When someone else breaks circle/Getting outcompeted

[Bboy100]

Ok, so this post has two separate questions. Although they both kinda fall along the same lines.

1. For the past couple weekends, I've seen guys out compete me for girls. So usually it'll go like this: I approach girl and I either fuck up or she just blows me off or her friends whisk her away from me. Later in the night, I see her trading numbers with/having an intimate conversation with/making out with some other dude. This seriously frustrates me when I see it. Enough to make me feel kinda miserable for the rest of the night. To make matters worse, my now bad mood begins to affect the rest of my interactions as well. I know this is probably a common frustration. How do you guys deal with this?

2. I've also noticed that sometimes, people will break circle with a girl I'm talking to and she will turn her attention to him/her. Sometimes it someone I know, sometimes it's not. When this happens, I either always end up either
A. Sitting there awkwardly for a while
B. Exiting the interaction.

Needless to say, neither of these are effective methods. ...I would like to note that these aren't necessarily cockblocks or guys trying to compete with me. Oftentimes, its my own friends just joining the conversation or its someone I don't know who had something they wanted to add. Or they also just happened to want to talk to the person I'm talking to.

Any tips for dealing with this?

 

[HellAtlantic]

Why aren't you establishing ground rules for your friends ahead of time? "Guys, listen, we're not kids anymore - if you see me talking to a girl just stay the fuck away." Or "listen get your own set of balls to approach and talk to girls, don't fuck things up for me just cuz I'm the only one who has the balls to talk to a girl and break the ice". You must hang out with a bunch of lame guys who aren't trying to bang their own girls and instead have to hover around your bubble waiting for a chance to talk to the girl that you had the balls to approach and talk to. You must be in college. As you get older men tend to just know how things are and aren't looking to be lingerers around your bubble.

Friends don't cockblock friends. If it keeps happening they don't have your best interest at heart.

 

[Bboy100]

My friends are all girls. They're not dudes trying to get the girl I'm talking to. I had one guy friend who did that consistently, and I've cut him out of my life now. As for the girls, they don't do it too often. Its usually when its just me +just one of them out and she doesn't want to be alone. So she joins my conversation. It's only happened a couple times (two times) now, and I told her yesterday that she needs to cut it out. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

I'm actually more concerned about the randoms. So, they're not necessarily dudes trying to compete with me for her nor are they girls trying to cockblock me (this would be an entirely different situation which would call for a different solution). They're just people being social because they're at a party.

 

[Orelfius]

1. For the past couple weekends, I've seen guys out compete me for girls. [...] How do you guys deal with this?

2. I've also noticed that sometimes, people will break circle with a girl I'm talking to and she will turn her attention to him/her. Sometimes it someone I know, sometimes it's not. When this happens, I either always end up either
A. Sitting there awkwardly for a while
B. Exiting the interaction.

I will answer in reverse order:
2- When it's a friend of yours (girl or guy), make steel rule against cockblocking. And flush people who don't get it. (you could also go out with at least 2 girls to avoid part of your problem: the bored lonely friend).

For the stranger interrupting and the girl you're talking too allowing it: Just have the boring look at first (30-60 sec), then start looking around (the next 30 seconds) and then start looking at other girls (next 30 sec). You keep the bored look going all the time. it will create a very powerful emergency in the girl she will notice that you're bored, starting to disengage and find another source of interest, then feel threatened by other girls around. The crescendo should make any woman react fast if she's even modestly interested by you… even if she's not, there's a good chance she will react: being uninterested by you is one thing, having you loosing interest in her is another animal (and a much harder deal for her ego).

1- Deal with it: You can't please EVERY girls.
Some girls will be into you and you won't be the right type for some other girls. Theoretically, you can win any girls, but practically, if another guys who is her type is around, he will get her and not you. That's normal, that's life. The same is true for you: you also have your preferences when it come to choose who you approach.

Your pain come from the fact that you are linking your own value, your self-worth to your ability to seduce women. It's not. Your self-worth should never ever be linked to your ability to seduce women. Seducing women is a convenient skill. It's useful to bring good stuff in your life.

…but it shouldn't be something you're proud of.

WHY? Because it doesn't really depend 100% on you. You put your self-worth at the mercy of a random stranger when you take pride in your seducing ability: You just gave her the power to define your worth.
Don't do that.
Even if our society had trained you to do it,
don't do that.
Even when you feel so great and proud because it works week tonight,
don't do that.

Never ever, under no circumstances, allow something that you don't control 100% define your self-worth.
EVER.

Otherwise, it'S like being the guy proud that the volcano erupt or ashamed that the rain fall: it's just out of your control man, don't define yourself by your ability to make the rain fall, to seduce a girl or to stop a volcanic eruption: you can't control that.

 

[Bete Noire]

Holy shit Orelifius - preach it man!

That is such an awesome piece of advice, I burn myself too often by tying things that have an element of luck to how worth I am of something - got to stop.

Cheers for sharing,

- Rob

 

[Orelfius]

Thank you Robster1919

You know, that problem is the heart of the gender war… feminist, MGTW, Red Pills etc.

It's all come to that simple rule:
In our society, you're not the real deal as a man if you can't seduce any women, like James Bond could.
So every time a woman reject you, it's a threat to your identity and you're angry against her… and you forget that YOU are the one who give her that power instead of rejecting the society's rule that you must be able to seduce her to be a real man. You created your own pain.

And it's the same for the girls… except a bit worst: if you simply don't pay attention to her, she's not enough then. At least as a man, it's only when you fail to approach… but as a woman, every time a man isn't actively wanting you, it's a failure (well, accordingly to our society stupid rule about being enough).

Just reject that rule, just push with everything you've got to assert limit against that crazy dishonest standard conceived to make you feel like you're not enough.

My rule is this:
1- If you succeed and it was 100% under your control, good job bro!
2- If you fail and it was 100% within your control, then you need to practice and/or learn more about this.
3- If you fail, or succeed, while it's not under your control, then it's luck or bad luck… and neither are your business. So just don't care about it and move on to your next challenge.

You're free to use my rule instead of the usual society's rule.

 

[Bboy100]

I will answer in reverse order:
2- When it's a friend of yours (girl or guy), make steel rule against cockblocking. And flush people who don't get it. (you could also go out with at least 2 girls to avoid part of your problem: the bored lonely friend).

For the stranger interrupting and the girl you're talking too allowing it: Just have the boring look at first (30-60 sec), then start looking around (the next 30 seconds) and then start looking at other girls (next 30 sec). You keep the bored look going all the time. it will create a very powerful emergency in the girl she will notice that you're bored, starting to disengage and find another source of interest, then feel threatened by other girls around. The crescendo should make any woman react fast if she's even modestly interested by you… even if she's not, there's a good chance she will react: being uninterested by you is one thing, having you loosing interest in her is another animal (and a much harder deal for her ego).

Great response! I'll try this next time I'm out and see what happens.

1- Deal with it: You can't please EVERY girls.
Some girls will be into you and you won't be the right type for some other girls. Theoretically, you can win any girls, but practically, if another guys who is her type is around, he will get her and not you. That's normal, that's life. The same is true for you: you also have your preferences when it come to choose who you approach.

Your pain come from the fact that you are linking your own value, your self-worth to your ability to seduce women. It's not. Your self-worth should never ever be linked to your ability to seduce women. Seducing women is a convenient skill. It's useful to bring good stuff in your life.

…but it shouldn't be something you're proud of.

WHY? Because it doesn't really depend 100% on you. You put your self-worth at the mercy of a random stranger when you take pride in your seducing ability: You just gave her the power to define your worth.
Don't do that.
Even if our society had trained you to do it,
don't do that.
Even when you feel so great and proud because it works week tonight,
don't do that.

Never ever, under no circumstances, allow something that you don't control 100% define your self-worth.

I don't think this is true. Had you said this half a year ago, you would have been spot on. I indeed went through a period where I was defining my own worth based on my ability to get girls. But this is no more. Nowadays when this happens (the girl picking another man) I don't feel that I am inferior to the other guy in any way. Nor do I feel worse about my own value or about who I am as a person. All it is is a very strong feeling of frustration/irritation. Obviously, that's not as bad as self-doubt, but it can still do some damage to my overall mood for the night and by extension, the energy I project when I interact with others.

I thought about it a little bit and I've uncovered why getting outcompeted frustrates me so much, but I haven't really figured out how to deal with it. The reason is thus:

I'm in college and I mostly frequent college parties. So my competition is not a bunch of guys who have their shit together in life and would therefore be able to run circles around me as far as seduction goes. Na, they're just my peers. So to be outcompeted by guys who are at the same place in life as me could be an indicator that as of right now, I'm not attractive enough to get the hottest girls around. Because these guys who beat me out are likely more attractive than me.

Now...I understand that this is not necessarily true. Context matters. If I come up to a girl on the dance floor vs when she's with her friends vs if she's by herself looking bored, her reception to me will be quite different. Furthermore, even time of night is a factor. If nothing else, girls will get more drunk as the night goes on. Which will ofc, have an impact on which men they choose. That's just off the top of my head. I'm sure there are a plethora of other factors at play which I could list off if I took the time to think about it. And even if context was exactly the same, the fact that ONE girl chose someone else over me is not a big enough sample size to come to any meaningful conclusions in the first place.
...So on a logical level, I get it. The fact that some guy seems to have beat me out doesn't conclusively mean anything. But on an emotional level, it still kinda stings for some reason.

Edit: I just realized that another part of why I feel frustrated is because I feel like I missed an opportunity. When you initially approach a girl, you don't really know if she's out to meet a guy that night. There are quite a few girls who will reject pretty much any guy who walks up to them. Whereas when I see a guy making progress with a girl I struck out with, I know that there's a good chance I could have had her, but I somehow messed up.

...Again, I realize this isn't necessarily true. Because there's a very good chance I just wasn't her type. It wasn't so much my behavior which turned her off. Rather, it was something else which is largely out of my control. ...But again, this is all logic. Emotionally, I don't feel this way at all.

 

[HellAtlantic]

You also don't know if the girl went to the party specifically to meet the guy she wound up hitting it off with. Girls are calculating like that.