Who's in Control?

[D_Smooth1900]

Hey Everyone,

I know it's been awhile but lately I've been caught up with a girl I met, and I don't know where the relationship is going. Here's the background story.

So me and this girl work in the same place but we don't work together. Everytime I see her she'll give me a warm smile and was always open to conversation. One day I decided to ask her out for lunch and she was down. We went to a resturant that wasn't lively and got ourselves a booth. There weren't that many customers so mainly it was mostly me and her.I worked my fundamentals by keeping the conversation going, I deep dived her and built enough momentum for a kiss. We made out for a bit and then I invited her back to my place to watch a movie. She accepted the invitation and then I closed the deal.

Now where going into the third month, and I know the friends with benefit phase has already ended. I told her that I wasn't boyfriend material and that I wasn't looking for anything seriouse she looked saddened but not bothered. Ever since then she's always hit me up asking to come over. She sleeps over every other day and is quite comfortable with my room. She's already said the L word once and I was nice enough to say it back. My concern is that she's making herself too comfortable even knowing that im not looking for a relationship.

My question is how can I get her to start pulling away from me? i know I can always tell her but I'm looking for something more subtle, as in techniques for her to lose intrest and so forth.

-Smooth

 

[ray_zorse]

Unfortunately you cannot turn back the clock, you want it to be like it was before (she comes over once a week for no strings sex), but that's not possible, the relationship has evolved since then. If you had stuck much more firmly to your frame (keep it infrequent, don't do dates with her, don't have her sleep over, don't talk about love)... then you'd be in a better position to say "well I want no strings sex, so if that's not your thing then we don't need to hang out anymore and I wish you well, but I'll still be here if you do decide to hang out on that basis"... however, since you're now in an "undeclared relationship" you don't have that option. So what you'll have to do (if not now, then soon) is take her exclusively or kindly tell her that it's gotten too serious and you aren't comfortable with being in a relationship and you would like to end things. Trying to get her to take that step is dishonest and manipulative. Be a man, face up to the situation decisively.
Ray

 

[D_Smooth1900]

- ray_zorse

Thanks for the reply, I agree with you in honesty I really like this girl and I wouldn't mind making her my girlfriend but I'm not ready to throw in the towel, I want tot continue to practice seduction and obviously a relationship with her will hault my progress. I'll take what you said into account, but in the meantime I'll think on what exactly is it that I want, untill then later gents.

-Smooth

 

[Franco]

D_Smooth,

She's already said the L word once and I was nice enough to say it back. My concern is that she's making herself too comfortable even knowing that im not looking for a relationship.

The second that you became "nice enough" to say the L word back to her was the second that your entire frame of "I'm not looking for a relationship" got tossed out the window. She probably now believes that she has a chance with you, and it's going to be hard to convince her otherwise without just letting her go.

If you want to keep her around as a girlfriend, then that's fine. If not, just keep in mind that next time you need to be more congruent in your frame -- guys who are just looking for a FWB situation doesn't use the word "love," even when the girl herself says it. Girls are always trying to read your actions, and she will take your confession of love as a sign of longer-term interest.

EDIT: Relevant article worth checking out:

• What to Say to "I Love You"

- Franco

 

[Bboy100]

I want tot continue to practice seduction and obviously a relationship with her will hault my progress

Tbh, I've never been in a real relationship before, so I'm kinda talking out my ass here. But there are several things to consider, before making the decision to or not to commit to her.
1. Have you mastered relationships? If not, and you think she fits your standards for a GF, you might wanna consider committing to her anyways. Because even though relationship management is a different skill entirely, it's still one I'm betting you want to learn.
2. There are still ways to practice seduction even in a relationship...it just becomes harder. You can still approach, you might still be able to flirt (depending on the frame and dynamic you've set up with your GF), you can still deep dive & lead women, you can still practice fundamentals. Basically, the only part you can't do is actually pull and escalate. ...That's not to say pulling and escalating aren't important parts, but still, you can do 80% of it or so if you're in a good relationship. I'd say that's pretty good.

Again..take all this with a grain of salt because I've never actually put it into practice. I'm only making up theories here. And like I said, it also depends on how jealous your GF is and how you setup the relationship.

 

[D_Smooth1900]

D_Smooth,

She's already said the L word once and I was nice enough to say it back. My concern is that she's making herself too comfortable even knowing that im not looking for a relationship.

The second that you became "nice enough" to say the L word back to her was the second that your entire frame of "I'm not looking for a relationship" got tossed out the window. She probably now believes that she has a chance with you, and it's going to be hard to convince her otherwise without just letting her go.

If you want to keep her around as a girlfriend, then that's fine. If not, just keep in mind that next time you need to be more congruent in your frame -- guys who are just looking for a FWB situation doesn't use the word "love," even when the girl herself says it. Girls are always trying to read your actions, and she will take your confession of love as a sign of longer-term interest.

EDIT: Relevant article worth checking out:

• What to Say to "I Love You"

- Franco

Thanks Franco

I'll check out the article, and work on my frame some more

I want tot continue to practice seduction and obviously a relationship with her will hault my progress
Tbh, I've never been in a real relationship before, so I'm kinda talking out my ass here. But there are several things to consider, before making the decision to or not to commit to her.
1. Have you mastered relationships? If not, and you think she fits your standards for a GF, you might wanna consider committing to her anyways. Because even though relationship management is a different skill entirely, it's still one I'm betting you want to learn.
2. There are still ways to practice seduction even in a relationship...it just becomes harder. You can still approach, you might still be able to flirt (depending on the frame and dynamic you've set up with your GF), you can still deep dive & lead women, you can still practice fundamentals. Basically, the only part you can't do is actually pull and escalate. ...That's not to say pulling and escalating aren't important parts, but still, you can do 80% of it or so if you're in a good relationship. I'd say that's pretty good.

Again..take all this with a grain of salt because I've never actually put it into practice. I'm only making up theories here. And like I said, it also depends on how jealous your GF is and how you setup the relationship.

I'm actually considering this approach, due to the fact that I've never been in a relationship before. I'll keep you guys posted on my progress, untill next time

-Smooth