When She Talks About Other Men

[Big Daddy]

I fully operate on curiosity mode regarding women these days, so I don't give much fucks to it other than being curious about the reason she's doing it, so I will generally bite and probe further. But honestly I couldn't pinpoint the reason other than testing my reaction, which is neutral 99% of the time.

How do you guys respond to that? What's the most "attractive" way -- probing further, ignoring it, asking why she's telling me that in a inquisitive tone (almost reflecting her test, as if to say, "why would you say that? Do you think I like you?")?

I find ignoring it so boring.

P.S. Is there an article about that? I kinda remember one but I'm not sure.

 

[Atlas]

What's up Big Daddy? Yeah, so I just recently encountered this after a date. I was driving a girl home, and it was kinda far away so we started talking. Somehow she started talking about some dude she worked with and was complaining about him. I just said "wow, he sounds like a great guy" sarcastically and she laughed, then I changed the subject and that seemed to work. To be honest, I don't run into this often, but the few times I have I delt with it exactly as described above.

I think being inquisitive or probing further is the wrong move because I don't like it when girls talk about other guys when they're with me and that just furthers the problem in my mind. Ignoring it is kinda dickish, so that's why I just make a sarcastic comment and switch topics.

-Atlas

 

[Richard]

You want to minimize asking questions and following your curious nature; I'm the exact same way and it took me a while to hold off on the reigns.

If she talks about other men you want to be upbeat yet neutral; listen but don't ask questions and allow her to keep opening up and up about it because it sets a bad precedent and women can use it to create leverage against you in the future. Basically, the more open you seem to talking about it the worse the precedent gets.

However, you don't want seem dismissive either. Acknowledge it but don't ask questions that allow her to keep opening up.

-Richard

 

[Big Daddy]

If she talks about other men you want to be upbeat yet neutral; listen but don't ask questions and allow her to keep opening up and up about it because it sets a bad precedent and women can use it to create leverage against you in the future. Basically, the more open you seem to talking about it the worse the precedent gets.

But can you always ignore it when it comes up without addressing it?

This is a more extreme example compared to the one Atlas gave above, but I was reading my personal journal from the past year and it got my attention. I'm curious as to how you would have handled it:

• I fuck this girl, she's heavily invested (send nudes, talks about trips, hints LTR) but I'm very dismissive about commitment. AFAIK she goes out and parties - but I don't care, as she's not my only option and she can safely guess it. I'm laying down on my bed on a Sunday texting people, she included.
  
  So she says she's feeling like shit (I knew it was a "guy"), and at the time I was trying to be more caring and romantic, so I ask why. She says she doesn't think it's right to "talk about this kind of stuff with me." I'm not fazed and ask what's the matter. She refuses. In a combination of reading Hector's LRs and the aforementioned article, I push further (probably too much) and she tells me some BS story about another guy.

What I wanted was reduce the amount of friction I would get whenever I wanted something (sex, nudes, investment, etc) even if she was not my gf (she really wanted to so I figured it was fair playing ground). I always got them easily whenever she felt I cared only (or more) about her, and I was testing that article's recommendation to ask in order to show that I care about her.

While I don't have any notes on short-term negative consequences after this particular episode, this repeated another 100 times is not a good thing... but neither is ignoring her (I feel). How can you respond to these texts deeper in a relationship (vs the traditional situation where you just met her)?

 

[Richard]

BD,

This is a good opportunity for me to share some things that I've only recently figured out and I'll explain my situation a little bit. My entire seduction career I've only really ever taken on fuck-buddies because most girls would fall short of what it took for me to date them seriously, so, for a long time I neglected the "grey" area: a girl was either my fuckbuddy or my monogamous girlfriend and there was no in-between.

Recently, however, I've started to dive into MLTRs which, essentially, entails you caring and vibing with a girl but not being committed to her: you treat her like a girlfriend, you can take her on dates, you can hang out with her but you're not committed to her. This is the area in seduction I'm living in right now and exactly how you're describing your situation it seems like that's what you have: an MLTR.

So, you fuck this girl, she invests a lot and you make no explicit remarks that she's going to be your girlfriend; all fine and normal. That's exactly how this situation should go for around 3 months - right around the 3 month mark she'd start to push hard to figure out "Where are we going?" The point to take a way is that you can legitimately care about a girl AND still not commit to her, just for future reference: I'll segue back to this in a minute.

Anyway, in this case, it could have been one of two things; she realized you were never going to be serious about her so she felt it was a waste to tell you about another guy or she still wanted to be serious with you and felt like telling you would push you away (a la "If he knows I'm fucking another guy he might not want me anymore"). But, if she flat out said "I don't think it's right to talk about this kind of stuff" then she's either baiting you into asking or she's following one of the two lines of thinking I just mentioned. This is kind of where that 1-3 month mark becomes important, if she did this early on (significantly short of 3 months) then I'd guess she's just trying to bait you into giving her more attention or she's trying to remain "pure" in your eyes so you might end up dating her, etc.

In either case, I'd respond to the texts as follows:

Her: I feel like shit today
Me: Uh-oh, sounds like a day of bed rest and ice cream!

You're acknowledging how she's feeling and making it fun for her, she'll probably read that text and smile. Basically, it doesn't matter why she feels like shit, it matters that you're showing her you understand how she's feeling at that moment. Opposed to:

Her: I feel like shit today
Me: Why's that?
Her: I don't think it's right to talk to you about this kind of stuff.
I'd say...Me: That's totally fine. It's a bummer that you're feeling under the weather. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help
You: Seriously, what's the matter? <-- at this point it feels like you're forcing things
Her: I said no.
You: Why won't you let me show you that I care!

In any case - if you were trying to reduce tension then you show her that you care by understanding her... not by understanding why she's sick or feeling shitty that day. Seguing things back, you should be showing a girl that you care about HER early on - women want to feel totally desired by strong men and when you can show her that then she falls into your lap; the girl I'm seeing now knows I desire HER, not just her body, not just her vagina, etc. and she's extremely attached to me as a result so, when I ask for nudes I get no resistance, when I want to fuck her I don't get resistance in a typical way (she actually does have an issue where sex can be a little painful at the moment!) and if I ask her for investment she has no issues doing something for me - all because I desire her and I set that precedent early on.

Yeah, though, you're right: You don't want to ignore her (which isn't what I advocated for) but you don't want to ask her questions to get her to feel comfortable talking about other guys, it's between her and another guy and if she wants to tell you she'll do so voluntarily. Ignoring is a lot different than being upbeat yet closed-off. My texts above are very upbeat and cause no friction while showing her you care/understand/making it fun. So, yeah, early on you want to avoid this a bit more but if she becomes an MLTR or something a bit more serious than a FB you can be a bit more lax but in any event you want to minimize how open you seem to talking about her/your relationship(s).

Best advice I can give you in this situation, regarding texting, is figure out what her intention is with the text she's sending and then respond to that intention; if she voluntarily texts you that she feels like shit then her intention is to find support from you and I crafted my text around that. Actually, now that I'm finishing up this response and thinking about it; if she refused to tell you what happened more than once then she was probably adamant that it wasn't your business. In my text above, after she refused the first time I didn't push, I back-tracked and showed her I care so that if a) I wasn't intruding on something she really didn't want to talk about and b) if she wanted me to care, I showed her that I cared.

-Richard

 

[Big Daddy]

I wish there was a way to bookmark posts here. Sometime awesome, awesome posts like yours Richard gets lost amidst everything else!

My entire seduction career I've only really ever taken on fuck-buddies because most girls would fall short of what it took for me to date them seriously, so, for a long time I neglected the "grey" area: a girl was either my fuckbuddy or my monogamous girlfriend and there was no in-between.

I feel the exactly same way, and it always felt like a dead-end too.

Recently, however, I've started to dive into MLTRs which, essentially, entails you caring and vibing with a girl but not being committed to her: you treat her like a girlfriend, you can take her on dates, you can hang out with her but you're not committed to her. This is the area in seduction I'm living in right now and exactly how you're describing your situation it seems like that's what you have: an MLTR.

It certainly would be the best setting, though I realize now that I didn't take the right steps for it to be a "structured," healthy MLTR (nor have any idea on how to do it). Do you ever get explicit with this?

And many, many thanks on the other pointers regarding the situation itself, I understood where I was falling short!

 

[Big Daddy]

And conversely, how should I bring up other girls as well?

Sometimes things like "why all the girls that I talk to are X?!" or "you remind me of a girl that..." sometimes slips out of my mouth. So saying,

"why all the girls that I talk to seem to like black lingerie?" or
"you remind of me a girl that liked to send me a bunch of nudes just because she though pics were sexy"

Would be good ways for introducing chase/sexual frames, for example? Maybe using it to subtly communicating competition, something that I want her to do ("girl X does it") etc?

 

[Sandman]

And conversely, how should I bring up other girls as well?

Sometimes things like "why all the girls that I talk to are X?!" or "you remind me of a girl that..." sometimes slips out of my mouth. So saying,

"why all the girls that I talk to seem to like black lingerie?" or
"you remind of me a girl that liked to send me a bunch of nudes just because she though pics were sexy"

Would be good ways for introducing chase/sexual frames, for example? Maybe using it to subtly communicating competition, something that I want her to do ("girl X does it") etc?

Good question. I hope someone more experienced answers this. But the second one seems too heavy-handed to me. Girls usually know that you are a guy who fucks anyway. I get a lot of, "you fuck lots of girls don't you" shittests. I think this kind of "frames" is not as subtle as we would like to think, it lacks the "flirty fun" aspect of frames. It would hurt your attainability, at least it would definetely hurt mine.

Then again, even though I don't believe it would be beneficial, there's nothing wrong with taking it for a spin and test it

 

[Richard]

Chase and sex frames become infinitely less important after you're already sleeping with a girl, as does trying to explicitly talk about other women in your life; you want to keep that off the table until she starts to pry.

So, what most guys do is as follows;

Date #1 - He pays, no sex, maybe a kiss. Lots of spontaneous texting back and forth.
Date #2 - He pays, no sex, maybe more kissing. Lots of spontaneous texting.
Date #3 - He pays, maybe goes to her place, maybe they have sex, etc. More texting.
Date #4 - You're my girlfriend. Still more texting.

Girls have come to expect this type of behavior from most guys.

What we, as sexy and seductive guys of GirlsChase, do is as follows:

Date #1 - She pays/we split, escalate as much as possible. Little texting.
Date #2 - She pays/we split, almost guaranteed sex. Still, little texting.

On and on and on for months and as the months go by she wonders what direction you two are taking, you're making no initiative to push for a relationship (totally opposite of 98% of the male populous) and for nearly 3-4 months she'll be asking you about other women, how many you're seeing, etc. which you playfully shrug off but then a day will come when she will DEMAND an answer and at that point you decide what you want the girl to be; a fuck-buddy, a girl you're dating (monogamy optional), etc.

At no point in time do you ever have to tell a girl about other women - she should be wondering it herself back on how you act and carry yourself. Keep in mind that women are very experienced with the AVERAGE guy and knows in-and-out how the AVERAGE guy acts (which is pushing for monogamy, actually, this is where textbook "cheating" comes from) so when you do something atypical she notices it and it sends her mind spiraling while she tries to figure you out.

The guy sets the precedent of the relationship both explicitly and implicitly - if you treat her like a girlfriend and commit/invest too fast and too early then you set the precedent of "Classic Monogamy" which is where cheating comes from, which is a lot different than having sex, acting non-committed, not investing too much, etc. because that sets the precedent of "Non-Monogamy" and in each case women accept the frame/precedent the man sets; in the former, sex outside that person is "cheating," in the latter, sex outside that person can be anything.

Anyway, the short answer is that you shouldn't have to tell women about other women you're seeing, they should wonder that for themselves.

-Richard

 

[Big Daddy]

Brilliant post Richard, got it. Thanks bud.