When they don't reply to the icebreaker text

[DarkJedi]

So, there's a whole bunch of girls who give out numbers and then don't even respond to my icebreaker text.

Until now, I have operated under the assumption that if she didn't even respond to an icebreaker text, nothing was gonna happen anyway. That they weren't intrigued of attracted enough. I just delete those numbers after waiting for 2 days.

I was recently reading some articles in GirlsChase about cool, non-needy persistence when texting, though they were in the context of girls canceling plans or not wanting to meet up, or things fizzling up. I was wondering if similar tactics can be successful with the girls who didn't even reply to the initial text.

What do you with these girls? Do you have a system for trying to reinitiate with these girls?

 

[POB]

What's your initial text?
Are you using the tactic of asking for her phone to write your number and ping yourself right when you two first meet?

 

[DarkJedi]

What's your initial text?
Are you using the tactic of asking for her phone to write your number and ping yourself right when you two first meet?

I usually use the format of:
Hi X, DarkJedi here. It was great to meet you today!
<callback humor>

Two examples from this weekend:

Hey! DarkJedi here. It was lovely to meet you today
Hope you survive the study session!

and

Hey HB! It was good to meet you. Hope those snacks were enough for today
- DarkJedi

There were times when the girl took my number and texted me something on the spot. Those have usually gone better. I haven't tried the tactic of pinging myself from her phone. How would you do it? Isn't it kinda weird to get into her WhatsApp app (see all her chats), find myself there and text me something? With how privacy conscious people are these days?

 

[Skills]

I usually use the format of:
Hi X, DarkJedi here. It was great to meet you today!
<callback humor>

Two examples from this weekend:

and


There were times when the girl took my number and texted me something on the spot. Those have usually gone better. I haven't tried the tactic of pinging myself from her phone. How would you do it? Isn't it kinda weird to get into her WhatsApp app (see all her chats), find myself there and text me something? With how privacy conscious people are these days?

Correct focus on having her texting on the spot creates momentum and compliance...you answer your own question based on field testing the Jaime from the mall text generic and weak.... Read my post on ice breaker texting...I will link later...

 

[Bismarck]

Devilicious recently pointed out that I was overusing exclamation marks in ice-breaker texts. He was right of course.

You want to invest as little as possible right off the bat, and then after she responds, you can invest more if you like, but even then there should ideally be a slow and steady build-up.

So something like "Hey xyz - Bismarck here" actually suffices. Exclamation marks are usually good in a work setting as they show enthusiasm. There I'll continue using them, in email exchanges with colleagues and the like. With hotties you wanna smash OTOH, you wanna parse 'em out as judiciously as possible.

To answer your first post, yes, it is possible to resurrect numbers that don't reply to your ice-breaker.

There are texts such as: "Uh-oh...I didn't think you were the shy type (smiley of monkey covering eyes)" and "Don't think too hard (smiley)" that I've used with success. The first resurrected a ghost after an overenthusiastic ice-breaker on my part and the second resurrected a dormant number that eventually led to smash. Cred. TomInHo and the guys in Skills' chat.

 

[Dreamer]

Correct focus on having her texting on the spot creates momentum and compliance...you answer your own question based on field testing the Jaime from the mall text generic and weak.... Read my post on ice breaker texting...I will link later...

I think was this one (best way to get a phone number and ice breaker first texts)

-Dreamer

 

[DarkJedi]

Devilicious recently pointed out that I was overusing exclamation marks in ice-breaker texts. He was right of course.

You want to invest as little as possible right off the bat, and then after she responds, you can invest more if you like, but even then there should ideally be a slow and steady build-up.

So something like "Hey xyz - Bismarck here" actually suffices. Exclamation marks are usually good in a work setting as they show enthusiasm. There I'll continue using them, in email exchanges with colleagues and the like. With hotties you wanna smash OTOH, you wanna parse 'em out as judiciously as possible.

Good point about the exclamation mark. Will weed them out.
The same thing about smileys/emojis I suppose. I add a "" once in a while to show a little warmth, thinking that maybe I was losing them coz I seemed cold.

Will try the low-investment route with new numbers now ("Hey XY - DarkJedi"). Girls are of course very clued-in on investment. In all the cases they sent the first text, they had either just written "hi" or some random emoji

There are texts such as: "Uh-oh...I didn't think you were the shy type (smiley of monkey covering eyes)" and "Don't think too hard (smiley)" that I've used with success. The first resurrected a ghost after an overenthusiastic ice-breaker on my part and the second resurrected a dormant number that eventually led to smash. Cred. TomInHo and the guys in Skills' chat.

Perfect! Will deff try these ones with some stale leads.

 

[TomInHo]

Tbh I think we’re complicating things

If the interaction was solid and she was looking forward to meeting you later then almost any ice breaker will work

But if she doesn’t answer you can wait a day or 2 and send another non needy text to see if she bites

 

[Skills]

There were times when the girl took my number and texted me something on the spot. Those have usually gone better. I haven't tried the tactic of pinging myself from her phone. How would you do it? Isn't it kinda weird to get into her WhatsApp app (see all her chats), find myself there and text me something? With how privacy conscious people are these days?

Does not have to be complicated, i am assuming strong interaction, a cont. of the banter i have found to be the best most spontaneous and natural like sometimes i open like cont. a conversation thread (this are the best)...

So in the encounter i say let me give you my number, i grab their phone and first call myself, save myself in her phone then i text myself, for example it can be as simple as Cindy from the cafe....(me texting this to myself)...

in clubs another method i have also giving them my number and i say text me your name (right on the spot) this has work for me too.... (again a bit of compliance and effort)

Again, the reason i do this, i kill the anxiety of giving the number, i avoid instagram or snap and the rest etc... then i usually like to follow with a convo thread on the meet (super high odds not intro no nothing)

How was the studysession did you actually study or instead of studying you were on instagram all along... (she knows is me i saved my name or nickname in her phone for example mike aka cool nickname you go by...

if the girl don't respond to ice breaker no need to delete but is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad lead, pretty much dead lead....

Couple of days later you can send eyes emoji.... But not respond to ice breaker reaaaaaaaaallllyyyyyyyyyyyy low interest...

i don't like the great to meet you, awesome to meet you or any of that stuff.... Scream triggers of 50 dudes she met texting same shit, even steve the accountant text such a pleasure to meet you, so nice to meet you, it was lovely meeting you..... cringe central to me...

 

[Chase]

@DarkJedi,

I usually use the format of:
Hi X, DarkJedi here. It was great to meet you today!
<callback humor>

Two examples from this weekend:

and


There were times when the girl took my number and texted me something on the spot. Those have usually gone better. I haven't tried the tactic of pinging myself from her phone. How would you do it? Isn't it kinda weird to get into her WhatsApp app (see all her chats), find myself there and text me something? With how privacy conscious people are these days?

You're committing "tactic expansion", where you're taking an otherwise solid tactic and "expanding" it, probably because you feel like there's a value / desire differential.

e.g., cool guy meets hot girl. Takes her number. Remembers to text her later so sends off something super basic:

Great to make a new friend -CG​

That's cool. Concise, chill, signs his name at the end, invests the bare minimum to leave her guessing whether this guy will chase or not.

When you expand that bare minimum "cool" icebreaker into one that:

1. Greets her and uses her name
2. Puts your name right up front like you are pretty afraid she forgot / didn't save your name
3. Uses multiple sentences, showing a lot of thought/investment
4. Uses exclamation marks, showing a lot of eagerness & excitement
5. Uses callback humor, showing even more investment and excitement, plus a pretty strong feeling of connection to her already, despite only having just met

... the girl is getting the message not of "wow, this guy is cool and mysterious" but rather "wow, this guy REALLY likes me and is extremely into me already!"

If she also really, REALLY liked you and is pretty much ready to go that will work fine... though even for these girls the cool guy text works fine, because for these girls ANYTHING works fine, so long as they get SOMETHING from you.

However if she is like the vast majority of the girls and she is on the fence about you after that initial approach until she gets more data, a "hey I'm really excited about you and eager to pursue this connection and I really feel like we have a great connection here" text from you is going to cause a lot of women to pull back.

I can't tell if you're texting this way due to lack of confidence in the icebreaker text or lack of confidence in your initial approach. If your initial approach is fine then you can confidently send a normal, short, cool icebreaker and you'll still get a lot of those girls out. If your approach is weak then yes, you will get a lot of flakey numbers, but it's NOT the icebreaker... it's the APPROACH! Turning the icebreaker into an eager/high investment text doesn't help compensate for a weak approach. Making better approaches is what fixes that problem.

WRT to your initial question:

Until now, I have operated under the assumption that if she didn't even respond to an icebreaker text, nothing was gonna happen anyway. That they weren't intrigued of attracted enough. I just delete those numbers after waiting for 2 days.

Okay... I'm guessing you haven't read either of any Girls Chase articles on icebreakers or my book on texting, correct?

I would go read those now.

There's a lot you are not grasping about texting her.

Icebreakers in particular are DESIGNED not to start a conversation but to break the ice so you can have the conversation later.

Many of the girls you hook up with will not respond to the icebreaker...

But they WILL respond to the texts you send after.

Maybe it's different in your case since you're doing this icebreaker-that-isn't-really-an-icebreaker where you are asking them questions right away, which puts a lot more pressure on them since they don't have time to decompress any after meeting you before being asked to decide if they want you or not... but once you start using proper icebreakers, where it's just a little short cool concise message, then yes, you need to be messaging them REGARDLESS whether they reply or not -- the reply to the icebreaker is totally irrelevant (unless she acts super eager and seems to be pushing to meet ASAP... in which case, don't miss that one!).

Hope this helps, man.

Chase

 

[DarkJedi]

Thanks for the tips, @Skills. Will keep in mind.

i don't like the great to meet you, awesome to meet you or any of that stuff.... Scream triggers of 50 dudes she met texting same shit, even steve the accountant text such a pleasure to meet you, so nice to meet you, it was lovely meeting you..... cringe central to me...

Lol honestly it feels kinda cringe to me too when I send them out (nice guy energy), but I do that when I got nothing better I can think of. Or when the interaction was not very playful or teasing, and sending a teasing text won't make sense or be congruent. But I'm realizing even in those cases just a low-effort text like everyone is suggesting here would be better than the nice-to-meet-you text.

 

[DarkJedi]

Hey @Chase,

... the girl is getting the message not of "wow, this guy is cool and mysterious" but rather "wow, this guy REALLY likes me and is extremely into me already!"

If she also really, REALLY liked you and is pretty much ready to go that will work fine... though even for these girls the cool guy text works fine, because for these girls ANYTHING works fine, so long as they get SOMETHING from you.

However if she is like the vast majority of the girls and she is on the fence about you after that initial approach until she gets more data, a "hey I'm really excited about you and eager to pursue this connection and I really feel like we have a great connection here" text from you is going to cause a lot of women to pull back.

I can't tell if you're texting this way due to lack of confidence in the icebreaker text or lack of confidence in your initial approach. If your initial approach is fine then you can confidently send a normal, short, cool icebreaker and you'll still get a lot of those girls out. If your approach is weak then yes, you will get a lot of flakey numbers, but it's NOT the icebreaker... it's the APPROACH! Turning the icebreaker into an eager/high investment text doesn't help compensate for a weak approach. Making better approaches is what fixes that problem.

I think you hit the nail on the head. It is a confidence issue. I have had many cases where I've thought that the approach was good and the girl was invested, and then not gotten a reply either from a short or from a nice-to-meet-you text, which made me think it was the text. OTOH, I've had cases where the nice-to-meet-you text worked and we ended up on a date. Which got me to think that what I send actually doesn't matter, its their investment and intrigue that matters.

However it makes complete sense that the maybe girls would get put off with the eager nice-to-meet-you text. And the girls who were already meh about the approach would not magically turn around with an eager text. I'll stick to proper low effort high-value-guy icebreakers from now.

Okay... I'm guessing you haven't read either of any Girls Chase articles on icebreakers or my book on texting, correct?

I would go read those now.

There's a lot you are not grasping about texting her.

Icebreakers in particular are DESIGNED not to start a conversation but to break the ice so you can have the conversation later.

Many of the girls you hook up with will not respond to the icebreaker...

But they WILL respond to the texts you send after.

Maybe it's different in your case since you're doing this icebreaker-that-isn't-really-an-icebreaker where you are asking them questions right away, which puts a lot more pressure on them since they don't have time to decompress any after meeting you before being asked to decide if they want you or not... but once you start using proper icebreakers, where it's just a little short cool concise message, then yes, you need to be messaging them REGARDLESS whether they reply or not -- the reply to the icebreaker is totally irrelevant (unless she acts super eager and seems to be pushing to meet ASAP... in which case, don't miss that one!).

I have read some of the Girls Chase articles on texting some time ago. I've also bought Hector's "What She Really Means" book, though gotta admit I'm yet to finish reading it.

I do find some of the information contradictory though. Maybe it could be that I'm not seeing the big picture. For example:

• In Girls Chase articles, its said to keep the ice-breaker low investment which makes sense. But an asking-out text like "Hey Sandy, how'd the weekend turn out? Hope the rest of it was as awesome as the beginnings were I ended up going to a pizza party with a bunch of people Sunday night... haven't been to one of those since I was 12. It was fun, though. And, some great pizza. On our bite this week - when's good for you? My schedule's pretty open except Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Let me know what day's best and we'll schedule it up." Isn't this high investment? Like you're trying hard for rapport?
• Hector says we need to build some basic amount of rapport through multiple low-key texts before asking her out, while Girls Chase articles advise to go for the ask-out text after the ice breaker. Honestly I've had success with both strategies but I don't have enough reference points to see which one works better

So, in my head it gets a bit confusing sometimes and I'd love an explanation that makes sense of everything. I also can imagine some of it comes down to personalities.

For now, atleast one thing is clear: I'm gonna try either low-effort ice breakers or getting the girl to text me first

 

[Adventurer]

In my experience, what girls respond to the icebreaker doesn't matter.

Just send the "standard scheduler" from the "14 ways to text girls" article the next morning and go from there

 

[Gladiator]

So, in my head it gets a bit confusing sometimes and I'd love an explanation that makes sense of everything. I also can imagine some of it comes down to personalities.

There's already enough solid advice. Just to clarify this, I'd say it comes down to calibration a.k.a context of the approach.

Imagine you met her in a bar or met through DG, went on an instant date and you did some basic physical & verbal escalation. There was a strong sexual vibe between you both. Next day if you send her a nice guy text, it's uncalibrated and it's game over.

On the other hand, you met her on the street, did some basic friendly chit-chat with subtle man-to-woman frame, exited the set after 5 mins. She doesn't know much about you. If you open with something sexual, it's not calibrated either.

There are a few more variables to take into account, like personality of the girl, your energy during the approach etc. Basically, your text opener should be congruent to your approach.

So, just calibrate to the approach, the girl, time you're sending her the opener etc.

 

[Kingkong]

I usually use the format of:
Hi X, DarkJedi here. It was great to meet you today!
<callback humor>

Two examples from this weekend:

and


There were times when the girl took my number and texted me something on the spot. Those have usually gone better. I haven't tried the tactic of pinging myself from her phone. How would you do it? Isn't it kinda weird to get into her WhatsApp app (see all her chats), find myself there and text me something? With how privacy conscious people are these days?

I tried the example of a taking a girl phone and pinging myself. I got no response. So far I’m 0- 1 on that method.

 

[Narrator]

My texting game sucks. I think in general my game just sucks. I have seen my wing (he is average at best in terms of looks) who approaches the girl and talks to them for an hour, builds connection with her then texts them something witty and starts video calling them and shit.

Meanwhile I approach the girl and at my best, just talk to her for 20-30 minutes. Then my texting is very generic. I will say something like "Hey x, it was nice to meet you".

I will wait for her reply. If she doesn't text back in 2 days, I will message:-

Alive?

If she still doesn't message me then I give up (I won't delete her number tho).

If she messages me back, I try to set up the date immediately. It happens to me that the girls I message are sometimes busy for a whole week or more because of family/work/travel but they also tell me that they can come to a date with me after that. They might even reply hours later to my texts or sometimes even days.

I don't give up tho. I will reply to them hours later too so I don't seem needy. However, I will plough for the date. I will fucking go to the bitter end. Like with the last girl I dated, she told me how she is busy this week and next week when I asked her out on text. So I didn't text her much. I just sent her one anime meme (she liked anime) after 4 days (so she doesn't forget about me). And then after several more days, I sent her the message, "hey, how you been?". She replied to me, then I asked her out again and then we went on a date.

So either they have to reject me, block me or ignore me. Otherwise I will plough. This is just my opinion so if someone more experienced can prove me wrong, please say so but imo girls replying late in texting or even making you wait might be a shit-test. They want to gauge if you are a needy guy so you gotta show you are interested but also willing to walk away. So it should be a balance. They want a guy who is interested in them but they don't want a guy who is needy.

However, I hope to improve my game more in the future. For now, I think I should make more of an emotional connection with the girl when I approach her and think of witty call back humour when texting.