"why are you talking to me?"

[Lotus]

This is in reference to a girl i had an interaction with on Friday in my journal.

We had been talking and she asked me, "why are you talking to me? there are plenty of other attractive girls here you could be talking to."

Clearly she thought she was below me. I responded as if it was a shit test and qualified her.

This isn't my exact responde but, " Yes, there are plenty of attractive girls here, but i enjoy talking to you are cool, fun and smart( young professional living in DC) and most of these other girls are college age bimbo's home from spring break.

Note: this is the truth of that town. I wasn't just bullshitting her.

She stuck around for a while, but I'm wondering if i correctly analyzed the situation or if there was a better way to handle it?

-brum

 

[DLegend]

You didn't qualify her, you qualified yourself, you don't want to do that on a shit test.

Btw, the reason she asked why are you talking to her, is because you didn't make your intentions know.

When you qualified yourself not only did it hurt your value by the qualification, it also hurt it because she realized you were Hiding the Banana.

Don't Hide the Banana maine
-DL

 

[BarryS1]

You didn't qualify her, you qualified yourself, you don't want to do that on a shit test.

Btw, the reason she asked why are you talking to her, is because you didn't make your intentions know.

When you qualified yourself not only did it hurt your value by the qualification, it also hurt it because she realized you were Hiding the Banana.

Don't Hide the Banana maine
-DL

I am not sure if he was hiding the banana if the girl is comparing herself to other girls there. I mean if looks are involved, they definitely weren't chatting about the weather I agree with you though that he shouldn't of qualified myself. Also, casual sex college bimbos = good. I am not sure why you were talking about her good relationship qualities. Maybe if you posted more of the story we could see the context.

I remember Chase talking about busting girls when they fish for compliments. This is so much fun to do! I remember going to a couple clubs during the winter and teasing them about leaving them and finding someone else. I usually get it b/c a girl is a lot older than me and is wondering why I am talking to her and not younger girls. A couple girls thought it was funny and started qualifying themselves and another almost went into auto-rejection so I had to pull her out.

You should say something like:

OMG, idk... I've given you soo man chances to buy me a drink or sweep me off my feet. Yeah I'm leaving, see yaaa.. (turning away from her, then turning back and grabbing her shoulder laughing.)

 

[DLegend]

Barry,
Looks like I misunderstood the post. I thought she said that in a rude, dismissive, bitchy kind of way. If so, then don't mind my post

DL

 

[Lotus]

Thanks for the responses fellas. I definitely needed to add more to clarify.

But hell, if you say it right, and you've already shown intent in the interaction, what you did say will work sometimes, even if its not optimal. Its way more about not being obviously thrown off by the question than any one particular response.

I agree, it wasn't the ideal response. Something a little more playful was the route.

Also, casual sex college bimbos = good. I am not sure why you were talking about her good relationship qualities. Maybe if you posted more of the story we could see the context.

It was a knee jerk reaction and something I am working on. A defense mechanism. I find myself unconsciously going in that direction with interactions out of fear of rejection. A mindset I am working to change.

This happened very early in our interaction and I wouldn't say it had any immediate ramifications. Things got very sexual and she was chasing me for kisses at the bar. Stupidly I number closed rather then go for the pull.

viewtopic.php?f=15&t=9067 here is my report. March 29th Friday girl.

 

[Ross]

Brum,

If some question throws you off guard, you can always try flipping the question right back at her. In this case,

"Why do you think I'm talking with you?" with tones of sexual expression and a slight smile works nicely.

This really doesn't feel like a shit test to me - feels more like auto-rejection. She feels unattractive, and wonders why exactly you're talking to her. But if you answer this question you come off as not genuine, because you are only revealing your cards when she's asking you to reveal them, rather than on your own time, thus the power position shifts to her.

Like others have said, making your intention clear is a good way to prevent this from happening (IE state early on you think she's the hottest chick in this place and you wanted to talk to her). Then if she asks this you refer to earlier in your interaction.

This happened very early in our interaction and I wouldn't say it had any immediate ramifications. Things got very sexual and she was chasing me for kisses at the bar. Stupidly I number closed rather then go for the pull.

Yeah, it's not a huge problem to do this, as it can alleviate auto-rejection, only problem is if you do it too often she gains all the power and attraction to you will go down. But if you're attractive enough in other areas, you can still pull these girls. As always, focus on results over reactions and you'll do fine .

 

[Lotus]

Yea, I wouldn't say I hide the banana completely. I open with strong eye contact and a slow sexy smile, but I don't make my intentions clear enough and I come off somewhere in the middle. Moving the interactions forward quicker and adding a little verbal intent should alleviate this.

if you do it too often she gains all the power and attraction to you will go down

Did not think about the power shift of action vs reaction, and I'm sure as I try to up quality mistakes like this will not be overlooked.