I started writing this topic and realized I was writing my whole life story and no longer knew where I was going, haha. So I'll keep this more to the point.
I'm a soon-to-be 21 year old guy and a newbie when it comes to women. I had no idea of how to be with women until two weeks ago when I (thankfully) stumbled across girlschase.com. I could go on forever about how great this site has been to me so far, but I won't as I'm trying to keep this short. However, it made me wake up as well as make becoming good with women my main objective in life right now. I can honestly say that there's nothing right now I want more than to be with women - and for them to love being with me.
I'm putting as much effort as I can into improving and changing the different things about myself that will make me good with women - changing my mind sets, enhancing my physical appearance, learning techniques, attaining relevant knowledge. I read several articles every day, and I write down and analyze encounters with girls and troublesome emotions every day when I come home. I try to widen my mental model all the time. However, there are some factors that make things difficult and slow-paced for me:
The factors that stand in my favor however, is...
I feel like I have so many things right; I have a lot of potential, yet I can't make anything happen. I'm by no means trying to say "I'm there" already, far, FAR from it, I've only just begun and I haven't had the chance of getting into actually talking with women. That is, I don't want to be saying "it's not my fault", but well.. the negative factors above makes it difficult for me to actually make things happen.
I'm going to show this with an example of something that happened today.
I went to a café in the middle of a shopping mall close to where I live. Bought a coffee and sat down. I do this not because I'm a coffee enthusiast, it's something I've started doing recently to get known with the different places around me mainly for me to feel more comfortable in these situations, but also so I know where to take a girl on a date and so I know where I can find attractive girls.
Anyway, I'm sitting down at my table. This café is actually placed in the middle of the shopping center with no surrounding windows or doors, so I can sit and watch the people walking by and the people standing behind the counter in the small shops nearby. After sitting there for ten minutes, I notice a girl working in an ice cream bar looking in my direction several times. I can't quite make out if she's actually looking at me, but that's exactly what it feels like. And she looks bored - even when there are customers in her shop, she looks in my direction. I can see that she is attractive. I soon start experimenting with thoughts about approaching her. Smiling at her. Saying hi to her. Maybe even trying Chase's good old "Where is [obvious place]? I'm just kidding, I just wanted to say hi because I think you're cute". Thinking of how she'd respond to that, maybe she'd laugh? Could I even pull it off? Could I manage to keep the conversation going? I don't know. I feel a heat emerging to my face as these thoughts cross my mind. At the same time, I see an old acquaintance (someone I don't really know or talk to), which also affects me, but not that much.
When I decide to leave my table, all I know is that I'm going to walk past that girl, and I'm going to look at her. And that's exactly what I do. I look her in the eyes, longer than I usually do with people, and she looks back. Once I've passed her, I can't help but smile (I don't know whether she could see that or not). I feel great, but I get that thought in my mind: "Oh, if only".
That's the end of the example. What became apparent to me is that I thought about saying "hi" to her, but the only thing I was clear about doing was passing by her and looking at her. Had I failed to do that, I'd feel awful afterward. And that's why I didn't try to force myself to say hi to her. Thus, it's apparent that I forget whatever else I was thinking about doing, and only do exactly what I intend to do. When I become nervous, I feel like I lose 90% of my resources, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I feel like I've gone through that "okay, I'm going to do this when I walk past her..." thing too many times where I've set an overly ambitious goal. And it seems to me that this time, that would be if I set the goal to "I am going to say hi to that girl", and what would happen is that I would just look awkwardly at her as if to say something, then just bail by looking away and coming off as uninterested. At least by doing what I did today, I showed interest and came off as confident. Am I right? What are your thoughts on this? Tips?
And for the record, yes, I said this was going to be a short, to-the-point post, but if I'd started it the way I initially did, it would've been a lot longer and less cohesive, trust me
I'm a soon-to-be 21 year old guy and a newbie when it comes to women. I had no idea of how to be with women until two weeks ago when I (thankfully) stumbled across girlschase.com. I could go on forever about how great this site has been to me so far, but I won't as I'm trying to keep this short. However, it made me wake up as well as make becoming good with women my main objective in life right now. I can honestly say that there's nothing right now I want more than to be with women - and for them to love being with me.
I'm putting as much effort as I can into improving and changing the different things about myself that will make me good with women - changing my mind sets, enhancing my physical appearance, learning techniques, attaining relevant knowledge. I read several articles every day, and I write down and analyze encounters with girls and troublesome emotions every day when I come home. I try to widen my mental model all the time. However, there are some factors that make things difficult and slow-paced for me:
- I have very few friends
- None of my friends are especially good with women (in fact, I might be better than all of them when it comes to that)
- I don't have any fruitful social circles (hell, if I even have any at all)
- I don't have an IRL mentor or anything resembling that (my dad is out of the question to put it that way)
- I think I can safely say I have approach anxiety (without being too well-known with the term)
The factors that stand in my favor however, is...
- I live in a city with lots of beautiful girls
- I see some every day on my way to, and back from work, and sometimes at the gym
- My physical appearance must be decent - as I myself can notice getting attention from some girls around me
- I'm able to see my own flaws and imperfections, or strive to find out what they are
- I have the motivation to become good with women
I feel like I have so many things right; I have a lot of potential, yet I can't make anything happen. I'm by no means trying to say "I'm there" already, far, FAR from it, I've only just begun and I haven't had the chance of getting into actually talking with women. That is, I don't want to be saying "it's not my fault", but well.. the negative factors above makes it difficult for me to actually make things happen.
I'm going to show this with an example of something that happened today.
I went to a café in the middle of a shopping mall close to where I live. Bought a coffee and sat down. I do this not because I'm a coffee enthusiast, it's something I've started doing recently to get known with the different places around me mainly for me to feel more comfortable in these situations, but also so I know where to take a girl on a date and so I know where I can find attractive girls.
Anyway, I'm sitting down at my table. This café is actually placed in the middle of the shopping center with no surrounding windows or doors, so I can sit and watch the people walking by and the people standing behind the counter in the small shops nearby. After sitting there for ten minutes, I notice a girl working in an ice cream bar looking in my direction several times. I can't quite make out if she's actually looking at me, but that's exactly what it feels like. And she looks bored - even when there are customers in her shop, she looks in my direction. I can see that she is attractive. I soon start experimenting with thoughts about approaching her. Smiling at her. Saying hi to her. Maybe even trying Chase's good old "Where is [obvious place]? I'm just kidding, I just wanted to say hi because I think you're cute". Thinking of how she'd respond to that, maybe she'd laugh? Could I even pull it off? Could I manage to keep the conversation going? I don't know. I feel a heat emerging to my face as these thoughts cross my mind. At the same time, I see an old acquaintance (someone I don't really know or talk to), which also affects me, but not that much.
When I decide to leave my table, all I know is that I'm going to walk past that girl, and I'm going to look at her. And that's exactly what I do. I look her in the eyes, longer than I usually do with people, and she looks back. Once I've passed her, I can't help but smile (I don't know whether she could see that or not). I feel great, but I get that thought in my mind: "Oh, if only".
That's the end of the example. What became apparent to me is that I thought about saying "hi" to her, but the only thing I was clear about doing was passing by her and looking at her. Had I failed to do that, I'd feel awful afterward. And that's why I didn't try to force myself to say hi to her. Thus, it's apparent that I forget whatever else I was thinking about doing, and only do exactly what I intend to do. When I become nervous, I feel like I lose 90% of my resources, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I feel like I've gone through that "okay, I'm going to do this when I walk past her..." thing too many times where I've set an overly ambitious goal. And it seems to me that this time, that would be if I set the goal to "I am going to say hi to that girl", and what would happen is that I would just look awkwardly at her as if to say something, then just bail by looking away and coming off as uninterested. At least by doing what I did today, I showed interest and came off as confident. Am I right? What are your thoughts on this? Tips?
And for the record, yes, I said this was going to be a short, to-the-point post, but if I'd started it the way I initially did, it would've been a lot longer and less cohesive, trust me
