- Joined
- Jun 19, 2014
- Messages
- 7
This has happened twice now so I'm starting to think perhaps it's not a freak accident. Would to love to hear others' thoughts.
Girl 1: Met through Tinder, we went out on 2 dates over a couple weeks during which I thought she was enthusiastic to see me, e.g. never turned down my date invites, very responsive on messages, and the conversation was good. I'd say she was a 7. She was an ER doctor and pretty smart, so we connected pretty well (I'm not a doctor but have lots of friends who are). On our third date we had dinner, then came back to my place where we promptly hooked up. Sex was pretty good, not the best ever, but certainly not the worst. I had to go out of town for a week after we hooked up, then after I came back she became super cold. Doesn't respond to my messages for days, and had super lame excuses in not wanting to see me ("I need to hang out with friend X, maybe the week after"), so I let it rest. And she never messaged me again so I guess that was that.
Girl 2: Also met through Tinder. She was probably a 5.5-6 - chunky around the waist. Went on 3 dates which I thought were pretty fun (salsa dancing, bike ride along the river, then hot pot dinner). Also a smart girl, with a psych degree and did user research, which I have a lot of experience with, so again a lot to talk about. I really actually felt we connected over a lot of deeper issues - passions about life, goals, intellectual pursuits, etc so I was willing to overlook the subpar physical traits. On our 4th date, we came back to my place, she gave me an odd speech that she's gone out with other Tinder guys, but decided she didn't like them that much after a while so dumped them. I disregarded it as LMR, and made my move, and was pretty smooth to sex after. Sex was only so-so, she was definitely inexperienced (or unskilled), and couldn't take much activity so I couldn't get off. Regardless, I liked her enough outside of sex that I wanted to see her again the week after, but then she suddenly said she thought about it and felt "there was no chemistry between us" and blew me off.
So I'm curious as to what's going on here - I only used Tinder for a couple months now. Previously I've certainly slept with hotter women (although all met offline), and it was usually me doing the dumping, not the other way around. And in this case they aren't even that hot, so it's not like I'm reaching beyond my league. Here are some of my guesses
1. I was too slow in escalating? Would I have seen like more of a catch if I pushed harder and try to lay them on the 1st or 2nd date? I certainly pushed as far as I thought, and when I got laid there wasn't much resistance.
2. I was too "nice-guy" ish? Previously I've lost women after a first night bang because I didn't bother to msg them the day after, so now I make it a point to msg them after first time sex just to let them know it was nice having them over. But otherwise I never message to banter, only to arrange meets. But I am pretty affectionate in person, especially after sex (I actually genuinely like it, the whole cuddling and kissing thing post sex). Don't know if that sent off too much off a "nice guy/boyfriend" vibe? I certainly never said anything along those lines verbally.
3. I could've performed better in bed? I suppose that's possible, though I sort of feel I have enough data points to know while those weren't my best performances ever, they were certainly not my worst.
So what gives? Why are these non-hotties ghosting me after a ONS? I can sort of understand if some model-looking 9-10 ghosted me after a night, but some girl next door who won't turn heads on the street? Is it just a Tinder thing because they have so much men clamoring for their attention? Or is some part of my game off kilter for Tinder girls that I'm not realizing? Would love to hear other people's experiences & thoughts.
Much obliged,
Wanderer
Girl 1: Met through Tinder, we went out on 2 dates over a couple weeks during which I thought she was enthusiastic to see me, e.g. never turned down my date invites, very responsive on messages, and the conversation was good. I'd say she was a 7. She was an ER doctor and pretty smart, so we connected pretty well (I'm not a doctor but have lots of friends who are). On our third date we had dinner, then came back to my place where we promptly hooked up. Sex was pretty good, not the best ever, but certainly not the worst. I had to go out of town for a week after we hooked up, then after I came back she became super cold. Doesn't respond to my messages for days, and had super lame excuses in not wanting to see me ("I need to hang out with friend X, maybe the week after"), so I let it rest. And she never messaged me again so I guess that was that.
Girl 2: Also met through Tinder. She was probably a 5.5-6 - chunky around the waist. Went on 3 dates which I thought were pretty fun (salsa dancing, bike ride along the river, then hot pot dinner). Also a smart girl, with a psych degree and did user research, which I have a lot of experience with, so again a lot to talk about. I really actually felt we connected over a lot of deeper issues - passions about life, goals, intellectual pursuits, etc so I was willing to overlook the subpar physical traits. On our 4th date, we came back to my place, she gave me an odd speech that she's gone out with other Tinder guys, but decided she didn't like them that much after a while so dumped them. I disregarded it as LMR, and made my move, and was pretty smooth to sex after. Sex was only so-so, she was definitely inexperienced (or unskilled), and couldn't take much activity so I couldn't get off. Regardless, I liked her enough outside of sex that I wanted to see her again the week after, but then she suddenly said she thought about it and felt "there was no chemistry between us" and blew me off.
So I'm curious as to what's going on here - I only used Tinder for a couple months now. Previously I've certainly slept with hotter women (although all met offline), and it was usually me doing the dumping, not the other way around. And in this case they aren't even that hot, so it's not like I'm reaching beyond my league. Here are some of my guesses
1. I was too slow in escalating? Would I have seen like more of a catch if I pushed harder and try to lay them on the 1st or 2nd date? I certainly pushed as far as I thought, and when I got laid there wasn't much resistance.
2. I was too "nice-guy" ish? Previously I've lost women after a first night bang because I didn't bother to msg them the day after, so now I make it a point to msg them after first time sex just to let them know it was nice having them over. But otherwise I never message to banter, only to arrange meets. But I am pretty affectionate in person, especially after sex (I actually genuinely like it, the whole cuddling and kissing thing post sex). Don't know if that sent off too much off a "nice guy/boyfriend" vibe? I certainly never said anything along those lines verbally.
3. I could've performed better in bed? I suppose that's possible, though I sort of feel I have enough data points to know while those weren't my best performances ever, they were certainly not my worst.
So what gives? Why are these non-hotties ghosting me after a ONS? I can sort of understand if some model-looking 9-10 ghosted me after a night, but some girl next door who won't turn heads on the street? Is it just a Tinder thing because they have so much men clamoring for their attention? Or is some part of my game off kilter for Tinder girls that I'm not realizing? Would love to hear other people's experiences & thoughts.
Much obliged,
Wanderer
(we have this running joke about the ideal date being tacos + netflix)