Where did it go wrong!?

[baftycrastard]

Hi guys, new to forums, thought I'd post an experience I had with a girl a while ago and see if you guys could tell me where it went wrong.

So I'm an 18 year old guy, I was at a house party recently which was located on campus,I saw this girl - the perfect 10, she was about 6 foot green eyes blonde hair, cliche good looks. Me and my friends hung around for a while but had initially planned to go out to a club. The girl and her friends left for some other party. We hung around for a while as there were a good few girls. Talked to a few but the earlier girl was still on my mind. When we left for the club we bumped into herself and her friends by chance. I started talking to her, and found out the following

• She's 18
  Studying dentisry
  A little bit conservative as she comes from the country side

We walked as a group for a while, her friend started making out with my mate but I was too scared to make a move on her as I was scared to I'd mess things up (poor form I know, violated the move fast rule)

Long story short, the club was full so we decided we would just go back to the apartments on campus, when we got there I told her to sit on the couch and sat nxt to her. It was awkward for a while as there were people there but I played it relatively cool. We sat there for a while when she suddenly apologized for being "dry" and said it was only because there were people around and that she didn't want people to think that she's a slut. I said it was ok as I would later go out with her thus me being her future boyfriend made it ok. She said maybe we should go back to her room. Now I know what you're thinking, MASSIVE SIGN, but it just didn't feel right,

When the crowd thinned out I made out with her. She was terrible and it was instantly obvious she didn't know what she was doing. I asked her how many guys shed made out with, she said 10 and then admited it was more like 5. we went back to hers where we played cards in the kitchen then I told her to go to her room. She lay down on the bed we made out, she was visibly uncomfortable with this though, I took my top off and she freaked the fuck out and left her room. After she came back into the room she said she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, and the "it's not me it's you" She basically told me she isn't interested. Confusing

Now the following may sound arrogant and cocky but the reason I'm so confused she rejected me is that

Im 6 foot 3,
tanned
handsome,
visibly ripped, play football for the collage
and am currently in first year med - girls have never been a problem hence why this is so mind boggling (once again I apologize as this sounds arrogant)

The next week I went to the movies with some friends, texted her and asked if she wanted to come. She said she was in collage the whole day but thanks for asking Ill see you around etc. When I asked if I could go over to hers to hang out before practise she replied with "Sorry Im not interested in meeting up. Best of luck in the future"

Sorry for the long post, anyone know where I went wrong? Ask away if u need more info

 

[A Life Loquacious]

Based on what you said, I think the 'boyfriend' seed you planted in her head got in the way... as it seems more like initially, all she was after was a casual lay ("I don't want the other girls to know/think I'm a slut").
It was right to use a chase frame at that point but the frame should have been more about you two getting it on rather than getting together as boyfriend/girlfriend, implying some kind of long-term plan.

I guess also if you weren't getting any physical chemistry there either because of her nerves/lack of experience/one of you thinking the other was a bad kisser then that will have been the thing that pushed her over the edge. If she wasn't really feeling it and then you whip your shirt off anyway then it's not really surprising she bolted. I would usually save getting the clothes off until she's getting really turned on and you've had a hand in her pants for a while, you can feel she's wet and willing etc etc... Lastly it sounds like you made her uncomfortable when quizzing her on her past lays but not managing to make it sound playful or fun.

 

[Jarradical]

Hey mate

From the sounds of your story you didn't create enough of an emotional connection with her. Being good looking and studying medicine is a good head start in the attraction arena. But you need to capitalise on that with your conversational techniques, or you'll start seeing girls lose interest for less attractive guys who understand attraction better.

Start with Deep Diving. Your aim is to get her talking as much about herself while revealing enough about yourself to keep things moving. This can be accomplished in a variety of ways; asking specific questions which require a though out answer is just one technique.

No offence intended if conversation wasn't a problem. Honestly, though - No 18 year old is going to have the conversational nous of a man in his 20's who has studied social interaction and has a few life experiences under his sleeve. I'd say that a solid understanding of conversation is the second most important tool of a seducer (after body language, but that's just my experience).

 

[baftycrastard]

Cheers guys, any help is appreciated, feedback is great!

 

[--Howl--]

"I said it was ok as I would later go out with her thus me being her future boyfriend made it ok."

Oh yeah I've done this one before. Even if you had slept with her, it would have freaked her out a little bit. This is just a girl who hasn't been able to harmonize what she wants and what she responds to. It's tricky, because you need to move fast, but at the same time, I would stay away from this line and find another way to reassure her. Something like:

"What are you crazy? Anyone talking to you for more than five minutes can tell what a great girl you are. Nobody would ever think that."

She's afraid of other people (and herself) seeing her as a slut, and that's conflicting with her well...Wanting to have sex with football players.

I think you could have played this better, but that a lot of this is just on her. If she can't handle a good guy who likes her, because of her own internalized sexual conflicts, she'd give you a little too much drama down the road, to say nothing of meeting the parents.

 

[Flames]

If someone's a lousy kisser you dont tell them that, you tell them how YOU like it, Guide her...that way she'll be very happy to do exactly what you want, you basically made her think 'he's way more experienced' so she bailed.

You lacked Compassion and warmth in this instance IMO, basically because you have high value through 'looking good' you have to make up for it in charm

 

[Landlord]

Virgin, doesn't want to be, but scared shitless. That's my read.

 

[Garrett]

Hey Baftycrastard!

Funny name by the way! I'll tell you where I think this went wrong. It was your framing. You put the wrong idea in her head, and if you told her you are in med school and all of that, you were showing her too much value, so she slotted you into boyfriend territory. Not only that, but you missed a window, when she told you to go back to her room, the lights in your head should have been going off. Clear sign.

Also, if you didn't build a solid emotional connection/deep dive enough, then that could be a problem. The ideal is, you don't want her to value you TOO much or TOO little, balance is key here. So when you were talking to her, you should have found out MORE like WHY did she want to be a dentist? Are her parents forcing her? Is her family strict? Based on what you found out, that's just surface stuff. She didn't feel a very strong connection to you, that's why it was awkward, and it wasn't the smoothest of transitions based on what you said. If you deep dived, then took her to her room after connecting to her (moved her), then did like a manhandle kiss, you would have been golden. It doesn't matter about her inexperience as virgins WILL sleep with you if you do things right. When you trace back YOUR steps, there are clear signs of where you can improve. Fear not though, I've made these types of mistakes and I'm sure Chase has among several other guys!

Best of luck though with the med school and the girl, but if it doesn't work out start approaching other girls and follow what Chase says and implement anything you didn't know. I may go into medicine too, so I know how hard it is to make time, but if you put in the work, like with your studies, it'll be worth it, trust me .

Cheers,
Garrett