FR+ WHY did this girl go on auto-rejection?

[Big Daddy]

Hey Gents,

Long time no see, it's been a couple of months since my last post, I believe. Good to be posting back

Well, this is a rather interesting story and I'm hoping someone could give me an outsider view because I'm clearly missing something. Any input is welcome

(And before we start: while I knew this girl before this report happened, it doesn't really count as if I know her, so I labeled this as an FR+. Keep reading, I'll explain it to you down below)

Earlier this semester I got transferred to another classroom, and right on the first day, I saw this cutie who had an ass that was dying to be fucked. Everyone in the class already knew each other, and as I was the new kid, I thought I could benefit from it and ask the girl out as I wasn't on her social circle.

Had a quick read on Chase's Dos and Don'ts of classroom approach and ultimately decided that was a bad thing to approach this girl because we might end up having more classes together and shit, and I don't want headaches. Whatever.

On the second day, we had to make groups for a couple of weekly/monthly projects we'd have to do until the end of the semester, and because I don't mind have beautiful girls on my groups, I approached her and her friends and got in their group. I should note that by this point I wasn't even thinking about fucking her anymore.

During the semester, though we frequently sat somewhat close to each other and had to work together on some projects, my interactions with her never got past the usual, non-sexual stuff. I think I got some IOIs from her along the way, but nothing worth capitalizing on.

Until last week, that is.

Last Wednesday I made a joke during class to a friend that was siting by my side and started laughing, and the hot girl overheard it and turned to me (she was sitting in front of me) laughing a little bit too hard. Even though this girl is super spontaneous, I took that as an IOI.

This is where the fun begins. On Thursday around 10 PM, she texts me OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE (my commentaries between brackets):

Girl: Hii
Me: Hi haha [...? What does she want?]
Girl: So how's your Thursday/Friday?

Oh, now I see what she wants

I then see no harm in proceeding this convo over text, as she already knew me, and it wasn't like I could hide from her or be extra mysterious NOW. I steer the conversation towards sex topics and do some chase framing, then I go to sleep. The next day, she sends me and text asking about a textbook, which is obviously an ice breaker, so we start having another conversation over text, but I warn her that I'm about to leave for a party and we start talking about drinking and parties. Soon after, I leave.

When I wake up on Saturday, I see a text from her on my phone:

Girl: What about the hangover? Haha

Man, this girl is really interested. We'd have to meet on Sunday in a buddy's place to go over some details on one of our projects for the class, so I don't bother.

Before we continue, here's some background on her:

• She's really young, 18 y/o
• She lived her entire life in a very small city until recently,
• Does drink, but does not party HARD,
• Is a virgin (she actually told me this), and
• We can safely infer that she's inexperienced, and probably not used to men moving fast with her

Sunday arrives and I'm tired as motherfucker and just want to lay down somewhere. While our friend was working on his computer, she was sitting on the edge of the bed looking for her phone and I simply lay my head on her lap as if it was nothing and she lets me. She even stops looking for her phone, probably because she wanted me to stay there...

It's about 7PM now, time to leave. I ask where does she live. She says her address. "Cool, I'll give you a ride." We get into my car and I ask if she's got something to do right now, and she says she doesn't. I know she has roommates and I can't take her back to my place right now, so I suggest "How about we go to X place, then?" and she says "OK!"

Traffic was somewhat heavy on the area, so what would be normally a 10 min ride turned out to be a 30 min ride. During all that time I was deep diving her... it was kinda funny, actually. I literally talked like 1% and listened 99% of the time, she REALLY liked to talk In one point she even stops and say "now you know my entire life and I know nothing about you..." but I reflect that back on her and soon got her talking for another stretch of time, during which she talks about how some girl was heavily judged by her classmates for doing something on a party with one of them, and I communicate that I think that sucks and that I'd never tell such a thing to anybody or judge a girl.

We arrive at the place (which is actually a bay area) and there was an awesome vibe going between us. She's a really tall girl, almost my height (I'm 6ft), and I stand by the railings facing her. My legs are wide apart and she's standing between them, I have my hands hugging her waist and she's still taking like 4 inches away from my face. I wanted to let the conversation die so I could give her a somewhat more romantic kiss (the vibe of that place was just ASKING for a kiss like that), but she wouldn't stop talking hahaha

Eventually, she did, and we kissed right away. It was one of the most natural kisses I ever had, but it took TOO MUCH TIME TO HAPPEN. Never-the-less, it happened.

I know that kissing a girl before fucking might end up being a bad thing, but

• Logistics were hell
• Some friend called her saying that he was in town just for today and him and a couple of other friends of her were having a little party at a bar and kept inviting her over
• Since she was a virgin and this was a huge uphill battle, I figured a couple of make-outs were an OK outcome of this situation.

So, we make out a couple more times. Her friends start calling her more, and she asks me if I want to go there with her - I said that nah, I'm cool. I'd take her there, though. We kiss a little more when we get in the car, and a little more when she's about to leave. I head home and fall asleep.

On the next day I text her saying that what happened would stay between us and that I wouldn't tell anyone about what happened to make sure she doesn't worry about it and framed as I was terrible boyfriend material because I felt I was getting slotted right into it the day before (since I didn't fuck her).

And then she's just been COLD. She never sent a text wanting to have a conversation, and I mean, she still talks normally to me during class (because of our social ties, mostly, I suspect), but still no texts. I texted her to test just to be sure that she went COLD, and she replied in just a couple lines and forgot about it. Apparently, yes, she's been cold to me.

A couple hours ago I built some rapport over text and asked when she's free this week and she just ignored my text.

I can't grasp what the fuck I did wrong. Couple of theories:

1) Not fucked her on Sunday: this seems like a case of missed escalation window. Looking back now, I could've gone with her and maybe something could've happened.

BUT STILL, she's a virgin, doesn't watch porn and never did (according to her), is somewhat innocent and I doubt that she had a similar experience to "miss" or getting upset for not having sex that night or maybe even having the thought that sex could happen that night. I know I wouldn't before I started reading GC...

2) Gone way to far on the "not boyfriend material" thing, maybe? Given that she's not that experienced, she might be looking for a boyfriend and the "I'm not boyfriend material" might have translated to "I'm the type of guy who just wants to fuck you and that's it" on her head.

I'm pondering if I give it one more ALL OUT chance or cross her already. Some thoughts? It just takes 30 seconds to hit reply

 

[Smith]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

On the next day I text her saying that what happened would stay between us and that I wouldn't tell anyone about what happened to make sure she doesn't worry about it and framed as I was terrible boyfriend material because I felt I was getting slotted right into it the day before (since I didn't fuck her).

I feet this text was pretty unnecessary, since you already conveyed you're non-judemental and discreet. No reason to send another text to tell her that, and I mean, it was just make-outs, it's no big deal to most girls.

Another reason could be, like you said, that she wanted you as a bf, so she autorejected when you said you're not looking for anything serious.

And why not fuck her in the car? (it might be a bit messy if she's a virgin)

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

I feet this text was pretty unnecessary, since you already conveyed you're non-judemental and discreet. No reason to send another text to tell her that, and I mean, it was just make-outs, it's no big deal to most girls.

Now that you said this, I feel the same way... note taken. I waited until the afternoon to send this text because I wanted to gauge her reaction: she didn't send me anything (which was strange considering the couple of days before this), so I might as well put her at ease and communicate that this isn't a big deal.

Another reason could be, like you said, that she wanted you as a bf, so she autorejected when you said you're not looking for anything serious.

Well, yeah. The thought process for her probably went like "I like him, and I want to kiss him, and probably even fuck him, thus I want him as a bf." After I communicated that I wasn't looking for a bf, well, she might have thought "Oh, she isn't looking to doing anything with me" (even though I asked her out and been relatively warm to her).

And why not fuck her in the car? (it might be a bit messy if she's a virgin)

That was somewhat my original plan when this fucker started to call her. The spot where I parked wasn't SUPER secluded and it was the only spot I could find, plus, it could be a little messy as you said. Maybe not fuck, but taking her back to the car and having a couple of heavy makeouts and some more action certainly passed through my mind. But indeed, this was 90% fail on my part, I could've moved faster and get in the car faster.

 

[BarryS1]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

So, we make out a couple more times. Her friends start calling her more, and she asks me if I want to go there with her - I said that nah, I'm cool. I'd take her there, though. We kiss a little more when we get in the car, and a little more when she's about to leave. I head home and fall asleep.

On the next day I text her saying that what happened would stay between us and that I wouldn't tell anyone about what happened to make sure she doesn't worry about it and framed as I was terrible boyfriend material because I felt I was getting slotted right into it the day before (since I didn't fuck her).

I agree with Smith on the texting part. I've dated two virgins and kissed them on the first date w/o sex, but the communication only increased. I am not sure why you brought up the objection to the two of you kissing (and possibly dating each other). When a girl said "doing something at a party", what did that mean?

I think you should of told her to ditch the friends and stay with you. I know its hard to think in the moment, but getting more physical investment from her never hurts

If you still feel like the text wouldn't have done it, check her facebook in a couple weeks or so. When a girl ghosts that suddenly, another guy could be in the picture too. That's happened a couple times with me. I won't know what I did wrong, but I'll activate facebook again and see her pic w/ another dude.

 

[Ross]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

BD,

When physical escalation begins with a girl, it's on you to make the rest happen. This is why women will stop chasing after you if you started the escalation; because it's on you to finish it.

However, you started focusing on other factors instead of just the logistics. Things like keeping discretion, yet kissing isn't a big deal to girls, even virgins. Things like disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend, when she might not yet be sizing you up a relationship.

She sees these reactions from you and feels a bit worried. Her attraction to you goes down. The magic stopped. Then she sees a text from this guy she is no longer attracted to and is unaffected by it, feeling awkward for not wanting him as much as before.

I can't grasp what the fuck I did wrong. Couple of theories:

1) Not fucked her on Sunday: this seems like a case of missed escalation window. Looking back now, I could've gone with her and maybe something could've happened.

BUT STILL, she's a virgin, doesn't watch porn and never did (according to her), is somewhat innocent and I doubt that she had a similar experience to "miss" or getting upset for not having sex that night or maybe even having the thought that sex could happen that night. I know I wouldn't before I started reading GC...

2) Gone way to far on the "not boyfriend material" thing, maybe? Given that she's not that experienced, she might be looking for a boyfriend and the "I'm not boyfriend material" might have translated to "I'm the type of guy who just wants to fuck you and that's it" on her head.

I'm pondering if I give it one more ALL OUT chance or cross her already. Some thoughts? It just takes 30 seconds to hit reply

The keys to success in this situation lie in closing things out. Moving fast is preferred, but if logistics don't allow, then you may have to wait another day.

You must remember to continue to move things forward. This means working to get the logistics right so that you can be alone and escalate appropriately. Work to close things out. Moving backwards causes her attraction for you to go down, which is the likely reason for the way she is acting.

Now you're in an odd situation, because it's going to be extremely difficult to just pick up where things left off because they have degraded. Your control is relinquished, and other factors come into effect. She may have another guy in the picture, like Barry suggested, or might grow lonely in your absence and long to kiss you again, thus shooting you a text. Hard to tell, but the best plan of action is to wait until she contacts you, whereby you should then attempt to get her out.

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

When a girl said "doing something at a party", what did that mean?

She wasn't clear about it either. I think a girl friend of her hooked up with a classmate of hers and the other guys on the girl's class ended up knowing and gone hard after her after that. This what I could infer, at least.

I think you should of told her to ditch the friends and stay with you. I know its hard to think in the moment, but getting more physical investment from her never hurts

Me too! I feel like a pussy looking back. I have this image so clear in my mind: she says that she has to go and I stop for a moment and ponder whether it'd be a good thing to insist on staying or just let it go. I'm not sure if she REALLY want to go because her friend is leaving town the next day or if she'd like to stay to with me. I can't quite say yet if a girl means it or is just playing the coy. It isn't like this, I know, but... insisting, at least to me at the time, seemed like I was begging her to stay, so I don't persist. Guess I'm not used to just do whatever the fuck I want and not care about what she'd think, I'd probably be better of persisting. Well, note taken. Next time this won't happen

In fact, the two major things that I have to improve on my game is persistence and ability to LEAD. I cut off the details and go directly for the issue here, but there were moments were I could feel I was more decisive and that ultimately ended up into a couple of makeouts never-the-less. Setting up logistics comes in a close third: I decided where I was taking her when I was ALREADY driving (and actually changed my mind again when I was going for my original plan).

When physical escalation begins with a girl, it's on you to make the rest happen. This is why women will stop chasing after you if you started the escalation; because it's on you to finish it.

I wholeheartedly recognize this as being the major problem and you made me realize that, yeah, this was a pussy move. It's sad because I really wanted to fuck the brains out of this bitch, and I just wanted to make up for her and fuck her as a man should if she'd be willing to go out a second time. I wasn't "playing safe" at the time - I really wanted to fuck her that night. I should never ever stop trying to move things forward towards sex though, and this will serve me as a painful reminder.

However, you started focusing on other factors instead of just the logistics. Things like keeping discretion, yet kissing isn't a big deal to girls, even virgins. Things like disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend, when she might not yet be sizing you up a relationship.

Indeed, this came of a frame of treating a kiss like it was a big deal. I just wanted to make sure that she didn't started to freak up about me telling to everyone and get some buying remorse. The main problem here was, again, not going all out when I could and tried to move things forward.

You must remember to continue to move things forward. This means working to get the logistics right so that you can be alone and escalate appropriately. Work to close things out. Moving backwards causes her attraction for you to go down, which is the likely reason for the way she is acting.

I agree here, but what is it that I did that is considered moving things backwards? It was of my uttermost interest to get a second date with her and fuck her properly. My though process the day after the date was: "Fuck, I didn't fuck her last night, what a letdown - and she didn't text me yet, which is very strange. I have to go out with her ASAP to get things straight. Maybe she didn't text me she's having buyer remorse or is freaking out thinking she may end up like the friend she told me about or it's just too awkward for her to talk to me; better put her at ease and ask her out again" which, as I told you, ended up in nowhere.

What would you have done to "move things forward" in my position? (Considering the first date)

Now you're in an odd situation, because it's going to be extremely difficult to just pick up where things left off because they have degraded. Your control is relinquished, and other factors come into effect. She may have another guy in the picture, like Barry suggested, or might grow lonely in your absence and long to kiss you again, thus shooting you a text. Hard to tell, but the best plan of action is to wait until she contacts you, whereby you should then attempt to get her out.

I figured this would be the case - I'll do exactly what you said. I just wanted to dissect completely (from the fuck up for not bedding her in the first date to the follow-up text in case this happens again) this issue and understand what I could have done differently to prevent a situation reaching this point again in the future.

 

[Ross]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

I agree here, but what is it that I did that is considered moving things backwards? It was of my uttermost interest to get a second date with her and fuck her properly. My though process the day after the date was: "Fuck, I didn't fuck her last night, what a letdown - and she didn't text me yet, which is very strange. I have to go out with her ASAP to get things straight. Maybe she didn't text me she's having buyer remorse or is freaking out thinking she may end up like the friend she told me about or it's just too awkward for her to talk to me; better put her at ease and ask her out again" which, as I told you, ended up in nowhere.

Setting a frame is generally considered something that happens early on with a girl, thus a step backwards,

On the next day I text her saying that what happened would stay between us and that I wouldn't tell anyone about what happened to make sure she doesn't worry about it and framed as I was terrible boyfriend material because I felt I was getting slotted right into it the day before (since I didn't fuck her).

That was a step backwards, because you were busy setting a frame rather than trying to get her out again right away. I was under the impression that you didn't text her until Wednesday, which is three days after the date and two days after that frame setting text. The time in between getting her out again isn't that much of a worry, especially if you were busy, but since you communicated with her about something else her feelings for you stopped growing.

It's awfully fickle, just remember to never text a girl with something that you've already been over (deep diving, frame setting, rapport, etc). Same goes for talking about it again, like going on another informational date after you've already spent the last date deep diving her. It's all about moving forward, and failing to do that tends to put a harsh mark on attraction.

 

[BarryS1]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

BarryS1 wrote:
I think you should of told her to ditch the friends and stay with you. I know its hard to think in the moment, but getting more physical investment from her never hurts


Me too! I feel like a pussy looking back. I have this image so clear in my mind: she says that she has to go and I stop for a moment and ponder whether it'd be a good thing to insist on staying or just let it go. I'm not sure if she REALLY want to go because her friend is leaving town the next day or if she'd like to stay to with me. I can't quite say yet if a girl means it or is just playing the coy. It isn't like this, I know, but... insisting, at least to me at the time, seemed like I was begging her to stay, so I don't persist. Guess I'm not used to just do whatever the fuck I want and not care about what she'd think, I'd probably be better of persisting. Well, note taken. Next time this won't happen

In fact, the two major things that I have to improve on my game is persistence and ability to LEAD. I cut off the details and go directly for the issue here, but there were moments were I could feel I was more decisive and that ultimately ended up into a couple of makeouts never-the-less. Setting up logistics comes in a close third: I decided where I was taking her when I was ALREADY driving (and actually changed my mind again when I was going for my original plan).

I know what you mean! Lately when I hear an objection, cut it out and proceed to do w/e I was doing beforehand. I get this weird voice in my head that goes "nothing good comes from listening to these girls, they don't know what they want." Kinda like when we were kids and your Mom nagged you about something. You did it eventually, but got your stuff done first before attending to her needs

 

[Big Daddy]

Re: FU/FR+: Let me hear your theory of WHY this girl went on auto-rejection

That was a step backwards, because you were busy setting a frame rather than trying to get her out again right away.

Oh, now I got it! It's funny how this can be so subtle. Well, I'll keep that in mind from now on. I was better off asking her out right away than wasting my time doing other shit.

I know what you mean! Lately when I hear an objection, cut it out and proceed to do w/e I was doing beforehand. I get this weird voice in my head that goes "nothing good comes from listening to these girls, they don't know what they want." Kinda like when we were kids and your Mom nagged you about something. You did it eventually, but got your stuff done first before attending to her needs

That's what I needed to hear! You're 100% correct, Barry - her night might have been 100x better had I persisted and managed to move forward with her.

Thank you gents, this is so clearer in my mind now! I'll work on these so this doesn't happen again. The break is just around the corner and I'll just act as if nothing happened with her - and if she happens to shoot me a text, well, I know what to do