When Moving Girls Goes Wrong

[Doctor]

So here is the skinny:

It was a first date (informational) at a coffee shop. Now I have been to this particular coffee shop a few times before and I like it because there is a small room upstairs which nobody knows about. It has a few leather sofas and very low lighting and I have never seen punters up there, you usually only get the occasional member of staff on their break in there. Anyway normally I arrive first and text to say I am in that room and to meet me there however this time I was held up unexpectedly and arrived a few minutes after her. By this time she had seated herself right next to the door on a sofa in the busy lower floor.

So I assumed, she is on a date with me, she should be invested enough to move right away. I told her about the room and suggested we move there and she said "why?". All I could come up with was "because it's more intimate in there" and, quickly realising that made it seem like I was chasing, I qualified it with "but not in that way, you need to take me on at least three dates before THAT happens!". I persisted pretty hard after this on getting her to move realising I was now in an obvious frame battle but, ultimately she won. We ended up sitting where she wanted and although I did pretty well for the rest of the date, predictably, I haven't managed to get her on a second date.

My questions are these:
1) Was I unreasonable to expect her to move so soon?
2) After she refuses to move is there any way to recover or is my goose cooked?
3) How far do I go in persuading her to move, I was tempted to just go sit upstairs and text her "feel free to join me whenever you are ready" or something, good idea?

I know I blew it here (well I am pretty sure that's what it was) but I am just trying to understand which variables to change for next time.

Appreciate the help as always.

Cheers
-Doctor

P.S. Eurgh! It's so tragic seeing my words written out like that, what a way to start a date! It's just all happening so fast right now as I am really new to this (coming from being comfortable with a few social circle lays every now and then to trying to really hit cold approach now, my head is spinning!) and it makes me realise how terrible I am when I reflect on it like this. Hard work certainly lies ahead!

 

[Drck]

IMO you were too straight and aggressive, she put up her walls. The date was unsuccessful, she didn't go for the second one - probably was thinking that you will be pushing again, this time maybe even more. I'm also missing attraction in your story, just because she goes for date doesn't mean she is attractive enough. She may have been bored, or just interested, looking for friendship, but not in the mood for intimacy. Persistence is good, but in this case it sealed your fate. You didn't let her invest enough, there wasn't enough attraction from her side, so she put up barricades and left.

There is no way to say what went wrong, the same attitude may have worked on another one, but it seems that you hit on her too hard and then kept hitting and persisting - which she perceived more like a fight rather than pleasure. Sometimes you hit just a little, and she is gone forever, aways avoiding you. Other times you hit as hard as you can, thinking that she will disappear, she has to - just to see her keep coming back for more and more......

NEXT!

 

[Thedoctor]

Doctor,

A better way to respond would have been something along of the lines of "It's way quieter over there and they got really comfortable sofas. Come on, let's go."

The problem with trying to move her this early into the date is exactly this reason. If she refuses, you're probably done. You would have been better off just sitting where she was and started deep diving. Moving girls is better left for gaining investment after cold approaching (as well as assessing her level of interest), and moving her when you spot escalation windows.

-John

 

[Doctor]

Cheers guys, thanks for the appraisal, you guys are really knowledgeable. I suppose in some ways doing this does filter out the time wasters but, you're right, it's too hard of a screen to use right at the start of a date, too much risk of it backfiring like this.

If I find myself in this situation again I will just go with the flow and look for an escalation window to move her in, if needed.

Although it is still my intention to arrive first on future dates and invite her to meet me in the 'private room', it is always good to understand and make contingency plans as not having one almost certainly cost me this girl.

That's why these forums are so great! You can sit back, gather some consensus, get a bit of perspective, and improve for next time. So thanks again guys!