I'm not an expert. I'm not a guru. I'm not a pick up artist. I'm not even a sociologist or social psychologist. But I'd like to talk about race and the pervasiveness of race in our discussion of women.
I understand that many a man has dealt with the issue of race, especially if you're a non-white male trying to make it in a White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant- dominant country (mainly applies to U.S.).
Yes, racism is an institutional level issue and it's deeply intertwined within the U.S.'s history and it still persists today, in a so called color blind society. But I'm not here to discuss racism, I'm here to make a point about our inability to move past race and our own limiting beliefs about it.
A real man does not make excuses for his failures. He finds the reasons behind them and he finds solutions. But race has always been a convenient excuse for many a man to use whenever he meets failure.
I've been complimented by women that they find me sexy and attractive.
Is it because I have good looks?
Not really. I'm no Adonis, I'm no model, I won't be appearing in any movies or TV shows anytime soon.
However, I carry myself with authority, I command respect with my presence and body language. I don't shrink in the presence of other men who may be more physically imposing or aggressive. I walk with a certain gravity and confidence in my step. My eyes never waver when I talk to people. I move with calmness and grace.
It's both sad and funny when I hear women tell me that I'm a "sexy Asian". Why do they say that? It's because 1) they don't have much exposure to Asians and 2) they have a stereotyped, prejudiced image and impression of Asian men, mostly from the media. What's worse is that they aren't the only ones drinking the Kool-Aid.
I know that many Asian cultures encourage "beta" tendencies and behaviors, but while more feminine and collective behavior is beneficial for certain Asian societies and cultures, it is not conducive to being a sexy man. It is not that Asian men, or any man who struggles with sexiness, are incapable or inferior, but that they have not cultivated or developed their sexual side.
Most Asian cultures, in general, do not encourage masculine, independent and "alpha" behavior. It actually seeks to equalize, marginalize and smooth out difference. It is better to fit in than stand out. It also behooves you to go with the flow and not rock the boat. I get that. I come from an Asian background.
But you have to move past that. You have to reprogram yourself. De-condition yourself from these behaviors.
When the first thing people notice about you is your race, and it becomes the most notable characteristic about you, then you've failed. You've failed because it means you're not significant, you don't stand out, there is nothing about your character that makes you well-rounded and attractive. Your "race" dominates your identity because you don't have one. So if you're complaining about your lack of success or confidence with people because of your race, it's because you haven't established an identity, you haven't made yourself into an individualized, self-actualized man.
Be the man you know and want to be, and the women will follow. The reason you have a lack of success with women is not because you're "X" race, but because all that stands out about you, is the fact that you're "X" race. Find fault not with the outside world, but ways to improve your inner one.
It's not the women's job to notice your value and worth. It's up to you to show them what kind of man you are. Everything else is just mental masturbation.
I understand that many a man has dealt with the issue of race, especially if you're a non-white male trying to make it in a White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant- dominant country (mainly applies to U.S.).
Yes, racism is an institutional level issue and it's deeply intertwined within the U.S.'s history and it still persists today, in a so called color blind society. But I'm not here to discuss racism, I'm here to make a point about our inability to move past race and our own limiting beliefs about it.
A real man does not make excuses for his failures. He finds the reasons behind them and he finds solutions. But race has always been a convenient excuse for many a man to use whenever he meets failure.
I've been complimented by women that they find me sexy and attractive.
Is it because I have good looks?
Not really. I'm no Adonis, I'm no model, I won't be appearing in any movies or TV shows anytime soon.
However, I carry myself with authority, I command respect with my presence and body language. I don't shrink in the presence of other men who may be more physically imposing or aggressive. I walk with a certain gravity and confidence in my step. My eyes never waver when I talk to people. I move with calmness and grace.
It's both sad and funny when I hear women tell me that I'm a "sexy Asian". Why do they say that? It's because 1) they don't have much exposure to Asians and 2) they have a stereotyped, prejudiced image and impression of Asian men, mostly from the media. What's worse is that they aren't the only ones drinking the Kool-Aid.
I know that many Asian cultures encourage "beta" tendencies and behaviors, but while more feminine and collective behavior is beneficial for certain Asian societies and cultures, it is not conducive to being a sexy man. It is not that Asian men, or any man who struggles with sexiness, are incapable or inferior, but that they have not cultivated or developed their sexual side.
Most Asian cultures, in general, do not encourage masculine, independent and "alpha" behavior. It actually seeks to equalize, marginalize and smooth out difference. It is better to fit in than stand out. It also behooves you to go with the flow and not rock the boat. I get that. I come from an Asian background.
But you have to move past that. You have to reprogram yourself. De-condition yourself from these behaviors.
When the first thing people notice about you is your race, and it becomes the most notable characteristic about you, then you've failed. You've failed because it means you're not significant, you don't stand out, there is nothing about your character that makes you well-rounded and attractive. Your "race" dominates your identity because you don't have one. So if you're complaining about your lack of success or confidence with people because of your race, it's because you haven't established an identity, you haven't made yourself into an individualized, self-actualized man.
Be the man you know and want to be, and the women will follow. The reason you have a lack of success with women is not because you're "X" race, but because all that stands out about you, is the fact that you're "X" race. Find fault not with the outside world, but ways to improve your inner one.
It's not the women's job to notice your value and worth. It's up to you to show them what kind of man you are. Everything else is just mental masturbation.
