself but if I was, I would try to prevent this kind of auto-rejection from happening.

Whenever you meet a black girl you like, try to mention your previous lovers in passing and throw hints that they are "like her".
So long as the girl feels that you also date black girls and that you are not going to forget about her when someone "objectively" more attractive comes, you should be good.

But this has to be preventive.

Let me know what you think.
I hope I wasn't insensitive or anything. I know talking about race can be uncomfortable for many.

This was a great breakdown and it makes a lot of sense. Especially like your suggestion on how to deal with the issue preemptively

This thread motivates me to try and lay more black girls. Because before I found this community I had no idea a good amount of my seduction problems came a lack of attainability. So this could make good practice

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Also shocked at the number of black guys here ahahah. What can I say... We're a cool bunch

It's funny because even though I am black, I have a history of struggling with closing my fellow black girls

Same here. As others have mentioned I think it's a mannerisms and how you portray yourself thing ESPECIALLY if you're more of the refined archetype.

Some things that have helped me is:

1. Talking about shared black experience I.E being seen as "exotic" people touching your hair etc.
2. Make a playful joke if she mentions white girls... Come on we all know I'm going to marry a black girl have tons of babies and build an empire
3. Go for refined black girls who suit your archetype... Think runway model or actor vs Cardi B look alike.

I don't bump into this issue with middle class, well spoken, refined black girls.

Funnily enough it's not even a race thing... A lot of white girls who like more thuggish black guys pass over me too.

 

[Rakehell]

Funnily enough it's not even a race thing... A lot of white girls who like more thuggish black guys pass over me too.

Yeah this is a great point. You can pretty much chalk up super ghetto black girls, or girls who want super thugged out guys and show it.

I’ve never met a girl like that who didn’t treat me like shit immediately.

 

[Chase]

I don't bump into this issue with middle class, well spoken, refined black girls.

This would be my assumption... it's more a class-based attainability issue than a purely race-based one.

That is, it's insecurity on her part speaking: "Are you sure you go for black girls like me? e.g., less refined, non-upper middle class black girls?"

I'd just joke around with them the way black guys from their socioeconomic class do to get them comfortable:

Her: You look like you only date white girls.​

​

You: You kiddin' me. You ain't white? Aw girl, I'm gonna have to take you back to the store.​

Then after that just focus on qualifying her more so she gets the sense there are things you really genuinely like about her.

If you're still struggling with it I might just frame a bunch of pictures of me with other black guy friends, me looking all chummy with black girls, etc., and put those in conspicuous places around my apartment whenever a black girl I think I might have issues with is coming over.

Could also throw some African tribal decorations up around your place. Doubt it'd hurt you any with non-black girls (just another touch of the exotic), but black girls ought to take it as a sign you are down with your roots.

Chase